by J Marie
becoming a bloodthirsty little fiend.
I hadn’t cared when Benito was killed, and now, I cared even less that Romero
and Alex were barely breathing. But why should I care? They work for a scumbag
piece of shit who sells girls, drugs, and weapons for money. And if I wanted to take
down his empire, that meant everyone he employed, including the people hired to
“protect” me.
By the time it was all over, I’d probably have more blood on my hands than
Darren did. The more guards I could get him to kill, the better my chances could be
at getting his people to turn on him. I couldn’t afford to give a shit about them.
Whether they were nice or total assholes, they all had to die. Every last one of
them.
Three down. A thousand more to go.
–∞–
I t had been two days before I was finally allowed out of our bedroom. It didn’t take
long before I fell into another state of depression, but Darren didn’t care much.
He knew once I was allowed out again, I’d bounce back like usual. That didn’t mean
my mood didn’t irritate him in the meantime. I spent my time either listening to
music and building card houses or playing hacky sack, reading on my tablet, or
sulking on the couch.
If I didn’t finish my plate, Darren would barge in and force me to sit on his lap
again until the remainder was gone. When I didn’t eat fast enough, I tried to argue
that I couldn’t eat when I was upset, but Darren concluded that was my own fault
and not his problem. So when I threw it up some fifteen minutes later after he left,
I tried to keep it as discreet as possible. Eating was painful. With so many knots
churning away inside my stomach, there wasn’t much room for anything else, so I
ate as slowly as I could to keep it down. I knew I needed to keep my strength up, but
I was once again tired of being strong all the time. It was exhausting.
It helped that I rarely had to see Darren until the late hours of the night, usually
when I was trying to fall asleep and failing, and he was just finally coming in for the
night. I never knew what he was doing or if he was even still in the cabin during the
day, but it wasn’t my place to question him. I’d learned that much. Even though he
was still pissed, he didn’t hesitate to drag me over to his side of the bed so he could
fuck me before wrapping himself around me until we fell asleep. With his sour
mood, I felt like I had completely ruined everything. He had put this whole thing
together for me and I fucking ruined it by almost getting myself killed by a pack of
wolves.
I tried my best to be as passive as possible, but I wasn’t exactly forthcoming with
excitement either. I was a bored house cat waiting to be let out of the house so I
could hunt some shit.
On the second day, shortly after my lunch, Camaro had been released suddenly
into the bedroom. I’d asked Darren what had been done with her, but all he said
was that I needed some alone time to get my priorities straight. I’d been laying on
the couch, listening to music when she ran up and started licking my face. I almost
felt a little better then, but it only meant she was trapped here with me. We played
games that I barely enjoyed as I tried to keep her entertained, doing my best to
potty-train her to use the puppy pads until I could take her outside again.
Having a puppy was actually a lot more exhausting than I thought it was going to
be. Camaro kept me busy most of the time with her attention neediness, and when
she did finally hunker down to sleep on my lap or at my legs, I couldn’t help but
follow suit.
Darren was still checking my bite wound, redressing it every day with fresh
gauze and making sure I took my antibiotics. I wasn’t allowed pain meds anymore,
though—another part of my punishment. It seemed to be healing, and the stitches
were holding up fine, but I had a feeling the bite was going to scar, and Darren was
not happy about that.
When the third day came, I was allowed to go to the gym in the basement to
work out. Accompanied by my guards, whose names I didn’t bother to learn this
time, I was escorted to the gym that contained not a single occupant. It was all to
myself. After plugging my headphones in, I practiced some yoga rather than beat
the shit out of a punching bag like I usually would. My arm was still too sore to
handle the pressure of my punches, so I decided to work my legs and core instead. I
still felt lethargic with depression, but I hoped stretching my limbs would help. It
didn’t.
On the fourth day, I was finally allowed to wander the house and again and spent
some time in the sunroom with Camaro. I tried to teach her some tricks with the
limited amount of treats I had, and eventually, she was able to sit on command.
Getting her to roll over was another story.
It was annoying that I only had so much daylight before the sun went down and
shadowed the mountains in the night. At least the sky was something to behold
with the millions of stars out on display every night.
Even though Christmas was officially over, I still had Christmas music playing in
the background. But something really funny happened to Camaro when “O Holy
Night” by Jackie Evancho came on. Camaro started to sing. She immediately
stopped chewing on the rope toy in her mouth, and her ears and nose perked up.
And then a little howl, mimicking the song, escaped. It was the cutest fucking thing
I’d ever seen. She howled for a good minute, and I quickly grabbed my tablet to try
to record it, but that function had been locked somehow.
