Paradox

by D. L. Line

  Jen sat up and swung her feet over the side of the bed while Terri headed for the bathroom.

  “Go on and start the water for the tea, Jen. I just need a second here.”

  Jen listened as the bathroom door clicked shut and the water came on. She padded barefoot down the steps and into the kitchen, stopping long enough to light a candle on the counter; soft light seemed the best option for fragile nerves. She put the kettle on and took two mugs out of the cabinet.

  When she heard the unmistakable sound of toenails on hardwood, Jen turned to see Snickers standing by his food bowl and yawning, apparently wondering why people were up so early. She sat on the floor, cross-legged, and patted her lap, urging her muttly little friend to come sit with her. “Hey, buddy.” She skritched behind his ears and thumped him on the back as he attempted to wiggle into the nest of her crossed legs. Soft footfalls on the steps alerted her to Terri’s arrival, but she stayed on the floor with Snickers.

  “You two look comfy.”

  Jen looked up at Terri in the soft light. Wrapped in a robe, with wet hair and dark circles under her eyes, she didn’t look like a badass FBI agent. She looked vulnerable, almost fragile.

  “We’re good, aren’t we, Snickers?” After a couple more well placed pats to the dog’s flanks, Jen looked up. “What about you, baby? Are you better now?”

  Terri sat on the floor with her back against the stove next to Jen. “I’m pretty sure I’m not going to bite your head off again, if that’s what you mean by better.”

  Jen laughed. “That’s good.” She smiled when Terri reached over to squeeze her hand.

  “I’m really sorry, sweetie. What I said was totally uncalled for.”

  Jen waved it off. “It’s okay. I’ve never really pushed that hard before, and it probably caught you off guard. I’m sorry if it pissed you off.”

  “Well, it did piss me off.”

  Jen stiffened but relaxed as she felt her hand squeezed again.

  “But while I was in the bathroom, I realized that I wasn’t pissed at you. I guess I’m really angry with myself. I’ve let this thing brew because I didn’t want to trouble you with it. I’m just used to dealing with everything alone, and I’m not always sure how to open up.”

  “I’m sure the nightmares don’t help.”

  “No, they don’t. I know we haven’t talked about it much, but it’s tough to watch someone you love as much as I love you get their brains splattered all over the wall night after night and still trust that they’re going to be here tomorrow. So yeah, I stuff a lot of things that bother me.”

  Jen turned her attention from the hand that was holding hers to Terri’s sad eyes. It hurt to see someone she loved in so much pain. “Baby, I’m not going anywhere. Is that what you’re worried about?”

  “Honestly, Jen, yes. I came so close to losing you that I get scared. And there are some other things that I’ve just never asked about.”

  “Things? What things?”

  The look on Terri’s face told Jen that she was having difficulty with the answer. “Baby, whatever it is, you can say it.”

  “I know. Well, maybe I don’t or I would have said something before. This is going to sound stupid—”

  Jen stopped that thought with a hand to Terri’s chin, pulling her face up to make eye contact. “Terri, listen to me. If it bothers you this much, it’s not stupid. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

  “It’s something that happened a long time ago, and I should have said something earlier. Do you remember last winter? The phone call from Davis?”

  Jen shuddered. She definitely remembered the phone call from the man who tried to kill her. “You said he called you at work and made a lot of noise about stuff just to mess with your head. You never told me exactly what he said.”

  “He did make a lot of noise, mostly about things you’d done in the past. I ignored it at the time, and then everything happened, and I got hurt, and then you weren’t here, and now you are, so I just let it go. Maybe I didn’t really let it go. He said some hateful stuff about you.”

  “What did he say?” Terri once again seemed hesitant, so Jen pushed some more. “Terri, you have to tell me. I need to know what he said so I can try to fix it. It might not be true.”

  “God, this is hard.” Terri hesitated for just a second before plowing ahead. “Jen, he accused you of some things. I don’t want to believe it, but I need to know. He said you were involved in some illegal computer stuff. Was that true?”

