Paris by Heart

by Nora James

  The van’s door slid shut with a metallic bang and the crowd of curious on-lookers that had gathered within a couple of minutes dissipated even faster. Paul directed the staff back into the Café des Amoureux. He’d talk to them, get everyone settled and once they had all returned to their usual roles he’d fly to Julie’s side.

  He’d take Elise with him, too, if she wanted to come. It wasn’t where he’d planned to go with her this afternoon—he’d been hoping for a trip to Heaven—but he was thankful that she was by his side. Her presence had calmed him and given him the courage he needed to get through the awful events that could have had a much more tragic ending without her.

  Yes, having Elise close made such a difference to his life in so many ways. He glanced at her and could tell from the way she folded her arms in front of her body like a protective shield that the events of the day had taken their toll on her, too. He felt an urge to shelter her, to hold her against his body and offer her a little of the encouragement and strength she’d given him.

  He wrapped his arms around her, drew her to him and spoke softly in her ear. “Thank you for stopping the bleeding. And thank you for being here. You have no idea how much it helped.”

  She gazed up at him and he could have sworn he was on a rollercoaster ride so numerous were the butterflies in his stomach. For a second it reminded him of how he’d felt when he’d tried sky-diving but then he corrected himself: this was stronger. How could the simple sight of a woman do this to him? It was crazy, absolutely crazy. But it was crazy good.

  Elise squeezed his hand. “You were amazing. You stayed so calm and you knew exactly what to do. I, on the other hand, was pretty useless and I’ve got a first aid certificate. Pressing on the wound was all I could handle, really, and any of the others could have done that. It would have been the same had I been on the other side of the world.”

  He laughed heartily. She had no idea just how important, how beautiful, how wonderful she was. “Pressing on the wound was vital. There wasn’t room for two of us to do CPR. And I’m pretty sure none of the others wanted to do what you did. Besides, it’s because you were by my side that I managed. It’s all because of you.”

  He wanted to say that it was because he loved her. That was why, that was where he’d found his strength. He knew it now as he looked into the infinite depths of those gorgeous eyes of hers. He loved her. He wanted to scream the words, to tell the whole world that he loved this woman. Hell, he’d put an advertisement on TV if he could. Would he scare her off if she realised that those three little words applied to his heart and how she made it beat faster? Would it frighten her if he so much as whispered the sentence to her? Did she feel the same way about him? And above all else was there any point in saying it since she was going home at the end of summer no matter what?

  His heart sank as he realised that he couldn’t answer any of those questions. She meant so much to him that he was too afraid to ask her, too afraid that he might send her running and lose her once again.

  No, he couldn’t say those three words to her. He had to stay quiet. No matter how desperately he wanted to tell her that he loved her, he couldn’t.

  The status quo would have to do.

  Chapter 21

  Julie was sleeping peacefully at the Hôtel-Dieu, and if it hadn’t been for the drips, monitors and the white hospital gown she was wearing, Elise might have thought Paul’s boss to be a picture of healthy ageing. She’d been cleaned up, too, the blood that had covered her cheek replaced with a delicate, pearly complexion. The cut Julie had sustained to the brow had turned out to be tiny and was barely visible now. It was hard to believe that so much blood had come from such a small wound.

  Paul placed the fraisiers he’d brought—the exquisite strawberry cakes Julie loved—on the bedside cabinet, all the while examining his boss. Elise smiled. She liked that he cared about others and wasn’t afraid to show it.

  Julie must have sensed the scrutiny for she suddenly opened her eyes. “You’re here, both of you! It’s nice to see you but there was no need, really. A phone call would have been more than enough.”

  Paul shook his head as if to say she couldn’t be serious. “You collapsed at the café and you expect us not to come here?”

  Elise chuckled at his incredulous tone. His verve was so charming, so very French. And of course he was right. “You mean a lot to Paul, Julie. You mean a lot to all of us.”

  Paul immediately backed her up. “She’s right. I think Pépette was out of her mind.”

