200 Letters

by Amy Watkins

  I was alone and scared. I wasn’t sure who I could reach out to for help. I had Caroline. And I had Lola.

  I had just met Caroline, but she was a good friend and a good roommate. I quickly grew to love her, but she was not my blood. She was not legally connected to me. She was not in any way responsible for me. She could leave at any moment. I couldn’t ask her to take me to and from chemotherapy. To wait on me as I threw up my guts after radiation treatment. To hold my hand while I was dying. I wouldn’t want her to go through that. Especially with all that she had been through in her past.

  Not only had she been through the painful ordeal with Quentin, but she also had a horrible childhood. Her mother was dead, her father was a pedophile, and her stepmother was a backstabbing murderer. Caroline didn’t need me adding stress to her life.

  Lola and I had been friends since the third grade. We had a special bond. She trusted me with her deepest darkest secrets, and I trusted her with my life. She was the first person I called when I got diagnosed. Initially, she was supportive. She drove me to and from doctor’s appointments. She picked up my medications for me, and she even cooked me a few meals when I was too weak.

  But that didn’t last long. I found out that she was not the friend that I thought she was. She didn’t see me as a friend. She saw me as a burden and she had grown tired of being my caretaker. It broke my heart, but Caroline was there to help pick up the pieces. Caroline took over as my caretaker. Not only did she take me to doctor’s appointments and rush to my side in the middle of the night, she became my shoulder to cry on. And she provided the money I needed for food, shelter, transportation, and medicine.

  Caroline was a smart girl. She knew how to make a dollar grow but you can only stretch a dollar so far. We needed help, so we tried to reach out to Ethan.

  Unfortunately, Ethan was married to that heartless bitch, Tracy. She trapped my son into marrying her by purposely getting pregnant. Then she tried to isolate my son from me. I would try to go and visit them, but she would make up some dumb excuse why I couldn’t come. She would talk Ethan out of visiting me as well. She would say, “Ethan, you have two other brothers. Let them take care of your mom.” And because she was his wife, and Ethan has always been so girl-crazy, he chose her over me.

  I had to ask Ethan for money in secret. He was always quick to give me something, but Tracy threw a fit whenever she found out he had given me money without her permission. She was a selfish bitch. She was only out for money. She didn’t love my son and, because of her greed, she took my Ethan away. So, she had to go.

  I made it my mission to break up their marriage. I knew Ethan would come running home with Tracy out of the picture. I talked about it with Caroline, who was glad to help.

  She befriended Tracy and discovered that Tracy was in the middle of concocting some schemes of her own. Tracy was not happy with her marriage and wanted to get rid of Ethan without losing income or benefits. She had been thinking of setting Ethan up to take the fall for some crime so that he would go to jail. She even thought about hiring someone to kill him so she could collect the life insurance money. Ethan was not safe. I needed to act fast before she put her plan in motion.

  Caroline was much younger than me, so she was pretty good with all that computer stuff. She showed me various sites where you could buy fake numbers, so I bought some. I used the fake numbers to send messages to Ethan and Tracy, accusing both of them of having affairs. It worked. Ethan came running back home, and I was there to comfort him and assure him that he was loved and always had a place to stay here. He was thankful, but he still wanted to go back to Virginia. So, we had to step it up a notch. We suggested that Tracy had an affair with Quentin. Surely, Ethan would not forgive her for having an affair with his brother. Ethan would not want to be in the same state as Tracy if he believed that. And it worked; Ethan didn’t want to stay with Tracy and he filed the separation paperwork right away. But Ethan was still not set on staying in Kentucky. We had to come up with a better plan to get him to stay.

  Then I found out that Caroline and Ethan had slept together and that she was pregnant with my grandchild. Initially, I was shocked. They didn’t even like each other. I didn’t like the fact that they committed adultery, but then I realized Ethan would have to stay to raise the child he fathered. My shock quickly turned into joy. Caroline wasn’t too excited about the pregnancy at first, but I made it my mission to encourage her and Ethan that this was a blessing they should be thrilled about, and that abortion or adoption was not an option. I couldn’t have her give this baby up like she did Matthew. And she agreed.