  Jen nodded. “Since we’re doing the big honesty thing here, I have to say yes. But before you freak out, it was only a couple of times, and I would never do it again.”

  “Jen, what did you do?”

  Jen considered and rejected several options to explain her actions. She opted again for the honest approach. “Okay...the Weasel taught me how to hack into banks. I did that a few times.” She stopped, allowing the words to sink in. “But I never stole anything. It was kind of a rush just to be able to get in. That’s big stuff to a nineteen-year-old kid.”

  “I suppose.”

  “The worst thing I did was I hacked into the university intranet and—”

  “And what?”

  “I’m sorry, Terri. This is really hard.”

  “Jen, what did you do?”

  Jen cringed. She knew the answer wasn’t something that her honest-to-a-fault FBI agent would like. “I made a deal with some people to hack into the system and change their grades.”

  “What kind of a deal did you make with these people?”

  Well, it was out there now. “They offered me money. I was always broke, so I took it.”

  Terri said nothing. She got up, pulling her hand away as Jen reached for it. “I’m really sorry, but it was a long time ago. I know it was wrong. Can’t we just chalk it up to me being a stupid kid?” She reached for Terri’s hand one more time, and again met with nothing but air.

  “Just give me a minute. What kind of tea do you want?”

  Jen began inwardly kicking herself. Maybe complete disclosure wasn’t the right option. “Whatever you’re having. I really don’t care.”

  Terri again said nothing as she reached over the stove to the cupboard with the tea. Jen watched from her spot on the floor as Terri pulled down the box of vanilla almond, holding it out for approval. Jen nodded and returned her attention to Snickers’ ears while Terri dropped the teabags into the mugs on the counter and then poured water over them. She sat back down next to Jen and took her hand.

  “That’s pretty bad stuff, you know?”

  Jen was still feeling about an inch tall, but was comforted by the warmth of Terri’s hand surrounding her own. “I know, baby. It was really stupid. I could have gotten tossed out of school, or worse.”

  “That’s fraud, and it’s a felony offense. You could have gotten arrested. It’s good that there’s such a thing as statute of limitations, or you could still be liable for your actions.”

  “Are you going to handcuff me and turn me in, Agent McKinnon?”

  “Sweetie, this isn’t funny. Besides, I think you’d enjoy the cuffs, and that’s off topic. You broke the law in a big way. I know I haven’t been much of one lately, but I’m still a cop. I have to let it go, but you’ll understand that it makes me worry.”

  Jen pushed Snickers out of her lap so she could turn, getting on her knees in front of Terri. “Baby, I know it was wrong and I can promise you that I’ll never do anything like that again. You have to believe me. I know it would make a mess for you, and I seriously learned my lesson about the time Davis was holding a gun to my head.” She hesitated while Terri shuddered, evidently recalling her earlier nightmare. “I have lots of incentive to behave myself now. Promise. Besides, Denny was in my office just last week asking about the same thing.” She hesitated again as a puzzled expression crossed Terri’s features. “Someone called her about a job. It sounded like one of those hacking for cash deals. I told her in no uncertain terms that it was a bad idea, and I’m pretty
sure she listened to me.”

  “I hope she did. We’re busting people right and left for that exact same thing. It’s a huge problem. But I do believe you when you say you won’t do it again. I’ve never had my life threatened by a lunatic hacker from my past, but I’ve been pretty close to it. That would make me behave—”

  “Same here. Trust me, baby. Never again.”

  “I do trust you.”

  Jen finally felt the tension in the room recede. As she leaned forward to offer a hug, she remembered something else. “Baby?” She sat back on her heels, once again taking Terri’s hands in her own.

  “Hmmm?”

  “You said that he said a couple of things to you. While we’re still on the honesty train here, what was the other thing?”

  “Well, actually, he might have mentioned something else. He asked me if you hit on me. He kind of suggested that you might have been working me romantically just for the protection of the FBI.”

