by Cindy Kirk
“They are.” Seth kept his tone matter-of-fact. “I didn’t complete the program.”
“Why not?” Edmund demanded.
“The decision was based on personal issues,” Seth said.
“Seth has a daughter,” Adam volunteered. “She’s seven or eight.”
“Ivy’s seven.” Lauren smiled the way she always did when Ivy’s name came up.
“Ah, you have a child.” Edmund shook his head. “The death knell of most careers.”
“I wouldn’t trade my daughter for any degree.” Seth spoke slowly and deliberately so there could be no mistaking his meaning. “I’m sure you understand.”
“I was older than you are now when Lauren was born.” Edmund sounded affronted that Seth would even compare their situations. “Both Margaret and I were well established in our careers. Even so, Lauren’s birth had an impact.”
Seth opened his mouth to ask Edmund if it was worth it, but shut it without speaking. After listening to Lauren’s father all evening, he wasn’t sure the response he’d get would be a positive one.
“What my father is trying to say is it’s not a choice he’d have made.” Lauren placed her fork on her plate.
“Don’t put words in my mouth, Lauren.”
“I’m only speaking the truth. You’ve told me since I was a little girl that you never wanted me. You said as much tonight.”
“I admit that when your mother found out she was pregnant, I had reservations.” Edmund spoke as if he was discussing a mathematical equation rather than his daughter. “A prudent person considers all options. But we’re proud of you and the direction your life is taking.”
Seth found it interesting that Edmund felt it worth considering all options when faced with an unwanted pregnancy, but not when it came to his daughter’s career preferences.
“Thank goodness she didn’t go the hausfrau route, eh, Edmund?” Adam joked.
“A daughter of mine would never settle for such a pedestrian lifestyle.” Edmund lifted one hand in a dismissive wave. “If she did, she wouldn’t be my daughter.”
Lauren spent the next three days trying to put the dinner with her father out of her mind. Only once during the disastrous evening had Edmund shown any real interest in her, and that was when he’d been extolling the virtues of the position he’d handpicked for her. Otherwise he’d mostly ignored her.
Thank goodness Seth had offered to join them. With the handsome cowboy by her side, her father’s behavior hadn’t hurt as it usually did. Lauren’s only regret was that she hadn’t told Seth how much his support had meant. She’d thought to do it over breakfast, but he’d left early the next morning to attend a cattleman’s convention.
The rancher who was originally supposed to speak had come down with laryngitis and Seth had been asked to fill in. Before he agreed, Seth had asked Lauren if she felt comfortable handling Ivy on her own. She assured him she’d be fine. The little girl had made a quicker-than-expected recovery and was now walking easily on her rocker-boot. It wouldn’t be long until she was independent again. That knowledge made Lauren determined to savor every minute of their remaining time together.
This love of children was something new Lauren had discovered about herself. She’d never thought much about kids. Before her stint as Ivy’s nanny, she’d have said she wasn’t sure she wanted children. Or marriage. But her time with the Anderssen family had profoundly changed her.
Right now, her favorite seven-year-old was in the family room reading while Lauren and Kim Sizemore sat at the kitchen table lingering over cups of tea. Kim’s phone message this morning requesting a counseling session had been as unexpected as Seth’s call to go out of town. With Seth gone and only her and Ivy’s schedule to work around, Lauren had called the accountant back and told her to come right over.
The session had ended but Lauren sensed something still preyed on the woman’s mind.
Kim broke off a piece of shortbread cookie. “I heard Seth is coming home today.”
“He should be here by suppertime.” Lauren couldn’t stop the smile that rose to her lips.
Kim took a sip of tea and gazed at Lauren over the rim of the cup. “Loretta Barbee mentioned he was out of town. How long has he been gone?”
“He left the day before yesterday.” The fifty-five hours he’d been gone so far—not that she was counting—had felt like an eternity. How insane was that?
When Anna and Stacie had talked about missing their husbands, Lauren had been skeptical. So they were gone for a few days. Big deal. Her mother didn’t see her father for months at a time. Missing him had never been an issue.
