Surprise Lily

by Sharelle Byars Moranville

  “Illy! Ose!”

  Rose put her sister down. She was heavy. But she was nice.

  * * *

  The fresh, breezy day was like heaven after the awful apartment. Rose looked around. There was a row of garages and dumpsters, with another apartment building behind them. Across the street, a gas station and a car wash. An intersection. Across the intersection, a laundromat. And next door, a brick church.

  Rose had no idea where to buy milk.

  In the parking lot, a white-haired man sat in a car with the window down. Rose didn’t see anyone else to ask.

  “Excuse me,” she said, holding Lily’s hand as she went to the window. “I don’t live around here. Where could I buy milk?”

  The man looked at Lily. “Lily, who’s this girl you’re babysitting today?”

  Lily hung her head, but she smiled at the man and swung Rose’s hand back and forth.

  The man told Rose, “You have better manners than the girl who’s been staying with Lily while her mama’s at work.”

  “Thank you,” Rose said.

  “To get your milk, there’s a Hank and Bank’s five or six blocks that way,” he said, pointing through the intersection.

  That was a long way for Lily to walk.

  “I’d drive you, but my daughter says I’m too old and addled. But I like to sit in the car.”

  Rose nodded. “Thanks for the directions.”

  “You take good care of that girl, Lily,” the man called as they walked away.

  Lily turned and waved at him.

  Lily walked slowly, holding on to Rose’s hand, looking up at things. They’d gone only two blocks when she said, “Owie.” She lifted her foot to show Rose.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Owie,” Lily said, shifting from one foot to the next.

  Lily had red patches on her feet and Rose’s stomach was growling and pinching. She sat on the bench in front of a tattoo parlor and lifted Lily up beside her.

  Lily’s legs stuck out, showing her sore-looking feet. A strange feeling washed over Rose. With Lily, Rose was a grown-up. She should have made Lily put her shoes on right.

  She unfastened the sandals and slid them off. “Better?”

  Lily shook her head.

  There was no way Rose and Lily could walk to the Hank and Bank’s and all the way back to the apartment carrying milk. Lily’s regular babysitter must have a car.

  A McDonald’s was across the street in the next block. Iris had said not to waste money, but they needed food and milk.

  “Can you wiggle your toes?” she asked Lily.

  Lily looked at her.

  Rose kicked off her own shoes and stuck out her feet. “Look. Wiggle your toes.”

  Lily stared at her toes.

  Maybe babies couldn’t wiggle their toes. Maddy had probably learned about things like that in her babysitting class. Rose would give anything if Maddy could help her babysit. It would be fun with Maddy. And they could take turns carrying Lily.

  She dreaded going back to the dark, messy apartment. Images of her beautiful room, her desk, and her bookcase full of art supplies tormented her.

  She leapt off the bench and tweaked Lily’s toes, wiggling each one, making Lily giggle. She stroked Lily’s feet, rubbing them gently and blowing on them.

  After a while, she said, “Let me put your shoes on.”

  Lily grabbed a shoe. “Illy.”

  “Great!” Rose said. “You do one and I’ll do one, okay?” Quickly, she put Lily’s left shoe on her left foot. “You put that one on.”

  When both sandals were fastened, Rose helped Lily off the bench and took her hand. Lily toddled along beside her.

  At McDonald’s, Rose read the menu. What did babies eat? Lily had teeth, so maybe she would like what Rose liked.

  Rose ordered chicken nuggets with honey mustard and fries and two milks.

  The world got brighter as Lily filled herself up. A mama with a little girl sat at a table near them. The woman smiled at Rose and Lily.

  Rose smiled back and sat up straighter, wanting to look like a good babysitter.

  “How old is she?” the woman asked.

  Rose had no idea—which felt wrong somehow. Everybody should know how old their sister was.

  “How old are you, sweetie?” the woman asked Lily.

  Lily held up five honey-mustard-covered fingers on one hand and one finger on the other hand.

  The woman laughed. “Six, huh? She’s so cute.”

