Stars Over Alaska

by Jennifer Snow

  She followed him out of the room. And neither of them heard her forgotten cell phone ringing.

  * * *

  HE COULD DO THIS.

  He had to do this.

  His best friends were getting married—the two people in the world who meant the most to him were going to commit to a lifetime of love and happiness and Levi would not get in the way of that.

  He’d kept his feelings for Leslie to himself this long. What was another lifetime?

  His mouth watered and he rushed to the shared bathroom in the hallway of the B and B, where Leslie and Dawson would be spending their wedding night. Vomiting, he splashed water onto his face and stared at his reflection in the mirror.

  He wasn’t letting her go. He never had her in the first place. She loved Dawson, had always loved Dawson, and always would. He wouldn’t even be in the running, even if his best friend wasn’t in the picture. She’d never seen him that way. They were friends. Full stop.

  Unrequited love happened all the time.

  Unfortunately, unlike other rejected, jilted, heartbroken people, Levi couldn’t just walk away from the source of pain and torment. He’d had a front row seat to it for years and now he would be standing next to his best friend, offering all the support he wanted desperately to feel as he vowed to love and cherish the woman Levi was in love with.

  If only he could break whatever spell Leslie had on him, whatever power she held over his heart. Over the years, he’d tried to get over these insane feelings he had for her. But no other woman made his body, mind and heart react the way she did.

  He’d even tried stepping away for a while, pulling back...but not having them both in his life was just that much more painful. They were more than friends, they were family, and he’d support them the way he always did.

  He left the room and walked down the hall to Leslie’s room. He knocked once and entered.

  And his entire world spun out of control.

  She was breathtaking in the floor-length, simple but elegant off-white satin gown, and he forgot how to function as he took in the sight of her.

  “It’s just a dress, Levi,” she said with a shy laugh.

  It was so much more than a dress. It was a symbol of his inability to ever be honest with her. To ever tell her how he really felt. It was an even bigger symbol of the fact that he would never have the love of his life. He’d have to be content never fully loving anyone else to his full capacity. He’d never share a life with her. It was so much more than a dress.

  But she’d be happy.

  And that was what mattered to him most.

  He cleared his throat. “It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.” He hoped it sounded natural, normal. It’s what you said to a bride on her wedding day.

  He handed over her purse and checked his watch as they left the room. He had an hour before he gave the woman he loved away to his best friend.

  * * *

  LEAVE IT TO Dawson to be late.

  Leslie checked the clock on the wall at the courthouse and reached into her purse. She’d text him to remind her often-absentminded fiancé that their wedding was supposed to have started five minutes ago. His inability to be on time for anything was one of those quirks of his that she’d been forced to come to love, otherwise she would have murdered him by now.

  Three other couples were scheduled to get married that day and their window of opportunity was closing.

  Unfortunately, her cell phone wasn’t in her purse.

  Damn it, she’d left it in the honeymoon suite at the B and B.

  She scanned the courthouse hallway for Levi and saw him guzzling a bottle of water near the vending machine. He looked pale and slightly ill. He was probably freaking out about having to stand up there in front of half a dozen people. Little crowd, big crowd, didn’t matter—he got stage fright something fierce. She walked toward him and heard him mutter something undecipherable under his breath.

  “Hey, you okay?” she asked.

  He wiped the back of his hand across his lips. “Yeah...great. We ready?”

  “No. Dawson’s not here yet. Can you call him? I left my cell at the B and B.”

  “Sure... I’m sure he’s just stuck in traffic or something,” he said.

  She raised an eyebrow. “Or maybe he’s getting cold feet.” She was joking, but her chest tightened, thinking about that very real possibility.

  * * *

  LEVI STEPPED OUTSIDE the courthouse and dialed Dawson’s cell. The fresh air helped his nauseated state, but now his annoyance was growing.

  “Hey, Levi. Can I call you back?” Dawson answered.

  “No. You’re supposed to be at the courthouse right now. For your wedding,” Levi said. Unbelievable. Classic Dawson.

  “Yeah, I know. I’m just running a little late.”

  He was in his vehicle. Levi could tell he was on speakerphone. “Where are you?” Please let the man be on his way.

  “Answering a call.”

  Damn it. “You’re off duty.”

  “We’re never off duty. You know that. Look, it’s just a break-and-enter call. I’m the closest unit. I can’t ignore it. I’ll be there soon.”

  Normally, he’d agree with the greater-good-comes-first code that his best friend lived by, but not in this case, not when it meant disappointing Leslie. “Dude, it’s your wedding day. The ceremony was supposed to start five minutes ago. Let someone else take this one.”

  “I already responded,” Dawson said.

  “Dawson.” He couldn’t remember ever being so pissed at his friend. This was selfish and unnecessary. Hurting Leslie like this wasn’t cool. “Don’t be a dick and get your ass to the courthouse.”

  “Gotta go, Levi. Take care of my girl until I see her again.”

