by Sierra Hill
That I was enough to keep her here.
“I know. I’d just hoped you’d changed your mind.”
She lifts a shoulder and leans in to press a kiss to my cheek.
Great. If this isn’t the entry back into the friend zone, I don’t know what is.
“Let’s just play things by ear for now. I have tons of applications out there and we’ll see where things go come August.”
Damn my big mouth.
Why did I tell her I loved her when things were going so well? I’ve ruined this thing between us and now I may have ruined our friendship.
Fuck my damn stupid mouth.
Chapter 13
Ellie
The light misty rain clouds the sky as I stare out my window from my spot on my twin bed. Today is my day off, and Deacon’s too, but I told him I had things to do and needed to stay home. He wasn’t thrilled about it but gave me space. Now I’m lying here trying to make sense of what’s happening between us.
Honestly, it scares the living day lights out of me.
He doesn’t scare me, nor does the fact that he admitted to loving me. That’s not really the issue.
What’s at stake is our friendship and my freedom to live my life elsewhere, when Deacon is planted here.
He’s always been my closest male friend and I’ve relied on him for so much. When we were in high school and on the swim team together, he was my biggest supporter aside from my own parents. And all throughout college he was just a phone call or text away. He even helped me buy my first car on my own and moved me in and out of my college dorms and first apartment.
It’s hard to reconcile the Deacon as my best friend to Deacon as my lover. The love I have for him runs so deep that I can’t even recall a time when I didn’t love him. But do I love him the way he loves me?
My love for Deacon is like one of those swirly pictures in an adult coloring book. You can’t decipher where the design begins or ends, but when it’s done, the picture in all its brilliant hues has morphed into a colorful work of art. Something so vibrant that you can’t look away from its beauty.
I was honest with him from the get-go when I accepted his job offer at Powell’s. I continued my job search and sending out resumes to potential employers in Portland, Olympia and even up in Seattle. I’d never planned on staying here long-term. And I certainly won’t remain living in my parents’ home much longer.
In fact, I’ve been sitting on a potential job offer from another start-up tech company in Seattle for the past few days which I haven’t mentioned to Deacon. It’s had me tied up in knots thinking about moving up there and leaving Deacon when we just began exploring this thing.
Turning on my belly, I grab my laptop and open up the email from the recruiter.
It’s not the job I’d really wanted, but it would be enough to get me a fresh start and hopefully a foot in the door. I type out my response but before I hit send, there’s a knock on my door.
“Honey? Are you decent? Can I come in?”
I always laugh at my mom’s approach to entering my room. She happened to walk in one time during my junior year in high school to find me making out with Tony Lueger and ever since has been a bit more cautious to give me notice.
“I’m good,” I reply, turning my head to the side to see her walk in wearing her tattered bathrobe, a coffee cup in hand. “Morning, mom. Thanks.”
She hands me the steaming mug as I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed, taking my first sip of the deliciously hot liquid. This is definitely an up-side to living at home in your twenties. Mom still makes the best coffee and breakfasts.
My mom, still beautiful and lively in her mid-fifties, sits down next to me and pats my bare knee.
“How’s it going, sweetie? Everything okay?”
I let out a half-hearted sigh. “It’s been really good. I love working with Deacon. He’s been great. But I just got a job offer.”
My mom scoots to face me, her face lighting up with happiness. “Oh, that’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
I feel guilty because I haven’t told my mom about the turn of events with me and Deacon. It’s still so new, I didn’t want her to get her hopes up, which she absolutely would do. She’s loved Deacon for as long as she’s known him and thinks he hung the moon and stars. I don’t exactly disagree with her there.
“I’m confused, mom.”
This is so hard to admit, since I don’t even know what’s going on with my feelings. I know I’m at a crossroads and whatever decision I make could be the wrong turn.
She tips her head to the side and gives me that “I’m here for you” look, her mouth flattening in a motherly smile.
“What is it, honey?”
Okay, here goes.
“Deacon and I…well, we kind of, um, have a thing going on.”
Vague much?
My mom’s mouth turns to an inquisitive pout. “A thing?”
I roll my eyes, and the words tumble out of my mouth in a gush of air. “We slept together. And he said he loved me. And now I’m torn because I think I love him, too, but maybe not in the same way and this job offer is in Seattle. Gah. Why is life’s timing always so difficult?”
I peek at my mom through my lashes in a side-eye glance to see if she’s shocked. She isn’t. She sits there with a big smile on her face.
Not helpful.
“You know what they say, timing is everything.”
Shaking my head in frustration, I groan. “What the heck is that supposed to mean?”
She pats my hand sweetly, another motherly gesture to comfort her distraught daughter. “What I mean is look at what lead you back home? In my opinion, everything happens for a reason. The timing between you and Deacon was never right before. Maybe this is the universe’s way of saying that now’s the time for you both. You’ve both grown up so much and your friendship is strong and meaningful. Naturally, love will blossom out of that.”