  My plan went better than expected, but I never accounted for Tracy’s wrath.

  When Tracy lied to the cops about my son and then started sending people to Kentucky to find him, I knew Ethan had to run to be safe. I decided it would be best for Ethan to go back to Virginia for just a little while until things cooled off. He assured me that he would be staying with a friend and not getting into any more trouble. But he lied.

  Ethan and Angela were not just friends, they were having an affair and Angela was trying her best to keep Ethan away from me. So, she had to go.

  I knew Angela was not a good woman. She should have let Ethan come home to Kentucky to raise his daughter. That would have been the responsible thing to do, but she was such a disgrace. She would keep a man away from his daughter and his sick mom just so she could sleep with him.

  No matter how much we tried to get rid of her, and believe me we tried everything, Angela would not leave my son. Desperate bitch. We started sending text messages to Ethan, insinuating that Angela was sleeping around. It had worked when we did that to Tracy but it didn’t with Angela, so we had to get more aggressive.

  We hacked Ethan’s cell phone and listened to their conversations. We used any information we got to try to make Angela look horrible to Ethan and make Ethan look horrible to Angela. That didn’t work, either.

  We tried to infer that Ethan’s life was in danger. Caroline even sent some of her friends to follow him, run him off the road, and threaten to kill him if he didn’t leave Virginia, but he still stayed.

  We used Ethan’s phone to send demeaning messages to Angela. That failed. They figured it out too quickly. Then we suggested it was Tracy who did all the hacking.

  We tried to mess up Ethan’s car while he was in Kentucky so he wouldn’t be able to travel back to Angela. That didn’t work because Angela paid for his car repairs. What kind of woman would pay eight hundred dollars to fix a man’s car but only give four hundred for his daughter?

  We tried to play Tracy and Angela against each other, sending each dirty messages and claiming it was from the other. We thought maybe they’d turn on each other. If one killed the other and went to jail…well, we’d be killing two birds with one stone. But that didn’t happen.

  We hacked into Ethan’s computer and webcam, knowing we would eventually find something we could use against them. And we did—we caught them having sex and recorded it. We tried to blackmail them with it, threatening to send the video to Tracy if they didn’t comply with our demands. They didn’t even care about that.

  We insinuated that Deidra would not let Ethan around Cierra if he was with Angela, and then we threatened to withhold Trinity from him unless he left her. If Angela was any kind of a good woman, she would not want to come between a man and his kids, but she’s not good. She is a selfish bitch, and the fact that this man may be losing his kids did not persuade her to get out of the picture.

  She didn’t even quit when we insinuated that Angela’s children and her own life were in danger. Now, what kind of woman would stay with a man when her life or her kids’ lives were at stake? Not a good one. Not one that I would ever call daughter. Not one that I would ever want my son to marry. Why would Ethan ever think of staying with a woman like that?

  I didn’t think it was anything special about Angela that made him stay. My son has always worn his heart on his sleeve. He fa
lls in love quickly and thinks there’s no other fish in the sea.

  Angela was replaceable. He didn’t need to be with Angela, he just didn’t know it. There were plenty of girls in Kentucky that he could have gotten with. He and Caroline could have been a fine couple. I just needed him to get away from Angela so he’d move here and realize he could be happy. He might have been hurt at first, but he would have gotten over it. He could be happy in Kentucky. He didn’t need to be in Virginia, and he didn’t need Angela, either. And Angela didn’t need Ethan, she just wanted him for sex and to help her raise her kids. She could have used her own baby-daddies for that.

