RUINED - The Price of Play: Everhide Rockstar Romance Series Book 2

by Tania Joyce

  I want Ryan. I want my baby back.

  Over her tears, she heard Hunter curse as he struggled up the stairs with all their gear—bags, his guitar, coats, and other belongings. With a thud, he dropped everything by the staircase and rushed to her side.

  He perched himself on the edge of the sofa next to her hip. He brushed the hair back from her face. “Hey. We’re here now. Everything will be okay. Can I get you a cup of tea?”

  “Thank you, but no.”

  “Do you want to talk? Eat? Drink? Crying is good too, if that’s what you want to do. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

  Her heart spasmed at the sight of his wet eyes. He’d done so much for her already. How would she ever be able to thank him? “I’m tired. I want to go to bed.” After days of minimal sleep, she hoped exhaustion would take over and she’d finally get some rest.

  “I’ll turn the heat on first. It’s freezing in here.” He jumped up, rubbed his hands together, and turned the thermostat on. “I’ve no idea how long it’ll take to warm up the house. I’ve never been here in the cold to know if this thing even works.”

  Kara swung her legs off the sofa and clutched at her aching belly. The soreness and stitches meant every movement had to be slow and calculated.

  “Kar, let me help you.” He caught her arm to help her stand. But once she found her feet, he didn’t let go. Instead, he drew her into his arms. She rested her chin on his shoulder, and he gently stroked her hair. She melted against him, and they stood in silence while the wind battered against the windowpanes and the ocean waves crashed rhythmically against the shore.

  “Thank you, Hunt.” She smoothed her hands over his back, the wool of his cable-knit sweater soft beneath her fingertips. “For everything. But I need to go to bed.”

  He scooped her up in his arms again and took her upstairs to the main bedroom. “Are you okay to sleep in Kyle’s room? It’s bigger than the other one, and it has the master bathroom.”

  “It’ll be fine,” she said.

  He placed her on her feet and held her arms, making sure she had her balance. Red rimmed his eyes, and turmoil swirled in the pit of her stomach. She wanted him to go. Leave her alone. But then . . . she desperately wanted him to stay. No matter how much she wished that things between them were different, he was not hers to ask for anything more.

  The heat kicked in and blasted through the vents in the ceiling. “At least we’ll be toasty now.” She smiled half-heartedly.

  “Excellent.” He wiped his hands on the back pockets of his jeans. “I’ll go grab your bags.”

  She sat on the queen-sized bed and looked around the room. Faded navy blue curtains were drawn over wide windows. An old photo of Kyle’s deceased family sat on top of the dresser. Wood-paneled walls looked aged against the renovated, modern bathroom. She hadn’t been here since Gemma’s party two years ago. So much had happened in that timeframe. Her head and heart ache.

  Hunter’s footsteps trudged up the staircase. “Here you go.” He placed her luggage inside the doorway.

  She wanted to see his effervescent smile again. See him do crazy fun things again. If he was himself, it might help her heal. But he was hurting too. And she didn’t know how to help him, because she didn’t know how to help herself.

  “Night, Kar. Hope you get some sleep. See you in the morning.”

  He spun on his Nikes and disappeared down the stairs. Maybe something that would help him would come to mind tomorrow.

  Finally, she was alone. Fatigue swept through her bones. Every aching muscle in her body collapsed. Not even bothering to change, she curled up under the blankets, said a prayer to Ryan, and let her tears soak into the pillow.

  Chapter 20

  Hunter loped down the steps and left Kara to rest. She needed it. And so did he. But he was so wired after the long day, he needed to unwind first. The JD called to him.

  He opened the sliding door onto the back deck. Ice-cold wind blasted his face. Shivering, he grabbed the alcohol and groceries that had been delivered. He stored the milk, coffee, tea, cheese, fruit, pasta, and some pre-made meals away in the kitchen with little to no care. There was more than enough food to last a week. Good. He wouldn’t have to think. He’d been running on autopilot for the past few days. Now, he just wanted to stop.

