by Julie Morgan
“Okay, so you’ve seen her more than this one time, I gather?”
I nodded. “Yes, quite a few times. She has this amazing personality. She doesn’t let anything get to her and just rolls with the punches.”
“What’s her name, son?”
“Cara.” I felt myself smile at the mention of her name. My belly warmed with the memory of her, and my heart sped at the thought of her in my arms.
“Well, I can see she means a lot to you. Tell me more about this Cara?”
“It’s complicated.”
“No, son, love isn’t complicated. It is or it isn’t. There’s no gray area in between how people feel.”
I took a sip of my tea, then set it down. I palmed my forehead in my hand and let another sigh escape. “No, it’s complicated for a different reason.” I turned my head just enough to look into her eyes. “On the first day of school, when I took Marshall to meet his teacher?” She nodded, and I continued. “Miss Murphy, Marshall’s teacher, is Cara.”
Her eyes widened. “And you had no idea?”
I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest. “No fucking idea.”
“Noah, language.”
A laugh pushed from my lips like an exhale. “Sorry, Mom. But no, I had no idea.”
“So is this what complicates it?”
I nodded. “I don’t want to compromise her job by seeing me.”
“Has she said as much?”
I nodded. “But she’s in this as much as I am.”
“Then what’s the problem, son?”
I lay my head back against the chair and let out another exasperated sigh. “I feel as if I’m cheating on Autumn’s memory and the life we had.”
I closed my eyes, and it felt like a good five minutes of silence passed between us. Curious, I brought my head back up and looked to my mother.
“Do you want me to tell you that you’re cheating on your dead wife?”
I frowned. Was that what I wanted? I had no idea. A part of me wanted the ground to open and swallow me whole. Another part wanted Autumn’s permission.
“I don’t know what I want,” I finally said.
“You should be open to giving and receiving love, son. Autumn would want you to move on and find love again with someone who would make you happy and someone who would make an amazing mother to Marshall.”
I mulled over her words for a long moment. She was right in everything she said, but it also felt completely wrong.
“You should see her with Marshall. He adores her as his teacher.”
She smiled. “He talks of her often.”
“Why do I feel like shit, though?”
She held her hand out, and I placed mine in hers. She squeezed it and smiled. “Because, son, you’re human. It’s perfectly natural to feel this way.”
“She knows about Autumn.”
“Good. Does she have a past as well?”
I nodded. “She walked in on her ex cheating on her. She moved across the country to be with him here.”
“Ouch,” my mom said. “I assume she wasn’t ready to jump forward with you either?”
I nodded. “Exactly. We both have our hesitations, but we also both want this. She’s scared to open her heart because of her ex. I’m frightened to give her mine because of Autumn.”
“She will always be the love of your life, Noah.”
I let another sigh go and pulled my hand from hers. I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. “That’s just it, Mom.”
“What?”
“Autumn was my first love, but Cara…” I lowered my hand and looked into my mother’s eyes again. “She’s the love of my life. I feel it deep inside me. And right next to it is a black mark from not feeling this way about Autumn.”
My mother stood and moved over next to me. She pulled me into her arms and hugged me close. “Oh, son, it’s okay. We all fall in and out of love, and when we find our other half, it slams us into a brick wall during the worst part of a hurricane. There’s no escaping it or getting around it. If she’s the one, you will know it.”
I closed my eyes, and a single tear slipped down my cheek. “Thank you, Mom.”
“I love you, Noah.”
“I love you too.” I let her go and swiped at the dampness on my face, then stood. “I’m going to go to bed now.”
I finished my tea and rinsed out my cup. Mom took it and placed it in the dishwasher. I left the kitchen and headed toward the room that was mine now if I ever needed it. Marshall was fast asleep in the room that used to be mine growing up.
It still had all my football and baseball trophies, banners, and everything I’d ever earned. Marshall had added his own touch of hanging model planes and a toy fire truck. We had painted the station number on the side with NYFD under it.
I loved my son and would do anything for him, but if bringing Cara into his life as a stepmother was too much, I would end it. Period. His happiness would come above my own.
I removed my clothes except for my boxers and crawled under the covers. The chill of the fabric was the comfort that always brought me to sleep.
I closed my eyes, and memories of Cara danced across my mind. Dreams would come soon, and I hoped they would be of her, Marshall, and a life we could lead together as a family.
Chapter Thirteen
Cara
The school season led into the fall season quickly, and it was Halloween week. Halloween was my favorite holiday, with Christmas a close second. I loved everything about it. From dressing up to the trick-or-treaters, it was such a fun day. I should write to whoever comes up with Hallmark holidays and request Halloween be changed from a day to an entire month. I would be recognized with some type of Nobel prize for being a genius.
Why didn’t anyone think of this sooner?
I laughed off the foolish dreams and focused on my students. Small hands were cutting out pumpkins, leaves, ghosts, and witches’ hats. I had the glue sticks at the ready when a knock at the door caught everyone’s attention.
It was volunteer day, so someone’s parent was here to help with anything from serving snacks to cutting out pumpkins. I hadn’t checked to see who today’s volunteer was. Honestly, I’d forgotten to look.
