Wallflower

by Cookie O'Gorman

  Dare's gaze narrowed. "I might."

  I was still trying to recover when Tyson looked to me.

  "And you'd be okay with Dare dating around?" he said.

  I didn't want to respond. Everything in me rebelled against it, but I forced the words out.

  "Yeah," I said, "Of course, I would. If that's what he wanted."

  Dare's eyes were on me, but I refused to look at him.

  "We're just"—I spoke past the lump in my throat—"having a good time."

  Tyson crossed his arms, moving his gaze back to Dare. "So, you're telling me you'd let her go. Just like that."

  A shrug. "I wouldn't stop her if that's what you're asking."

  Translation: Dare wouldn't fight to keep me.

  God, I was bleeding, and no one could even see it. But I could feel the wound he'd just inflicted as if he'd literally delivered a TKO. The sad part was I hadn't expected it. The left hook came out of nowhere, and I only had myself to blame. I'd been blinded by his pretty words and actions, lost sight of the fact that this was all pretend.

  I wouldn’t let that happen again.

  "Hey," I said suddenly, "I have to go. But great game, you guys."

  Dare was still frowning. "Okay well, drive safely."

  As if he cared, I thought.

  But I didn't say anything.

  With a nod, I walked as calmly as I could to my car, drove to a nice quiet place (aka my driveaway), and proceeded to cry under the cover of darkness. I didn't want to go in yet because Mom would definitely know something was wrong. The only bad part was—and maybe I was imaging things. I tended to do that after all—but because he'd been in Buttercup so often, his smell, that clean soap and evergreen scent, lingered here, too.

  It made me cry even harder.

  #

  The next morning I got my own door before Dare could react. I was inside the car with the engine idling before he even got in. As he slid into his seat and closed his door, I started driving without saying a word. The skies chose that moment to open up, and I was grateful. It was the perfect excuse not to look at him.

  "Bad morning?" Dare asked.

  More like bad night, I thought. I hadn't slept well at all, the talk between Tyson and Dare playing on repeat in my head. Even practicing the cello and listening to music hadn't helped.

  In answer, I shrugged.

  "Okaaay," he said then drummed his fingers on his legs. "So flower, I wanted to—"

  I reached over and turned on the radio. One of my favorite songs was playing, a cover of Chandelier by Vitamin String Quartet. A perfect match to my feelings about Dare. This rollercoaster we'd been on had felt like soaring and falling all at once. But after yesterday, I was done.

  So done.

  Dare looked at me a moment then said, "Did something happen? Are you mad about something?"

  "No, I'm good," I said.

  If he couldn't figure it out, I wasn't about to spell it out for him.

  He muttered something under his breath, and I turned down the music.

  "What was that?" I asked.

  "I said, you left pretty fast the other night after the game," he said.

  Yeah, not fast enough though.

  "And today, you're not talking to me."

  "What do you call what we're doing right now?"

  Dare dropped both hands on his thighs with a slap. "I don't know, but I don't like it."

  "Sorry," I said.

  "Don't be sorry," he said. "Jeez flower, just tell me what's going on. I really have no idea why you're acting like this."

  There was no way I could tell him the truth, that I'd been struggling with my feelings for him, that I'd finally admitted to myself that yes, I was falling for him—and if I was being honest, I'd already fallen a while ago.

  "Does this have something to do with Coach?" he asked.

  My eyes snapped to his but went right back to the road. It was pouring now and hard to see.

  "What about my dad?" I said, squinting to make out the yellow center lines through the rain.

  "I told you that we'd figure everything out. But I thought you might be worried which is why you're in a bad mood."

  I nodded, grasping onto the excuse.

  "Yep," I said. "That's it. You got me."

  "Ah flower," he said. "Why didn't you just say so? I have an idea."

  "You do?"

  "Yeah"—Dare shrugged—"I was just about to tell you that before you turned on the music and started giving me the silent treatment."

  I kept my eyes firmly ahead.

  He sighed. "Ty told me he's throwing a party Saturday. I thought we could go together."