  Standing at the kitchen counter, he rubbed his hands over his face. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Ryan. The lifeless body wrapped in a satin sheet in the casket would forever haunt him. Having to lay him to rest had been unbearable. How was he supposed to move on?

  Grabbing one bottle of JD and a glass of ice, he made his way over to the sofa and poured himself a drink. The first gulp burned his throat. It was like a shot of morphine injected straight to his bloodstream. The whiskey raced through his body scalding everything in its path. He rested his head back and stared at the wooden beam on the ceiling. The constant sound of the waves outside should have had a calming effect on him. But it didn’t.

  Everything seemed to press and tighten around him—the air, the sounds, his clothes. It was too much. He’d mastered controlling and hiding his emotions for years, let nothing touch his heart. But Ryan had changed everything. And now he was gone.

  Hunter’s breath seesawed in his lungs. He clutched at his chest, lurched forward, and leaned on his thighs. The back of his eyes stung like acid. With a trembling hand, he wiped the pooling tears from them with the pads of his fingers.

  He wasn’t coping.

  Not at all.

  He’d being composed for days—for Kara, for his family, for everyone. With no fight left, he couldn’t keep up the façade any longer. He needed the one person in the world he could turn to for anything.

  Reaching inside his jacket pocket, he grabbed his cell phone and swiped the screen. His thumb trembled as he hit number-one on speed dial.

  “Hey, bud?” Kyle’s voice was so low and soft he could hardly hear. “What’s up?”

  Hunter closed his eyes. His heart constricted so much he thought it would disintegrate. How could he put the pain, the loss, into words? How could he describe how a piece of him felt like it was missing? Fighting back his tears, his body shuddered.

  “Hunt? . . . You there? . . . Everything okay?”

  Hunter sniffled and wiped his nose. “How did you do it? How did you survive after your parents’ accident?”

  “I didn’t.” Kyle’s voice wavered. “Not for a long time. There were days I couldn’t even get out of bed.”

  Hunter recalled Kyle’s depression. The darkness. The anger. The drinking. Shit. Did he have to go through all that? He stroked the stubble on his chin. “This is so fucked.”

  “Yep. I’m here for you. And so is Gem. And Kara, too. She’s going through the same thing.”

  “She’s a mess.” He glanced up the staircase toward the bedroom, hoping she’d be able to sleep. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

  “Time.”

  “I don’t want time.” His jaw cramped, causing his head to ache. “I want the pain to stop.”

  “It never goes away.” Kyle’s voice jolted through his heart. “You just learn to deal with it. My only advice is to talk. Talk to Kara. Tell her how you’re feeling. You’ve been bottling all this shit up for days. It’s eating you alive. I know, because I did the same. But once I opened up to you and Gem, it got better.”

  Hunter rubbed at the tension in his temples. He had to do something. Drinking was the most viable option at present.

  “You going to be all right?” Kyle asked. “Want me to come out there?”

  “No. Just needed to know you’ve got my back.”

  “Always.”

  “Thanks, bud.”

  The hollowness where his heart used to be ached. He ended the call and threw his cell phone onto the table. With a quick swipe, he grabbed his glass and downed his JD. Then another shot. And another. Flames flared in his gut, igniting an anger he didn’t know he possessed. He clenched his hands and stared at the bulging veins protruding o
n the back of his wrist. All the burning questions he’d suppressed erupted in his mind.

  Why?

  Why did Ryan have to die?

  Why didn’t he make it?

  With all the medical advancements and technology, why couldn’t they have saved his son?

  Was there some lesson in this madness? Was this a test of his spirit?

  If it was, it had broken him. He’d give anything . . . anything . . . to have Ryan back.

  He snatched the bottle of JD off the table, stormed outside, and headed onto the beach. The freezing wind whipped at his sweater and bit into his skin. The salt air sprayed against his cheeks and stung his eyes. With his hair lashing at his face, he turned to the heavens. Then, with all his might, he screamed. “Aaaarrggghhh! You motherfucker! Why did you take Ryan?” His voice rasped and ripped deep in his throat. His lips quivered, and he swayed on his feet. “Why? Why did you take our boy? Why? Please . . . tell me why?”