  We needed Ethan. We needed his time and his money. My medical bills and Trinity’s medical bills were piling up. Caroline and I weren’t in a great position to work so we had no way to pay all our living expenses. And raising a premature baby was time consuming and tiring. So, we tried to make them both feel guilty for sleeping with each other. We played the Jesus card. We played the you made a promise to your mom card. We played the you are a horrible slut for committing adultery card. We played the you are being watched and videotaped, and Tracy can use this in court card. None of it worked.

  So, I told a few lies; I had good reason. My heart was in the right place. I was just trying to save my son from these treacherous women. Just like Rahab lied to save the spies, I lied to save my son. Besides, we were his real family. Caroline, Trinity, and I needed him, and he needed us too. He just didn’t know it yet. But he would. I’d make sure of it. Caroline and I would not rest until Angela was out of the picture and Ethan was back in Kentucky where he belonged.

  Chapter 21 – Angela

  Unknown: You are nothing but a nutjob. My son doesn’t love you. He’s just using you. Once he’s done playing with you, he’ll get bored, leave you, and come back to Kentucky. You will never be my daughter-in law. You are nothing but a stupid mistress, and any child you have with him will be nothing. I will have nothing to do with them. I will not accept them as a grandchild…

  The text message from Naomi or Caroline, not sure which one, continued. I didn’t bother reading the rest of it nor did I respond. I just showed it to Ethan and said, “They at it again.”

  He shook his head. “I know, I got three this morning. Damn. I’m sorry.”

  I threw up my hands. “I’m getting sick of this shit. It’s been six months since you’ve been out of jail and they still at it.”

  Cyberbullying is no joke. Words can be very hurtful. Many of its victims experience anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts—some even chose to die by suicide. I became plagued by anxiety as a result of the harassment. Every time I got a text message, email, or was tagged in a social media post, my palms got sweaty and my heart beat faster for fear that it was them. And if it was them, I’d toss and turn all night feeling upset and anxious, hurting ’cause of their cruel words. The harassment was really taking its toll on me. I cried and prayed to God for strength, protection, and deliverance, but the cyberbullying continued. When I blocked one number, a new number with a new message appeared a few minutes later.

  Unknown: Your prince charming doesn’t love you…

  A video was sent with that text which I didn’t open, though I wondered what it was. Then another video popped up and I could tell it was a clip from the video they had of me and Ethan.

  Unknown: This will be posted all over social media so everyone will know what a ho you are. Adulterous Bitch…

  I blocked that number, too.

  Naomi and Caroline sent both Ethan and I a series of messages a few times a month. For me, it was always hate-filled. They called me names, sent me vulgar pictures, and threatened to send the sex video to my job or Tracy, or to post it on social media. I never responded. I just blocked each number and saved the messages as evidence if I ever had to face them in court. Every time I blocked a number, they’d obtain a new one and continue to harass me. There were several dozen blocked numbers on my phone that came from them. They also sent emails and Facebook messages. I’d block each sender, and yet more messages from other emails would arrive.

  I changed my cell phone number twice and my email once, but apparently that didn’t matter. I tried to unlist my number and email address, but the internet holds a wealth of public information. Just because I blocked my information from a few search engines didn’t mean it was blocked from all of them. I’m sure they did several internet searches before finding my new number.

  With Ethan, sometimes their messages were harsh, but others faked sweetness as they mentioned Trinity and how quickly she was growing. Ethan’s email was flooded with pictures of Trinity’s sweet smiling and innocent face.

  “Imma have to press charges. This shit gotta stop. I can’t keep changing my number and email.”

  “Do what you have to do, honey, I’ll support you,” Ethan responded.

  Unknown: Bitch you think you can block me. I’m too smart for that…

  Another text message pinged from yet another number and I blocked that one, too, without bothering to really look at it.

  I knew that Ethan didn’t want to press charges against his mother, but he was growing impatient with all the continued verbal abuse and threats. I didn’t want to file charges, either. After having to deal with the police’s poor handling of my other cases, I didn’t have faith that they would handle this responsibly either; but if someone ever killed me, the police would—at the very least—be able to look back on my claims and see that the most likely culprits were Naomi and Caroline. So, I jumped online and started filling out a police report.

