Just a Bite

by Charlie Tran

  "All I've ever dealt with is scumbags and thieves and shitty people, Liam. People telling me what a waste I am, your brother saying how I was a mistake. How can I not be scared someone else is going to use me?"

  He looked stunned at my confession.

  "Because I'm not him. He's a drunk, and a lowlife. I don't know where this is coming from, but I genuinely care about you. I don't know how many more times I can say it until you understand that I'm here for you. And I will always be here for you, until you don't want me around anymore."

  It felt so difficult to comprehend it, that someone could express those feelings for me and actually mean it.

  "So stay with me. Just for right now."

  He fell onto his side, taking me up into his arms once again and holding me tightly against him. With as much struggle as a turtle on his back, I managed to roll over onto my side as well, my stomach pressing against his as I held him in turn, angling my head to bury it against his chest. Feeling him smooth out my hair, hearing his breath and the slow, almost nonexistent heartbeat in his chest was calming.

  Maybe it wouldn't work out in the end, maybe I was making a mistake. But I wanted to be able to take that risk with someone new. Liam had been caring for me, and even if I felt like I didn't deserve him, he deserved a chance. Maybe I could try and make a real attempt to trust again.

  "Thank you so much," I told him, snuggling deeper into his sweatshirt.

  "I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you need, just tell me. All right?"

  "Okay."

  "Not only for you, but for your kids too. I swear."

  I wasn't tired enough to fall back to sleep as Liam did, slowly drifting back to his dreams, but I didn't want to get up or move. He was the comfort I'd been so desperate for. And while I still had him, I wasn't going to go anywhere either.

  Chapter 6

  Liam

  "I can't believe we're finally here!" Oliver exclaimed, I could practically see the hearts in his eyes over how excited he was to arrive at the All Hallow's Eve festival. The smells were wonderful, from baked pastries and desserts to the overindulgent basted kebabs and turkey legs. Not that I could eat them myself, but the scent was so reminiscent, and delicious in a nostalgic way. Oliver spun around as he stared up to the lamp posts and stalls all around us, and the black, orange, and bright green flags and streamers that covered almost everything.

  "What's the first thing you want to do?" I asked him, slinging an arm around his shoulder in an attempt to guide him out of people's way. He was too rambunctious, and kept almost walking into people before I steered him back towards me.

  "Let's do that." He pointed towards a large metal basin, filled with water. Several types of apples floated around inside, and two people already had their faces in with their hands behind their backs in an attempt to grab one of the apples and spit it into a basket next to them. I made a face.

  "But people have their whole mouths in there, I don't want you to get sick from someone's saliva. You've gotta be extra careful with germs and your health."

  "You're no fun." Oliver snorted as his attention was diverted by the many food stalls instead of my lack of enthusiasm. I tried to guide him toward the food, but it was too late, and he was already speaking to a man with a badge pinned to his apron that signified he was a vendor of the festival.

  "Go ahead, young man. If you can get five, you win tickets that you can use at a booth or on any of the games! It's only five dollars for a go."

  I made sure to pull out a five dollar bill before Oliver could get his wallet out and passed it over to the man. Even though it was unsanitary, if he really wanted to play, I wasn't going to stop him.

  "Would you like to play a round, too?"

  "No thanks, it's for him."

  "Thanks!" Oliver ran so fast to the metal basin I could hear the clang of his knees hitting it. It was all I could do to stifle a laugh as he bent over to sorely rub at them, already in pain. He gave them a final brushing off before holding his hands behind his back and dipping his face straight into the water in an attempt to bite into an apple.

  The few people that were watching laughed and cheered the two people who started before Oliver were equally onto their third apple and fishing for a fourth.

  "Come on, get those fruits!" I laughed. While the other participants were mediocre at best with bobbing, Oliver's attempts were just hysterical. His face continually dunked over and over into the water to no avail. Anytime he'd bite into an apple, it would sink below the surface and pop up far from his mouth.