Lauren missed Seth with a longing bordering on the ridiculous. She’d tried to make sense of it but hadn’t been able to come up with a logical explanation. Unless perhaps she missed him simply because they’d spent so much time together recently. She’d gotten used to talking to him, to having him around. Yes, that must be it. Seth was like a familiar slipper, a favorite robe, a relaxing cup of cocoa.
A cup of cocoa?
Hmm...no. The sexy cowboy might be like a shot of whiskey but never warm milk. Lauren stifled a smile and took a sip of tea.
“I wish I had someone waiting for me at home.” Kim sighed.
“I’m just Seth’s friend,” Lauren reminded the woman, shrugging aside the sadness that welled inside her at the knowledge she would never be more. “He comes home to Ivy, not to me.”
“Oh.” An odd look of disappointment crossed Kim’s face. “It’s just that you’re together all the time. I assumed you were a couple.”
Lauren shook her head. Sometimes she found herself thinking of them as a couple and she knew better.
“Is that because of you and Adam?” Kim asked. “I know you’ve gone to dinner with him several times.” An easy smile remained on her lips while her fingers tore a paper napkin into little strips. “Are you two dating?”
Lauren dropped her cup to the saucer with a clatter. She couldn’t believe this ridiculous rumor was still floating around Sweet River. “Adam is a colleague of my father’s,” she said in a firm tone, hoping to end this nonsense once and for all. “That’s our only connection.”
“Good.” Kim’s cheeks turned bright pink. “I mean, that’s good to know.”
“You like Adam.” Lauren kept any judgment from her voice but inside she worried. From what he’d said, Adam was only in Sweet River to settle his father’s estate. Once he finished his business here, he would return to Rhode Island and Kim would be left behind.
“I told myself not to get emotionally involved.” Kim glanced down at the tattered napkin and crumpled the paper into a ball. “I discovered feelings aren’t turned on and off that easily.”
“I hear you.” It was the same for Lauren. She’d tried to bury her feelings for Seth, knowing there could be no future with him. It didn’t matter. She loved him. She. Loved. Seth.
Her heart stopped, then rose to her throat. All the things she’d been telling herself were true. She liked Seth. Respected Seth. Had fun with Seth. Somewhere along the way she’d also fallen in love with him.
Instead of joy, the thought brought only despair. For her and Seth, there could be no happily-ever-after.
Kim dropped a sugar cube into her cup. “Where will you go once you leave here?”
“Back to Denver for a short time, then I’ll be moving to Virginia.” Lauren tried to inject some enthusiasm into her voice. After all, as her father said, it was a solid opportunity. “I’m planning to accept a position on the faculty of King’s College once I complete my degree.”
“That’s exciting.” Kim finished the last of her tea. “Will you be doing counseling on the side or through the college?”
“Unfortunately neither.” Lauren ignored the ping in her heart. “At least not initially.”
“That’s a shame.” Kim pushed back her chair and stood. “You’re a fabulous therapist. Easy to talk to and very helpful.”
Lauren didn’t know how helpful she’d bee
n. Kim’s reason for the session—a conflict with a fellow coworker—had been so trivial it had almost seemed, well, contrived.
“Thanks, Kim. I appreciate the kind words.” Lauren rose and walked the accountant to the front door.
Kim paused at the front steps of the porch and turned to face Lauren. “Adam left a message on my cell this morning. He asked me to go to the movies and then to dinner.”
Ah, today’s visit finally made sense.
Lauren cocked her head. “What did you tell him?”
“Nothing yet. But I’m going to call him back and say yes. I think we’re a good match.” A tiny smile hovered on the edges of Kim’s lips. “Just like the survey indicated.”
Lauren thought about the survey she’d completed. Even if she and Seth matched, it wouldn’t make a difference. “You’ll have to let me know how it goes.”
“Maybe I’ll be inviting you to a wedding someday,” Kim said with a laugh.
