Forever Burn

by Trinity Lemm

  “Marry him,” Kendall spat.

  “Marry him, now,” Macey added.

  “Guys,” I couldn’t contain my happiness, “I’m not getting married for a long while.”

  “Then I’ll marry him,” Macey said.

  My smile quickly turned to a defensive grimace. “Absolutely not.”

  Macey raised her brows. “See,” she said, “you’re so in love with him.” I rolled my eyes with a smile.

  “Tate,” Kendall spoke softly, “he’s seriously perfect for you.”

  “You think so?”

  “Definitely,” she answered, taking another sip of her martini.

  Macey nodded in agreement. “And he’s hot,” Macey said. I rolled my eyes again, moving my hair out of my face. “But for real. He’s like… everything you’ve always been looking for.” I lightly brought my fingers up to my lips, hiding my smirk.

  “I think he’s a good guy,” Kendall added.

  “Do you know how pretty your babies would be?” Macey said.

  My eyes widened. “One step at a time, Mace.”

  “Just saying,” she said.

  Relief washed over me that my sisters approved of Axel. I had suspected that they would, but having the assurance was comforting.

  I thought about Axel for a moment. Thinking about the sight of his beautiful green eyes and the dimples that sunk into his cheek when he smiled. The way he constantly made it clear that he loved me and only needed me. I loved him. So much. Being with him made me happy, but now that I was thinking about it, the fear was starting to creep back. I knew that Axel loved me. He showed me and reminded me every day, but what would happen the day that he decided he didn’t anymore? The day he decided I wasn’t good enough anymore?

  My heart raced with the thought, and I fell asleep next to Axel on the couch, praying to be able to stay that way forever.

  My sisters and I spent the rest of the weekend together, walking around the mall, getting our nails done, and having a wine night. Saying goodbye to them was hard, but it gave me hope that I would be able to go home to see them soon.

  I tried not to worry while they were still here, or even after they left, but worry was all I knew. I didn’t express my concerns to Axe, because I knew he would just assure me that he wasn’t going to leave and that everything would be okay, but Connor used to do the same thing. Axel had made it clear that he was nothing like Connor, but my brain was still just a little fucked up. Even with my lingering fear, I didn’t allow it to affect our relationship.

  Axel and I had just gotten back to the apartment from class. We had planned all of our second semester classes together, mirroring each other’s schedules as much as possible, so that we could spend even more time together outside of class.

  I was laying on my stomach on the couch with my computer in front of me, trying to write my business essay.

  “Alright, what do you have so far?” Axe asked, lying next to me as he tried his best to help.

  “I have an introduction and my first body paragraph, but I need two more body paragraphs,” I sighed.

  “Too bad it’s not a chemistry paper. I’d kick that paper’s ass.”

  “Gross,” I wrinkled my nose. “I hate chemistry.”

  Axe chuckled, taking another look at my computer. “Well your first paragraph is good.”

  “I just don’t know how to even start the second one,” I grumbled. I twirled the little hairs sticking out of my ponytail as I got up and made my way over to the kitchen. As I pulled the orange juice out of the fridge to pour a glass, there was a knock on the door. Axe got up and stretched his arms out, then jogged over and opened it.

  Brooke shifted her weight nervously. She glanced around, her mind clearly racing as she stood, looking uneasy.

  “Brooke,” Axe spoke, “what are you doing here?”

  She pressed her lips together into a hard line as she glimpsed beyond Axe, peeking over at me. I held my glass of orange juice tightly in my hand, too confused to even take a sip.

  “I, um, I need to talk to you,” she said to Axe.

  “Okay… what is it?”

  She licked her lips. “Can I talk to you in private?”

  “Whatever it is, you can say in front of both of us,” Axe said, trying to ensure me that he wasn’t trying to hide anything.

  “Axel, I don’t really want—”

  “What is it?” he insisted.

