Zhànshì: A Dark Retelling

by Anna Edwards

  I had a woman come crying to me yesterday, begging for a few hours with her son so he could show her how to perform a task required for his usual work. I granted them the time together, of course, but I can’t always do that.

  “You’re being very forthright with me, Jaxon.”

  Gaozu leans forward, his elbows resting on the desk.

  “I don’t mean to be, sir. I know you see the suffering our people are enduring. I’m aware you walk among them as I do, but I feel as though we are bowing down to the Jīn Long. We are letting them control what we do and how we respond. Eventually, it’s going to end up damaging our people permanently. I believe we need to take the fight to them.”

  I wince, thinking I’ve said too much, and I’ve angered him. But instead of reprimanding me, he sighs heavily before opening a drawer in his desk. He pulls out a picture of Lia and places it in front of me on the desk.

  “You think I do nothing to help our people. I wish it were true. Lia was one of our best fighters, Jaxon…was, being the operative word. We don’t know where she is now.”

  I get to my feet, interrupting him. It’s a stupid thing to do, but I don’t want to look at the picture of the woman I love. I feel myself being drawn to the small window Gaozu uses to look out over the yard. Seeing the men training hard relaxes some of the tension in my shoulders, but I want Lia back here beside me. I want her in my arms. I want my cock inside her, and her pleasure bathing me. I’ll never have it again, though. I begin to wonder if I’ve given my loyalty to the wrong people all my life. Maybe I should have chosen to stay with my father the day he left me with Gaozu and disappeared. Maybe I should have allowed fate to decide if I lived or died at the hands of those who were searching for me.

  “Jaxon, sit back down.”

  I turn and look at Gaozu.

  “I prefer to stand.”

  “Sit, I have something I need to tell you.”

  Reluctantly, I make my way back to the chair and perch on the edge of the seat.

  “Your loyalty has always been unwavering, given to me unquestioningly. I’ve done nothing to deserve that level of commitment except take you under my wing when you were a young boy. Why? Why do you give it to me?”

  I don’t quite understand where this conversation is going. I long for it to be over so I can go back to the yard and prepare with my men for the fight ahead.

  “You took me in and saved my life. I give you my loyalty because of that fact.”

  “It’s not reason enough,” Gaozu counters back at me.

  “It’s the truth, though, sir.”

  “I don’t doubt that’s what you believe.” Gaozu strokes his beard and then turns the picture of Lia face down on the desk. I’m glad for it and start to relax a little. “I’m a husband and a father. My family means the world to me, and one day, my son will inherit everything I own except one thing, your loyalty. It’s been given to me, but my son will need to earn it.”

  “I’ll support him, no matter what, he’s your son.”

  Gaozu shakes his head. “No, if it were my son sitting at this desk as the leader of the Yi Shu, you wouldn’t be here. You’d be with Lia. You chose to stay behind with me because of something. What is it?”

  I turn my head to look toward the window.

  “Truth.”

  “Truth? I don’t understand,”

  I turn back to face the man who’s been the constant in my life for so long now.

  “You hold the truth about who I really am. I know the story of my parents’ forbidden love and their subsequent deaths. But you know who was responsible. Who killed them? You know what happened to my father. You hold the key to all the questions I hold in my head on a daily basis, and I know I’ll never get answers to them if I walk away from you and the Yi Shu.”

  “So you stay loyal to me for your own benefit?” A skeptical eyebrow is raised at me.

  “No, it’s not that. You’re twisting what I’m saying.” I get to my feet again, struggling to form the words I‘m looking for. “I was a ten-year-old boy, Gaozu. So young and unaware of the true pain and hurt around him. I saw my mother dead at my feet and didn’t realize what had happened to her until later. Life became a mystery to me on the day I met you, but I’ve felt drawn to your way of life, and your decisions have made sense to me ever since. I see the future you are trying to create, and I know I would love it and want it for myself. But I also want to end all the doubts and questions I have, and staying loyal to your way of life is the only way I can achieve that. At least, that is what I always thought.”