Lauren merely smiled. It hardly seemed possible, but then again, stranger things had happened.
They talked for a few more minutes before Kim got into her car and Lauren headed inside. She paused in the foyer and glanced at the side table, her gaze settling on a manila envelope Anna had delivered yesterday. The envelope with the survey results. No, not just the survey results, her survey results. She’d done the analysis, but had chickened out and had Anna do the number matching.
Lauren picked up the envelope, weighing it in her hands.
Sometimes it seemed as if she’d spent her entire life wanting what she couldn’t have. She’d always known she wasn’t a priority in her father’s life, but at least she thought he loved her. A couple nights ago it had been made clear that he only wanted her in his life if she fit into a nice, tidy slot. She could finally admit that with the previous men in her life, she’d settled for less than she deserved by telling herself that’s all she wanted.
Lying to herself had become a pattern. She’d told herself she didn’t need or want more than she’d been given. But she did. She wanted a man who would love her mind as much as he loved her body. She wanted a man who would be her best friend. She wanted a man willing and able to commit to her one hundred percent. If only Seth were free to love me. If only—
She slammed the door shut on the pointless wishing. Wishing things were different didn’t change the reality. There was no room in Seth’s life for her. Whether they matched or not was a moot point.
Lauren strolled over to the nearest wastebasket and dropped in the envelope.
Chapter Seventeen
Lauren stood on the porch and breathed in the fresh Montana air. For mid-January, a sunny day in the upper-fifties was practically balmy. She’d done a few chores after Kim had left. Then, feeling restless, had taken a stroll around the yard. She’d asked Ivy if she wanted to come outside, but Ivy had moved from her homework to teaching Bailey some special “super-duper” trick as a welcome-home surprise for Seth.
Lifting her face to the sun, Lauren reveled in the warmth against her cheeks. She wasn’t sure how long she stood there. Only that the sound of an engine snapped her to attention.
A bright red pickup rounded the curve in the driveway, and Lauren’s heart gave a leap. She opened the front door. “Ivy, your daddy’s home.”
“Don’t let him come inside,” Ivy called back, her voice filled with panic. “Bailey’s not cooperating.”
“I’ll stall,” Lauren promised. She shut the door and returned to the front rail, trying to still the excitement rising inside her.
The truck pulled to a stop and Seth stepped out. He wore her favorite shirt—the one Anna had given him for his birthday. The one that made his eyes look as blue as the ocean.
Lauren was seized with the sudden urge to run to him, like a heroine from an old-time movie when her husband comes home from war. But he wasn’t her husband. He wasn’t even her boyfriend. Still, he was home and she couldn’t stop joy from sluicing through her veins.
Seth ambled up the walk, the sun highlighting the gold in his hair, those gorgeous eyes focused directly on her. He paused at the bottom of the steps. “Hello, Lauren.”
Her cheeks heated under the intensity of his gaze. “Hello, Seth.”
Keeping his gaze firmly on her face, he climbed the steps. In seconds he stood an arm’s length away, close enough to touch but not touching. “Where’s Ivy?”
“Your little dog trainer is inside showing Bailey a new trick. Shh.” She touched a finger to her lips. “It’s a surprise.”
He took a step closer, his gaze lingering on her lips. “Discretion is my middle name.”
The air sizzled with electricity. Her knees turned to jelly and she tightened her fingers around the porch rail for support.
“I missed you,” he murmured. “God, how I missed you.”
The words seemed to come out of nowhere. For a second she wondered if she’d only imagined them. Until she saw the look in his eyes.
“I missed you, too.” The admission flowed from her heart. In a matter of days she’d be gone. Nothing was going to change that outcome. But for these few fleeting moments she would be honest. With him. With herself. “I felt as if part of me was missing. I know it sounds silly...”
“Not silly at all,” he said. “I couldn’t wait to get back here. As soon as I finished, I jumped in the truck and headed home.”
Lauren’s heart skipped a beat. She gestured to the porch swing. “Do you have time to sit for a few minutes? Ivy is working with Bailey on a new trick. She wants him to have it mastered before you come inside.”
