Mandy deserved better, too.
That’s why he’d had to get away the moment he realized his feelings of longing had turned to love. He refused to be another anchor for Mandy when life had already heaved so many other anchors upon her. He wanted to lift her up, no matter what it took—even if what it took was leaving for good, never looking back.
Oh, God. Have I made yet another mistake? he whispered in prayer.
And then his wait was over. A beautiful brunette rushed in from outside bringing a blend of scents and sounds from the city in with her. She shrugged out of her light jacket and took a seat across from Luke.
“Laura,” he said on an exhale. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
She frowned and set her purse onto the floor. “Why wouldn’t I come? When your brother sends you a frantic string of texts at two in the morning, well, that’s kind of hard to ignore.”
Luke felt the muscles in his throat tighten. Now that he was finally face-to-face with his sister again, there was so much he needed to say. But the more he thought about all the things that should be said, the more his throat clenched as if to staunch the flow of his would-be stream of apologies.
“Hey, hey.” Laura reached across the table and cupped her hand over his. “You’re panicking. Stop that. It’s just me, the same old big sister who stole your allowance and forced you to be her slave on weekends.”
Luke forced a laugh. The fact that she felt the need to comfort him just him feel worse.
“Laura, I’m so sorry. Not a day goes by that I don’t—”
“Stop right there, please. I don't need to hear any more of your apologies. I know you did everything you could for my little girl. You gave her the best chance, Luke, and unfortunately that chance didn’t work out. But you had the courage to try, and I’m so, so thankful to you for it.”
“But I should’ve know it wouldn’t… I mean, Henry had every right to blame me. He—”
“What’s that you’re saying about me now?” At the mention of his name, Henry approached their table, carrying two tall lattes. He set them both down in front of Laura before taking a seat. Luke had been so preoccupied by the arrival of his sister that he hadn’t even thought of the possibility that her husband may join them.
“Henry, as I was just telling Laura, I’m so sorry I—”
“No,” Henry broke in, his voice loud and agitated. “You don’t get to apologize. What’s done is done. Besides, I should be the one to say sorry. It was me who reacted from a place of hate. I’m the one who ripped this family apart.”
“But I—?”
“Did everything you could to save our Lucy, but God had other plans,” Laura whispered.
Henry rubbed his wife’s shoulder, then said, “We should never have forced you to take over her care, Luke. It wasn’t right. We were just so scared, and then so sad. I blamed you, lashed out at you, and it wasn’t your fault. I was just so desperate to feel like I had some power—any power—to help my child.”
Luke remained quiet, still reeling from the shock of his brother-in-law’s apology. Henry had wanted the power to protect his child, but it was Luke who had taken that power away from him. He had been the one to make the decision about the baby’s care—a decision, he now realized, he would make again in a heartbeat.
His niece—their Lucy, a baby who had been named for him—could have had a long, healthy life if things had gone well. And even though they hadn’t, he’d saved the baby and her parents from what would have come next, from always wondering if today was her last day, if this bout of sickness would finally do her in, if the next poor decision would mean the end of their little girl’s life.
He’d hoped to save her, but had he instead saved them? And was that any better, really? How was the constant pain of loss better than the agony of living? He was a doctor, darn it, not a philosopher. These were questions best left to God, questions he just couldn’t answer—no matter how much he wanted to.
“Lost in thought again, little brother?” Laura asked.
Luke and Henry both took long pulls of their coffees, while Laura passed hers from one hand to another without taking a drink.
“Look,” she said after a few moments contemplation. “We miss Lucy every day. We love her, and we wish God had made a different plan for her life, but that’s not what happened. And getting that chance to hold her in my arms and watch as she blinked up at me with her beautiful, new eyes, it made me more convinced than ever that being a mother is what I want to do with my life. That’s why…”
Henry edged his chair closer to hers and draped an arm over his wife’s shoulder.
“That’s why we’re trying again, Luke. We want to have another baby.”
Luke watched as Henry kissed his wife’s cheek, as she turned to kiss him on the mouth, and they looked into each other’s eyes with enormous smiles on their previously sad faces. They had been hurt so deeply just months before, but now they looked hopeful, excited. Is this what love did? Did it offer new strength when you had nothing left? Is this what he could have with Mandy, if only he hadn’t run away at the first sign of finally feeling something real?
“We know it will bring up painful memories,” Henry added. “And we know it will be hard.”
“But we also know it will be worth it,” Laura said, trading off lines with her husband as they explained their new path to Luke. “All the pain, all the memories, all the things that could go wrong don’t matter quite as much as the fact that we know this is right.”
Luke spun his nearly empty mug in his hands and watched as the shallow liquid swished in the cup. “I don’t understand how…”
Laura leaned forward as if to impart a secret. “It’s true our pasts change us, but it’s up to us to decide how. We could hide, be afraid of living, of chasing our dreams, or we could learn from it, allow it to put our future in even sharper focus, to go after the things we want most—because, in the end, life is short and we deserve to be happy. You deserve to be happy, too, Luke.”