  When she and Lily were through eating, Rose dumped their trash and took Lily into the restroom because Lily had honey mustard all over her dress. Rose rubbed it with wet toilet paper, but the toilet paper turned to pills. When she tried to lift Lily so she could splash water on the dress, they got tangled up and Lily slipped out of Rose’s arms and banged her chin.

  “I’m sorry!” Rose said.

  Lily wailed.

  “I’m so sorry, Lily!”

  Lily shrieked, her face red.

  “I didn’t mean to,” Rose said.

  Lily’s screams let Rose see all her teeth.

  “Oh, poor Lily,” Rose breathed.

  Lily’s face was purple now. She did a stomping dance and threw herself on the floor. When Rose tried to pick her up, Lily kicked, shrieking until her breath was gone and she lay silent and wide-eyed.

  She wasn’t breathing.

  She was dying.

  She couldn’t die. Rose had just found her.

  Lily caught her breath and began to scream again, kicking and arching her back.

  Someone came in. “Help!” Rose said. “Something’s wrong with my sister!”

  The person, a teenager, looked at Lily. “Did she hurt herself?”

  “She banged her chin on the sink.”

  “Maybe she’s just throwing a fit.”

  “Why?”

  The girl shrugged and rummaged in her purse. She stepped over Lily to get to the mirror. She had to yell to be heard. “She’s two or three, right? They do that.”

  Lily might be two or three. Rose knelt beside Lily again. “Please stop, Lily.”

  Lily turned up the volume. The girl at the mirror rubbed gloss over her lips. “Just ignore her. She’ll run down eventually.”

  Rose tried to tweak one of Lily’s toes and Lily wailed so loud it made echoes.

  The girl was leaving.

  “Why do they throw fits?” Rose pleaded. “Other than because they just do.”

  “My little brother usually threw them for the fun of it. But sometimes he was tired. Or hungry. Or he didn’t feel good.” And the door closed behind her.

  Rose sat on the floor, though it was dirty and streaked with water. She didn’t like to think about how filthy Lily was getting. She’d need another bath. And clean clothes.

  Rose wrapped her arms around her knees and waited.

  Finally, Lily began to wind down and let Rose cuddle her. Rose looked at her chin. There was no mark. “Are you okay now?” she asked.

  Lily nodded.

  * * *

  Lily seemed tired and crabby and sad as Rose unlocked the door and they went into the apartment. Rose had no idea what she was doing. She ached for Ama and home so much she thought she might disappear. But she was in charge, so she made herself say, “I wish I could make you feel better, Lily.”

  Rose put the cartons of milk from McDonald’s in the nasty refrigerator. Then she turned to the piles of boxes on the table and chairs. She should find out if there was any more food in the apartment.

  She set a box on the floor. “Do you want to see what’s in the box, Lily?”

  Solemnly, Lily came and peered into the box. “Bobble!” Her face lit up.

  The bottle was like the ones Rose had fed her baby dolls with, only bigger. Lily snatc
hed it and hugged it to her chest and began to jabber. All Rose understood was Bobble, bobble! She thrust it at Rose.

  “You want me to fill it?”

  “Bobble!”

  It smelled sour when Rose unscrewed the top. “Let’s wash it first.” She pointed to the chair that was still by the sink. “Will you help?”

  Lily scrambled onto the chair.

  When the bottle was clean and full of milk, Lily closed her mouth around the nipple and her eyes glazed over. She led Rose to the ratty bedding on the floor in front of the television.

  Rose made a nest out of the bedding and snuggled beside Lily on the floor. Lily’s eyes went to the television. She looked at Rose and pointed. Rose turned it on to a show for little kids. Lily’s fingers found their way into Rose’s hair and she began to squeeze and pull. It felt weird, but in a nice way. The way Lily looked up at Rose made her think of a sweet little bottle calf. The swell of love in Rose was so huge it made her dizzy, and then she felt the loss. Ama would be taking care of Peanutbutter now. As Lily’s gaze shifted back to the television, Rose let the tears roll down her face. She felt like someone who had walked a hundred miles, outsmarted a two-headed pig, wrestled an octopus, and was still lost in a strange place. But Lily’s sucking sounds and the bubbling of the bottle were soothing and Rose shut her eyes and took comfort from her baby sister.