  I move to a wall and rest my head against it.

  “Until Lia walked into your life.” Gaozu is on his feet and next to me. His hand on my back.

  “Yes, I question my decisions more now. My head is ready to explode with everything. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. I don’t think I understand anything anymore.”

  “You do, you just need the final pieces of the clues to fall into place.”

  Gaozu walks to a filing cabinet in the corner of his office. He enters a code, and opening a drawer, he pulls out a file and places it on the table before motioning for me to take it.

  “What’s this?”

  “The truth about your father.”

  “My father.” I pick the file up and flick it open to the first page. It states he was a member of the Yi Shu. “I don’t understand. He joined the Yi Shu after coming here with my mother?”

  Gaozu shakes his head.

  “No, he was always Yi Shu, from the day he was born, as were his ancestors and therefore yours. For generations, almost as many as my mine, the blond demons have been at the side of the Yi Shu leader. It’s never spoken about but loyalty to us is ingrained in you.”

  “But he was working in Sweden for another faction. That’s how he met my mother.”

  Gaozu nods.

  “I know. I was the one who sent him.”

  “What?”

  “Your mother was to be married to the leader of the Jīn Long. It would have created a powerful alliance between the two factions, and it would have given the Jīn the ability to destroy us. I sent your father to rescue her. I planned to hide her here, but I didn’t count on them falling in love. A fairy tale romance without a happy ever after.”

  I turn another page, and a picture of an unmarked grave stares back at me. I recognize it as one of the ones here in San Francisco.

  “Your father never took your mother’s body back to her family. He buried her here and took his own life to be with her.”

  My legs give way, and I grab hold of the chair closest to me, the file of papers tumbling from my hand to the floor. I sit down before I fall.

  “He killed himself?”

  “He couldn’t live without her. Their destinies were entwined in the prophecy of the blond man who’ll save the Yi Shu. Their lives had served their purpose and were at an end.”

  I’m glad my parents are together, but why couldn’t my father have lived and been here for me. I could have had a relative. Someone to watch over me during the formative years of my life. But I had no one of my own. I was a stranger in a strange world.

  “He didn’t want to leave you.” Gaozu placed his hand on my shoulder. “He also took his life to protect you. The longer he lived, the more risk he placed you in. You would still have had my protection, but with your father around, that protection would have become precarious. Too many people were after him. His death over your mother’s grave was one of dignity. The other option wouldn’t have been.”

  “You told him to kill himself?”

  Gaozu shakes his head. “No, but I didn’t stop him, and I live with the guilt of that every day.”

  “I love her,” I blurt out, no longer keeping any pretense of my feelings for Lia. “But I didn’t go with her. I chose the Yi Shu. It controls and rules my life. It’s values are ingrained in me and I can’t change that, even though it means I might never love again.”

  Gaozu returns to his chair and turns
the picture of Lia, so it’s face up once again. I pick it up and look at it. It’s a picture of her training. She looks like a boy in it, but I can see all her femininity.

  “No, nothing is too far ingrained, Jaxon. There is always hope. As you say, it’s time to put an end to this war with the Jīn, to create a new world where we’re all at peace. To get a happy ever after for everyone here in the Yi Shu.”

  I look up from the picture to Gaozu with confusion. His face is a mask of determination. I’ve never seen him this way before.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I know where Lia is.”

  I spend a few days unconscious from the wounds Wang has inflicted on me. Thankfully, he hasn’t come and assaulted me again. I’ve been abandoned in a bed and left to heal. I’m no good to him damaged and unable to scream. Not that I’ll ever give my voice to him. It’s my strength, here and now, without a weapon.

  Sliding from the bed, I gingerly walk around to survey my surroundings. I’m in a comfortable bedroom as opposed to a dungeon. I try the door—it’s locked. The window is the same. I look out of it. I’m too high up to jump, even if I managed to smash the window. That escape route is immediately ruled out. I rub my ribs. They hurt from the kicks to them. I hope they aren’t broken.