“Keep cutting! We’ll be gluing these to our poster boards soon!” I announced and made my way to the door.
Heat rushed my neck and my cheeks when, through the window in my door, I saw the familiar face I looked forward to seeing after hours and on weekends. I twisted the handle and pulled the door open. “Noah,” I said in a lower voice and tucked some hair behind my ear. “Is it your week already?”
He nodded. “Good to see you, baby,” he whispered.
I bit my lips and smiled. Opening the door wider, I turned to the students and then focused in on Marshall.
“Everyone, please say hello to Marshall’s dad, Mr. Hughes!”
Noah stepped past me, and the scent of soot and soap filled my head. It was intoxicating. He wore a lumberjack-style shirt in red and black squares, fitted jeans, and black boots.
“Dad!” Marshall called out.
“Hey, sports fan!” He went to his son and gave him a hug, then messed with his hair. “Where do you need me?” Noah asked me.
Against the wall in the supply closet was what I wanted to say. Instead, I settled on something more teacherly. “Help the students who may be having trouble cutting out the shapes. We’ll be gluing everything to poster boards soon.”
“You got it. I have mad paper-shape-cutting skills, so you kids watch out!”
A few of the students giggled.
“No you don’t,” Marshall chimed in. “You can barely cut a straight edge!”
I giggled, then covered my lips with my fingertips.
“Ow, kid. What happened to my wingman? You let me down, man,” Noah teased.
“Whatever, Dad. Here, cut out these pumpkins.”
I smiled at their interaction. It was cute. When Noah finished the first set of pumpkins, one of th
e other students handed him white paper and asked for ghosts. He began cutting without drawing anything, and truth be told, they were horrible.
As I made my way around the room, I came up behind Noah while he continued to cut. His blond hair was styled, and his tall, large body was entirely too big for the small chair he sat on. I tried not to giggle when I stepped closer.
“You know,” I said as I bent down to Noah, “I’ve witnessed my five-year-olds cutting better paper dolls from no pattern than the monstrosity you’re creating.”
“I’ll have you know,” he started and turned in his too-small-for-him chair and smirked, “I received my masters in cutting out pumpkins from the University of Paper Cutting.”
“Daaaad,” Marshall said, dragging it out. “No, you didn’t. You went to college, then became a firefighter. That’s what you said.”
“Son, it was a joke. Why are you ruining my style, man?”
I grinned and motioned to Marshall. “I have your back on this one, Marshall. Your father thinks he’s so clever. Now, Mr. Hughes, if you will please cut the ghosts like the one Jasmine did here.” I picked up the one the student next to Noah cut out as a pattern.
“You can’t tell me what to do or how to cut things. I’m my own man,” Noah teased.
I laughed. “Well, that’s just too bad. This is the only time I can tell everyone what to do and get away with it. My classroom, my rules.”
“What does that mean, ‘my own man’?” Jasmine asked.
I looked at Noah and raised my brow. “He doesn’t like it when I tell him what to do,” I answered.
“I don’t like it when my mommy tells me what to do,” Jasmine offered.
“But do you do it anyway?” Noah asked.
She nodded. “Yes, because if I don’t, I’ll get into trouble. She said next time I don’t listen, she’ll take away one of my dolls.”
Noah gasped and covered his mouth with his hands in mock horror. “Say it isn’t so!”
It was the most adorable thing I’d witnessed from this man.
Jasmine nodded, and her childlike eyes widened with affirmation. “Yes! I love my dolls, so I listen to my mommy.”
“What about you, Marshall? Do you listen to your daddy all the time like you’re supposed to?” I asked.
Marshall nodded. “Yep!”
Noah chuckled. “Sure you do, little man.”
Marshall side-glanced his dad, then went back to cutting.
I snickered once more and moved toward where the poster board sat. I picked up a few pieces, and when I turned, Noah stood just behind me. His glass-blue eyes bore into my own. I felt the air rush from my lungs in his presence. I wanted to hold him, kiss him, take him into my supply closet again. I wanted to bring him home to meet my family. There was so much I wanted from this man, and he let me in the other night when he discussed Autumn, Marshall’s mother.
A part of me wanted to comfort Noah for the loss of his wife. She would always be his first love, where I would be second. And I was perfectly fine with that. In a way, I wish I could have met Autumn, but getting to know Marshall had let me into that part of Noah’s world.
The buzzer I set sounded, reminding me that craft time was almost over. The students who were ready to go to recess outside cheered, while others who wanted to continue working on their craft projects groaned. Future artists in the making!
“Okay, students, let’s put down our paints, markers, scissors, and glue. It’s recess time. When we return, we can finish up by gluing our cutouts to the poster board. The paint will be dry by then.”
Everyone lined up, and Marshall stood at the front as line leader. He motioned the others in their respective places, and when I glanced over to Noah, he beamed with pride. I made my way over to the door when one of my teacher’s aides stood at the ready.
Recess was normally my time to catch up on activities while the aides in the classroom managed recess. I could update grades, return emails and calls to parents, and clean up my room. However, today’s work would have to wait while Noah Hughes was in my room.