On the fifth day, I was permitted to take Camaro outside, but only for a half hour
and only after all of my lunch was gone. She played in the snow and explored the
grounds before we were ultimately shunned back inside. I was actually kind of okay
with it. My eyes couldn’t stop scanning the trees for more wolves, terrified I’d find
those dark yellow eyes staring back at me. It made it really hard to enjoy the fresh
air, but at least, Camaro was enjoying herself.
After growing tired of my hacky sack and card building, I focused on some
advanced yoga, balancing on my one good hand while my legs hovered in the air
above me. For some reason, this enticed Camaro to want to play, so I tried to
incorporate her into the workout. I tried balancing her on my folded legs as I lifted
myself up with both hands, and she managed to stay still on my back while I
planked on the floor. When I turned over, she was smart enough to follow the route
of my body, so she was sitting on my rib cage while I bridged with her on top of me.
She was a good thirty-five pounds, so she made quite a difference in my workout.
My arm ached the entire time, but for some reason, I welcomed the pain this time. I
wanted to push through the pain just so I could prove to myself that I could handle
it.
After dinner, I retreated to the couch, staring at the fire and alternating between
playing games on my tablet and reading up on the pack traits of wolves from a book
I downloaded. Camaro was asleep at my feet, curled up and keeping my toes warm
while she snoozed. It wasn’t much later that I found myself unable to
hold my eyes
open.
–∞–
I woke to the feeling of soft kisses trailing down on the side of my face. I groaned at
the touch, wanting to curl away into myself to avoid waking up, but it seemed
someone else had a different plan.
“This is the fourth night in a row I’ve come home to find you sleeping on the
couch. Why aren’t you sleeping in our bed?”
Darren’s voice was soft, yet the tone was still stern as ever. I kept my eyes
closed, too tired to open them, but made an attempt to answer him. He knew I was
awake enough.
“Because I’m mad at you,” I mumbled. I heard a ghost of a laugh escape him.
“When aren’t you mad at me?”
“I’m usually less mad when I’m not confined to one single room for three days.”
“Is someone not enjoying their punishment?”
“I was almost eaten by a pack of wolves and have the scars to prove it. Isn’t that
experience punishment enough?”
“Not even close,” he said darkly.
I released a sigh through my nose as I curled into myself more.
“I’m sorry I ruined everything. Again.”
Darren exhaled heavily before picking me up in his arms and carrying me over to
the bed. I didn’t fight him. I just wanted to go back to sleep.
He tucked me in under the sheets, took off his own clothes, and slipped in
behind me, pulling me close and resting my head on his shoulder. He was so warm
and solid; I couldn’t stop myself from curling into his side. His lips brushed against
my forehead as I settled, his big hand rubbing along my bare arm and lulling me
back to sleep.
“No more sleeping on the couch,” I heard him say.
“Mmmhmm,” I mumbled before slipping back into unconsciousness.
42
FORGIVENESS
I n the morning, I woke up alone and went through my usual morning routine of
breakfast and bullshit. I got to take Camaro out again for her walk while it lightly
snowed outside. Doing my best to forget my fear of wild animals, I looked around to
appreciate the view of the mountains surrounding us. It was beyond beautiful, and I
wondered what everything looked like in the spring or summer, or even the fall. I
wondered how often we could come back here, but what use was that if I was
confined to one room all the time and didn’t even get to explore the town. I doubted
Darren would take me out now. I was such a fuck-up.
After lunch, I put my hair up in a clip and gave Camaro her first bath since she
had decided to dig through the snow and got herself covered in muddy snow.
Worse. Idea. Ever. I had never given a dog a bath, and I had no clue that it would
involve me basically taking a bath with her. I was glad I was at least smart enough
to cover my arm with plastic wrap to keep the soapy puppy water from touching it.
At first, she was afraid of the water, but once she got used to it, she wouldn’t stop
splashing around and playing in it. She wouldn’t sit still while I scrubbed her fur
clean with the puppy soap, and she made the biggest fucking mess every time she
shook the water from her fur.
Once I felt she was clean enough, I turned off the mobile showerhead, and
Camaro shook more water from her fur. I tried to block it with a towel, but she still
managed to get more of it on the tiled walls behind the tub. Picking her up with the
towel, I knelt on the floor and rubbed the towel up and down her little body while
she fussed and whined. I let her go for a moment so I could plug in my hair dryer to
finish the drying process, but by the time I turned back around, she was already
chewing on the door to the walk-in shower.
“Goddammit, Camaro, stop that!” I yelled at her, bending down to pick her up.
That was when I felt a swift hard smack on my ass. Jolting upward and turning
with the fist of my good arm ready to connect in the air, it was met with the tight
grip of a very large, warm hand. My heart beating out of my chest from surprise and
my ass pulsing with heat, I turned to find Darren standing behind me, holding my
wrist in place with a very stern look on his face. I felt myself blanch. I hadn’t even
heard him come in.