I stand and walk to my window overlooking the street where I grew up. The small, rambler homes that line the street are a picture of seaside living. Quaint and charming landscaping and white picket fences. It’s hard not to love a place like this with its picturesque neighborhoods. But I don’t know if it’s the place for me to be.
“Why now? This job opportunity is a good one and I think it could work out in the long run for me. But it’s in Seattle. And Deacon is here.” I frown, fiddling with the black and white curtains at my window.
“Have you asked the employer about telecommuting? It’s a thing these days. I know Margie Collins from my book club is a book editor for a San Francisco firm and she works from her home the majority of the time. Perhaps that’s an option.”
Hmm. I hadn’t even thought of asking about that. Since most of my work is done online, anyhow, maybe it could be something they would consider.
Turning to face my mom, I lift my shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess I could ask.”
She nods her head. “There you go. Let’s see about that first and then worry about Deacon and the budding relationship after that.”
My mom is the eternal optimist and always full of great ideas. She smiles and stands, wrapping her arms around me in a reassuring hug, squeezing me tight before letting me go.
While my mom and I haven’t always been the closest, it’s times like these where I’ve really come to appreciate her advice and support.
“Thanks, mom. I really appreciate it.”
I watch her retreat through my bedroom door, pausing at the doorway and turning to look back over her shoulder.
“Anytime, honey bunny. I’ll always be here for you.”
What she doesn’t say, however, is she’ll be here even if I move to Seattle or not.
And that’s a decision yet to be determined.
Chapter 14
Deacon
“Hello, anyone here?”
I grumble silently and let out a curse when I hear Bethany’s syrupy sweet
voice calling from the front of the store. I’m in the back sorting through sales receipts and Cody is out at the beach helping a young family with surf lessons.
“I’ll be right there,” I call back, taking a cleansing breath and rubbing a hand over my bearded jaw impatiently. This is not what I need today.
I was hoping that Bethany had already left town or moved on from me this summer, so I could avoid having to deal with this. Evidently, I’m not so lucky.
Placing a tight smile on my face, I walk up the counter to greet her.
“Hey, Bethany. What can I help you with today?”
She wears a large black sun hat and oversized Gucci sunglasses that cover most of her face. She slowly slides the glasses down her face and bats her fake eyelashes at me, jutting a hip seductively and waving the pair of glasses at me.
“Hello, Deacon. How are you, baby?” She leans across the counter, which I’d hoped would’ve been a deterrent, and places a kiss on my cheek.
I back away and shrug, my tone snippy and impatient. “Doing great, thanks.”
I noticeably refrain from asking her how she’s doing and if she cares, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she seems to be looking around the shop for something.
“I was actually here to see if Cody was available.” She licks her cherry red lips as if just saying his name is a tasty treat.
Interesting.
“He’s out at the beach but should be back up shortly. Do you want to schedule a lesson?”
The idea of Bethany taking a surfing lesson is beyond ridiculous and something she would never do. The only reason she wears a swimsuit is to flaunt her body up and down the beach and to sunbathe.
Bethany taps her chin with a matching red nail, as if considering this ridiculous charade.
“Well, I suppose I could…or maybe I could just go down there and talk to him myself. No need to waste your precious time seeing as you’re so busy.” Her words are saccharine sweet, but I know they are meant as a dig toward me, since I haven’t been getting busy with her.
Just then, Cody strolls in, a towel hanging over his shoulder, his wet hair pushed back from his face, and he comes to a complete stop. The look on his face is priceless.
You know those cartoons where the animated character’s eyes bug out and go, “boing, oing, oing?” Yep, that’s the way Cody stares at Bethany right now.
The dude obviously has it bad for her, which is clear as day in his expression, but it also holds a bit of concern. As if he’s been caught red-handed with his hand in the cookie jar going after something he shouldn’t have.
“Oh, hey Cody. Bethany here is looking to schedule a lesson with you.”
I can’t help but grin as I flick my hand in her direction, fighting back my chuckle, as Cody’s face turns bright red. “She must’ve heard what a good instructor you are.”
I let that innuendo dangle between us like bait on a fishing line. Cody just stares with blinking eyes at Bethany as she saunters toward him, swinging her hips from left to right like a slow-moving pendulum.
She stops in front of him and draws a nail down his naked chest. “I sure could use some practice before I leave for my Hawaii trip this summer.”
Cody swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, and I choke out a cough.
“Yeah. Sure thing. I’m happy to show you some moves.”
That did it. I burst out laughing, doubling over with my hands to my knees. When I stand back up, both are staring at me with wide, expectant eyes.
“What? Come on. You can’t believe I haven’t figured out the two of you are hooking up. It’s so obvious.”
Shaking my head with mirth, I turn back to the office, giving them a wave, and mumbling my words of advice to Cody as I turn the corner. “Good luck with that one.”
I’m still laughing at the situation when my phone pings with a message. Pulling it out of my pocket, I smile seeing that it’s from Ellie. It’s her day off and I haven’t heard from her yet today. She comes up in my contacts list as Ellie Belly. She hates it but I love it.
Reading through it, my smile slowly turns into a frown.