  A further search of the room reveals there is very little in it. There’s no furniture except the bed, and there certainly isn’t anything I can use as a weapon. Another door I open leads to a shower room. Two towels sit on a rack solidly fixed to the wall. A toothbrush and toothpaste are beside the sink. Licking around the edges of my mouth, I feel the dirt there. My teeth feel unclean after a few days of no brushing. I’m not going to give Wang the pleasure of seeing me broken like most of the women he takes as his concubine. When he comes for me, he’ll find me clean and presentable with my head held high.

  You chose this path.

  Follow it with honor.

  I listen to the words repeat in my head and obey them. Turning on the shower, I remove my blood covered dress, step under the flowing water, and begin to wash the filth off my body. I’m careful between my thighs. The area is still a little tender.

  What doesn’t break you makes you stronger.

  When finally clean, I step out of the shower and wrap one of the towels around my body. I clean my teeth next and find a small comb for my hair. Instantly, I feel better even if my body and face are covered in bruises. I stand in front of a mirror, staring at the person looking back at me. I’m reminded of my time in the public toilet as I changed into Zhàn. My reflection now shows the person I truly am inside—the warrior with a brave heart. I’m prouder of the person looking back at me today than I was back then. I know in my heart I’m finally who I’m meant to be.

  You chose this path.

  Follow it with honor.

  For this is the real Lia Zhànshì.

  Returning to the bedroom, I slam to a halt when I see Wang standing beside the bed. The sheets are dirty with my blood and the dust from the streets of San Francisco, and he looks down at them in disgust.

  “I’ll get them changed before I fuck you again. I’m not an animal who wallows in his own filth like you.”

  I don’t answer him. I just wrap the towel a little tighter around my body. My dress was disgusting, and I didn’t want to put it back on. I wish I had now. It would have given me a little more protection from this despicable man.

  “I see you found the facilities. I must admit I’m surprised you showered. I thought I’d have to drag you in there to get clean. You continue to surprise me, Lia. I think I might have underestimated you. A skilled fighter and warrior but still a woman. It’s a fascinating combination that entices a man like me. I’m going to enjoy breaking you before I return your headless body to Gaozu. He loves all his people so much. I’m sure he’ll break too when he learns of your death because he’ll know it was his fault. He should have killed you himself for being an imposter.”

  Wang laughs and rises from the bed. He strides over to me, his heavy boots echoing on the floor in the empty room, even though tradition states he should have removed them. I don’t show him any respect by bowing to him. I stare straight through him, my head turned slightly away from him. I’m not scared of him. I pity him. He has no idea what’s coming.

  He tilts my head up and licks down the length of my cheek. My stomach turns. I have nothing inside it to bring back up, though. Shame, it would be fun to retch straight into his face. I smile at the thought, and he wraps his fingers tightly under my chin, squeezing my face and probably giving me a few more bruises.

  “I’m going to wipe that smile off your face.” He licks the length of my face again, and I notice for the first time the stench of his breath He must have rotten teeth in his mouth to have such foul breath.

  Maybe I should point it out?

  No, you have to remain conscious to find out the information you need.

  “I’m having a party this afternoon. Several visitors are attending who’ll be good assets to the future of the Jīn Long. I’m going to have you perform at it. I want them to see my latest acquisition—the great general killer from the Yi Shu who’s been humbled into being a whore. In a short while, women will be coming in to dress you. You’ll wear exactly what you’re given and have your hair and make-up done the way I’ve prescribed. If you disobey, I’ll fuck your pussy while my fist is wedged in your ass. I’ll do it over and over again until you tear so badly that even stitches won’t leave you the same again, and furthermore, I’ll do it in front of the entire Jīn Long army.”

  I keep my face a blank canvas. What he’s just said has scared me—it’s only natural. But I already know I won’t refuse to be decorated in the way he wants. This is exactly the opportunity I need.