  He imitated the stunned face Pépette had pulled when she’d found Julie lying on the floor, eyes as big as saucers and a gaping mouth which seemed to await an apple or other rounded fruit. They all laughed.

  “Thank you both. You are sweethearts, but you young people have better things to do than sit around in hospitals. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s to value time. It’s the most precious thing we have and once it’s gone, it’s gone forever.”

  Elise bit her lip as she thought of how little time she had left with Paul. Every second was very precious indeed. She had come to accept that she wouldn’t be with him for long, and had accepted, too, that it was the price of their relationship. There was no sense in avoiding life for fear of being hurt.

  And although she tried to push it back, the thought crossed her mind that Julie’s days might be counted, too. “What did the doctors say?” Elise asked with exaggerated cheer, hoping to mask her worry.

  “They, too, said time is precious, my dear.” Julie smiled, a weaker curling of the lips than usual but there was still something cheeky about it.

  “We mean about you,” said Paul. “Seriously, we’re concerned about what happened. You really, really scared us.”

  Even when he was talking health his deep voice made Elise want to close her eyes and listen to its masculine melody. His words echoed in her mind and she suddenly realised he’d said “we”, as if they were a couple. It pleased her no end, even if their relationship was never to flourish completely, a cherry growing on a tree that would be felled before its fruit had a chance to ripen.

  “I am sorry that I scared you,” answered Julie, propping herself up a little with her pillow. “But I’m fine. It was probably more of a surprise to you than me, this, what shall I call it? This event. The fact is, I’ve known for some time now about this condition I have.”

  Paul walked over and stood by Elise’s side. He must have been terrified of what Julie was about to announce. Even Elise was, and she’d only known Julie for a short while. She took Paul’s hand to show him that she was there for him. He wrapped his fingers around hers and gave them a gentle squeeze as if to thank her.

  Julie cleared her throat before continuing. “It’s certainly not the worst thing that could happen at my age. I have a bad case of atrial fibrillation, or AF as the doctors call it. My heart beat is very irregular. I’m on medication to thin the blood so I don’t develop clots and have a stroke. I’ve also got tablets to slow the heart.”

  “What’s the prognosis?” Paul asked Julie.

  “I’m going to be just fine. What happened was that I had a bit of a temperature. I must have caught a bug and become a little dehydrated. Because of the medication I’m on my heart couldn’t do its normal job of speeding up to cope with the dehydration, so my blood pressure dropped with there being less liquid to pump around, which led to dizziness. I fell and banged my head. I didn’t know to watch for dehydration on this medication. I hadn’t realised it could do that. It’s fairly uncommon but it does happen.”

  Elise saw Paul’s chest rise and fall sharply and guessed it was with a breath of relief. She smiled. Julie wasn’t going to end up on the operating table, nor was she about to be read her last rites—and that was very good news.

  “So you see it’s not that bad,” said Julie. “I suppose I’ll end up with a scar, but I don’t mind.” She shrugged. “We all have scars, apparent or hidden. What’s important is to not let them hold you back.”

 
; Elise thought of Steve and how he’d scarred her. Was that why she’d felt so reluctant to live for the here and now with Paul? Perhaps. Or was it her upbringing, her belief that relationships were only truly worthwhile if they were forever? Whatever the reason, she no longer had to assess every relationship in advance, calculate each risk and only proceed if there was a guaranteed happy-ever-after. There were no guarantees of eternal happiness and maybe it was just as well.

  Elise patted Julie’s hand. She loved the French woman’s philosophy and was glad that she’d chosen to share it with her. “You’re right, Julie. We can’t afford to let the scars of life hold us back. I used to forget that, but not anymore.”

  “So now I have two wise women in my life,” said Paul. “Actually make that three, with Mamie Monique. Sorry, four with Christine.”

  “Little Christine’s probably the wisest,” said Elise, and she meant it. There was something children had that adults nearly always lost; the capacity to embrace life without questioning it. Children were not scared of experiences simply because they were likely to be over too soon or because they didn’t conform to drummed in expectations.

