Absolute Shopping Addict- Volume 1

by Way Woo

But that did not deter Jake’s enthusiasm one whit – after all, Jake knew how important the quality of a plain t-shirt was in a shopping mall – and he knew a lot about that from taking one experienced look.

  Part of Jake’s approach to shopping is that you can understand the clothing quality of the shopping mall by looking at the quality of plain t-shirts. It’s like how you judge the quality of a house by looking at the quality of the bathroom.

  “If you think about it that way, this Hero Shop’s doing pretty good this early on,” he whispered to himself as he browsed the shop’s catalog.

  [Tome of Strength (Increases Strength by 1): 300 points]

  [Tome of Agility (Increases Agility by 1): 300 points]

  [Tome of Intelligence (Increases Intelligence by 1): 300 points]

  “Excellent,” Jake muttered, rubbing his hands in anticipation of what future items may go on sale. “So far, so good.”

  Internet stores that tended to ignore these basics were, in Jake’s mind, deal breakers. There were plenty of things that drove Jake away from other online stores – not just this. A litany of things he tended to avoid were not keeping it simple, clunking up the shop’s layout, being obnoxious with ads and scams…

  If you asked him to simplify what he looked for in an online store, he’d give you a two-word answer: customer service.

  [If you would like a refund because of a simple change of mind, please do not take the tag off, please contact us within a week, and we will send you return labels, to make the refund process seamless.]

  [We would love to hear from you! Our voice support is available 7 days a week and 365 days a year. We can be reached from 9:00 am to 7:00 pm.]

  “Well now,” Jake said, pleasantly surprised after browsing through the return policy and contact information. “This Hero Shop is a chip off the old block. If this is how it’s going to shape up to be, then whoever’s running this Shop knows the business.”

  He continued to read.

  [Every 3 days, new products are added. The official Hero Shop portal and site are currently in Soft Opening.]

  “How interesting… and convenient! Just like the shop I buy from back home; they add in new stuff every 3 days. Great!” Jake said, thinking about how this store was his home away from home. “Just being able to see these things… I don’t know. By all rights I should be freaking out right now, but the Hero Shop…”

  It only took him a moment to realize the situation he was in.

  Jake Smithson sure as heck ain’t no mere window shopper!

  He was also sure as heck won’t let that special event going on pass him by!

  It was just how he carried himself through life: wholesale. Even bundles of cookies at grocery stores were a deal that he could just not resist.

  And now that he saw that there was a bargain staring him in the face, with a time limit, no less?

  Although he wanted to bask in the sense of security provided by the Hero Shop, a deeper sense of urgency within got him to snap out of it. As someone whose love of shopping bordered on pathological, he needed that package bought, and he needed it in his hands an hour ago.

  But in order to do so… he needed to buy it, and he needed know what to use to buy it.

  How do I get points? Jake asked himself as he began to look through the Store’s ‘Frequently Asked Questions’ section.

  Q: How do I get points?

  A: If you are classed as a Bargain Hunter, you can earn points simply by hunting monsters. The stronger the monster, the more points you can earn.

  So, I earn points by hunting down monsters, huh? Well, Jake thought, this changes everything.

  Unfortunately for Jake, he wasn’t that good a gamer.

  Okay, he thought, hunting monsters is a thing you do in video games, the kind of games I wasn’t even any good at.

  Even after finishing school and starting work?

  Never thought I’d actually be here and present and actually hunting monsters.

  Aside from that one time where I tried a VR game and failed miserably.

  I might get hurt.

  Heck, I may even die!

  But… I take a look at the corner of my eye to where I have the Hero Shop as a shortcut… and the cold lump in the pit of my stomach is gradually fades away into a smoldering flame… the same kind of need I feel whenever shopping online.

  The Hero Shop beckons to me, and I make my decision.

  “Show me the money!”

  ***

  “Show me the money! Where’s the nearest monster I can hunt?” Jake yelled.

  It was at that point where the universe decided to pull down its pants and take a dump on Jake – plus everyone and everything in the town of Brino.

  [Citizens of Brino. Be alert. A scouting party of goblins has been spotted in the outskirts of this town and is expected to arrive here within ten to fifteen minutes. Do not let any of these goblins escape. Should a certain amount of scouts escape, the main goblin army will attack the town. At your level, you are not ready for handling the goblin army. Head out the main gate of Brino and intercept this goblin scouting party.]

  As soon as the announcement finished, everyone in the village milled about in confusion and panic.

  “Goblins…?”

  “We’re fighting?”

  "Are we really supposed to fight monsters?"

  "I've never fought! I wasn’t drafted! I don’t even lift!”

  And in the midst of the commotion, Jake Smithson was the calm in the storm, thoughts of gaining currency from slaying monsters and that sweet, sweet deal to be purchased as a personal reward was filling his mind.

  Time to earn my keep, I guess.

  Sure, the fear is still there.

  It’s not like this world is any different from the world I came from – if you don’t work, you don’t eat.