  The line went dead and Levi swore under his breath. How was he supposed to go in there and tell Leslie that Dawson was going to be late for his own wedding? Or that he may not be making it at all? And did he tell her the truth and worry her or say he was running late?

  Damn his friend for putting him in this position. As soon as he showed up and said his vows, Levi was going to kick his ass.

  * * *

  STILL NO WORD from Dawson as the clock ran out on their assigned timeslot. Leslie was trying to appear unfazed, but she wasn’t fooling Levi. She hugged her grandmother on the courthouse steps and forced a laugh as she said, “A rescheduled wedding date to be announced...thanks for coming out and sorry about this. I’m sure the call must have been important.”

  Her grandmother nodded, kissing her head. “You’re beautiful. Give him hell for me when you see him.”

  Because Leslie wouldn’t give him hell on her own. She’d let Dawson off the hook like she always did.

  His cell phone rang in his pocket and he prepared his own earful as he reached for it. But his blood ran cold seeing the state troopers’ office number lighting up the call display instead. “Hello?” Had he said the word out loud? He barely heard it.

  “Is Leslie with you?” Captain Clarkson said. No pleasantries...

  “Yeah, she’s here.” His hand shook violently as he handed his cell phone to her. Her expression immediately turned to fear as she listened and his heart pounded in his chest.

  “What? What...? I mean...where is he?” Her voice was strained. “He’s...no...that’s not possible. He was coming here...we were supposed to get married.”

  Were. Past tense. It didn’t escape anyone’s notice.

  Her grandmother immediately moved in closer, supporting Leslie’s weight as she looked pale and about to faint.

  Levi’s chest was about to explode as he watched all the color drain from her cheeks. Her eyes teared up and her lips trembled violently.

  He caught the phone as she dropped it, then moved fast to catch her as her knees gave way. He didn’t have to ask. He knew.

/>   Dawson was gone.

  Shock passed quickly and anger was the first emotion he felt. Damn his best friend for answering that call on his wedding day. Damn him for always putting the job first. And damn him for breaking all of their hearts.

  Leslie felt limp in his arms as they both lowered to the courthouse steps. He held her while tears soaked his dress shirt and her body trembled.

  He didn’t even know what was happening around them. Levi knew he had only one job in that moment. Sit there, hold her tight, and make sure she had something to grab ahold of while her world came crashing down.

  * * *

  BEAMS OF SUNLIGHT shone through the stained glass windows of the church the day of the funeral. Levi stood tall, straight, unwavering as the priest talked about Dawson in the past tense.

  He refused to give in to the desire to run out of the church and away from the pain and sadness threatening to engulf him. He had to be strong for Leslie. She needed a rock, something she could use to get her own bearings... He’d be that for her.

  And his best friend deserved his respect, honoring the life he’d led, the sacrifices he’d made and the man he hadn’t gotten a chance to be, the future he hadn’t lived.

  “The community and the department honor Dawson as the hero he was. He selflessly put his life on the line to protect others...and on that day paid the ultimate sacrifice for a lifetime of serving others. We salute him and we ask God to take him into his...”

  The words echoing all around him in the silent church seemed far away and Levi shook off a wave of dizziness as he prepared to carry his best friend’s casket to its final resting place.

  Leslie gripped the pew in front of her. Her pale knuckles losing any remaining color as she held tight. Levi’s hand covered hers and he shivered at how icy it was.

  She hadn’t eaten or spoken much in days. Mostly sat in a trance as Dawson’s family made all the preparations around her. Not that she was in the mindset to deal with these decisions, but it angered Levi that no one asked her for her opinion on anything. No one acknowledged that she’d been about to be Dawson’s wife.

  But maybe in the end, this would be easier on her.

  The cold way his family had always treated her had simply continued...

  It was one of the things that had always bothered him—their lack of respect and love for Leslie. He never understood it. The family had opened their hearts and home to him so willingly and he owed them so much...but he hated the way they’d never accepted Leslie. Had always treated her like she wasn’t good enough for their son.

  * * *

  THE CEREMONY ENDED with a final prayer and moment of silence and Levi knew there was not enough time to compose himself and prepare for what came next.

  Along with Dawson’s cousins and two members of the police force, he carried the coffin out of the church and down the path toward the burial site. Tears burned his throat and he couldn’t feel his legs, just the heavy weight of the coffin pressing against his left shoulder and all the regret of a life that ended far too soon.

  As the coffin lowered into the ground, his buddy’s last words to him played on his mind.

  Take care of my girl until I see her again.

  * * *

  SHE WAS NUMB. Which was the best way to be... Leslie knew the reprieve from the ache in her chest and pain in her stomach was temporary. She knew the stages of grief, having gone through them too many times already. They would all appear eventually, but right now all she knew was that she had to get away. Escape the constant reminder of the future that had been stolen and distance herself from all the kind, caring sympathy that made her want to throw up.

  She wasn’t sure how she felt—angry, sad, disappointed, heartbroken... Nothing seemed powerful enough to capture the emotions running through her.