  * * *

  Rose was folding an origami fortune-teller and Lily was cradling her newly filled bottle as if it were a baby when they heard the key in the door.

  Iris’s face darkened as she came through the door. “What’s she doing with that thing?”

  Lily scooted backward, her eyes big.

  “Sheesh!” Iris strode across the room. As she snatched the bottle, Rose caught a greasy food smell from the bag Iris carried.

  Lily’s mouth began to quiver and her eyes filled with tears. She held out her arms to Rose. Lily felt so tiny and helpless. Being needed by a small, adorable critter filled Rose to overflowing. She glared at Iris.

  “She’s way too old for a bottle!” Iris said. “Where did it even come from?”

  “I found it in that box.” Rose pointed. “I didn’t know she shouldn’t have it. I’m not a real babysitter.”

  Iris sighed loudly and plunked the sack of food on the counter. “Obviously.”

  Trying to stifle her sobs, Lily clung to Rose.

  “It’s my fault she saw her bottle.” Rose tried to keep her voice firm. “Like I said, I’m not a real babysitter. So I’m quitting.” She hoped Iris didn’t call her bluff because there was no way she’d leave Lily.

  Iris looked at Rose. Lily clung tighter.

  “I’m quitting unless you give her bottle back.” She put steel into her voice. How did Iris know Lily was too old? Iris didn’t seem like an encyclopedia of baby knowledge.

  Iris didn’t say anything.

  “If you give it back, I might stay.”

  Iris rolled her eyes, but she left the bottle on the counter as she went into her bedroom and shut the door.

  Rose carried Lily across the room. She let Lily grab the bottle and hug it close. Rose kissed Lily’s head. “There now. Everything’s okay,” she murmured.

  * * *

  When Iris finally came out of the bedroom, Rose and Lily were having a picnic on the living room floor. Rose had spread a towel for a tablecloth. She didn’t know if all the food in the sack was for them, and she didn’t care. She’d opened the white cartons of takeout, and they were eating.

  Lily was making an awful mess with the rice, but so was Rose. Maybe there were forks or spoons somewhere. Probably somewhere weird. The whole apartment was weird. Iris was weird.

  Lily picked the peas out of the rice and put them in a pile. No wonder. They tasted like plastic. If Rose could take Lily to the garden and let her pick sugar snaps and eat them right there with ladybugs flying around, Lily would love peas. Fresh peas tasted like sunshine. And they smelled like heaven. Rose picked out her own peas and added them to the pile.

  Lily watched her mother warily. She had hidden her bottle under the blanket.

  Iris had changed clothes. As she swooshed past, Rose caught a flowery scent that set off alarm bells in Rose. Her mother’s visit when Rose was little flashed in her memory and, as always, a piece was barely missing. Iris still wore her lashes, but the headband was gone. She looked pretty as she swung her purse over her shoulder.

  “See you later,” she said. And she was out the door.

  Is this what babysitting meant? That Iris was going to fly in, change clothes, drop off a sack of food, and fly out again? Rose should unpack. Put things away. Get things organized so Lily didn’t live in this mess.

  * * *

  A while later, Rose had finished giving Lily yet another bath when someone knocked. Dread that it might be Ama pounded against Rose’s ribs. But Aunt Carol called from the hallway. Rose stood on a chair to see through the peephole. Aunt Carol was alone.

  Rose opened the door.

  “Thank goodness!” Aunt Carol pulled her into a hug. “I just got Tulip’s message to look in on you. I’ve been in a big Realtors’ meeting all day. Are you okay? Your grandmother is very worried, and I’ve been sent to calm the waters a little and get you home where you belong.”

  Lily came toddling into the room carrying her bottle. Her curls were damp from the bath and she looked very clean and smelled nice, which Rose was grateful for.

  “This is my sister, Lily,” Rose said.

