by Cindy Kirk
“No, you don’t understand. I want you to find a way to make your dreams of becoming a veterinarian come true,” Lauren explained. “Promise me you’ll see if there’s any way you can finish the program.”
The fact that Seth’s fingers remained twined with hers and he didn’t pull away gave her courage to continue.
“You have so much talent, so much compassion, so much love...for animals.” Her tongue stumbled for a second. “I don’t want to see you waste it.”
Thankfully he didn’t appear to take offense. Instead his brows pulled together and a thoughtful look crossed his face.
“I’ve thought about going back many times over the past three years,” Seth admitted. He shifted his position so he faced her. “I’ll look at the logistics again if you promise you’ll do the same.”
“Look at becoming a veterinarian?”
Seth laughed and the sun broke through the clouds. “No, I want you to look at what makes you happy. Maybe it’s teaching. Maybe it’s research. Maybe it’s counseling. Before you embark on a new career, make sure you’re following your passion, or as Stacie would say, your bliss. You’re an amazing woman, Lauren. You deserve a wonderful life.”
Lauren’s heart rose to her throat. “Sounds like we both want the best for each other.”
He reached up and—for a second—cupped her face with his hand. “That’s how it is when you lo— care for someone.”
In that moment, under the bright Montana sun, Lauren realized Seth wasn’t just the man she loved, he was her soul mate.
She was seized with the sudden urge to pull him close, to run her fingers through his hair, to feel the muscles in his back tighten beneath her fingers. To hold him tight and never let go.
But she didn’t act on the impulse. She knew her only choice was to walk away. Seth’s integrity was as much a part of him as his cowboy boots and quick smile. She wouldn’t ask him to abandon the promise he’d made to his dying wife, not even for her.
Two days later, Lauren moved back into the house Anna had inherited from her grandma. Seth hated to see her go. She was only going to be in Sweet River one more week anyway and in his mind it made no sense for her to move twice. But she insisted. Though she’d done her best to prepare his daughter, the day Lauren moved out, Ivy cried.
Seth understood. He felt as if someone had reached inside his chest and torn out his heart.
The last thing Lauren had done had been to stick out her hand. Instead of a polite handshake he’d pulled her into his arms and held her with a fierceness that surprised them both. By the time he took a step back, her eyes—and his—were suspiciously moist.
Today though, he was going to do his best not to think of Lauren. This was “Jan’s Day.” Every year since her passing, he and Ivy celebrated her birthday by doing things they’d once done as a family.
He’d gotten the idea when he’d heard a mother on the radio talking about her little boy, David, who’d passed away. Once a year on his birthday, his family celebrated “David’s Day.” It was their way of keeping his memory alive and celebrating his life.
“Ivy,” Seth called out. “Breakfast is ready.”
His daughter had gotten the cast off her arm yesterday. He’d expected her to be bouncing off the walls with joy, but she’d been uncharacteristically silent. He knew she missed Lauren. Heck, he missed her, too.
He flipped the waffle onto a platter with extra force and split it onto two plates. He added cherry topping and whipped cream just as Ivy walked into the room, the boot cast barely slowing her down. Lauren had been right. Physically, Ivy didn’t need her anymore. Emotionally, however, was another story.
Seth forced a smile and poured two glasses of orange juice. “I hope you’re hungry.”
Ivy took a seat at the table, but instead of digging in, she simply gazed down at the golden-brown waffle.
Seth sat opposite her. “Remember how Mommy used to make waffles for us every Sunday before church?”
Ivy nodded and picked up her folk. “I miss Mommy.”
“I know you do, princess.” The minute the words left Seth’s mouth he realized the pain that had always accompanied thoughts of Jan had disappeared.
For a second he felt a twinge of guilt. Until he remembered his grandmother promising him during the depth of his grief that this day would come. She’d told him that when he could enjoy the memories of the life he’d shared with Jan without his heart aching, that was when he’d know he was ready to move on with his life.