  As she walked through the station, head down, avoiding gazes, blocking out the sound of sympathetic wishes as she passed her fellow state troopers, desperate to look anywhere but at the open cubicle desk where Dawson’s unfilled paperwork was still piled high in his in tray, she focused only on what she was there to do.

  If she thought about it too long, she might change her mind.

  Entering her boss’s office, she placed her gun and badge on his desk and walked out before she could fall apart.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Present day

  LEVI WAS HALFWAY back to the station when he pulled his truck to the side of the road. He’d nearly turned around a dozen times already, but for what?

  Leslie hadn’t exactly seemed thrilled to see him. She’d barely spoken to him beyond what was necessary and she’d struggled to look him in the eye. Granted, the circumstances could hardly get worse, so he was desperate not to read too much into her standoffish coldness.

  Seeing her had made him anything but cold.

  The image of her getting out of her car in just a towel was likely to plague him for a long time. He’d add it to his inventory of memories. The ones he didn’t want to try to forget. Yes, some of them were painful and full of heartache, but there had been a lot of good times too.

  Even if he’d been the third wheel.

  And unfortunately, he couldn’t help but question if maybe he wouldn’t have been the third wheel if he hadn’t frozen on the day that had changed everything...

  Since that day on the playground, the three of them had been inseparable. Leslie and Dawson’s passion for movie making had never really rubbed off on Levi, but he accepted the roles they gave him without complaint. Then as they got older, even as their interests changed and new friends were made, they were all still close.

  And with Dawson involved in every sport imaginable, it had been he and Leslie who had spent more time together going to movies, hanging out at Dawson’s sports games, studying... He remembered the day he felt the shift. At thirteen, they were starting to get interested in dating and kissing and she’d been the one to initiate the conversation as they’d collected their books from their lockers after school.

  “Have you kissed anyone yet?” she asked.

  He wanted to be cool so badly, but he knew there was no point in lying to her. His palms had sweat and his mouth was chalky as he’d shaken his head. “You?”

  “No...” She twirled a piece of her blond hair around her finger as she stared at her high-top sneakers. “I was thinking that maybe it might be a good idea to learn...practice with a friend before either of us tries to kiss someone we really like and mess it up.”

  His heart was beating so loudly in his ears that she had to have heard it. She wanted to kiss him. But not because she really liked him—because she wanted to practice on someone safe. Unfortunately, he really did like her and if he was going to kiss her, he wanted it to be special. He didn’t want to be the trial run guy, the safe friends-only guy...

  While he struggled with the words to form a confession, to finally tell her how he felt and put himself out there, she’d misread his silence as being not interested.

  Her cheeks had flushed and she’d laughed. “I was totally kidding, Levi. Man, you should have seen your face.”

  “Oh...um...”

  She’d turned and hurried away as the bell rang. And he’d stood there so long in shock, regret and confusion that he’d gotten a hall slip from the monitor.

  All day, he’d replayed it, kicking himself for not agreeing to it and for not making his own feelings clear.

  He had to stop being such a wimp. Leslie had wanted to kiss him and he’d made a huge mess of it. Now he had to make things right. He’d ask her to the winter formal dance, then if it seemed like she was into him too, he’d go in for a real kiss. One he was prepared for. One that conveyed his true feelings for her. Move away from friends-only and have the relationship he’d been wanting with her since that first day on the playground.

  After school, he caught up to her as she was unpacking her locker.
>
  Play it cool. Apologize for freezing earlier that day and ask her to the dance.

  But as he approached, he saw Dawson heading down the hall toward them from the other direction. He slowed his pace a little. Damn, he didn’t want to ask in front of Dawson. That part of things was going to be potentially awkward as it was if he and Leslie started dating.

  How would their dynamic change if two of them were more than just friends? Would Dawson want to double-date with them? If he ever got serious about anything other than sports? Or would they spend more time apart?

  Dawson reached Leslie first and Levi’s stomach knotted as his buddy produced two winter formal dance tickets from behind his back.

  Two. Not three.

  Shit. No. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Since when was Dawson into Leslie that way? He’d never shown any interest... Was he asking her to go as friends? But then, he would have bought a third ticket and they would all have gone together.

  Levi’s heart raced as he neared them and heard Dawson say the word date.

  Leslie hesitated before answering. She caught sight of Levi and her expression was slightly conflicted.

  Maybe there had been more to the practice kiss she’d been wanting...

  Say something! Do something! Don’t let your buddy steal your girl!

  Unfortunately, as usual, he waited too long, and then it was too late.

  Leslie looked away from him and smiled at Dawson. She nodded her head and Dawson grinned like a moron.

  And that was the first time seeing his two best friends together had broken his heart.

  But no matter how hard it had been over the years, having the two of them in his life had meant everything to him. They were his family.

  And family supported one another. Leslie might be the last person on earth who would ask for help or admit she may be in over her head this time, but he’d be there for her if she needed him. Decision was made, he was staying in the ski resort town for a few nights.