  Brooke rubbed her arms with her hands and looked down for a second. “Well I was originally going to just call you, but I figured I should talk to you in person instead,” she paused, clearly struggling with what she was trying to spit out. “I’m pregnant. And there’s a possibility that it’s your baby.”

  I dropped my glass, watching it shatter across the floor. My shaking hands made their way up towards my face, holding them against my mouth.

  Axel flinched at the sound, turning towards me to make sure I was okay. I moved my foot slightly, yelping in pain as a piece of glass cut it open.

  “Brooke, I’ll call you later, okay?” Axel abruptly said, shutting the door and hurriedly making his way over to me. He carefully stepped around the glass, reaching for me. He picked me up and carried me to the couch, slowly setting me down. Axe delicately blotted my bloody wound with a wet towel, then grabbed a bunch of bandages and wrapped them around my foot.

  I watched him, my eyes glossing over. “Did you not use a condom that day?” I asked, disregarding my new injury.

  Axe took a deep breath. “I’ve never not used a condom with any of the women I’ve ever slept with, but… that morning was so fuzzy…” he trailed off.

  “Did you? Or did you not?” I seethed through my teeth, waiting for my tears to spill over.

  “I—I don’t know,” he covered his face with his hands.

  “Call her,” I said, still not caring that I had just sliced my foot open.

  “I’ll call later,” he shook his head, reaching for me.

  I backed away. “No, call now,” I demanded.

  He sighed and reluctantly got up, searching for his phone. He dialed her number and put it on speaker.

  “Hello?” Brooke answered.

  “Hey,” Axe said, unsure of what he was supposed to say.

  “Hey, um, so basically… I’m nine weeks, which goes back to the week you and I had… slept together. Um, I’m going to be getting a prenatal paternity test done because there is another guy that might be the father and I don’t want to wait until the baby is born to find out.”

  “Okay,” Axe quietly said, his hands shaking.

  “So, I’m going to need a blood sample from you,” she said. Her nerves were echoing through the phone.

  “Okay, no problem. Um, Brooke?”

  “Yeah?”

  I could tell he was trying to look anywhere other than at me. “Did we not use a condom that day?”

  “I feel like we did, but I honestly can’t remember.”

  I dropped my head back, wondering how Axel could’ve been so stupid. I pulled my injured foot closer to me, anger and sadness both bubbling up inside.

  Axe could tell I was on edge. He breathed heavily. “How long will the test take?”

  “A couple of weeks,” Brooke answered.

  “Okay, just… keep me updated. I’ve gotta go,” he hung up the phone.

  I wiped my tears away, looking down.

  “Baby,” Axe said, grabbing my hand.

  I tugged it away from him, not wanting to feel his touch for the first time since we met. I shook my head as more tears spilled over.

  “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, rubbing his forehead.

  “Just,” I sighed, “I’m gonna go.”

  “Stay,” he begged.

  “I’m gonna go,” I repeated. I went to stand, but pain rippled through my foot when I put weight on it. I winced, closing my eyes. Axe gripped my arm, helping me stabilize myself.

  “Tate, you shouldn’t drive like this. If you really want to go, then I’ll drive you.”


  I shook my head. “I don’t wanna leave my car here.”

  “I’ll pick you back up tomorrow so you can come get it.”

  “No,” I breathed, heavily.

  I hobbled out of his grip and hopped over to the door, realizing that I would have to climb down numerous flights of stairs.

  Axe raced over to me. “I’ll carry you,” he sadly said. I knew he wanted me to stay, but I had made it clear that I didn’t want to, and Axe wasn’t going to hold me against my will.

  He grabbed my computer and my bag before picking me up and carrying me all the way to my car. My left foot was the one that had endured the damage, so I was still able to drive with my dominant foot. I’d be fine.

  Once I had successfully limped up to my room using the elevator, Penelope stared at me as I stood in the doorway.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  My bottom lip quivered and my tears began to tumble. Penelope came and hugged me tightly, rubbing her hand up and down my back to comfort me.

