by Amy Watkins
I really didn’t have anyone I felt comfortable talking to about my feelings. Ethan was the only one. I always felt better after talking with him about anything. He was not only the man I planned to marry, he was also my best friend. We often took long walks together after work when the weather was nice. On one of those walks, I talked to him again about my feelings.
“Angela, how ‘bout we just stop having sex,” he offered. His tone was sweet and understanding.
“Because I don’t want to.” I groused.
“But it’s making you feel guilty.”
“And you don’t?” I asked, surprised.
“No. I know you’re my wife, but I’ll stop for you.” Ethan winked. “God blessed me with a hand for a reason,”
I smiled back and we agreed to be celibate. The love that we had for each other did not dissolve, it grew stronger.
Chapter 19 – Ethan
Me and Angela’s vow of celibacy didn’t last very long. We both tried, but when Angela wants it she does not take no for an answer. We lasted about six weeks, then one night she cornered me in the bathroom and started kissing me and grinding on me in just the right way.
“Babe, we are supposed to be good,” I said, trying not to give in. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted Angela in every way, but I knew she felt guilty about having sex with me when we weren’t officially married and I didn’t want her to feel bad afterwards.
“I know, but I need you tonight,” Angela said as she caressed my thick, pulsating penis.
And that was it. I couldn’t take it. I tossed her up on the bathroom counter opened her legs and went to town. We enjoyed every minute of it.
After, I was worried that she’d feel bad, but she seemed fine. She smiled, kissed me, said “thank you”, and then walked out the room. I followed her.
“You okay?” I asked.
She nodded.
“You feeling guilty?”
She answered my question with a question, “Are you?”
“No.”
She shrugged. “I do a little, but I’m okay.”
“Damn, now I feel guilty.”
“Don’t. I pushed that on you. I just couldn’t take it anymore. It’s so unfair. God dangles the perfect man for me right in front of my face and tells me to love him, help him, and open my home to him—but I can’t sleep with him?”
I felt the response in my heart, “I don’t condone it. But I know things are hard for you. I knew before I formed you that you would make mistakes. That’s why I sent you a Savior.”
“Angela, we aren’t perfect and God knows this is hard for us. But all we can do is keep trying to do our best.”
“I am so tired of this. Why can’t God just snap His fingers and make everything better? Why can’t He just grant you this divorce so we can get married. Then we don’t have to be horrid anymore.”
“As long as we are alive, we will make mistakes. That doesn’t make us horrid; that makes us human. God knows our heart. He understands our shortcomings. He knew that complicated situations would arise. He knew that we would fall; that’s why He sent Jesus in the first place. He knew, even before the Garden of Eden, that humanity would need a Savior. Someone to atone for our sins.”
“Yeah, but just because we have someone who paid for our sins doesn’t mean we should keep sinning. When we are saved, aren’t our hearts supposed to change? Maybe my heart isn’t right.”
“I think your heart is right where God wants it to be. Your heart isn’t messed up, our situation is. And I believe in my heart that God is going to come through and fix it. We can try the celibacy thing again. And if we fall, we don’t have to stay down. We can get back up and try again.”
Angela smiled and nodded in agreement. And we tried and failed, and then tried again.
Caroline and Naomi continued to press us both about me coming to visit. They got more hostile when Trinity celebrated her first birthday and I still hadn’t come. I really did not have the strength to face them knowing that they were manipulative liars who stole all I had. When they tried to coax me to go to Kentucky, I let them know that I was focused on looking for another job to keep the peace. Paying off my child support debt was the only thing that would keep me out of jail. Of course, they didn’t care. They just tried to convince me to get a job in Kentucky, something that would not be happening.
Then Angela mentioned it. “Ethan, you really need to go to Kentucky and spend time with your daughter.”
I obliged.
In August, I made plans to go to Kentucky. I didn’t tell anyone I was coming. I decided I’d show up unannounced and see if I could discover more of what was going on and why. I figured a surprise visit would be more revealing then an announced one. I didn’t feel excited, only anxious as I drove that long stretch of highway. Then Angela called. Seeing her name pop up on my phone brought me joy and relief.
“Hey baby!” I said filled with joy. We had only been apart for a few hours but I already missed her.
“They at it again,” I could tell she was frustrated, “They called and started harassing me again. I let them know that you were on your way there.”
“Oh, Okay. You okay?”
She let out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just sick and tired of their shit.”
I understood how Angela felt. I was tired of their shit, too. I wanted to see Trinity, but I didn’t want anything to do with Caroline or Naomi. I didn’t plan to stay with them the entire weekend. I wanted to reach out to my aunts, uncles, cousins, and old friends while I was there. I hadn’t talked to anyone since long before I went to jail. My mom had lied about Angela and Deidra. Had she lied about her own family, too? If she lied about them to me, could she have possibly lied about me to them? This all ran through my head as I drove. My anxiety increased as I saw the exit sign for Monkstill, Kentucky where I knew Naomi and Caroline were awaiting my arrival…so I drove over to my cousin Heaven’s house.