“Maybe Miss Lauren can come to the penny pond with us today.” The hopeful gleam in the little girl’s eyes tore at Seth’s heartstrings.
“I don’t think so,” Seth said gently. “But you and me, we’ll have a good time. I have a whole pocketful of pennies. You can make lots and lots of wishes.”
Years ago, someone had supposedly thrown a penny into a particular pond near town and made a wish. When the wish had come true, the pond achieved local lore status.
“I only need one penny,” Ivy told him.
“You only have one wish?” Seth teased.
“Yep.” Ivy smeared the cherry topping over the top of her waffle and added a big blob of whipped cream.
“What’s the wish?” Seth asked, suddenly curious.
Ivy shook her head. “If I tell you, it won’t come true.”
“Duh, I knew that.” Seth smacked himself on the side of his head with the flat of his palm, the exaggerated gesture bringing giggles from his daughter.
A second later, Ivy’s face grew serious. “Before Mommy died, she told me a secret.”
Seth placed his fork on the table. “What was the secret?”
Ivy’s mouth closed over a big bite of waffle. She chewed for several seconds then took a sip of juice. “Mommy told me that even though I was sad because she was leaving me, I’d be happy again. That you would make sure we were happy.”
While it definitely sounded like something Jan would have said, Seth wasn’t sure the comment qualified as a secret. Surely there had to be more. “What else did she say?”
Ivy shrugged and dropped her gaze to the plate. “Nothing.”
“You can tell me,” Seth said as persuasively as he could. “You know there isn’t anything you can’t tell me.”
“Mommy didn’t say anything else. I just didn’t think it was true.” Ivy whispered the words. “But then you brought Miss Lauren home. It was like Mommy said, we were all happy. But—”
“But what?”
“You let her leave.” Ivy lifted her gaze and the look in her eyes broke his heart. “Why did you do that, Daddy? Why did you let her leave?”
Seth hoped the walk to the park on Main Street would clear his head. It wasn’t even noon and he was already drained. He tried his best to answer Ivy’s questions in a way she could understand, while trying to process Jan’s words. Had his wife really wanted him to fall in love again?
His thoughts churned as they headed to the penny pond where Ivy had insisted on throwing one—and only one—penny into the water.
Now she was eating a catered lunch at Sew-fisticated with Anna and several women who’d been Jan’s childhood friends. That gave him an hour of thinking time.
He’d just reached the gate to the town park when Mitch pulled his 4x4 to the curb with Josh in the passenger seat.
Seth walked over to them. “What’s up?”
“Anna’s hosting some luncheon at the shop.” Mitch jerked a thumb in Josh’s direction. “Stacie’s helping Lauren pack.”
“You’re a fool if you let her leave,” a voice called out from the sidewalk.
An eerie sense of déjà vu washed over him. Seth forced a smile and turned. Loretta Barbee—who must have either been already in the park or lurking behind the large evergreen—stood in front of the gate.
“Mrs. Barbee.” He lifted a hand in greeting. “Good afternoon.”
“I’m disappointed in you, Seth Anderssen,” she said, apparently deciding to forgo a greeting and get right to
the point. “I know what’s been going on between you and Lauren Van Meveren. I’m shocked that you—”
“Hold your horses.” Seth raised a hand, his voice as tight as a crossbow. “Nothing improper occurred between Lauren and me.”
“I’m not saying it did. But you are in love with her.” Loretta pinned him with her sharp-eyed gaze. “That’s as plain as the nose on my face. What I and the rest of this town can’t figure out is why you’re letting her leave.”
“It’s complicated,” Seth muttered, wondering why he bothered saying anything. It wasn’t like any of this was her business.
“It’s only as complicated as you make it” The woman’s gaze shifted over Seth’s shoulder, and her expression brightened. She smiled and waved. “Miranda. Wait a second. We need to talk.”
Keeping the smile firmly on her face, the pastor’s wife lowered her voice to a confidential whisper. “Alex Darst is going to propose. Miranda will say yes. Then they’ll put a bid on your grandma Borghild’s house. But you didn’t hear the news from me.”
