by Katy Kaylee
This was the point in my story that my mother was beginning to realize where I had gone wrong. Torryn had been the most important thing in my life and I had left her without a trace. The only person who even knew that I wasn’t dead was my father, and he was threatened not to talk about the home visit. If Torryn asked him about where I had gone, it was likely he had completely ignored her, but if he had told her anything, it was probably just that I was alive and that was all he knew.
“I thought that I could come back,” I continued, after a long, swollen pause. My mother was kneading her blanket with her hands, and I could see it out of the corner of my eye. I wanted to reach over and put my hand on her’s, but suddenly I felt like a delinquent- like she probably didn’t want me touching her at all after hearing about what had happened. “I thought that after the four years was over I could return and make my case to her, explain, at least partially, what had happened. I thought that I could come back with money and show her that I could build a life for us. I thought it was the right thing to do.
“But when I finally came home after four years, she was gone. She had gone off to college in the time I was serving and according to some people in town, she had worked for some pretty impressive places. I didn’t know what to do with myself until Oliver contacted me and asked me to come work for his company. He said that I would be able to take classes while working there, to get a degree, but he was offering me the position because he had seen what I could do. We were partners, worked side by side to crack codes and decipher messages, and sometimes on the side, we would run a kind of lotto game among the people in our squad. We never did get caught.”
I laughed a little, thinking about how much fun it had been to create and run a system there, and how I missed some of the guys I had gotten to know pretty well in that time. I cleared my throat and looked back to my mother, who was looking at me intensely now.
“Well, now you’ve told me the story, Lucas, tell me the ending. What’s bothering you now? Surely it can’t be just that you’re thinking about all the things that happened?”
“Oh,” I said, not believing I had almost forgotten the most important part of the story that I was telling. “Torryn was where I work today. She was interviewing for a position. And it’s clear that she hates me - even after all this time. I just wanted to apologize to her, but it never felt like the right time.”
“Do you still love her, Lucas?”
“What?” I asked, shaking my head. “That would be ridiculous.”
“That’s not what I asked,” she said, lowering her eyebrows and further wrinkling her already worn face. “I asked you if you still love her, even after all this time.”
The room grew silent as I thought about the feeling I got when she walked in the room and the way my hand had felt, holding hers. How I wanted nothing more than to push her hair back from her face and kiss her on the forehead like I used to.
“Yes,” I said, quietly, “of course I do.”
“Then,” my mother said, “you have an obligation. You must stop at nothing to get this girl back. You have to do everything in your power. You owe it to yourself, you owe it to fate, and you owe it to her to at least try.”
At that moment, the door creaked open and a nurse looked in apologetically.
“I’m sorry, Lucas, visiting hours are over.”
“Okay, thank you,” I said, standing and walking over to the bed. My mother reached her arms up, wrapping them around my neck and squeezing me tight. I thanked her, hugging her back gently, afraid that I might accidentally squeeze her too hard.
As I was leaving she started to cough, falling into a fit of wheezing and desperation to breathe. I hurried down the hall, not wanting to hear the dry, rasping noise, knowing that since I had found her, my mother’s health had only declined. I had finally gotten to know her, and now I was going to lose her.
As I hailed a taxi, I realized that made it all the more important that I follow her advice, and I decided that from that moment forward, I was going to do everything I could to get Torryn to fall in love with me again.
Chapter 5
Torryn
“He said what?”
“No,” I laughed, kicking my shoes off and falling into my bed.
Though it was really the only piece of furniture in my apartment so far, it was amazingly comfortable, and I didn’t know how I would have survived in the city without it. It was a California king sized bed, with satin sheets and pillowcases, and a thick gray comforter that kept me warm but was breathable at the same time. It was like the hug that I could give myself at the end of every day.
The rest of the room was sparsely decorated. I had put up a few different pictures and pieces of art that I had collected over the years, but my apartment really looked like someone had just moved in, though I had been in the city for a few weeks. I was starting to wonder if I should have just hired someone to decorate it for me.
Charlie made a noise through the receiver and I reminded myself that I was on a phone call. I scooted up until I was propped up on the wall and staring out the window at the amazing view. “He really said that! He really said it was nice to see me again!”
“What a little fucker,” Charlie nearly growled. “He thinks… ugh! I wish I had been there, Tor, I would give that douchebag a serious piece of my mind!”
“I’m glad you weren’t there,” I laughed, “I don’t want him bloody and bruised.”
“Do you want revenge at all?” Charlie asked, and I could hear her eye roll as she said it. In her mind, getting back at someone meant they had a fat lip and were terrified of ever seeing her again. I know I would be, if she unleashed her fury on me.
But my idea of getting back at him was different than that. I didn’t need him to be in physical pain, I didn’t want to kick him in the balls or even slip laxatives into his coffee (something Charlie had done before).