“What are my rules, Jaden?” he asked calmly, but his face was anything but.
I bit my tongue so hard then.
“No cussing,” I answered on a quiet breath.
Darren took a few steps toward me, his tight grip still on my wrist, and I couldn’t
stop myself from retreating from his advance.
“Just because I’m not around does not mean this rule doesn’t apply.”
I felt myself begin to shake inside, fear coursing up my spine as I tried to find my
voice to plead for his forgiveness.
“I know. I’m sorry. It slipped,” I said cautiously.
He took another step closer, his dark blue eyes glowering down at me and
making me feel small. I could feel my core contract with need as heat and fear filled
it up.
“And what do you think I need to do to ensure you no longer ‘slip’?” he asked
darkly.
I gulped. I did not want to recommend a punishment for myself. That was way
too fucking embarrassing.
“I … I don’t know.”
He sighed, and it almost sounded like disappointment.
“If you can’t seem to control that smart mouth of yours, maybe I should elect
not to take you into the city today.”
I looked up at him both confused and surprised.
“You were going to take me into the city today?”
Darren’s expression softened, looking as though he really did want to take me
somewhere.
“That depends,” he said. “Do you think you deserve it?”
I sighed in defeat. If that was the question, then the answer was probably no.
I was quiet for a moment before I finally answered him in a small voice.
“Have I not suffered enough for you?” I whispered, my eyes not even brave
enough to look him in the face.
Darren stepped in so close; my nose almost touched his chest. I could feel his
body heat soaking into me, warming me all over while his scent put my senses into
hyper drive. The tip of Darren’s finger slipped under my chin and lifted my gaze to
him. He spoke softly.
“It has never been about how much you suffer for me, princess. It’s always been
about how much you please me. You seem to have forgotten that.”
My gaze fell away from him for a moment as I recalled his words. I was supposed
to please him … like the good little slave I was.
“You’re right,” I admitted quietly. “I have forgotten. I’m sorry.”
Second apology, Jaden. Knock that shit off.
Darren released a satisfied breath. “Well, I’m glad that’s settled because it
would please me very much to take you into town so you can see Anchorage for
yourself.”
My eyes instantly found his in shock. “Really?”
Darren’s hands lifted to my face and held me still.
“Really. And it would please me even more to see this beautiful face of yours
smile for once.”
I wanted to cry suddenly. Why the fuck did I want to cry?
“Okay,” I said with a nod.
“Can you be ready in thirty minutes?”
I turned my head to look at m
yself in the mirror and nearly cringed. I looked like
a wreck.
“I think I can manage that,” I said, my eyes assessing the stringy wet ends of my
hair that were clinging to my jaw and neck.
“Good,” Darren said with a smile and kissed my forehead. “I’ll see you shortly.”
He then left me alone with a still damp puppy and a slightly damp pussy.
Damn him.
After taking ten minutes to get Camaro’s ass dry with the hair dryer, I unclipped
my stringy damp hair and braided it into a loose braid down one side of my neck.
After applying some light makeup, I rushed into the closet, ignoring Camaro as she
playfully nipped at my ankles. Changing out of my wet black leggings, I switched
for another similar pair and a long dark burgundy sweater dress and black knee-
high boots. Grabbing my black wool pea coat, leather gloves, and begrudgingly, the
stupid purple poofy hat, I laid everything on the bed and placed Camaro in her
crate. She whined and barked while I slipped into my coat, but she would have to
endure in her cage just like I would. A few short minutes later, another knock came
on the door, and one of the guards who stood outside the door addressed me.
“Are you ready, Miss Jaden?” he asked, his voice hopeful. I could tell he didn’t
want to tell Darren I would be holding him up.
“Yes, I’m ready,” I replied, yet I didn’t feel ready. I felt nervous, excited, and
apprehensive.
Following him out the door, the second guard trailed behind me, and I felt my
heart flutter as we made our way down the stairs. I hadn’t been out in public in
nearly six months, and I’d have to pretend that everything was okay. I’d have to
ignore opportunities for escape and do my absolute best to keep to myself. Fuck,
this was going to be hard.
When we got down to the foyer, I found Darren deep in conversation with Scott.
Upon my arrival, their conversation abruptly ended as Darren looked me over. He
nodded slightly to Scott and my guards, and they all filed out through the front
doors. The moment they were gone, Darren’s eyes practically swallowed me whole.
He seemed angry, brooding in a way that had me wanting to take a step back.
He walked toward me slowly with purposeful intimidation. With his long black
pea coat, black turtleneck, and black leather gloves, he looked like a damn hitman