She hurried off without a backward glance.
Sounds of laughter erupted from the truck.
Seth scowled and turned back to his friends. “Yeah, she’s a barrel of laughs.”
Josh’s smile faded. “She’s right about one thing. Lauren is leaving. Stacie and Anna are taking her to the airport tomorrow. If you don’t do something quickly, she’ll be gone.”
Seth could have brought up the vow he’d made to Jan, but after his conversation with Ivy this morning, he’d come to a realization. The promise his wife had demanded had simply been Jan’s way of trying to ensure her daughter’s happiness.
Even though Mitch had said the promise made it appear Jan hadn’t trusted him, he knew she had. What she’d said to Ivy had sounded like the woman he married, the woman who all her life had trusted him to do the right thing. The woman who promised Ivy he’d do what was necessary for them to have happy lives. That woman would have never tied his hands.
If he believed that, why wasn’t he on Lauren’s doorstep right now?
“She’s at your grandma Borghild’s house now,” Josh said. “I can call Stacie, make up some excuse to get my wife out of there so you can have some time alone with Lauren.”
Still, Seth hesitated. He loved Lauren. But this wasn’t just about him. He wanted to do the right thing for her.
“Spit it out, Anderssen,” Mitch taunted. “What’s holding you back?”
“Lauren is the smartest woman I’ve ever known,” Seth said. “She has a great future ahead of her. Is it fair to ask her to give it all up for me?”
“I don’t think she’d be giving it all up for you,” Mitch said with a wry smile. “She could have a good life in Sweet River.”
“Let Lauren make the decision,” Josh urged.
“He’s right,” Mitch echoed before Seth could respond. “Think about how hurt Anna was when you didn’t initially invite us over for Christmas Eve. Not asking takes the choice away. What’s fair about that?”
“Nothing.” In fact, Seth realized that’s what Lauren’s father had always done, or, rather, attempted to do. “If she doesn’t want to stay, she’ll have no trouble telling me no.”
Mitch chuckled. “Glad to hear you’re going in with a positive attitude.”
Seth fixed his gaze on Josh. “Call Stacie. Say whatever you need to say to get her out of that house. Lauren and I have some serious talkin’ to do.”
Chapter Eighteen
Lauren dumped a pile of shoes on the bed and tried not to listen to what was obviously a private conversation. Based on the ring tone, she knew Stacie was talking to her husband. Instead of chattering a mile a minute, her friend was doing an awful lot of listening. Lauren couldn’t wait to find out what was so fascinating.
Stacie set the phone down, her cheeks a bright pink. “That was definitely interesting.”
Pushing the shoes aside, Lauren plopped down on the bed. “What did he have to say?”
The pink darkened to a dusky rose. “He wants us to, uh, get together. Have some fun of the bedroom variety. He said he was coming to get me and didn’t even give me a chance to say yes or no.”
“You’re newlyweds. I’m sure he knows you’re interested.” Lauren fought back a pang of envy. “My only question is, why aren’t you waiting at the door?”
Stacie glanced around the bedroom cluttered with suitcases and clothes and shoes. “I promised to help you pack.”
“There’s still tonight If you’re not too worn out,” Lauren teased. When Stacie still hesitated, Lauren rose to her feet grabbed her friend’s arm and pushed her toward the door. “Go. If I had a husband who called me for a little afternoon delight you can bet I wouldn’t be standing here talking to my girlfriend.”
Stacie gave Lauren a quick hug. “I’ll be back soon.”
“Take your time,” Lauren said. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Today was a packing-and-tying-up-loose-ends day. Tomorrow she’d say her final goodbyes and hop a plane to Denver. Her friends still thought she’d be moving to Virginia, but after her talk with Seth, she’d done some serious thinking.
Just this morning she’d made her decision. Though King’s College was a well-respected institution, going there didn’t feel right. So she’d followed her gut and declined the offer.