  Julie took a sip of water before addressing Paul. “This little health scare has made me want to do some things differently. If I’d banged my head harder I might not be here today, so I will be calling my lawyer to make sure my affairs are in order.”

  Paul crossed his arms. “Are you sure you’re telling us everything?”

  “I am,” Julie huffed. “Ask the doctor if you like.”

  Elise placed her hand on the patient’s. “He worries about you, that’s all.”

  Julie nodded. “I understand, but there’s no need. I’m in ship shape for my age. Seize the day, Paul, and forget about the rest. Can you manage that?”

  Paul sat at the end of the single bed. “Absolument.” He pointed to the cakes on the bedside cabinet. “Actually, we brought you a little something to help you do just that. If you’re allowed cake, that is.”

  “Of course I’m allowed cake!” Julie held out her slender hand and Paul placed the pale pink confection in it. She took a bite, eyes half closed with obvious delight. “And if I wasn’t allowed, do you really think I’d tell you?”

  She swallowed her morsel and almost immediately covered her mouth with her sheet. She moaned.

  Elise let out a worried cry. “Please tell me you’re joking!” She’d had enough drama for the day—for the year, actually. “She is mucking around, isn’t she?”

  Elise turned to Paul but he remained silent. Her stomach churned. “Nurse! Paul, how do you say nurse in French?”

  Julie immediately shoved the rest of the cake in her mouth, her lips curling into the smile of a naughty little girl, while Elise let out a cry of frustration mixed with amusement.

  “That’s not nice, Julie Brouard!” Paul sounded like a teacher telling off a bad student.

  “Oh, don’t get upset! I have to make my own fun, Paul. I’m old and I’m stuck here for a while at least, whereas the two of you can go and have all the fun in the world.” She finished her cake and wiped her hands on the paper serviette Paul gave her. “And that’s exactly what you should be doing right now.” She paused for a second before ordering them out with a flick of her wrist. “I mean it. Off you go.”

  Paul and Elise exchanged a quizzical glance. Julie puffed up her pillow, curled up on her side, and let her head sink into it, closing her eyes. “A woman my age needs her beauty sleep.”

  She obviously meant what she’d said about them leaving. Paul took Elise by the hand and led her to the door. Elise loved the way his fingers wrapped around hers, how he took charge, and the way he looked at her with those soft, big brown eyes of his warmed her heart even more.

  Yes, she loved everything about the man holding her hand. She loved him. She loved him.

  The wings of a thousand sublime butterflies tickled her stomach as she admitted it to herself.

  ******

  Outside the hospital, in the softer light of the day as it was drawing to a close, Paul followed a crack in the pavement with his foot, pretending to paint it with his toes the way his daughter often did. He and Elise had talked about Julie and how relieved they were that she had what appeared to be a manageable condition, and then they’d fallen silent.

  Paul glanced up at Elise. “Do you have plans for dinner?”

  She smiled, thrilled that he’d asked even if he seemed worried about the question. Things had been so natural before in her room, but being interrupted by Julie’s health scare had added a layer of awkwardness and now she and Paul would have to work at regaining spontaneity. She smiled. What was she thinking? How could they work at it when spontaneity had to come naturally or not at all?

  “No plans at all for dinner, actually. I’ll probably just have a snack tonight.”

  He let out his breath. “A snack? You must have a proper meal for your body and your mind, especially after a day like today.”

  She chuckled. You couldn’t mess with food in France. And she hoped that next he would ask her to dinner. “What about you?”

  “I’m going home to my daughter.”

  Of course he was. Why had Elise even thought that he might take her out to a restaurant? Or come back to her studio with her? Why had she hoped they’d pick up exactly where they’d left off at her apartment? They couldn’t. He was a father with responsibilities. She was a fool.