  "Two minutes left for you two, five more for the new guy!" Another vendor said, holding up a stop watch.

  "Get it!"

  "Stick you head underneath when you grab it!"

  "You're gonna lose your teeth doing that!"

  The small crowd grew to a cluster of ten or so people. And even so, their cheers and shouted advice didn't help. One of the former contestants managed to pull out his fifth apple before their allotted time was up. But poor Oliver managed to get only one before the vendor tapped his shoulder next.

  He shook out his hair like a wet dog, wiping his face off on the back of his sweater's sleeve as he looked at me in disappointment.

  "Well, that sucked."

  Again I wrapped my arm around his shoulders to guide him away from the apple bobbing game and into the main walkway.

  "How about something to snack on instead?"

  "Like what? And no caramel apples."

  "What's your favorite thing to snack on?"

  "Don't you remember?" He smiled as he leaned forward to duck out from underneath my arm, walking even faster once he saw a man passing out different desserts at a cart.

  How he expected me to remember such a small detail from school carnivals was beyond me. And how I actually did remember was even more of a shock. Cotton candy. He always loved it, especially the kind with swirled colors of blue and pink. Probably not the best thing around, but if that's what he wanted, I'd get it for him.

  "Hold on. You know I can't eat that, so how about you take this," I said as I passed him a 10 dollar bill, "Get your sweets. I'm going to head to the Oktoberfest tent and get a drink."

  "Deal, meet back by the carnival games?"

  I nodded, both of us turning away to go grab our respective food and beverage.

  I had to push through the massive crowd of people trying to get a cup or stein of brew, but with just a bit of struggle I managed to make it up towards the bar front. There weren't any chairs set around, probably in a failed attempt to keep people from crowding, so everyone was standing. A sea of drunken humans, and the blood inside of the ones near me smelled foul. They had to be getting close to becoming wasted from the sheer intensity of the scent.

  I shook my head, leaning forward in an attempt to catch one of the bartender's attention. Finally after a few moments one of them noticed me.

  "What can I get you, sir?" Just by her demeanor, it was easy to see she was very annoyed.

  "Just whatever you have on tap, please, or the special if you have one going on."

  She nodded, grabbing a styrofoam cup and filling it to the top with beer from one of the taps against the wall and approached me once again while ignoring the other customers pestering her.

  "Three fifty."

  "Here's a five, keep the change." I told her, allowing her to turn her focus back to the others as I took a sip of the foam. Now, how was I going to get out of this drunk sea without spilling my entire cup?

  "Hey, move it!" Somebody elbowed me in the side as they pushed past to get in my spot. I grumbled at them to watch it, but continued to move on.

  "Excuse me, hey. Move. Hey! Shit, sorry!" Another shove into my shoulder had me spill a bit of my drink onto the shoulder of the person in front of me. He readjusted his beanie as he turned to face me with a scowl on his face that instantly changed from anger to recognition.

  "Oh. Hey."

  "James? What are you doing here?"

  I thought he
never came to these things.

  "Trying to get me a final drink," he said, wiping his shoulder off.

  "Final drink? What are you talking about?"

  "I'm leaving to stay in Worj for a while. I had to take another mortgage out on my house to afford..."

  "Afford what?" It was so hard to hear over everyone talking and yelling.

  "I'm going to the new clinic! They have a rehab facility there!"

  I was stunned, and my drink fell out of my hands and splattered across the floor. And here I was worried about spilling the entirety of my cup's contents onto the floor by being shoved.

  "Are you serious?"

  He shrugged. "I guess I am. I haven't even had the balls to call Oliver and tell him either. Is he still staying with you?"

  "What's it matter? You haven't spoken to him this entire time."

  James must have been able to spot a chink in my defensive 'armor' at the mention of Oliver, because he took a low blow.

  "You're not the father of his child, why are you so up his ass?"