After she received her PhD from the University of Denver, Lauren would decide where she wanted to settle. Not where her father thought was best, but a place that would feed her soul as well as allow her to best utilize all her skills.
Being in Sweet River had made her realize that for her, “success” wasn’t tenure at an Ivy League college or a list of publications in a scholarly journal. It was doing what she loved—teaching and counseling— while surrounded by people she loved.
In that respect, Sweet River would be a perfect place to settle. Her friends were here. She’d already started to build a practice. With the boom in Internet educational offerings, there might even be the possibility of teaching some online courses.
There was only one problem—Seth. While it was going to be hard to move away, Lauren knew it would be harder to stay. Seeing him, wanting him and knowing he could never be hers would be pure torture.
No, she had to leave. After she received her PhD she would look for another small town, one where she could feel part of a community. Where she could make friends and start to build a life. A life without Seth and Ivy.
Lauren was still lost in thought when she heard a light tapping followed by the front door creaking open. She blinked back the tears and hurried down the stairs, ready to set her friend straight. Stacie’s priority right now should be Josh. She could do her own packing, thank you very much.
She turned the corner with the words poised on her lips and skidded to a stop. “Seth. What are you doing here?”
Her gaze lingered on his face. On the strong masculine features. On the laugh lines and the worry lines. On the eyes that reflected honesty and integrity. A deep sorrow rose inside her. She couldn’t imagine ever loving another man as much as she loved him.
“You can’t leave me,” he said.
The desperation and pain in his voice told her she wasn’t the only one suffering. The knowledge gave her little solace. She didn’t want Seth or Ivy to hurt because of her.
Not trusting herself to speak, she just shrugged.
He took a step closer. “I love you.”
The sweet words were a balm to her aching heart. She would try to remember this moment on cold winter nights when she was alone and missing him.
He stared, an expectant look on his face.
“I love you, too,” she admitted.
“Thank you, God.” He moved close and pulled her to him. “Don’t leave, Lauren. Stay with me. Please.”
Lauren let herself return his hug, but only for a moment. Then she stepped back, untangling herself from his arms. “I can’t, Seth. You know that as well as I do.”
“I don’t k
now any such thing,” he said with a fierceness that took her breath away. “We belong together. I love you. You love me.”
“That fact changes nothing.” He was too honorable a man to break his promise, and she loved him too much to ask. “I can’t stay and just be your friend.”
“Who said anything about friends?” He grabbed her hands, and when she tried to pull away, his grip tightened. “I love you, Lauren. More than I thought possible. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, loving you, cherishing you, making you happy. I want—”
“Stop.” Lauren jerked back her hands, thankful the rising anger kept her tears at bay. “Why are you doing this? You have to know how much it hurts to think of being apart from you and Ivy. But you made a vow to Jan. Us being together isn’t an option.”
“But—”
“I think it’s best if you leave.”
His feet remained firmly planted and a look she couldn’t quite decipher filled his eyes. “Please, Lauren. Give me five minutes. That’s all I’m asking.”
The pleading in his voice was nearly her undoing. She cleared her throat and nodded. “Five minutes.”
Lauren led him to the parlor and perched on the edge of the sofa, expecting him to settle himself in the chair. Instead, he dropped beside her. With a resigned sigh she shifted to face him, inhaling the tantalizing scent of his cologne, reminding herself that what wouldn’t kill her would make her stronger.
“This is so important....” Seth blew out a breath and raked a hand through his hair. “I’m not as good with words as you are, so please bear with me.”
His voice shook. Seth was the most confident guy she knew. To see him so unsure and stressed tugged at her heartstrings.
“It’s okay,” she said in a soft whisper. “Take all the time you need.”
Unexpectedly he captured her hand. “I can’t be this close and not touch you.”
Her breath hitched in her throat. The feel of his calloused hand against hers was pure heaven. The hell was in knowing this was the last time she’d feel his touch. She wanted to wrap her arms around his broad shoulders and never let go. But forever wasn’t an option for them. Had never been an option. She squeezed his hand and offered an encouraging smile anyway.