  "How would that help convince my dad?" I said.

  "I'll pick you up—or I guess, I'll jog over so you can take us." He laughed at himself. "Anyway, we could try phase five then."

  I frowned. "You mean in my house? If my father caught us doing anything there, he'd flip. Do you want to die?"

  "Hey, I'm not saying we have to go to your bedroom or anything," Dare said, and I swear my heart skipped a beat. "I like my head attached to my body, thanks."

  "As long as you understand the risks…" I trailed off.

  Part of me wanted to say: No, no, no, I don't want to do this anymore. Let's just call off this craziness. But another part still didn't want to give him up…even knowing he didn't feel the same.

  Ugh, stupid, stupid heart.

  I didn't look, but I could tell Dare was grinning when he said, "Your dad doesn't scare me, flower."

  "He should," I mumbled.

  Pulling into the lot, I left the engine on, watching the rain and trying to get my thoughts in order.

  "You know, you need new wipers," Dare pointed out. "The windows are all streaky. That can't be safe."

  "And you're insulting my car now?" I said then patted the dashboard. "Don't worry, Buttercup. I love you just as you are. Unlike some people."

  Dare was quiet a beat then, "It wasn't a dis to the car. I'm concerned for your safety. I worry about you, flower."

  His sweet words cut me.

  "Well, stop," I said, hearing the harshness in my tone. "I don't need you pretending to care. That wasn't part of the deal."

  "You're my friend, Vi," he said. "I care about all my friends."

  Annnd I suddenly realized how dumb I was acting. Dare hadn't led me on, at least not on purpose. It was my fault for reading the signals wrong. He was just trying to be a good friend. Wow, I felt like an idiot.

  "Okay," I said softly.

  "Okay?" he asked.

  "Yeah"—I sighed—"Ty's party and meeting up beforehand sounds good. Sorry if I was rude. I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

  Dare nodded. "No problem. I have my bad days. It can be hard sometimes."

  Trying to lighten the mood, I gave a shrug. "That's what she said."

  His mouth stretched into a smile. "Man, what a perfect setup. Good one."

  "If you say so, Jim."

  Dare threw his arms up in victory. "And she finally gets the right Office character! Yes!"

  I looked out the window in an attempt to escape all that male beauty.

  "Looks like the rain's letting up," I said. "We should go in before it starts again."

  "Sounds good, flower." He looked at me with puppy dog eyes. "Did your bad day make you forget my treat or…?"

  With an eyeroll, I tossed him a bag. "Here you go. I made muffins last night when I couldn't sleep."

  Dare whooped, looking more happy than the breakfast warranted as his face split into a big grin.

  After that, the day went by with no problems. Actually, the whole week was smooth sailing. I'd accepted the fact that Dare and I wouldn't be more than friends, and it was strangely freeing. I still drove Dare to school. The next day he showed up with new windshield wipers.

  When I asked why, he'd shrugged.

  "It'll make me feel better," Dare said. "Knowing you're safe."

  Flutters, so many flutters, ran over me everywhere
at that statement.

  Just friends, I reminded myself sternly. Just. Friends.

  I'd smiled and lightly hit his arm. "Thanks, pal," I said.

  Dare had given me a strange look but went on to change the wipers for me, taking care not to scratch or damage Buttercup, which I very much appreciated.

  I went to another one of DHS's games (which they won, of course), and Dare kept his word.

  He showed up at the shelter a few times, bringing toys, blankets and food for the animals. What's more, he seemed to enjoy his time there. I'd caught him cooing to the different dogs and cats. Dare didn't look embarrassed at all when I'd walk in on him. He'd just grin and keep doing it. He also spent a good deal of time with Professor Snape, I noticed.

  Everyone had always overlooked poor Snape.

  But not Dare.

  He took to the dog immediately. Snape was the first one he went to whenever he arrived and the last he saw before he left. The opposite was also true. Whenever Dare came in, Snape's head would pop up, like he knew his person was here. It was such a beautiful thing. I tried to fight the pangs in my chest but couldn't. Seeing the typically grumpy dog finally getting the attention he deserved made my soul sing.