  Was that’s the thanks I get for caring for Oliver? Because his drunk ass kicked him out in the first place!

  "Stay away from him," I growled, raising my shoulders and standing taller. Like an animal trying to make itself seem larger in intimidation.

  "Look, I get it. I'm a piece of shit. I'm not gonna take him away from you. I don't deserve him."

  I deflated instantly. That was not what I had expected.

  "And I don't deserve anyone until I get through detox and whatever else comes after that," he continued, "Just make sure you take care of him. Both of them, actually."

  Of course I'd take care of Oliver and the baby... Er, babies. Not that he knew that.

  "I hope it works out for you..." I started to say, but he was already finished with me, and pushed past me to disappear once more into the crowd of humans.

  It was hard to shake off the nerves running through my body from the discussion with my brother. All I kept thinking was, what if he came to find Oliver? What if he was lying before? I made sure to hurry over towards the carnival games to find the human.

  "Liam, over here!" I heard him call out, standing next to a corn-hole game. The beanie bags were in the shape of typical monstrous designs. A Frankenstein head, a mummy, a vampire bat...

  "What took so long?" he asked as he came closer, mouth full of cotton candy.

  "There were a lot of people, it was hard to get through them all."

  "Then where's your drink?" Oliver narrowed his eyes on me before looking down at the mess of beer that splattered across my sneakers and the lower hem of my pants. "Spilled it?"

  "Yeah, I didn't want to wait to get back to you, so I hurried back as fast as I could."

  "Want some?" He pulled a small pinch of the cotton candy free from its paper cone and passed it to me.

  "Eh, it's not what I can normally stomach, you know..."

  "Just a bite. Come on."

  I accepted the taste of the sickly sweet treat, doing my best not to make a face just to make him happy.

  "So, what game first?"

  We made our rounds of the remainder of the carnival games. Playing all the different things available, like shooting water guns to fill up a balloon, horseshoe, skee ball, and even a few arcade type booths they managed to plug up with extension cords. But the whole time, all I kept thinking was James.

  I felt so threatened by the fact he was here. And I found myself continually looking over my shoulder to see if James had followed us. On several occasions, I could have sworn I saw him, and would quickly usher Oliver off to another game. But why?

  Did I really think that Oliver would leave me for James? He was the biological father of the kids... But he liked me better, didn't he?

  "Hey, over here. What's that?" I asked as we sought after more games to play, gesturing toward a small trailer-like box with a single door affixed to the front. It wasn't a bathroom, but looked like a place used for storage.

  "I dunno. A break room, maybe?"

  "Let's go see..."

  I needed to get him alone for just a moment. Just away from other people listening, and away from the off chance that James came over.

  "Wait, look. It says for employees only. I don't think we're supposed to go in there."

  "Just for a minute." I grabbed the handle, giving it a slight twist and turn to check if it was locked. Nothing, and no voices on the other side. Oliver looked a bit worried, but followed me inside nonetheless, taking a seat on one of the few chairs inside as I locked the door behind the two of us. The fluorescent light was very dim, it was just bright enough to see there was a single table, and four fold out chairs. On the other side were counters, a sink, and a mini-fridge.

  "A break room, I think. Cool."

  "I don't know why I feel like you're about to tell me something serious," Oliver mumbled as he polished off the remainder of his cotton candy. "And you should make it quick before someone finds us in here. I'm not as reckless like you, I actually get worried about getting in trouble."

  He laughed, and I fought to put a smile on my face as I took a seat next to him. As soon as I took in a deep breath, Oliver leaned his head back with a sigh.

  "Oh, no. This is something serious, isn't it? Did I do something wrong? Did I make you mad? What did I do?"

  He started spiraling with his negative questions, shaking his head, refusing to look at me.

  Was he starting to cry?

  "It's not that. I promise. I just have to know something... Just for my own piece of mind."

