by Jean M. Auel
“There are also fa’lodges of older men, usually those who have no mates for one reason or another, men who prefer other men, or men who are between mates, or who wished they were and want to get away from their Caves or families. Laramar spends more time at a fa’lodge during Summer Meetings than he does at his own lodge. It’s where he trades for his barma, though I don’t know what he does with his trades. He certainly doesn’t bring anything home to his family. Men who are to be mated spend a day or more at a fa’lodge with the zelandonia before the Matrimonial. Jondalar will be going soon, I think.”
When the four women first went in the zelandonia lodge, with only the light from a fire in the central hearth and a few lamps, it felt dark inside. But when her eyes adjusted, Marthona looked around and then led the others toward two women who were sitting on a mat on the floor near the wall on the right side of the open central area. The women smiled when they saw them coming and moved over to make room.
“I think it’s about to start,” Marthona said as they were sitting down on the mat. “We can do formal introductions later.” She spoke to the ones who came with her. “This is Proleva’s mother, Velima, and her sister, Levela. They are from Summer Camp, the West Holding of the Twenty-ninth Cave.” Then to them, “This is Dalanar’s mate, Jerika, and her daughter, Joplaya. The Lanzadonii just arrived this morning. And this is Ayla of the Ninth Cave, formerly Ayla of the Mamutoi, the woman Jondalar plans to mate.”
The women smiled at each other, but before they could exchange many words, they noticed a hush settling over the assembly. The One Who Was First Among Those Who Served The Great Earth Mother and several other Zelandonia were standing in front of the group. Conversations stopped as the women became aware of them. When it was totally silent, the donier began.
“I am going to be speaking of very serious matters, and I want you to listen carefully. Women, you are the Blessed of Doni, the ones She created with the ability and privilege of bringing forth new life. To those of you who will soon be mated, there are some important things you must know.” She ceased speaking and made a point of looking at everyone there. When she saw the women with Marthona, she stayed for a moment. There were two here she hadn’t expected. Marthona and Zelandoni nodded to each other, then the One Who Was First continued.
“At this gather, we will be talking about womanly things, how you should treat the men who will be your mates and what you can expect from them, and about having children. We will also be talking about how not to have children and what to do if one starts that you are not ready for,” the large donier said.
“Some of you may already be Blessed with the first stirrings of life. Yours is a special honor, but the honor carries with it a great responsibility as well. Some of what I will be telling you, you have heard before, especially at your Rites of First Pleasures. Listen carefully even if you think you already know what I am going to say.
“First, no girl should mate until she has become a woman, until she has started her bleeding and has had her First Rites. Notice the phase of the moon on the day your blood first starts. For most women, the next time the moon is at the same phase, your blood will flow again, but it may not always stay the same. If several women live in the same dwelling for some time, often their moon times will change until their blood courses together.”
Some of the younger women looked around at their friends and relatives, especially those who didn’t know of this phenomenon. Ayla had not been told of it, and she tried to recall if she had ever noticed it.
“The first indication that you have been Blessed by the Mother, that She has chosen a spirit to blend with yours to start a new life, will be when your blood does not flow at your phase of the moon. If it doesn’t flow the following moon, you may begin to assume that you have been Blessed, but your moon time should be missed for at least three moons, and you should have other indications before you can be reasonably sure that a new life has begun. Does anyone have any questions about this?”
There were no questions. Except for being told that women who lived together tended to bleed at the same time, it was all repetition.
“I know most of you have been sharing the Mother’s Gift of Pleasure with your Promised, and you should be enjoying it. If you aren’t, talk to your Zelandoni. I know it can be hard to admit such a thing, but there are ways to help, and the zelandonia will always keep your secret, all your secrets. Except for young men just into their full maturity, it is wise to remember that few men can couple with a woman more than once or twice a day, and less as they get older.
“There is something you should be aware of. Sharing Pleasures with your mate is not required, if that is what you choose and your mate does not object, but most men will object. Most men will not stay with a woman who will not share Her Gift with them. Though you are preparing to tie the knot and may not imagine it now, the knot can also be severed, for many reasons. I’m sure you all know someone who severed the knot with a mate.”
There was some shuffling, changing of positions, glancing around. Most everyone did know someone who had been mated to a person they were no longer with.
“It has been said that women can make use of the Mother’s Gift to hold their mates by keeping them happy and content. There are those who claim it was given to Her children for that reason. That may be one reason, though not the only reason, I’m sure. But it is true that your mate will not be as tempted to look with Pleasure upon other women if you satisfy his desires. He will be happy to save those fleeting moments of interest in someone else for ceremonies that honor the Mother, when it is acceptable, and pleasing to Her when Pleasures are shared.