  But the fear has long since been replaced by the need to make money.

  Also, if you don’t eat, you don’t shop, Jake belatedly thought, silently thanking his obsession with shopping that helped him think straight in the middle of all this madness… and yes, it was the Hero Shop.

  Though I’ll be damned if I don’t pull my weight and start turning these goblins into greenbacks, he continued. I don’t know, and I don’t care.

  The things in my mind right now? Killing goblins, making money, shopping.

  Simple as that.

  Jake Smithson’s mind was made up.

  ***

  For all of Jake’s army training and obsession with shopping, it was his villainous laughter that got the crowds in Brino’s main street that got them to stop panicking.

  He took careful, measured strides from the town square to the main gate, all the while stretching his limbs and remembering his time in the army learning how to fight.

  Unlike the others, Jake had long since ceased laughing, and he walked with a purpose towards the outskirts.

  There were monsters to kill.

  Money to make.

  That was all.

  And heaven help whoever got in his way.

  ***

  I saw him, walking to the front gate, flexing his arms, doing squats, and stretching.

  He looked like the only one who wanted to go out and do something about the goblins.

  But that face of his…

  …He looks like a man possessed.

  I also saw a small window was always open when I used the status window to look at him.

  No, I take it back. He is not possessed.

  He is obsessed.

  ***

  “Where does he think he’s going?”

  “You going out there? After the monsters we heard were coming?"

  There were a lot of other adventurers who were brought here at the same time this bizarre man was. While some took their time to assess the situation, others were too busy thinking about their reputation, and saw the young man as a cringe-worthy embarrassment.

  If there were still a few minutes before the goblins came and experienced p
layers knew to prepare, this man was different. He wanted to slay those monsters – and slay those monsters as soon as humanly possible.

  Most of them already checked their status window, but had now gone over the initial shock of ending up in a different world and already had a sense of what this place was all about.

  And at the same time, though, they also knew that from this moment on, they would be living a much different life from the world they left behind.

  Not long after they were transported to a world taken straight from the standard role-playing game design page, the adventurers of Brino began to realize that they had to get their act together and fight monsters like characters in the role-playing games they used to enjoy as kids or teenagers.

  Unfortunately, someone had already beaten them to the punch.

  ***

  You have to move.

  NOW.

  Back when Jake still went to malls, conventions and department stores, he saw firsthand how territorial and competitive people get when stimulated.

  Jake, however, underneath that burning desire for money to shop with, still felt that cold gust of air called fear blowing on the back of his neck.

  I’m afraid.

  I’m afraid because I have to fight a bunch of monsters I’ve never even seen before.

  Heck, the average person doesn’t even get into a fight upon reaching adulthood.

  You’d have to be several hammers short of a toolbox to actually want to fight –monsters, not even people.

  I’d say I’m not afraid – but that would be a lie.

  Funnily enough, I remember the last time I went out shopping in real life.

  Sale on collectible figures. I thought I had it well in hand.

  But it seemed the horde of old women who also collected those figures had a different idea.

  It was an auctioneer that pulled me out of that mass of humanity, and as we were leaving, he left me with a few words of wisdom.

  “Don’t try to be fearless. That way lies madness, believe me. We feel fear for a reason. It keeps us sharp. It keeps us honest. Show me a person with no fear and I’ll show you an idiot who’s going to bite the dust within ten minutes in an armed battle… or an end-of-season sale.”

  And although I’ve forgotten him already, I still remember the words he told me like it was yesterday: it’s what keeps my edge sharp.

  ***

  “What is that guy stretching for?”

  “Is he really going outside?

  “Are we even ready for this?”

  “Look at him! He looks like a total shut-in!”

  Time was being wasted while people were being gripped with indecision.

  You guys are not going to get in the way of me and my shopping, Jake thought. We’re all in this together.

  It was at this moment that someone stood tall in the town square and raised his voice, gaining the attention of the group of adventurers.

  “We’re going to go out there. We’re going to find those goblins and kill them all.”

  A female adventurer gasped.

  “Haven’t you people understood? Don’t you remember? This town is one of the last lines of defense. And we will hold it. We will work together, we will get stronger together, and we’re going to make those goblins pay for even thinking about taking one step in this damned town!”

  “Are you with me?!”

  A few cheers.

  “ARE YOU WITH ME?!”

  More cheers.

  “Then let’s move out and kick some goblin ass!”

  After even more cheers, out from the gates of Brino walked the first group of adventurers, headed by someone whose only goal is to make enough money to buy whatever’s on sale.

  ***

  The inspirational speech helped the group in a way he didn’t expect – though the goblins were still a few minutes off, the rest of the adventurers heading out with him were already doing their own preparations.

  “We’re going to fight these guys together. We stick together, everyone of us gets to go home.”

  “This is OUR home, now.”

  Their morale raised, some of the adventurers took it upon themselves to lead, picking out groups of adventurers to work with and share information.