  "You're not going to make me leave, too, right? Is it because I'm pregnant or because I'm not working anymore? I'll fix whatever it is, I promise."

  "Stop going down that hole, what's wrong with you?" I asked him, placing my hands onto his shoulders and giving him a shake. He didn't snap out of it, whatever was pulling him down. He was so far into his own head. What had James done to him?

  "Nothing, I... Liam, please don't leave me alone. I swear I can change whatever is wrong."

  "Stop it, damnit. That's not what I pulled you in here for!" I had to take a deep breath to keep myself from yelling at him just to get it through his thick head that he hadn't done anything. "Why do you go into this head space?"

  "Because I'm always doing something wrong, or messing something up."

  He started to sniffle. Words weren't getting through to him, and nothing I could say would make the situation better. I had intended to pull him here to ask how he felt about me, but it only seemed like he was scared.

  "Are you afraid of me?"

  "It's not you. It's me. It's always me fucking up. It's always my fault."

  "No, it's not. Stop it. Just..."

  I didn't know what else I was supposed to do. So I went for it. Just like I had tried before.

  I kissed him.

  Chapter 7

  Oliver

  I didn't know how to react at first. I hadn't turned away like I had the first time he attempted to do something like this, but I was shaking and couldn't return his kiss. I was so scared that I had done something wrong, there was no way that I could live on the streets. James wouldn't want me back, and I didn't want to return to him, either. If Liam left me, I'd have nothing. And I thought he cared for me. The kiss was hardly registering in my mind at all.

  Was it an apology to say goodbye, was he showing his affection before he left me too?

  "Why are you shaking?" His hands squeezed my shoulders again in an attempt to stop my shivering.

  "I don't want you to leave me. Please, don't. I'll do anything," I begged him, fearing for the worst. This is how it always went, didn't it? We need a talk, go somewhere private, then he'd push me up against the walls and tell me all the things I'd done wrong and threaten to leave. James used to do that, then he'd leave and come back a few days later with hickies from someone else. But I was always so desperate for his affection, I didn't care. Until he finally kicked me out for good.

  "Why are you like thi
s? Always spiraling into despair? It's not fitting for you," he laughed, probably trying to ease the blow of what he had to say.

  "I know you're leaving, so just tell me and get it over with. You don't want anything to do with me either."

  "Why are you like this?" he repeated, but more forcefully this time. I just could not stop shaking! I dared to look him in his eyes, but there wasn't any rage that I had been expecting.

  "Because... this is how it is. I don't want you to hurt me, and then come back with someone else's cologne on your shirt. Or their kisses on your neck. I can't handle it anymore."

  Liam suddenly dropped to both knees, his brow furrowed as he pushed some hair out of my face, looking far more serious than he had before. Here it comes.

  "I'd never do that to you. Is that why you think I brought you in here?"

  I nodded, noticing the muscles of his jaw starting to flex. Was he getting angry at me? I tried to appear as docile as I could.

  "Is that what James did to you?"

  A gulped, forcing myself to answer him in a whisper, "Yes."

  "Are you fucking kidding me? He put his hands on you? I'll kill him!" He roared, starting to rise, but it was me placing my quivering hands to his shoulders now to keep him kneeling.

  "N-n-no. He never punched me or anything. He just... would shove me around."

  "I would never, ever hurt you. I've loved you since the first time I met you, do you understand? I love you. And I swear that I'll never hurt you. Ever. That's what I snuck you in here for, to tell you that. And to know if you felt the same."

  "Ever since you laid with me," I started to admit, "I wanted to give you a chance. Try and trust you, even if everything in my mind is telling me to expect the worse."

  I took a deep breath, willing my nerves to calm.

  "Then trust me, Oliver. Trust me to love you the right way, okay? I'd do anything for you, and to make sure you and the babies are all right."

  "But how could you want me when I'm pregnant with someone else's children? How could you even want to touch me? I'm... disgusting."