“But remember, though it can be a welcome diversion, anyone can accept, or reject, any offer to share the Mother’s Gift. Sharing Pleasures with someone else is also not required. If you and your mate are happy and joyfully share Her Gift with just each other, the Mother is pleased. It is also riot required to wait for a Mother Ceremony. Nothing about Pleasures is required. It is a Gift from the Mother, and all Her children are free to share it with whomever they like whenever they wish. Neither you nor your mate should be concerned by each other’s passing diversions. Jealousy is far worse. Jealousy can have terrible repercussions. Jealousy can cause violence, and violence can lead to death. If someone gets killed, it can lead to revenge by the loved ones of the person who died, and more revenge in return until there is nothing left but fighting. Anything that threatens the well-being of the children of the Mother who were chosen to know Her is not acceptable.
“The Zelandonii are a strong people because they work together and help each other. The Great Earth Mother has provided everything that we need to live. Whatever is hunted or gathered is given to us by Doni and in turn should be shared by everyone. Because accepting what She offers can be hard work and even dangerous, those who give most gain the greatest respect. That is why the best providers and those who are willing to work for Her children have the highest status. That is why leaders are so respected. They are willing to help their people. If they were not, people would no longer turn to them and someone else would be acknowledged as the leader.” She didn’t add that it was also the reason that the zelandonia had such high status.
Zelandoni was a powerful speaker, and Ayla was listening with rapt attention. She wanted to learn as much as she could about the people of the man she was soon to mate, who were now her people, but when she thought about it, the Clan were not so different. They also shared everything, and no one went hungry, not even that woman she was told about who died in the earthquake. She had come from another clan, never had children, and after her mate died, she had to be taken as a second woman, always considered a burden. But although she had the lowest status of anyone in Brun’s clan, she never went hungry and always had warm enough clothing.
The Clan knew all those things, they didn’t have to express it with words. The people of the Clan were not as full of words as the Others. Mates were shared, too. They understood about relieving a man’s ne
eds. No Clan woman ever refused any man who gave her the signal. She didn’t know anyone who even thought of refusing … except her. But she knew now that what Broud wanted was not Pleasures. She even knew it then, though she couldn’t express it. He didn’t give her the signal because he wanted to share the Gift or to relieve his needs, he did it only because he knew she hated it.
“Remember,” the donier was saying, “it is your mate who must help you and provide for you and your children, especially when you are heavy with child, or have just given birth and are nursing. If you care about him, if you have shared Pleasures with him often and kept him reasonably content, most men are more than happy to provide for their mates and her children. Perhaps some of you can’t imagine why I should make this point so strongly. Ask your mothers. When you are busy and tired with many children, there may come a time when the Gift is not so easy to share. And there are times when it should not be shared, but I’ll talk about that later.
“Doni is always more pleased and smiles with favor on those children who bear some resemblance to your mate. Mates, too, often feel closer to those children. If you want your children to resemble your mate, you must spend time together so it will be his spirit that will be the easiest to be selected. The ways of the spirits are willful. There is no way to tell when one will decide to allow itself to be chosen, or when the Mother will decide it is time to blend them. But if you enjoy each other and are pleased with each other, your mate will want to stay with you, and his spirit will be happy to join with yours. Does everyone understand so far? If you have questions, now is the time to speak of them,” the First said, looking around and waiting.
“But, what if I get sick or something, and can’t feel any Pleasure in the Gift?” a woman asked. Others turned to look to see who had asked.
“Your mate should be understanding of that, and it is always your choice in any case. There are some who are mated and seldom share the Gift with each other. If you are kind and understanding of your mate, he will usually be the same to you. Men are children of the Mother, too. They get sick, and usually it’s their mates who care for them. Most mates will try to care for you when you are sick, too.”
The young woman nodded and smiled rather tentatively.
“What I’m saying is that couples should have consideration and show kindness and respect for each other. The Gift of Pleasure can bring happiness to both of you and help to make your mate feel happy and contented, so the union will last. Any other questions?” The First waited to see if anyone else had any more questions, then continued.
“But mating is more than two people choosing to live together. It involves your kin, your Cave, and the world of the spirits as well. That is why mothers and their mates consider carefully before they allow their children to mate. With whom will you live? Will you or your mate be a worthy addition to the Cave you live with? Your feelings for each other are also important. If you start without caring, the union may not last. If the union does not last, the responsibility for any children usually falls to the mother’s kin and Cave, as it does if both of you should die.”
Ayla was fascinated by the discussion. She almost asked a question about the blending of spirits starting life. She was more than ever convinced that it was the Gift of Pleasures itself that was necessary for life to begin, but she decided not to mention it here.
“Now,” Zelandoni continued, “while most of you will be eagerly looking forward to your first baby, there may come a time when a life has started that should not have started. Until you have received the elandon for your infant from your Zelandoni, it has no spirit of its own, only the combined spirits that started it. At that time, the Great Earth Mother will accept the infant, separate the spirits, and give them back. But it is better to stop the continuation of life before it is ready to be born, best within the first three moons of pregnancy.”
“Why would anyone want to stop a new life that has started?” a young woman asked. “Shouldn’t all babies be welcomed?”