  “What do you have?” one of the group leaders, a man in plate armor, asked.

  A stout young man replied, “I was classed as a Wizard because I just turned 30 and I haven’t had...”

  The leader nodded, putting a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

  “I know what you mean. So what spell do you know?”

  “Fireball,” the wizard answered.

  Elsewhere, many similar conversations were taking place.

  “I’m a warrior who has the class skill of making parts of my body hard!”

  “That’s what she said,” the leader said, to many laughs from the group, causing the warrior to shrink a bit into himself.

  “We need that,” the leader added, switching from jovial to serious in a moment. “We’re going to need you to be at the front line, taking the charge. Can you do that?”

  “Sure thing, sir!”

  “How about you?” another leader asked, this one in a robe and wizard hat.

  " I have an ability called ‘Moonlight Slash’, " a lanky young man – looking like he just got out of his teens – replied. “Haven’t tested it yet, though.”

  “Give it a run now,” the leader answered. “Better now than later when your sword is in battle.”

  The sword-wielding teen just nodded.

  As all this was going on leading up to the approach of the goblin scouting party, Jake was oddly enough in the forefront, quite a distance away from the ongoing conversation.

  By then, he was already close to the main gate of the village, and all that was in his mind was the package he’d get… and, to his shame, the fact that he did not want to talk about his ability to others.

  Swords, shields, magic. Useful abilities, all of them. But I don’t feel like telling them what my skills are. Let them speculate.

  It’s not jealousy.

  Though I think my skill is the best among everyone here, it’s kind of embarrassing to talk about it right now.

  Maybe later, once we drive off the goblins.

  To Jake, self-satisfaction and embarrassment are two different things. He already knew how to keep himself from panicking back then, and that was by focusing on the task at hand and what he was planning.

  Okay, Jake, okay, Jake told himself. Worry about everything else first. Just take out the goblins, make the money, and buy the package. It’s savings like you wouldn’t believe. You’d have to be an idiot not to go for this.

  When your entire purpose of being is to find the best bargains and buy them, you tend to ignore things like necessity and focus strictly on how much you’ll save and how much value you’ll get.

  It was a typical shopping addict’s pattern, and it fit Jake Smithson to a ‘t’.

  By the time he had finished psyching himself up, the gates to Brino were flung open, and he was the first one outside, facing off against his first enemies in this new adventure.

  “Show me the money,” he said, repeating the phrase to himself like a mantra.

  ***

  And looming before him was an unrealistic scene that none of the gathered adventurers had ever experienced in visceral reality.

  The fey mood was broken the moment the first goblin in front roared.

  Ka-ah!

  The goblin scouting party was approaching the village, carrying with them their throwing spears and screeching their language.

  To most of the adventurers, the sound chilled them to their bones – but to the already battle-lusted Jake, the goblins’ screeching was nothing more than an annoyance that reminded him of his boss when he was still working in the office.

  “Goblins that sound like my former boss?” Jake asked before smacking his fist against his open palm and cracking his knuckles.

  As he heard the cont
inuous screeching and posturing, Jake felt the last of his fear melt away, being replaced with a sense of duty as the battle was about to be joined.

  The thought of his boss brought Jake back to the fundamental truth that you need to work if you want to eat.

  Well, necessities aside, Jake never hid the fact that he went to work just to earn money for shopping; nobody asked.

  And while time seemed to slow down as the first wave of goblin scouts stepped up, tensing their arms to throw their spears, what little hesitation Jake had vanished.

  This isn’t adventure.

  It’s work.

  Time to take care of business and earn my keep.

  He cracked his knuckles and moved in.

  The world kicked back into high gear as soon as the foot he was holding back swung forward, catching one of the goblins in the front line on the jaw with a most satisfying crack echoing throughout the outskirts of Brino.

  And then pandemonium ensued.

  Episode 3

  ***

  Several minutes before Jake Smithson kicked off the festivities by introducing a goblin to the tip of his boot, the hundred or so people summoned in the 11th Tutorial Area – also known as Brino – were in a bit of a pickle.

  The good news is that the goblins weren’t particularly large.

  The bad news was that they were outnumbered by the goblin scouting party, 5 to 1.

  Worse, even a mere scouting party was well-armed with throwing spears.

  As the adventurers were getting ready for this defense, questions were being asked by those who either needed more information or more affirmation to join the fight.

  "This is just a scouting party. Five hundred or more to a scouting party?”

  “I don’t know about you, but 500 seems to be way above our pay grade.”

  "But they are very small – about the size of elementary school students. "

  "You think we could defeat them all... ? "

  The questions being asked as the minutes passed by before the attack revealed something about these new adventurers: For some reason or another, the urge to fight and to kill was almost second nature to them.

  It was perhaps a way of preventing adventurers from picking up all they could carry and running away.

  And it was why they didn’t panic that much even if there was a battle against goblins about to take place right at their doorstep within the next few minutes.