  One day on the ride to school, I brought it up, their obvious bond, and Dare had shrugged.

  "We get each other," was all he said.

  But I understood his meaning one-hundred percent. Hermione and I had that kind of connection. We were kindred spirits. I knew that even if she were adopted by someone else we would always remember each other. Thinking about that, though, Hermione going away, made me want to weep, so I tried not to dwell on it much.

  Kind of like I felt when I thought about parting from Dare once our arrangement ended.

  But at least, we'd still be friends.

  I hoped anyway. I wanted so much more.

  But I'd accept what he could give because…some of him was better than having none of him.

  CHAPTER 14

  "Viola, are you feeling okay?"

  Mom asked the question, and I looked over as she sat beside me on the couch.

  "Sure, Mom," I said, putting the book I'd been reading down. It was getting good, too. "How about you?"

  "Not so fast," she laughed. "I know that trick. Throwing the question back at the other person, so you don't have to talk about yourself. Nice try."

  My cheeks went hot. That was exactly what I'd been doing.

  "You know me too well," I said.

  She smiled, and I grinned back.

  "I've missed you, baby. You've been so busy," she said, "what with the shelter, school and soccer." Her voice rose on the last word as if she still couldn't believe it.

  I shrugged. "Turns out watching cute guys kick a ball around isn't so bad after all."

  "Oh, I completely agree." She lifted a knowing brow. "Back in the day, I fell head over heels for one of those guys, and you were the end result."

  "Ugh, Mom," I said, feeling my nose scrunch up. "TMI. Please, let's not discuss you and Dad's sappy love story."

  "Okay, okay." Mom sighed and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "We just haven’t gotten a chance to talk in a while, so I wanted to check in."

  And that was why I loved her.

  Mom always knew if something was up with me. She had that sixth sense some mothers do about their children. Too bad I couldn't talk to her about this.

  "School's been fine," I said. "The shelter's still my happy place, though."

  "I thought I heard you playing last night."

  "Yeah. I was practicing some new covers I found. Sorry, if I woke you."

  "No need to apologize. You know I love to hear you play."

  I peeked up at her. "I did ask you and Dad if we could soundproof my room at one point."

  She shook her head. "And I told you, I'd seen one too many Lifetime movies for that to ever happen. You could end up shoved into a trunk or something like Mad-Eye Moody, and then what?"

  "Yeah, but Harry, Hermione, and Ron would find me, and all would be well again."

  Mom rubbed my shoulder. "Sounded a little melancholy."

  I gave myself a mental head slap. Of course! Now, her questions all made sense. Music was my outlet. Mom knew I liked to play out my feelings through the pieces I chose. It was a tell I'd have to be careful about in the future.

  "Want to tell me what's going on?"

  She'd given me the perfect opening, and honestly, I thought about taking it. Mom gave great advice. I pictured how it would all go down.

  Well, Mom, I'm not sure if you know this, but Dad hired one of his players—you remember Dare Frost?—to be my friend, and because I was insulted I decided to get revenge. How, you ask? I was going to pretend like I fell in love with Dare and that he broke my heart. The funny thing is…I actually fell for him.

  Yeah, so not happening.

  "I'm good, Mom. Really," I said. "Just a little nervous about graduating."

  Mom hummed under her breath. "If you ever need someone to listen, I'm here for you."

  "I know." I swallowed as tears threatened. I really did wish I could tell her.

  "Any big plans this weekend?"

  I took a deep breath. "I'm supposed to go to a party tonight. Would that be okay?"

  "Of course," she said. "Just be safe, call when you get there, and don't stay out past midnight."

  I nodded. "I doubt I'll be there that long. Not a big fan of crowds."

  "Same here." She feigned a shiver. "Partying was never really my thing. I much prefer the company of books and movies."

  "Exactly," I said. "Me, too."

  She gestured to the paperback in my lap. "How is that one? I've heard good things."