  A whore listens, Wang, and she takes notes.

  I don’t say anything. I’m not sure I even blink. Eventually, his anger grows to furious proportions, and he leaves the room, slamming the door behind him. Three women then run in, and I hear the door being locked after them. None of them look at me as they dress me in the outfit of a concubine. My make-up is bright and bold, and my hair is pulled back and decorated as best they can in spite of its short length. The dress I’m wearing covers my body, but a bodice pushes my breasts up to entice the men I’ll be expected to entertain. I shut my mind off during the entire process, allowing it all to happen, the mask Wang wants me to wear is firmly in place. Don’t they know I’m excellent at disguises now? Only Jaxon and I know the real me…the real Lia.

  My heart beats a little faster as I think of him. I wonder if he knows where I am yet. Will he come for me?

  No.

  Never.

  When my body and brain catch up with each other, I find myself standing in a large red and gold leaf decorated dining room with expensive paintings depicting tales of the Hun on the walls. Dominating the room is a circular table strewn with the leftovers from a lavish meal and several empty wine glasses. Butlers stand around the edges of the room ready to serve every need of the men now rising from their seats at the table. There are four of them. Wang and three others, one of which has hair as blond as Jaxon’s. They all look at me and smirk knowingly.

  My stomach churns. I’m glad I was only fed a small bowl of plain rice earlier, or I would be regurgitating it now. I take in everything I can about the three men I haven’t met before. Height, age, and any distinguishing marks—it gives me a distraction from worrying about the lewd thoughts they’re probably having about me. The table is cleared away and more comfortable chairs are brought in for the men to sit on. All of them take a seat and are handed another glass of alcohol by a personal butler. Wang is the only one who remains standing.

  “Our entertainment is here, gentlemen. I’ve recently made a new acquisition, and I want to introduce her to you. I’m afraid she doesn’t speak a lot. A blessing I’m sure for a woman.” Wang laughs, but I know it’s killing him he can’t get anything from me.

  I show no sign of fear when I walk forward. I h
old my head up high as though I’m wearing an invisible crown that I’ll never let slip.

  Wang continues, “Gentlemen, I’m sure you’ve heard I recently lost a general in our great fight for a better future. Apparently, it was a young boy who struck the final blow.”

  “Yes, I’ve heard that,” one of the men speaks. His accent isn’t American. It’s foreign, maybe European, but I can’t place it.

  “No doubt a lie made up by the Yi Shu to make themselves look better. Their whole world is built on lies. I should know—I was forced to live in it for long enough,” another man speaks.

  From his words, it sounds like he must be ex-Yi Shu. I’m sure I’ve seen him before. In fact, I know I have in one of the pictures on the wall in the Yi Shu throne room. He must have been an important member who’s defected to the Jīn Long. A traitor. My hands itch to wrap themselves around his neck and kill him.

  “I agree the Yi Shu is full of lies.” Wang resumes his speech and distracts me from trying to figure out which of the pictures the man’s face fits. “It wasn’t a young boy who killed my general but a girl. The Yi Shu had a female infiltrate their ranks and none of them knew.”

  All the men laugh.

  “To idiots and their downfall.” The Yi Shu traitor raises his glass.

  The blond man cocks his head toward me. He’s not spoken yet, and I’m desperate to hear his voice, so I can begin to place him.

  “And where does this girl come in?” the man with the European accent speaks again.

  I’m sure he sounds Russian. But Russia is considered an enemy to its neighbor China, so why would a Russian be here?

  “Because she is the girl.” the blond haired man interjects, and despite trying to keep my expression neutral, I can feel the shock register on my face.

  Jaxon speaks with an American accent, but in our most intimate moments, it’s tinged with something else, and this man sounds the same. I hadn’t thought about it before. I knew Jaxon hadn’t lived in America all his life, but the blond man here in front of me, he has a similar tone. He sounds Swedish…so maybe that’s where Jaxon’s from.