I knocked on the door and got no answer. I knocked again, but still no answer. Her car was in the driveway, so I worried that she didn’t want to have anything to do with me. But I decided to be bold and called her cell phone, anyway.
“Hello,” she answered sounding half sleep.
“Heaven, it’s me, Ethan.”
“Hey, cousin. Where you at? When you coming to visit?”
“I’m here now. I’m right outside your front door.”
“Oh, my goodness!”
I heard rumbling in the house as she made her way to answer the door. She was wearing sweats and a head scarf.
“I didn’t hear the door,” she said. “I was sleeping. You know I work the night shift now.”
“Sorry, I didn’t know. I can come back later if you want.”
“What? No, don’t be silly. Come in. Come in. I’ve missed you.” She gave me a long hug, “Where have you been?”
“My mom didn’t tell you? She said she had a meeting with the entire family.”
“Tell me what?” she sounded genuinely confused.
“I was in jail for almost seven months.”
Her jaw dropped. “What! For what?”
“Child support, of all things. My mom said she reached out to you and to the entire family. I needed ten thousand dollars for bail and she told me everyone said they wouldn’t help.”
“No, Aunt Naomi never reached out to me. And as far as I know she hasn’t reached out to anyone. This is a small town, so if she had told anyone you were in jail, we would have all known about it within minutes.”
“Damn,” I shook my head and wondered why my mom would lie. And why wouldn’t my mom try to ask the family for money to help me get out?
“Your mom really hasn’t talked to any of the family since she started hanging out with that Caroline girl. That heifer brings a lot of drama.”
“What you mean?”
“Well, remember Aunt Naomi’s best friend, Lola? The one whose husband shot himself?”
&
nbsp; “Yeah,” I nodded.
“Well, I don’t know what happened exactly, but there was some talk about Caroline having some information on Lola. Next thing I know, Aunt Naomi and Lola ain’t friends anymore. Lola sold her house and is living in a crappy apartment, Caroline is living with Naomi, and Naomi riding around in a brand-new Cadillac. That sound fishy, you ask me.”
“Damn, so you think my mom and Caroline blackmailed Lola for a new car?”
“Yep, but you ain’t hear that from me. You know Caroline is a genius when it comes to all that computer shit. She is a hacker. She hacks into emails and phones. She creates fake numbers and fake texts and shit. Maybe they used Caroline’s tech skills to get some dirt on Lola.”
“Yeah, I think her ass hacked into my computer and phone, too.”
“Oh, you can bet she did. She does stuff like that. That’s why no one want’s anything to do with her. Talk to Quentin, he knows more about it than I do. You know he used to mess with Caroline.”
“No, I didn’t know that.”
“Yep, and from what I hear, Trinity may be Quentin’s child—not yours. Could even be this dude name Orin’s child…” Heaven shook her head and shrugged. “That Caroline gets around.”
“Mmm,” I replied. I really didn’t know what to think or say. This entire situation was a puzzle and I had not been equipped with all the pieces, but Heaven had provided me with a lot of helpful information. At least now I had some idea what I was dealing with.
Heaven offered to let me sleep on her couch while I was there, which I gratefully accepted. I didn’t want to stay with Naomi and Caroline, so if none of my aunts or uncles invited me, I had planned to stay in a hotel. I let Heaven know that I’d be back in a few hours.
Heaven’s insight gave me just what I needed to muster up courage enough to face Naomi and Caroline. When I got to their house, there were no cordial greetings. No hugs or handshakes. No smiles or joy. Just, “Come get your daughter.”
As I held Trinity in my arms, I felt more skeptical. She looked nothing like me. I didn’t feel any connection. Could she have really been Quentin’s child? Or someone else’s?
“I knew you were coming down.” Caroline started. “Angela sent us a text saying she was glad you were gone so she can get back to her real man.”
I knew Caroline was lying and just trying to get under my skin. Why would Angela send them a text? She was supportive of me but she didn’t want anything to do with Naomi or Caroline. Caroline must have really been an idiot if she thought I was going to fall for her same old schemes.
“Oh, ok. I guess she had to get back to the things she likes doing.” I replied sarcastically.
“She did, I got the text right here,” Caroline pulled out her phone and showed me a screen shot of a conversation between her and supposedly Angela.
Angela: Girl, I am so glad Ethan is finally there with you. Now I can get back to my real man. Jonathan’s dick is so much bigger and he last forever. Not like Ethan.
Caroline: Ethan does need to get back to raising his daughter.
I knew the text was fake, but I decided to turn this little charade into a spectacle.
“You sure those are texts from Angela?” I asked.
“Yes. We sure,” Naomi butted in. “You just don’t know what we went through trying to help you. We spent all this money trying to get you out. I think that girl Angela she just kept it all for herself. You shouldn’t trust her. Caroline, show him the money transfer.”
Caroline scrolled around on her phone and then showed me a screen shot of a four-thousand-dollar money transfer that was supposedly sent to Angela. The screen shot looked different than any money transfer app I had ever used, and the fact that she showed me a screen shot and not the actual transaction was suspicious. I didn’t fuss or fight.
“Did you guys send money to Mr. Sealy to help get me out of jail?” I already knew the answer. Mr. Sealy had confirmed that all the money he received was from Angela and none was from Naomi or Caroline.