  Ethan walked up to me, gave me a hug and a kiss, and then sat in a nearby chair and confessed, “I look back on all that has happened and I feel so stupid. I did some really messed up stuff because of Naomi and Caroline’s lies. I was so wrong. I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you, and I’m sorry that Naomi and Caroline are still trying to hurt you.”

  I had forgiven Ethan wholeheartedly, but I knew he hadn’t forgiven himself.

  “Babe, I already forgave you. Just don’t fuck up in the future,” I responded with a wink.

  “I won’t.” He smiled, “Do you want me to press charges too? If the police see that we are both being harassed, maybe they will be more likely to help.”

  I thought about it before replying, “Nah, it’s okay. I really just want to have it on record in case something happens to me. I’m not trying to get them in too much trouble.”

  “I am really sorry,” he hung his head. “I feel like such a villain bringing you into all this.”

  I put my hand on his shoulder. “You know, in our story there are no heroes, victims, or villains. In our story, everyone is a hero, everyone is a villain, and everyone is a victim.”

  “Well, I know I lied to you. That’s how I’m a villain…”

  “And you’re a villain to Caroline, too.”

  “How?” Ethan looked surprised.

  “You lied to her. Your lies may have been well intended but they led her to believe you’d be there for her, and you weren’t. You impregnated her and now she is raising your child by herself. Now, I know you have very little to give and you are trying your best to do right by all your children, but that’s not how she sees it. She sees it like she is the victim and you are the culprit. Tracy too. All that stuff about Quentin turned out not to be true and there you were accusing her of infidelity and treating her like a whore. And who knows what else Naomi and Caroline told her about you. They could have been the ones who told her you were molesting Devin, and she might have really believed that shit. She’s a victim, too.”

  Ethan listened intently and nodded his head. I took a deep breath and continued, “Knowing what you know now, about how Caroline and Naomi corrupted your marriage with Tracy, do you think you should try to work things out with her?”

  Ethan looked shocked that I would suggest such a thing, but it was on my mind. Why was God allowing this divorce to drag out so long? Was it because he
wanted Tracy and Ethan to reconcile? And if Tracy really was one of Naomi and Caroline’s innocent victims, maybe they should try to reconcile.

  “I mean, if you do, I’d understand. I wouldn’t be mad,” I explained.

  Ethan leapt out of his chair. “Hell no!” He began to pace. “Tracy did horrible things to me. Things that we will never be able to recover from. Granted, Naomi and Caroline were probably behind a lot of shit, but not all of it. Tracy and I were having problems before them two even came along. She had been accusing me of cheating long before she was introduced to Caroline or my mom. And her refusing to work despite my struggle put a lot of strain on our relationship. Her spending all our money and running us into debt was financial abuse. Her constant demeaning words was verbal abuse. I was planning to leave her, anyway. Caroline and Naomi’s schemes just gave me a little push. And then, on top of that, Tracy lied to the cops and to a judge just to get me locked up and then continued lying to keep me locked up. She even tried to get that guy to lie about me to the cops. Naomi and Caroline didn’t make her do that. Tracy did that all on her own. How could I ever trust her again? She continues to compromise my safety. And because of all her shit I haven’t been able to see my son Devin in two years. I don’t think God wants me to be in an unsafe, abusive situation with Tracy any more than he wanted you to be with Terrell.”

  Ethan was right. When a relationship compromises your safety or your children’s safety, it’s best to leave.

  “I agree,” I nodded. “Tracy has been self-serving and abusive throughout your entire relationship. She took all that you had and more. And she also committed adultery. Your old neighbor witnessed that. She’s a culprit, too. It was your neighbor that emailed you about seeing Tracy with that guy in front of your house that night, right? Or was that a fake email Naomi and Caroline wrote, too?”