  “So I heard.” Aunt Carol squatted in front of Lily.

  Lily leaned against Rose.

  “I brought you some things,” Aunt Carol told Lily, patting a canvas tote. “These belonged to my little girl.” She held the tote so Lily could see inside. “Shall we have a look?”

  Aunt Carol sat in a kitchen chair. She let Lily take things out of the bag. Books. A family of tiny, flexible dolls in colorful clothes.

  To Rose, Aunt Carol said, “Where’s Iris?”

  “I don’t know. She came home and then left again.”

  “Have you looked after the little one all day?”

  Rose nodded.

  “How did it go?”

  “Fine.” But Rose was tired.

  Lily was turning the pages of a board book.

  “Do you think Maddy could help me babysit?” Rose asked.

  “Oh, honey, you and Maddy can’t take care of this little person all day, every day.”

  “Her name is Lily.”

  “Ose!” Lily said, looking up. She held the book for Rose to see.

  “I thought maybe Maddy could come over sometimes and just hang out.”

  Aunt Carol sat with her feet together, her arms close to her side as if she didn’t want to touch anything. “You mustn’t get attached. Who knows what Iris will decide to do next?”

  “I can’t leave Lily in a place like this.”

  “Well, you’re going to have to because you have to go home. And Tulip can’t be expected to raise another child.”

  Expected. Rose supposed Ama had been expected to raise her. And it was hard taking care of babies. She understood that now.

  Aunt Carol looked around the room, her eyes stopping on Lily. “I’m sorry you stumbled into this business when you’re just a child yourself. You can’t possibly understand,” Aunt Carol said. “You must let your grandmother come and get you.”

  Rose shook her head. “No.” She was exhausted, but there was no way she was leaving Lily.

  Aunt Carol sighed. “Don’t be silly, Rose. You can’t stay here.” Aunt Carol motioned at the mess.

  “Maybe we could live with you and Uncle Thomas.” They had a huge house.

  “Oh.” Aunt Carol drew her head back. “No. That wouldn’t work. I’m sorry.”

  “I’ll take care of Lily. I’ll wash her and feed her and dress h
er—” Lily came to Rose and tugged her hand. “She can sleep with me. Everything.”

  Aunt Carol looked sad.

  “You won’t even know we’re around,” Rose said. She was begging and Ama said never to beg.

  “We’re leaving for England soon,” Aunt Carol said. “But even if we weren’t, you must go home to your grandmother because that’s where you belong. And,” she said, holding up a finger, “nobody can just take this little one even if they wanted to. Iris is her mother, and mothers have rights.”

  Rose sat on the floor and gathered Lily onto her lap. She put her hands over Lily’s ears before she said, “But Iris doesn’t care.” She buried her face in Lily’s curls. “I’m all Lily’s got.”

  It was getting dusky in the room. Aunt Carol’s white dress made her look like a stern angel perched in the chair, her wings folded tightly. Tonight Rose would tell Lily a story about an angel banished from heaven because her heart was closed tight as a fist. She wished Aunt Carol would go away.

  Aunt Carol stood. “You can’t spend the night alone here with the child. Iris isn’t answering her phone, but I’ll leave a message saying you and the little one are with me.”

  It was getting dark, and Iris might be gone for a long time. There would be voices in the hall and horns in the parking lot.

  “I even went up to the attic and dug out Maddy’s old car seat—hoping you’d come to our house for the night.”

  “Who’s at your house?”

  “Just me. Thomas and Maddy have gone to a Cardinals game. They’re going to spend the night in St. Louis.”

  “Pinky swear there’s nobody else at your house.”

  Aunt Carol hooked her pinky through Rose’s.

  * * *

  Later, in Maddy’s room, Aunt Carol tucked them in the way she always did, but it was Rose and Lily instead of Rose and Maddy. It was a relief to have a grown-up in charge for a while, even if Aunt Carol was kind of coldhearted.

  Lily kept squirming and bonking Rose with her bottle. Rose pretended to be asleep so Lily would go to sleep and Rose could be free for a while, even if just in her head.