Had the people whom he’d wronged most really just asked him to get over his past and put on a happy face? He shook his head in disbelief. “But how can I possibly forgive myself for what I’ve done?”
“We’ve already forgiven you, but that doesn’t mean anything if you can’t forgive yourself. Think of Lucy. Let’s make sure that her short life is filled with happy memories instead of tragic ones. Let’s honor her by living our best life. That’s what we’ve chosen to do, and ultimately that’s the very thing that helps me get out of bed in the morning, that helps me keep walking forward into the future, that gives me hope. Can you live your best life, too, Luke? Can you keep going for me? Can you keep going for your niece?”
Chapter 12
Mandy hadn’t seen or heard from Luke in days. He’d actually done it. He’d really left, zipping out of her life just as fast as he had entered and with just as little ceremony.
Since then, she’d tried her best to keep up with her baking, her visits, her research—but even though Luke had left the wheelchair behind and Deborah and James were both more than happy to help, Mandy’s heart just wasn’t in it any longer.
She’d known love wasn’t meant for her, but still had allowed herself to be tempted by Luke’s strong, handsome features, goofy humor, and nurturing touch. And she’d been willing to change her whole life, all her plans, simply because he’d flirted with her, made her feel good about herself for a change.
Was that all it took for her to give it all away? If so, then she deserved what had happened.
How could she possibly be responsible for another life when she could barely control her own? Luke had made her feel strong, like she could do anything. What a joke that had been. Now, more than ever, she realized that she would need help to keep from screwing up her life any further, from making any more reckless, impulsive decisions.
She owed it to her baby, and she owed it to herself.
While Deborah made it very clear that she could stay as long as s
he’d like, Mandy hated to impose indefinitely. Deborah had experienced more than her fair share of heartbreak during her long life, and now that she’d found love again with James, well, she deserved to soak up every glorious minute. She didn’t need a baby and a screw-up granddaughter around cramping her style.
And the same went for her sister Charlie back in Anchorage. She too had found new love and would soon—or at least as soon as she set a wedding date—be a newlywed. She needed time to enjoy married life before having a baby and a needy sister dropped into her home to shake up everything.
Yes, everyone important to Mandy was finding love these days. Everyone except for her.
And, at the end of the day, if love was an impossibility, why not look for the next best thing? Why not seek out security, a support system? Could friendship or passion take the place of love? She hadn’t been able to set those boundaries properly with Luke, and look where that had gotten her.
She’d already given herself too many chances. Now she had to face the facts.
But there was one person she hadn’t afforded many chances yet—and that person was Josh. If she came back to Anchorage once the baby was born, could the two of them work things out? Form a family?
Mandy clutched her iPhone in her hand, going back and forth as to whether she should call. This baby had been made for a reason, hadn’t it? What if that reason was to unite her with Josh once and for all?
She could help him get his drinking under control to avoid any more DUIs. Maybe she could even look the other way when he flirted with other girls. Just so long as he came home to her at night. If he could be a good father, then she would do everything in her power to be a good wife.
That is, if he would have her.
Yes, she should definitely call, at least to find out where things stood with Josh. She brought up the time on her iPhone. Eight o’clock in Texas meant five o’clock in Anchorage. There was no way Josh would be awake enough to have such a heavy conversation right now.
Maybe if she just took a quick cat nap, she could place the call once they were both more rested. And no matter what he had to say, she promised herself she would be open to the possibilities.
After all, she’d inspired Luke to run back and face his past. Now it was time for her to take the next step toward correcting her mistakes, too.
Luke walked swiftly down the sidewalk with a pair of overstuffed shopping bags dangling from his fists. Would this be the first day of the rest of his life, or just the close of yet another chapter? Either way, he had to find out. He had to give it his all. He had to keep going… for Lucy, just as he’d promised.
Now he stood facing the same purple door which had opened up this new era of his life. He took a few moments to compose himself, then rapped.
The old woman’s face lit as soon as she saw him. “Why, hello, darling—I mean, Doctor Darling. I knew you couldn’t stay away for long.”
“Is that Doctor Luke?” James called from down the hall as he approached.
“Hush, love,” Deborah hissed. “Too loud, and you’ll ruin Mandy’s surprise.” She turned back to Luke and whispered, “You go ahead now. She’s upstairs. James and I promise to be as quiet as sinners in the front pew on Sunday.”
Luke had so many questions, but ultimately the best way to get them answered was to swallow his fear and go to the one woman he wanted more than anyone or anything else this world had to offer.
Her door was closed, so he knocked gently once again.
“Grandma, let me sleep!” she groaned.
“Actually, it’s me… Luke,” he added after a moment’s hesitation. “May I come in?”
“Luke?” The bed springs let out a low squeak. Footsteps approached the door where he stood waiting.
Mandy took him in, almost as if she couldn’t believe he’d come back or even that he was real. Her brow furrowed for a moment, her lips pinched, and then… she smiled.