  Jen sat back on her heels as her mouth dropped open in shock. “That asshole! I can’t believe that he said that. Terri, I’ve been completely honest with you about all of that stuff. Granted, when I was younger, I had a little trouble keeping my pants zipped, especially if there were softball players involved, and there was that one time, well, two times, at the Women’s Final Four, but...” She waved a hand in the air to dispel her own musing, “So now, despite the appearance of my new graduate assistant, I am over that and only have eyes for one extremely hot blue-eyed cop. And I know she feels the same way about me. So, regardless of my history, I’m all yours now, whether you want me or not.”

  Jen pulled her close for another hug, then backed away to offer a long kiss, pushing aside the last wall that she had to hide behind. “Agent McKinnon, you are stuck with me. So please try to take some comfort from that. Okay?”

  “Okay. I will.”

  “You’d better.” Jen could plainly see that Terri was still thinking, so she urged her on. “Something else? I can see it all over your face.”

  “Women’s Final Four, huh? You didn’t tell me about that one.”

  “Not much to tell really. She was hot, and actually, she looked a lot like you.” Jen stopped and attempted to revise her statement, quickly realizing that she was dangerously close to treading on thin ice, as evidenced by Terri’s arched brow. “Well, not a lot like you. Just maybe sort of a little bit like you. With a limp. Oh, and I seem to remember now that she might have—”

  “Jen, you can stop now.”

  Jen swiped the back of her hand across her forehead in an exaggerated fashion. “Whew, good. I was kind of digging a hole for myself there. But you’re smiling now, so it’s good, right?”

  “Yeah, Jen, it’s good.”

  Jen reached over Terri’s head, grabbed both mugs, and offered one to Terri. “Here. Now drink your tea. It’s getting cold. Do you want some breakfast?”

  “Jen, sweetie, it’s three thirty in the morning. How about if we just go back to bed?”

  Jen stretched and yawned as full realization dawned that it was, in fact, still the middle of the night. “That sounds like a great idea.”

  Chapter Eight

  Terri waited, bouncing lightly on her toes, shifting her weight from foot to foot. After a fourth obsessive check of her watch, she huffed and set her computer bag down. Bobby was late. But then again, that was really nothing new. As she was just about to give up waiting and call him, a large, gray, windowless panel van pulled into the driveway of the parking garage where she was standing. She huffed again, slightly agitated at being made to wait, pulled the passenger side door open, and climbed into the van. Shooting a quick, evil glance at Bobby in the driver’s seat, she began to chastise him for his tardiness.

  “You’re late.”

  Bobby waved it off. “Sorry. You know me. I had to make myself pretty for you.”

  She laughed at the ridiculous notion. “Bobby, give it up.”

  Bobby grinned. “I have to try. No, really, the van wasn’t ready. One of the video monitors was on the fritz, and I had to wait while they changed a cable. Forgive me now?”

  “Only ’cause it’s you.” She slid her briefcase into the space between the front seats. “If I haven’t already said this sixteen times, thanks for talking McNally into letting me come along. I know it’s just surveillance, but at least I’m out of the office.”

  “Don’t worry about it, kiddo. I figured you could use the break, and since Stansfield’s wife just had her baby, I was able to help him out too. I know we both hate watch detail, but it is better than being stuck inside.”

  “Yes, and I really appreciate the support, even if I’m not officially allowed out of the truck. But you’re right about one thing. I really hate surveillance.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Sitting in a dark van, drinking lukewarm coffee in the middle of the night... sounds like more fun than humans should be allowed to have, in my humble opinion. Beats the shit out of being cuddled up naked with a hot little college professor, right?”

  Terri shot Bobby one more evil glance. “What makes you think that’s where I’d be right now?”

  “Girl, please. Don’t even try to tell me that you’d be anywhere else right now. I know better than that.”

  “Just drive.”

  Bobby threw the transmission into drive and gunned the engine. “Yes, ma’am.”

  He drove the loop around the Lincoln Memorial and headed down to the warehouse district known as Southeast. Terri leaned the seat back and put both feet on the dashboard to relax for the half-hour drive. “Did you get any sleep?” Bobby asked. “We haven’t done the night shift thing for a while.”