“I just want him to feel the same pain,” I said, my voice suddenly dropping the mirth and becoming serious. At that moment, I was reminded of all the crying I had done over that boy, all the times I had questioned if anyone would ever love me because my boyfriend had cheated on me, and then within a few months, the person I thought was the love of my life left me without a word. “I just want him to understand how it felt when he left. I want him to understand how much I hated him, how much I hated myself.”
“Oh,” Charlie said, “oh, Tor. I know, I remember how you were for the longest time. But… you’re not still thinking like that, right? You know you’re amazing, right? You know you’re a fucking queen, a boss, you went right into the business world and fucked it up, right?”
I laughed at her little pep talk, knowing she watched far too many sports movies, Rocky being her favorite. She was trying to get me ready to fight, to take him out the same way she would.
And I wanted to. Other than being sad that it had happened and that I had seen him again, I wanted nothing more than to make his life miserable, to show him that all those years ago when he was off doing whatever, wherever he had gone, I was dying inside. I wanted him to regret ever hurting me.
“Right, Tor?”
I shook my head, realizing she had been talking to me before I went off on my own little personal monologue. I ran my hand through my hair and tried to focus on what Charlie had said, though my mind just kept pulling me back to earlier that day, going through everything that had happened when the two of us had been talking.
“Yeah,” I said, “I know that.”
“So what’s your plan, girl?” Charlie asked, pulling me out of my never-ending thought loop in which I imagined him crying, crawling on his hands and knees, his handsome face puffy and red from sobbing and calling out my name. I imagined standing there, in my heels and shaking my head, turning away from him, while he wailed and begged for me to come back.
A smile spread over my face.
“My plan?” I asked, thinking back to what had run through my head as soon as I left KGOLD. “My plan is to get that
job and use every seductive fiber in my body to get him to fall in love with me again. I’m going to make him think I’ve got nothing against him, that all this time I’ve just been waiting for him to come back to me. I’m going to make it to where he can’t live without me.”
“Okay…” Charlie said, slowly, like she was waiting for the punchline of a joke. “And?”
“And I’m going to break his heart,” I said, simply, like that was obvious. Charlie laughed her hearty, deep laugh, the one that meant she thought my plan was a good idea.
“That’s so juvenile, Tor,” she said, laughing so hard I could hear her wiping tears from her eyes. “I love it. I fucking love it. Who cares if it’s a poorly written plot on every sitcom ever - I can’t wait for this to work. I can’t wait to hear about how he reacts when he realizes what happened. But for this to work, you’ll have to actually get the job, right? And if he’s in charge of hiring you, and if you really were as mean as you say you were… I mean, it just doesn’t seem like he would want to hire you, you know?”
“Yeah,” I said, “I will have to get the job in order for it to work, but I think ultimately the HR department is in charge of hiring me, and unless he pulls some kind of weight in that company that I don’t know about, I don’t think him saying anything would change much. With my credentials and my success, it’s not likely that they’ll turn me down for the job.”
“Wow,” she said, and I could almost imagine her shaking her head and grinning at my self-confidence. “I am loving this plan, then.”
“I might even actually leave,” I said, sliding down onto my back and looking up at the ceiling. “Maybe just decide to leave for a little trip home without telling him. Maybe that would give him the same feeling I had. Like it’s far too easy to be left behind.”
“Torryn…”
“Don’t worry,” I said, cutting her off, “I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I’m just being precise. That’s how I felt at the time. Now I know I am worth much more than that.”
“Okay,” Charlie said, “good. Life is too short to let people get away with things like this, Torryn. Lucas needs to be taught a lesson.”
As she was talking, I heard someone in the background, someone who sounded like a man, someone who grumbled when they spoke. Faintly, I made out the word “boss” and chewed my lip, trying to figure out where Charlie was.
“Charlie,” I said, “who was that?”
“Who was what?” She asked, a little too quickly.
“That,” I said, “in the background, who was that, talking? He had a really low voice?”
“Oh,” Charlie said, “Tor, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Charlie!” I said, right as my phone started to buzz in my ear. I pulled it away to see a number that I didn’t recognize, so I put it back to my ear and hissed at my best friend. “This isn’t over, Charlie, you’re going to tell me who that was in the background there!”
She just laughed as I ended the call and answered the one that was coming in. Right away, a professional sounding person asked for me by name, and a chill went down my back with anticipation as I tried to figure out which company this call was from.
“Hello, this is the HR manager at KGOLD companies here in the city. I wasn’t available to conduct your interview today but I am looking over my interview notes here and I am very impressed with what you have listed here! I am proud to tell you that we would like to offer you the position.”
He went over some things, like my benefits and salary, and asked if I was in agreement with the terms. I confirmed that I was, and he said he looked forward to seeing me on Monday to give me a tour and help me to get my office set up. I thanked him and hung up, before immediately calling Charlie back.
“Charlie!”
“Listen, Tor, it’s nobody-”
“I got the job, Charlie!” I was too excited to go back to needling her about the voice in the background. When she was ready to tell me about it, she would, and I had faith in that. She seemed relieved that I wasn’t going to press on with the questions and she squealed into the phone, then clapped her hands.