“I was hoping we’d have some time alone.” He rocked back on his heels and grinned at her questioning look. “I have something for you. It’s in the truck.”
“For me?” Lauren swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat. She couldn’t remember ever getting a gift for no reason.
“Just a little something I saw in a store and thought you’d like,” he said.
“Well, go get it.” She gave him a little push. “The suspense is killing me.”
Lauren shifted from one foot to the other, watching his every step. When he reached into the truck and pulled out a yellow plastic bag, she narrowed her gaze. What kind of gift came in a grocery bag?
Seth shoved the bag under his arm like it was a football and headed up the walk.
“It’s a belated Christmas present,” he said when he reached the porch.
“You already gave me a Christmas gift.” Lauren held up her arm, the silver bracelet glinting in the sun. “I love it.”
“I think you’ll love this, too. At least I hope you do.”
“I’m sure I will.” Lauren reached for the bag but he tucked it behind his back, out of reach.
“Sit on the swing,” he instructed. “Then close your eyes.”
“If you’re planning on putting on the Santa suit for this, I’m telling you right now, it’s not necessary.”
He laughed and she laughed along with him as they walked to the swing, his hand nearly, but not quite touching hers. The breeze ruffled his hair and carried the scent of his cologne to her. She inhaled deeply, reveling in this perfect moment in time, committing it to memory.
Lauren took a seat on the swing and promptly held out her hand. “Merry belated Christmas to me.”
A smile tugged at the corners of Seth’s lips. “Eyes shut first.”
Lauren did as he’d requested, but as soon as he placed the bag in her hands, her lids popped open.
Seth settled himself beside her, an expectant look on his face.
Lauren took a deep breath and reached inside. Even if she didn’t like it—
Her heart stopped. With a trembling hand, Lauren gently pulled the doll the rest of the way from the bag. She looked at him in disbelief. “It’s an American Girl doll.”
The doll had brown hair pulled into two pigtails and tied with a bright red ribbon. She had glasses and a sweet smile. Lauren let her gaze linger. This was the American Girl doll of her childhood d
reams.
“Her name is Molly McIntire,” Seth volunteered.
“You remembered.” Lauren clutched the doll close. “Where did you find her?”
“In an antique shop not far from the hotel where we were meeting,” he said. “I saw her in the window and thought of you.”
“I love her.” Lauren fingered the braids. A couple of tears slipped down her cheeks. The fact that Seth had gone out of his way to do something just because it would make her happy made the gift even more special. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this, but thank you.”
“You deserve to be spoiled and pampered and given gifts.” Seth’s voice turned husky. “I hope you find someone special in Virginia, someone who’ll make you as happy as you’ve made Ivy and me.”
Virginia. Was it only a coincidence that the sun— which had been shining hot and bright—chose this moment to disappear behind the clouds?
“I’ve loved every minute of my time here.” Lauren tightened her hold on the doll. “Thank you for everything, Seth. For opening your home to me, for letting me be a part of your family these past few weeks and for Molly.”
Overcome with emotion, she clutched the doll tightly against her chest.
He frowned. “That sounds an awful lot like goodbye.”
“Ivy gets her arm cast off Monday.” The words came out faint and faraway. Lauren cleared her throat and tried again. “Depending on the X-rays, the boot cast could be removed by the end of the week.”
“Time has gone fast.” Unexpectedly Seth grasped her hand, holding it tight. “I wish I could make it stand still.”
“Not a possibility.” Lauren kept her tone light, ignoring the ache in her heart. “There is something I want to say before I go. Actually, two things.”
Seth laced his fingers loosely through hers. “What’s on your mind?”
“I want to thank you for going with me to dinner the other night. Your support really meant a lot.”
“Anytime.” His gaze turned watchful. “What was the second?”
“I want you to be happy.”
‘I want the same for you.” His thumb began to caress the center of her palm and forming a coherent thought became increasingly difficult.