“Most babies are welcomed,” the Zelandoni said, “but there may be reasons why a woman should not have another. Though it doesn’t happen often, she may get pregnant again while she is still nursing, and give birth to another baby when she has one that is still very young. Most mothers cannot adequately care for another baby so soon. The one who is already here and named, particularly if it is healthy, must come first. Too many young ones the as it is, especially in their first year. It is unwise to risk the life of a child who is healthy and growing by forcing her from the breast too soon. After surviving the first year, weaning is the next most difficult time for a child. If a baby must be weaned too soon, less than three years, it can weaken the child, and the person they grow into. It is better to have one healthy child that will grow into a strong adult than two or three weak ones, who may not live long.”
Oh … I didn’t think of that,” the young woman said.
“Or, as another example, perhaps a woman has given birth to several seriously malformed children, who have died. Should she continue carrying full term and have to go through such sorrow each time? Not to mention weakening herself?”
“But what if she really wants a baby like everyone else?” said a young woman with tears in her eyes.
“All women do not have children,” Zelandoni said. “Some choose not to. With others, life never starts. Some can’t seem to carry full term, or have stillborn children or children that are so malformed, they don’t live, or they shouldn’t.”
“But why?” the tearful woman asked.
“No one knows why. Perhaps someone who has something against her has cursed her. Perhaps an evil spirit found a way to harm the unborn baby. It even happens to animals. We’ve all seen malformed horses or deer. Some say that white animals are the result of an evil spirit that was thwarted, that’s why they are lucky. People, too, are sometimes born white with pink eyes. Animals no doubt have stillborns and young that don’t live as well, though I suspect carnivores take care of them so quickly, we don’t see them. That’s just the way it is,” Zelandoni said.
The young woman was in tears, and Ayla wondered why the donier seemed so unemotional in her response.
“Her sister has had difficulties having a baby, and she’s been pregnant two or three times,” Velima said under her breath. “I think she’s afraid the same thing will happen to her.”
“It’s wise of Zelandoni not to build up false hopes. Sometimes it runs in families,” Marthona murmured in return. “And if she has a child, she’ll be all the happier for it.”
Ayla watched the young woman and was so moved, she couldn’t resist speaking out. “On our way here …,” she began. Everyone turned to look in surprise at the newcomer who spoke out, and many noticed her speech difference. “Jondalar and I stopped at a Losadunai Cave. There was a woman there who had never been able to have children. A woman from a nearby Cave had died, leaving her mate with three young children. The woman who couldn’t have any went to live with them to see if they could work out a compatible arrangement. If they could, she was going to adopt the children, and take the man for a mate.”
There was silence for a time, then an undercurrent of conversation. “That’s a very good example, Ayla,” Zelandoni said. “It’s true. Women can adopt children. Did this childless woman have a mate of her own?”
“No, I don’t think so,” Ayla replied.
“Even if she had, she could have brought him with her, if the men were willing to accept each other as co-mates. An extra man to help provide for those children could be helpful. Ayla has made a good point. Women who are not able to give birth to their own children don’t always have to remain childless,” Zelandoni said, then she went on.
“There are other reasons a woman may choose to end a pregnancy. A mother may have too many children, making it difficult for her to care for them all, and for her, her mate, and her Cave to provide for them. Often women who are in that situation don’t really want more, and wish the Mother wouldn’t be quite so gen
erous with them.”
“I know a woman who kept having children,” another young woman said. After Ayla spoke out, others weren’t so hesitant about it. “She gave two to her sister, and one to a cousin to adopt.”
“I know the one you mean. She seems to be a particularly strong and healthy woman who likes being pregnant and has little trouble giving birth. She is very fortunate. And she has done a great service for her sister, who was unable to have children, I believe because of an accident, and for her cousin who wanted another without carrying it herself,” the large woman said, then turned the talk back to the subject.
“But not all women are as capable, or that lucky. Some women have such a difficult childbirth with one or more, another child may kill them and leave their living children without a mother. Everyone is different. Fortunately, most women are able to have children, but even they may not want, or should not bring every pregnancy to term.
“There are several things that can be done to stop a pregnancy. Some can be dangerous. A strong tea made from an entire tansy plant, root and all, can bring on bleeding, but it can be fatal. A shaved slippery elm stick inserted deeply into the opening from which the child is born can be very effective, but it is always best to talk to your donier, who will know how strong a tea to make or how to insert the stick. There are other measures. Your mothers or your Zelandonia will discuss them with you in greater detail if and when you want to know more.
“The same is true of childbirth. There are many medicines that can speed delivery, stop hemorrhaging, and ease the pain. There is almost always some pain with childbirth,” the First said. “The Great Mother Herself struggled in pain, but most women have little trouble and the pain is soon forgotten. Everyone must bear some pain in her life. It is a part of living, there is no escape from it. It is best to accept it.”
Ayla was interested in the medicines Zelandoni talked about, although the ones she mentioned were relatively simple and well-known. Almost every woman she talked with about it had learned some way to end a pregnancy, though some seemed more dangerous to her than others. Men often didn’t like the idea, and Iza and the other medicine women of the Clan had kept it secret from the men, or they would have forbidden it.