“That’s great, Tor! Does that mean the plan is in full swing?”
I had been so excited about getting the job, I had completely forgotten about everything that we had talked about before the call came in. With Charlie’s reminder, anticipation filled my stomach. I was ready to really do it.
Before moving to the city, I had been looking forward to doing my best at whatever company I worked at - which I was sure was going to be KGOLD. But now that I had a chance to resolve something from my past, to finally do something about what was done to me, I was more than ready to take on the task.
“Yeah,” I said, getting up and walking through my semi-empty apartment. I walked to the bathroom and examined myself in the mirror. I was going to get a facial, I was going to get my haircut, I was going to get myself some new, alluring professional clothing.
I was going to make it very hard for Lucas to forget about me. Everywhere he went, I was going to be, waiting for him. Making him want me, and eventually, making him fall in love with me.
And then I was going to break his heart just like he broke mine.
Chapter 6
Lucas
I bounced on my feet, desperately searching through the crowds of people rushing in and out of the lobby. It was a Monday morning, which meant it was busy here, as everyone was trying to get their business taken care of right away. My eyes quickly sorted through all the faces of the people I didn’t care for, the woman and men who I saw on a regular basis, some of whom even greeted me, and categorized them as unimportant.
My brain had gone into sorting mode, and I was on a mission to find the woman I was waiting for as quickly as possible. Suddenly, the people around me became nothing more than numbers, a set of values, a constant stream of negative, negative, negative.
Until I saw her.
She walked through the door and immediately surveyed her surroundings, but she didn’t see me waiting for her. I gripped the coffees in my hands and watched as she made her way effortlessly through the crowd, her legs stunning in the tight pencil skirt she was wearing. After a moment, I realized I needed to catch up with her if I wanted to give her the coffee, so I sprang to action, forcing my way through the crowd and trying not to spill the roasting hot coffee in my hands.
As I was walking toward her, I thought about what had happened on Friday after she left. I’d delivered my notes to the HR office, then left to go see my mother. After seeing her, I came back to the office to give Oliver a full report about the interview, even though I didn’t have to. I could have just gone back to my apartment, but I wanted her to be hired there. Or at least, I wanted her to have the chance. I knew it was possible that after she realized I was working here, she might not want to work for KGOLD anymore. But I knew that I had to give it a shot.
Oliver was a little suspicious that I had come all the way back to the office just to tell him about the interview with her, but I told him it was just that I thought she was going to be something great for the company. After a little while, he believed me and said he would send in my good word to the HR department, along with his own support that if I liked her and thought she was going to do great, then Oliver wanted her application prioritized.
I’d gotten news from him later that evening that HR had gone ahead and decided to move ahead with the hire, especially after the high praise from us. I’d gone to bed that night thinking that I was going to have to up my game and give wowing her my all if I wanted her to come back to me. I was going to have to prove to her that I was never going to leave her again.
If she would even take me back in the first place.
I caught up to her right as she was boarding the elevator, and I cleared my throat, making it seem like a coincidence that we had gotten on the elevator at the same time. I smiled at her, then glanced down at the coffees in my hand as though I was realizing something.
&nbs
p; “Oh,” I said, “they got my first order wrong at the coffee place, do you want it? I noticed you don’t have any.”
She looked taken aback for a moment that I was talking to her, then something strange passed over her face and she smiled at me, nodding and reaching out to take the drink. She took a sip, then met my eyes and smiled again.
“Wow,” she said, “that’s really good.”
It was her order from high school. A cinnamon latte with an extra shot of espresso and whipped cream on top. In all this time, I still hadn’t forgotten it, and when I ordered it this morning, I could only hope it was still her order.
It was strange though, I had been expecting a lot of resistance to start, but now she was smiling at me like it was her job. With a start, I wondered if she thought she had to be extra nice to me because I was now her co-worker. Not even her superior, based on her job-description, just someone she now worked with.
I tried to think of something to say that might ease her mood a bit, maybe to wish her luck during her first day, but before I could say anything, she held up the cup that her coffee was in, tilting her head and pointing to the side of the cup where a “T” was clearly printed. I went red immediately, realizing I had told them to mark the coffees so I would remember what belonged to each of us, but I hadn’t thought about the fact that she would probably notice that.
“Oh,” I said, clearing my throat and desperately scrambling for an explanation.
“They got the order wrong and they marked the cup incorrectly? What a bad morning for you.” She grinned at me, and something passed silently between us, the knowledge that she had won this round. I smiled back her, genuinely, unable to control it. She had always been the only person who managed to get me flustered. In high school, I had only messed up when I was around her, and I had only let my guard down when she was near.
And now she was going to be near all the time, and I didn’t mind.
The elevator door opened on the floor where HR was housed and she stepped out, looking back at me and winking, a move that made heat erupt in my stomach and move dangerously low, a slow throbbing sort of lust that I had seldom felt since I’d been with her in high school.