  “What happened?” she asked, still keeping me close. I couldn’t get the words out as I put all my weight onto my one, good foot.

  It felt like everything was finally collapsing. It wasn’t for certain if Axel was the father, but I assumed the worst. And once those results were given, it would tear us apart.

  Penelope helped me over to the futon before running out of the room. She reappeared a minute later with Claire and Gianna. They both pulled me in for a comforting hug, and then helped me get my foot situated.

  “What happened, Tate?” Gianna calmly asked.

  I finally got myself together, breathing deeply to slow down my racing heart.

  “Brooke,” I said, shaking my head.

  “Brooke? Ew, what did that skank do now?” her eyebrows shot up. “Did he sleep with her again?”

  I shook my head quickly. “No, worse.”

  “What could be worse than that?” Claire asked.

  I bit the inside of my lip, dreading what I was about to say. “She’s pregnant. And the baby might be Axel’s.”

  It was silent for a few moments before anyone spoke again. “Okay, yeah, you’re right. That’s definitely worse,” Claire said.

  It felt embarrassing to say it aloud. That my boyfriend may have had knocked up some other chick. At this point, I would’ve rather had me be the pregnant one.

  Everyone’s jaw stayed open, clearly just as surprised, confused, and worried as me.

  “So, did you break up with him?” Claire asked.

  “No,” I said, dropping my head into my hands. “I don’t know what to do,” I cried.

  “Do you love him?” Gianna asked.

  I looked up at her with splotchy eyes. “Of course, I do.”

  “Then there’s your answer. Don’t let this tear you guys apart.”

  I put my head down again, trying to clear my thoughts. I did love Axe, and even though I felt like I was falling apart, I still wanted to be with him. I had put up a fight with myself for months to get myself to let my guard down and let Axel in. And now that I finally had, now that we were finally happy together, I couldn’t let Brooke fuck that up.

  I had six missed calls from Axel since I left the apartment, and knowing him, he would show up at my room soon. I dialed his number to talk to him before he hopped in his car and made his way over here.

  “Hey, baby,” he quietly answered.

  “Hi,” I said in my small, frail voice. “I wanna come talk to you. I’m probably gonna ask Gianna for a ride.”

  He sighed through the phone. “Okay.”

  “You okay?”

  “I mean…” he trailed off.

  “I know… I’ll see you in a bit.”

  I hung up the phone and turned to Gianna. She nodded at me and proceeded to help me limp to the car with my crippled foot.

  I didn’t know why, but I was a little nervous to talk to Axel. It had only been a few hours since I last saw him, but I had no idea what thoughts had been going through his head for those hours.

  When we got there, he immediately picked me up and carried me into his bedroom, trying to make me avoid any walking whatsoever.

  “Alright,” he looked down, “let’s hear it.”

  I brought my eyebrows together. “Hear what?”

  “You telling me you wanna break up.”

  I eyed him in awe. “Is that why you sounded so upset over the phone? Because you think I wanna breakup?” He nodded, worry still resting in his gaze. “Axe, that’s not why I came here to talk to you. That’s like, the complete opposite, actually.”

  Axe’s worry fell, and he scooted closer to me. “So, you don’t wanna breakup?”

  I gave a small smile, shaking my head. “No. I came here to tell you that I still love you and that I want to support you and be with you. Even if you did fuck up,” I rolled my eyes at the end.

  Axe beamed, his face lighting up. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me on top of him, repeatedly kissing my face over and over again everywhere.

  “Fuck, I love you so much. I was so fucking scared that you were gonna come here and dump my ass. I wouldn’t know what to do if you did.”

  I played with his hair, still unsatisfied with the situation, but satisfied that I was at least in his arms.

  “Tate?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You’re the fucking best. And I’m sorry all of this got put on you. I’m gonna make it up to you.”

  “Last time you said that, you bought me a necklace that was way too expensive. So no, you do not need to ‘make it up to me,’” I made quotations with my hands at the last part.