“See you soon, sports fan,” Noah called after Marshall.
The students went out, and the door closed behind them. The room fell into silence except for the thumping of my heart in my ears. I stacked papers on desks and closed paint lids. Noah joined me in my efforts, and I casually glanced over to him. He winked as he cleaned up desks. Heat raced up between my legs, and my clit throbbed like a beacon.
I’m here!
Come find me!
I’m yours!
I squeezed my legs together to extinguish the fire Noah didn’t realize he’d started by simply winking at me.
“So,” he said, “can I ask you a question?” He bent down and quickly jotted something on a piece of paper.
“Sure,” I said and tried to look at what he wrote.
He quickly folded it and then handed it over to me.
I took it and held his gaze. “What is this?”
“Read it and find out.”
I ripped it open, hoping to read “meet me in the closet.” Instead, it had a question and three checkboxes.
Do you like me?
Yes
No
You’re hot
I laughed and picked up a pencil from the desk I was near. I scribbled Meet me in the closet and find out, then handed it back to him.
He opened it and raised his brows. He met my gaze. “Now?”
“We have twenty minutes.”
He chuckled, folded the note, and pushed it into his pocket. “Good, because I only need thirty seconds.”
This time I laughed. He was definitely good for more than thirty seconds, and I knew he was trying to be funny, but I couldn’t do this during school hours. Hell, I can’t believe we did this after school hours that day.
The memory erupted a flood in my pussy, and damn it, I needed Noah. Desperately.
“How about after school?” I offered.
“Sounds like a plan,” he responded and crossed the room toward me. Noah lifted a hand and ran his fingers across my cheek. “You’re absolutely beautiful, Cara. Especially with the swipe of blue across your forehead.”
My eyes widened. “What? I smeared paint on myself?” I brought my hands up to see they were clean, and then I frowned. “I hope you're only teasing me right now.”
He chuckled with a nod. “Yes, you’re clean, baby.” He cupped my cheek and traced his thumb over my skin. Noah began to lean in, and I tilted my head up. Just as he was about to press his lips to mine, movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention.
I turned to look and found Erin watching us through the window of my door. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she wore a frown of disgust on her face. She moved her head back and forth as if to suggest disappointment.
“Shit,” I whispered and moved out of Noah’s grasp. I started to walk toward my door, when Erin disappeared down the hall. “Shit!”
“What’s the matter?” Noah asked.
“Erin saw us.”
“And? Why is that a problem?”
With a sigh, I turned back to him and crossed my arms over my chest. Fear crept into my chest, and anxiety spiked to something I hadn’t felt in many years. Last time I felt this way was when I walked in on Jeremy. However, this time, it was Erin who walked in on me.
“I… You…” I growled and tried again. “Noah, you need to go. I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Umm, sure, all right. Can I wait to tell Marshall bye?”
I shook my head. “It would be best if you leave. I’ll call you later.”
“Cara,” he started and took a few steps toward me.
I held my hands up and shook my head.
“Cara, what happened? Did I do something wrong?”
“We’ll talk later, okay? The children will be back soon. Go ahead and leave. Thank you for your time today.” I turned away from the love of my life and headed toward the door, then opened it. I glanced down the hallway but did
n’t find Erin anywhere.
Fuck! Please don’t have gone to the principal. Friends wouldn’t rat on friends. Even in this type of situation. Right?
“Cara.”
Noah stood directly behind me. I felt the heat of his body come off in waves while my entire being grew colder by the second. I closed my eyes and bit back the tears that threatened to expose my feelings.
“Noah, I’ll talk to you later. Please just go.” I opened the door wider for him and kept my gaze trained on the floor. I knew if I looked up at him, I would lose it and begin to cry.
Noah hesitated for a moment, then did as I requested. He walked past me, and right when he crossed the threshold, I closed the door behind him. Chancing a glance, I looked up and found Noah standing with his back to the door. He had to be confused by the turn of events, but one of the fears I voiced early on was about my job here at my school. It was now possibly in jeopardy, and I had to ensure everything was under control, including my feelings for a man I should not have become involved with.
Chapter Fourteen
Noah
Sometimes getting involved with a woman felt like riding a roller coaster. You’re up on top of the world, and before you realize it, you’re down at the bottom, hoping to build back momentum to reach that peak once more. Once you're there on top again, if you fight hard for it, you can grab hold and not let go.
I had let go once, caused by the downward spiral of losing Autumn. I didn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy. I had shoved my life into fighting fires, all things Marshall, and taking care of my mom. It could always be worse, I told myself. But some days, it felt like nothing could get worse.
A few days had passed since I saw Cara in her classroom, when I had volunteered my time. Something had happened that afternoon. She went from warm as sunshine to cold as ice. I knew she had fears, but with me there was nothing to be concerned about. I wanted her in my life as much as she wanted me in hers.
At least that was my hope. Did she want me in her life? She let me in and helped me understand her hesitations, and I let my own walls down. Why change her tune now? What did Erin have to do with me seeing Cara?