Both women nodded. “Yes, we sent him some, too.”
“Well, he didn’t represent me in court so why did you send him money?”
Naomi clenched her jaw, but Caroline looked me in the eye and lied, “Well, we sent it to him. Maybe he just kept it for himself,” Naomi couldn’t look me in the eye.
“Do you have a copy of that money transfer, too?” They looked at each other. They weren’t prepared for that one.
“Well, no, but we can get it to you.” Caroline hedged.
“Sure, pull up the bank statement on your phone.” I waited a beat. “Go on.”
Caroline scrolled on her phone for a few minutes, “Oh, no. I can’t pull it up. Must be something wrong with the internet connection. I’ll try again tomorrow.”
“But we did send it,” Naomi insisted. “So Mr. Sealy must have kept the money for himself because we didn’t hear from him or Angela about needing more.”
I didn’t call them on their bullshit. I just listened to all they had to say, knowing that every word dug them a deeper hole and I’d catch them in more lies.
They talked about how they reached out to the family and no one would help. They talked about how they had no money for Trinity’s medical bills because Angela took all the money from my account. They denied that Angela ever sent money to help with Trinity and swore they had to pay for Trinity’s medical equipment all by themselves. They maintained they sent Angela money for my bail. They talked about Naomi’s cancer coming back and how she had to get chemo in the hospital again, so that’s why she couldn’t come visit while I was in jail. They talked about how their phones had been malfunctioning and that’s why they couldn’t accept my calls. They talked about how Angela was still having an affair with Jonathan. They talked about Tracy harassing them and sending them threatening messages. They talked about Deidra calling them frequently and saying she didn’t approve of me and Angela.
And as they talked, I was able to discern all their lies. How was your phone broke yet Angela was calling you to talk about her and Jonathan’s affair? And Tracy was calling to harass you? Why would you trustingly send money to Angela if you knew you couldn’t trust her? If she was cheating on me with Jonathan like they claimed, they wouldn’t have trusted her. If Angela was the one taking my money, why did my bank statements only show transactions made in Kentucky? Why would Caroline ignore Trinity’s medical needs and send money to Angela if Angela wasn’t trustworthy? And Deidra hadn’t talked to them in years, so I knew there was no way she talked to them about Angela.
After a few hours of listening to them, I excused myself to use the bathroom. On my way, I walked past Trinity’s room and noticed there was no medical equipment. While I was in the bathroom, I searched the medicine cabinet. There were no prescription drugs that looked like chemo or any other drugs to fight cancer, just Tylenol, Motrin, and sleeping pills.
Everything that came out of their mouths was lies. I was mad and I needed to cool off, so I went for a walk and called Angela, my breath of fresh air.
“Hey love,” she answered sounding happy to hear from me.
“Hey, I miss you already.”
“Miss you, too. How’s it going?”
“Mmm, it’s going…I spent a little time with Trinity. I let Naomi and Caroline go on and on. You know, the more I listen, the more I realize how full of shit they are.”
Angela laughed, “Oh, I know they’re full of shit. What have they been saying?”
I snorted, rolling my eyes. “I’ll fill you in later. I just wanted to let you know I’m okay and make sure you are, too.”
“I’m fine, and love you, too.”
I returned to the house and told Naomi I was headed out.
“What! Where you going?” Naomi demanded.
“I’m staying with Heaven.”
“Heaven! What you staying with her for? She been spreading all these lies and rumors about you. She told the family that you didn’t wa
nt anything to do with them and that you were involved in Angela’s sex cult. That’s why no one wanted to help you out. Ain’t that right, Caroline?” Naomi adamantly suggested.
Caroline agreed with my mom, but I knew it was bullshit.
“Well, we good now,” I responded.
“No, y’all not good,” Naomi countered, “Do you know how many arguments I got in with Heaven and the rest of the family trying to defend you and trying to raise money for your bail? And no one would help ’cause of Heaven. And you gonna go sleep in her house? You not being smart.”
Caroline chimed in, “And you need to bond with your daughter. You can’t do that at Heaven’s house. She live across town.”
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll stay ‘til Trinity falls asleep.”
I lay on the couch and laid Trinity on my chest. I must have been exhausted because I fell asleep when Trinity did.
Early the next morning, Naomi and Caroline started in again with their lies. And their attacks were worse than the previous day. They talked about everyone and everything. More about Angela, more about Jonathan, more about Heaven, Tracy, and Quentin. They even talked about my little brother, Ricky. And they had fake emails and fake texts to back up their lies. There was also a fake bank statement showing money transferred to Mr. Sealy. It looked like something that Caroline created on a word document the night before. It took everything in me to bite my tongue. I tried to concentrate on Trinity and tune them out, but it was overwhelming.
I had to go for another walk to clear my head. I called Angela first. She listened attentively as I vented about all their lies. I told her about their claim that they sent her four thousand dollars. She confirmed what I already knew—that was a lie. She assured me she’d show me her bank statements to prove she never received money from them. I told her she didn’t have to because I believed her, whole heartedly.