A soft, slow smile that wasn’t too big, wasn’t too small, but was perfectly Mandy. His Mandy. “Luke, I—”
“Stop, don’t say anything. I’m the one who has some explaining to do. But first…” He held up the bags he’d brought with him. “I brought breakfast and presents, too.”
Her smile grew. “Did you say presents?”
“They’re not wrapped. I wanted to get here as quickly as possible, so I could see you.” He led Mandy back over to the bed and sat down beside her, then placed the first of the two bags in her lap. “Here. For you.”
“A mixer?” she said as she eased the new Kitchen Aid out of the bag.
“Yeah, you’re not exactly a flowers-and-jewelry kind of girl, which is one of the things I love about you, by the way.”
Her nose scrunched up as if she was trying to hold back a sneeze. “You love…”
“Open the box,” he said cutting her off before she could finish the question.
She shrugged and reached inside the big, bright box, which held a mixer, but also held... “A stuffed… man?” She bit her lower lip, presumably to keep from laughing.
“That’s Captain Kirk. Remember, from the movie? It’s for the baby.”
“Cute,” she said and made the little plush figure dance on her lap. “On behalf of the baby, thanks.”
“You’re both very welcome, but I’m going to need you to give that back now.”
“What? Why?” She handed over the toy, looking more confused than ever.
“I want to give it to the baby myself, because I’m going to be sticking around for a long time. That is, if you’ll let me.”
She didn’t say anything, but seemed to be deep in thought as she took in his words.
After a few moments of silence, Luke dove into the next part of the speech he’d prepared, the one that would hopefully win back Mandy. “Look, I know you’re scared. I’m scared, too. But I also know we can conquer anything as long as we have each other. Let’s live our best lives, Mandy, and let’s do it together. Because I love you, and I can’t imagine a happier life than one spent at your side. Do you love me, too? Are you ready to be happy? Together?”
She nodded gently, smiled, and then pressed her lips to his in a single, sweet kiss that said so much more than any combination of words ever could.
And it was perfect.
Epilogue
Mandy clenched the rails of her bed as the medical team wheeled her into the OR. Even though he was a doctor himself, they had insisted Luke wait outside until after the anesthesia had been administered. Tears escaped through her clenched eyelids as the giant needle prodded her spine and prepared her for the cesarean section.
A nurse spoke gently to her and stroked her hair as the doctors erected a curtain to block her view of the lower half of her body. And then Luke appeared at her side, holding tight to her hand, smiling, and talking about all the wonderful things they would do once the baby was here with them.
“It’s a girl!” The surgeon declared, lifting a squirming, purple baby into the light. Her baby. A girl. Phoebe.
“Mandy, she is so beautiful,” Luke said once the nurses had cleaned her up and placed her into Luke’s arms. He knelt beside her holding the baby out in his arms so Mandy could say hello to the little person she’d been dying to meet.
“She has your nose,” he said, kissing first Mandy and then the baby. “And your ears.”
She laughed. “Poor kid.”
“She’s beautiful, just like her mama, and I love you both so much.”
“I love you two, too.” She giggled. The anesthesia had made her a little loopy, which put her on par with Luke when it came to making terrible puns.
In no time at all, they had Mandy stitched up and back in her room where Deborah and James sat waiting.
“Congrats, Grandma. Or should I say Great Grandma?” Luke quipped, placing little Phoebe into her GG’s arms.
“Oh, Mandy,” Deborah said through tears. “She looks so much like you did when you were born, and so much like your mother.”
Mandy w
atched as Deborah, James, and Luke whispered their I love yous to the new baby, and she felt so completely full of love in that moment, love for all of them. Her family.
It may have taken a long journey over a bumpy road, but now they were here, together, and it was wonderful.
“Okay, I think it’s Mama’s turn again,” Luke declared, transferring Phoebe to her arms. “Besides, I have something I want to say to both of you. Together.”
“Should we go?” James asked, rising to a standing position.
“No, I want everyone here for this.”
Mandy wondered what Luke had to say, but she also had a pretty good idea. And just as she’d suspected, Luke dropped to the tiled floor down onto one knee. She’d known it was coming, but that didn’t make it any less amazing to actually be here with Luke, with Phoebe. Together.
“Mandy, Phoebe, my girls. I love you both so much. We’ve all had a very big day already, so I’ll keep this short. Marry me?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” she said with a smile. “We accept.”
Luke popped to his feet and gave Mandy a delicious kiss. Deborah and James cheered, then silently let themselves out of the room to give the new family a moment to themselves.
“I have something for you,” he confessed, taking Phoebe from her mother’s arms and placing a small velvet box gently on her chest. “Open it.”
Although Luke had been right about Mandy not being a flowers-and-jewelry kind of girl, she still felt a thrill rush through her when faced with the tiny box. Would he have chosen classic diamonds or perhaps something more playful like a ruby or amethyst? She couldn’t wait to see, already knowing that whatever he had picked, it would be the perfect symbol of their love, one she’d be proud to wear for years to come.
She popped open the lid and spied…
The Alaska Sunrise Romances: A 9-Book Sweet Romance Collection Page 34