  “I’ll cook. Maybe her favourite: yes, hachis parmentier! It’s a kind of shepherd’s pie, only better.” He grinned and paused, as if waiting for her to take the bait, but she let it go. She was so disappointed that she wouldn’t be spending the evening with him.

  Paul rubbed his hands. “I didn’t get to cook much today, so I have to make up for it, right? It’s one of things I can’t live without.”

  She nodded, wondering what else he couldn’t live without. If he’d asked her the question, right now she would have said him. She couldn’t live without Paul at this very moment. In a few weeks time she’d have to find a way to do so, but for now she could give in to the illusion of a love that would last a lifetime, a love that wouldn’t feel so pressing for being so close to its end that she felt compelled to make every second count.

  “I suppose I’d better let you go, then. Christine will be waiting.”

  He nodded. “She will.”

  He thrust his hands into his pockets and cleared his throat. “I was wondering…”

  “Yes?” Elise’s heart beat faster. She couldn’t help it.

  “Would you like to learn how to make hachis parmentier?”

  “That would be wonderful. My cooking classes finish this week so anything you can teach me would be greatly appreciated.” She hoped that he meant tonight, not just during the day at the café but it would mean him taking her home with him and that was probably too much to ask.

  He tilted his head. “All right! You can work with me any time you like. Maybe we trade skills? You can help me with the marketing until you, uh, you know… I mean for as long as you want.”

  “That sounds perfect.” She thought she saw the weight of sadness drag down his features. Perhaps thinking about her departure was hard for him, too.

  “About the hachis parmentier, I could teach you tonight if you like.”

  She tried to smile politely when all she wanted was to grin ear-to-ear like she’d just hit the jackpot. “Tonight? Really?”

  “I know, it’s not a romantic night at the Tour d’Argent in fine clothing with the best champagne and witty conversation. It’s just me at my place in an ordinary suburb, and to make matters worse I’m not free. I have a child, a child whose heart cannot be broken, so to her we would be nothing more than friends who’ve met through work.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I just heard myself and how stupid I sound. I don’t have much to offer you.”

  Her breathing quickened. She didn’t want to lose him, didn’t want him to retreat like a wild animal into the forest. She held out her hands and c
lasped his. “Please don’t think like that. You have so much to offer. It’s not your fault that I’m going back to Australia at the end of the month. I want to be with you, even if it can’t be forever.” Maybe she’d never get a chance to be with someone so right for her again. And maybe what she had with Paul would be enough to sustain her for a lifetime.

  “I’d love to meet Christine—I mean properly.” She didn’t want to refer to the glimpse she’d had of his daughter at the hamburger restaurant at La Mouffe, didn’t want to bring up the scene with Nicole. There was no point reminding Paul of that, neither of them needed that memory. “I so want to see where you live, too. I don’t care if it isn’t the posh part of Paris. I’d be honoured because it’s your place.”

  He flashed his white teeth at her quickly, as if he didn’t dare show his joy for fear someone might take it away, and then he smiled again, relaxing into it this time. He pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers. His kiss was tender and warm and the way he wrapped his arms around her made her feel like she belonged right there against his heart. It was like being home.

  “Come on, then,” he said grabbing her hand and pulling her along. “We have a dinner to eat.”

  Not just a dinner to enjoy, she thought as she walked by his side to the Metro: a meal to share with his daughter who meant everything to him, and a whole new world to discover. It was far more exciting than any meal in a restaurant. It was Paul letting Elise into his life, even though he knew that she wouldn’t be staying long.

  It was Paul letting her into his life, even though he knew it would hurt like hell when it was all over and deciding that it was worth it all the same.

  Elise could only be thankful for that.

  Chapter 22

  Elise wasn’t too sure what kind of apartment Paul would live in. He’d told her it that it was new by French standards, built in the 1970s, and she’d recognised that from the building’s boxy concrete exterior. But what interested her the most was what it contained, the furnishings, the objects Paul had chosen, the memories of his life and marks of his taste. Seeing someone’s home offered so much information about that person and Elise wanted to know everything about Paul.