  “Yeah, I slept for a couple hours before Jen got home. She had a meeting tonight, so I curled up with Snickers for a little while. I’ll be good with that. I’d be better if we could stop for coffee on the way.”

  “Consider it done.” Bobby scanned the side of the road for an open 7-Eleven as he drove. Fifteen minutes and one brief stop later, they were rolling again toward one of the seedier sections of the nation’s capital.

  The ride passed in companionable silence. Terri really did hate surveillance duty. Monotonous hours spent watching nothing happen on a video monitor was not her idea of fun. Not to mention the lousy location and the almost ever-present lack of a bathroom. Not fun indeed. Well, at least she was outside and away from the sideways glances of the other agents in the shared space of the Hoover Building. Terri didn’t relish being the “defective agent” on staff. It didn’t sit well with her sense of order, and besides, she had specifically chosen this career field to provide a way for her to do some good in the world, not just take up space in an office. “At least I’m outside,” she thought, a little more out loud than she realized. Loud enough to get Bobby’s attention.

  “What? Terri, did you say something?”

  “Nothing... just thinking out loud.”

  “What about?”

  “In all the years we’ve been working together, did you ever think you’d get to hear me say that I was happy to be in the truck?”

  “Well, no, not really. I know you hate this, probably more than I do, but I thought you could use the break from the office. I also thought that maybe it might give us a chance to talk.”

  “Everyone wants me to talk about ‘it’” Terri punctuated the word with air quotes. “Have I become so dark and enigmatic that people have to drag me out of, well, wherever I am to get me to talk about things?”

  “Terri, you are someplace dark, and I suppose enigmatic is as good a word as any to describe your behavior lately. But I need you to hold that thought. We’re here. Get the sheet out and help me find the place we’re supposed to park.”

  Terri picked up her bag and began rooting through the case file to locate the map. She found it and began comparing the streets and building numbers on the map to the ones that were now just outside her window. “Here.... Bobby, slow down, this is it.”

  Bobby slowed the van, ducking to look
under the rearview mirror as he did. “Yep, that’s it.” He pointed straight ahead. “Look, there’s some construction vehicles over there. Looks like a good spot to spend the night.”

  Terri agreed, and Bobby pulled the panel van around the corner of the building, out of sight of the street, but close enough to the entrance that they could watch anyone coming or going. The van fit in nicely with the other vehicles scattered about. Two small surveillance cameras had been set up inside earlier by agents posing as warehouse workers, allowing a limited visual of the large interior space. Audio pickups accompanied the cameras, allowing equally limited access to any conversation that might take place as well. Terri quietly sighed to herself as she looked in the side mirror, noting the Porta-John twenty yards to the rear of the van. Good. Now she could finish her coffee in peace.

  Bobby killed the engine, pulled out the keys, and dropped them into the pocket of his short black jacket. Terri slid her briefcase toward the back of the van as she climbed between the high-backed seats, working her way toward the cramped space in the back. She opened two folding chairs that had been bungeed to the side of the truck and took one, while Bobby maneuvered his much larger frame into the back, pulling the remaining chair over toward the small bank of monitors, recorders, and various other electronic paraphernalia. Terri settled herself in to organize her workspace. She pulled her laptop out of the depths of her briefcase and plugged into the power outlet next to the video recorder. She flipped open the top and pressed the power button, which brought the small computer to life. The wireless router in the van would allow her to access the FBI database, as well as full connection to the Internet, just in case. The sound of laughter to her right drew her attention from the computer screen.

  “What’s so funny, Agent Kraft?”

  “I was just thinking that if you got really bored, you could always IM Jen for a little cyber nookie.”

  “Don’t think so, Bobby. Besides, after that little misadventure with the radio last winter, you’ve had plenty of details. We’re done with that now.”

  “Awww, meanie.” Terri shot one last evil glance toward him. He waved her off. “Besides, how could you ever top the way you two were going at it on the kitchen table? Anything else, I fear, would be anticlimactic, so to speak.”