  "It's hilarious and so romantic, Mom," I said. "Mild heat level, lots of misunderstandings and a hero and heroine I can definitely ship."

  "Sounds wonderful," she said. "I'm just finishing Anne of Green Gables again. Can I read it when you're done?"

  I settled more firmly into her side. "Absolutely."

  Mom kissed the top of my head. "I love you, Vi."

  "I love you, too, Mom," I said, and we sat there reading our separate books.

  It was a beautiful Saturday morning. Getting to spend time with Mom made it that much better. Dad had to go into his office to catch up on some work. He came home around eight and was surprised to find us still on the couch.

  "What's this?" he asked. "My two best girls chilling on the couch, watching K-drama. Why wasn't I invited?"

  "Shh," we hissed in unison.

  "We're finally at the part where they're about to kiss," I said.

  "Okay…and?" Dad said.

  "It took us nine whole episodes to get here. Technically, we watched a few the other day, but still," Mom said in a hushed tone. "It should be any minute now."

  "Alright, I'm just going to take a shower."

  We shooed him away and watched as Gu-Jun Pyo leaned up to kiss Guem Jan-Di after an incredibly romantic grand gesture. He'd done several things before to make up for his initial jerkish behavior, but she never seemed to let him in. And finally, here we were at The Swing Kiss. The scene was so perfect, so swoon-worthy that both Mom and I sighed.

  "It just never gets old," Mom said as the credits began.

  "No matter how many times we watch," I agreed.

  "It's timeless."

  "And so much better than the other adaptations—though they're not bad," I said. "The K-drama is simply the best."

  Mom nodded. "Thanks for binging that with me, sweetheart."

  "Um, I never say no to Korean goodness, and I believe it was my suggestion. So thank you, Mom."

  As I got up to stretch, she laughed.

  "I'm off to check on your dad," she said then threw me a wink, "and let you go get dressed for your party."

  About 45 minutes later, I was ready to go. It never took me that long to make myself presentable, but I paid special attention to my hair and threw on a little makeup. Couldn't hurt, right? After sending a quick text t
o Dare, I decided to go check the mail just for something to do while I waited.

  But right as I opened the door…I found Dare on the other side.

  He looked frozen in surprise with his hand up and poised to knock. That arm slowly dropped to his side as his eyes took me in.

  "Hey," he said.

  "Hey," I said back, feeling my brows pinch together. "How'd you get here so fast? I just texted you like ten seconds ago."

  "Was already on my way."

  "Oh."

  "Yeah." He shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded. "You look pretty, flower. Special occasion?"

  The comment nearly made me stutter.

  "Nah," I said, playing it off, "this is how I always look on the weekends."

  Such a lie. Usually I didn't even roll out of bed before noon on Saturday and Sunday, and that was only to put on sweats and go to the shelter. But Dare didn't need to know that.

  "You look good," he said.

  I tried my best not to blush. "Thanks, I wanted to look nice tonight."

  "Oh yeah?" Dare cocked his head to the side. "Was there someone you're hoping to see?"

  Where was he going with this? Had he figured out my feelings for him? Or was he teasing me about something else? I really didn't know, so I shrugged.

  "Just eager for phase 5 and a night out with my fake boyfriend."

  He finally smiled, and I felt my spirits lift.

  Ugh, I had it bad.

  "Are you going to let me in?" he said.

  I rolled my eyes at myself. "Of course, sorry. Come on in."

  Dare stepped through the door, the two of us ending up so close that I couldn't take a breath without scenting him. Oh man, he smelled so good. I tried not to inhale too much in an act of self-preservation. It had the added side effect of making me light-headed. But again, that could've been caused by our close proximity.

  "So," I prompted, both nervous and excited, "phase five. What is it?"

  "Where's your parents' room?" he asked, and my eyes widened.

  "Why do you need to know that?"

  "Just tell me, flower," he said. "It's important to get the logistics. This all hinges on them catching us in the act."

  "The act of what exactly?" I said.