Ellie Belly: Need to talk tonight. Got a job offer.
Fuck. I knew to expect this, but I was hoping it wouldn’t happen so soon.
I want the best for her, but at the same time, don’t want to lose her, either.
But I don’t want to end up returning to the friend zone again.
That ship has sailed.
And there’s no going back.
Chapter 15
Ellie
It’s Tuesday, two days after I shot an email to Destiny, the company recruiter, asking if teleworking was an option they’d consider. Teleworking from Hillside Cliffs, specifically.
When I sent my letter of acceptance, I included that as a request, but not necessarily a requirement. If they say no, it’s not a done deal. I’d still likely take the job and move to Seattle.
Now I sit here quietly ruminating over this decision and the fork in the road life has dealt me and what it will mean for Deacon and me. Being responsible for this choice – knowing that whichever way I choose, it’ll have ripple effects on the rest of my life – scares me to death.
After I texted Deacon, he called and asked me to go out on a date with him to our favorite burger place, Spike and Reba’s, a little joint on Main street. I’m finishing my make-up when I hear the doorbell ring and my mom’s voice sing-songing her greeting from down the hall.
“Deacon! My goodness, it’s so good to see you,” she exclaims, and without even being a witness to it, I’m sure she’s thrown her arms around him in a hug. “Come in and sit down. I’ll go see if Ellie is ready to go.”
Stepping out into the hallway, I nearly run into my mom, who wears a cheeky grin across her face.
“Deacon’s here, honey.”
Flipping the light switch and closing my door behind me, I nod.
She stops me before I turn the corner and places a gentling hand on shoulder. “Whatever you decide, Ellie, he’ll understand and will be happy for you. Deacon’s far too good of a friend not too.”
“I know, mom. He’s a pretty great guy.”
We walk down the hallway and find Deacon in the kitchen talking to my dad, who just walked in from his garage where he spends most of his time when not in front of the TV.
Deacon turns and upon seeing me, smiles a devastating smile that turns my heart to mushy goo.
“Hey, Ellie Belly. You ready to go?”
He reaches for my hand and takes it in his – a warm and friendly gesture, but also one that screams possession. I catch the look on my dad’s face, who so far as been oblivious as to what’s going on in my love life. And my mom just crosses her hand over her heart and sighs.
“See you later. Don’t wait up.”
My dad grumbles his goodbye and my mom wiggles her fingers at us, probably secretly counting the number of grandchildren she’s hopeful we’ll give her.
Don’t hold your breath, mom.
“Bye, Mr. and Mrs. Green. Have a good night. Good to see you both.”
We head out the front door and toward Deacon’s car, my mom calling out her goodbye from the front porch.
“Say hello to your parents for me, Deacon. Have a good time tonight.”
Deacon opens the car door and watches me as I slide in. When I turn to grab the seatbelt, I catch his gaze.
He leans down so his lips are at my ear and whispers, “I want to kiss you so bad right now, but I think if I did, your mom would be on the phone in seconds with my mom planning a wedding date.”
I snort laugh and grab his shoulders, pulling him down and planting a big kiss on his lips. He tastes like spearmint and Chapstick. The stubble of his beard tickles my lips as he laughs through our kiss before tearing away with a smirk and shutting my door.
Resting my head back against the seat, I sink in and allow the afterglow of his kiss to lift my heavy, tingling body. Prickling from the explosive chemical reaction that
comes alive every time we touch.
Has it ever been like this with anyone else before him? Certainly not Tom, my former boyfriend. And no one else that I can recall, either.
I honestly don’t want to give this up. There’s too much at stake, and I can’t see a life in the future without him.
Deacon slides into his seat, starts the car, reversing out of the driveway before reaching across the console for my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. He strokes his thumb over my knuckles. I look down at our joined hands and wonder if this is how it would always be between us. Always this good. This loving.
“Did I mention how beautiful you look tonight?”
Scoffing, I give him a sarcastic eye roll. “I’m wearing a T-shirt and shorts. Not exactly haute couture.”
Bringing my hand to his lips, he kisses the top of it and smiles. “I think you always look beautiful.”
By the time we’ve gotten to the restaurant and have ordered our meals, the entire town is talking. It’s not that they’re surprised to see us together – because obviously we’ve been friends a long time. Their looks of shock are from the level of PDA we’re demonstrating tonight.
Deacon hasn’t stopped touching me, constantly kissing my cheek, my neck, keeping his arm draped around my shoulder.
I think this is his way of holding onto me and keeping himself buoyed in light of what’s coming. And I love him for that.
“Deacon, I got a job offer.”
“I know. I’m excited for you. Tell me about it.”
God, this is so hard.
“It’s in Seattle. A small tart-up company. It’s a really good opportunity.”
I watch his face transform, from his congenial grin to an expression of sadness and sorrow. I hate that I’m the one who put it there.
“Oh. I see.”
He shoves his half-eaten hamburger and plate away from him, the clatter of the silverware startling me, as he removes the napkin from his lap and places it on the table.