  “I’m gonna throw you a rager for your birthday in a few weeks.”

  I laughed. “You’re gonna throw me a rager?”

  “Hell yeah. Because you deserve one. And your birthday is definitely something to celebrate,” he kissed my wrist.

  I giggled. “You don’t need to throw me a party, Axe.”

  “Well I’m going to,” he said, kissing my face all over again.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The Ragdoll

  Within a few weeks, my foot was completely healed. All that was left of the incident was a small scar. Axe had given his blood sample to Brooke to get the prenatal paternity test done and each day that passed made me more anxious about it. I could tell Axe was trying to keep us both occupied by planning the party and doing other little things to distract us from our real problems, but in reality, it was killing me. I didn’t want to wait a few more weeks to find out the results. There was the possibility that Axel wasn’t the father, but with my shitty luck, he would be. The thought of Axel having a child that wasn’t mine, even though the last thing I would want right now was to be pregnant, was still an unsettling feeling. And if or when those results came back positive, I wouldn’t know what to do. I would lose the only sense of security that I had. The only man that ever truly loved me.

  Axel had actually planned an entire birthday party for me at the apartment that weekend and I was honestly excited for it. It made me look forward to something other than getting the test results, which was what my mind had been focused on the most lately.

  I walked towards my dorm after class, snuggled up in my winter coat. The freezing cold air was drying out my skin, which pissed me off.

  “Tate, wait up!”

  I turned to reveal a jogging Lucas coming up from behind me.

  “Hey,” he said, slightly out of breath as he appeared next to me.

  “Hey…” I continued to walk. “What are you doing all the way over here? Isn’t Jameson Hall across campus?”

  “Well yeah, but I’m going up to hang out with Penelope,” he pointed to my building.

  I nodded, relieved to know that I wasn’t the reason for him being on this side of campus.

  “So, um,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “I heard your birthday party is this weekend?”

  Oh no. He wasn’t invited for a reason. Ever since Lucas started to hang out with Penel
ope, he bothered me fairly less than he used to, but Axel was still not a fan of him. I didn’t want to be rude about the topic, but I had a gut feeling that giving Lucas an invite would only end in disaster.

  I shrugged. “Yeah, um, Axel planned the whole thing,” I said, hoping that mentioning Axel’s name would scare him off and cause him to drop the topic.

  “Oh cool, so what time does it start?”

  The fuck? Did he not understand that he couldn’t come? I was under enough stress with the possibility that my boyfriend may have impregnated some other girl, so I really did not need him showing up and wrecking the party. On top of that, I was definitely more irritable than usual from the whole situation.

  “Lucas, I really, really don’t wanna be a bitch, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come. Same goes with Jason.”

  “Because of Axel?” he asked, frustrated.

  “Yeah, I mean, you two clearly don’t get along and the party is at his apartment so…” I trailed off, expecting him to get the hint.

  “Well if I could guarantee you that there would be no problems, could we come?”

  Why was he still pushing it? I didn’t understand why he was so butt hurt about not being invited. It’s not like him and I were best friends anyways, or any type of friends for that matter. I could feel the annoyance growing inside of me. I took a deep breath, pressing my lips into a hard, straight line.

  “It’s not my apartment. So, I really don’t want to go around inviting whoever,” I snapped.

  His jaw worked under his skin, obviously unsatisfied with my answer. He made a loud sigh. “Gotcha,” he said, trying to hold his anger in as he held the door to Stanley open for me. I gave a tiny smile as a thank you, attempting to brush away the awkwardness that lingered in the air.

  As far as I was concerned, Lucas had been treating Penelope really well, probably better than Jason had been treating Claire. But if either of them showed up this weekend, all hell would most likely break loose, and more stress was exactly what I didn’t need.

  We made our way upstairs, not saying much in the elevator. And when we got to my hallway, I went straight to Gianna and Claire’s room. The very last thing I wanted was to be stuck in a room with Penelope and a pissed off Lucas, breathing in the tense air.