  He fell to his knees on the sand, placed the bottle beside him, and buried his face in his hands. Ruined. Broken. Destroyed. He’d sworn that he wouldn’t let anyone get close to him again. He’d tried to keep his distance from Kara and the baby, but they’d slipped through the cracks. This grief that consumed him was so much worse than any heartbreak he’d ever experienced.

  He needed to do something—something he could pour all this anguish, frustration, and hurt into. Something that could help repair his shattered soul.

  Sitting back on his haunches, he seized the JD, and drank. He wiped the back of his hand across his mouth and shivered. His breath misted. The first drops of rain splattered against his face. Reefing his shoulders back, he sucked in the saline air. Then, it hit him. He knew what he had to do. He had to play. He needed music.

  Staggering to his feet, he stumbled over the dunes and headed for the house. He had to get inside before he froze to death.

  After sliding the door shut behind him, he placed the bottle on top of the old piano in the far corner of the room. It hadn’t been used in years. Kyle had wanted to get rid of it once his parents died, but Gemma wouldn’t hear of it.

  Rummaging through his bag by the steps, Hunter grabbed his journal and a pen. He took a seat at the piano, placed his book open on top and downed a few more mouthfuls of JD. The alcohol filled him with a fuzzy numbness. Perfect.

  Opening the fallboard, its loud creak filled the room. Hunter winced. He didn’t want to disturb Kara, just sit here and play quietly. Splaying his fingers over the faded ivory keys, he played a low, left-hand chord. The piano was a little out of tune, but it would have to do. The gentle thrum flowed through his fingers, up his arm and settled into the base of his neck. Music was his therapy. Let him feel everything. Writing “Better” had helped him get Amie out of his system. “Sorry” had been his message to Gemma, apologizing for hurting her. Creating “Treasure” with Kyle and Gemma had summed up the unfaltering bond he had with his two best friends. Maybe coming up with something for Ryan would help. It had to.

  The notes on the piano didn’t seem to go low enough or reflect how hollow he felt. He took another sip from his bottle and played again. Something came over him. All his anguish, his hurt, and his emptiness flooded from his veins into his fingertips. This time, the notes mirrored his broken heart. A tune formed in his mind.

  Staring at his hands gliding over the keys, he pictured the moment he touched Ryan’s soft skin. The moment Ryan’s tiny hand had wrapped around his finger. Then, the moment he’d held his son’s lifeless body in his hands. And that moment . . . that gut-wrenching moment . . . when he said goodbye.

  Swallowing hard over the lump in his throat, he hummed.

  Hmm hmm hmm hmmmm. Hmm hmm hmmmm.

  Just one more day, one more day,

  With you.

  What I would give to have,

  One more day, one more day,

  With you.

  Hunter dived for his journal and frantically wrote the lyrics before he returned to tinkering on the keys. His pulse throbbed in his ears like staccato notes. Words jumbled around inside his head until they appeared crystal clear.

  I sit alone here in the dark,

  Keep on wondering where you are.

  Did the angels send you from heaven?

  Only to realize they were mistaken?

  You were the one to steal my heart,

  Then so easily broke it apart.

  I would give up everything to see you smile,

  Just to hold your hand once again in mine.

  Don’t you know I’d give up everything,

  Everything,

  Just to have one more day, one more day,

  With you.

  His hands trembled as he struck the keys. Each time, he got louder. Angrier. More bitter. Singing through clenched teeth, hurt battered his ribs. His eyes burned in their sockets.

  Don’t you know I’d give up everything,

  Everything,

  Just to have one more day,

  One more day,

  With you.

  He heard footsteps on the staircase and he jerked his hands off the piano. Shit. He’d been too loud.

  Clutching the rail, Kara struggled down the steps. He brushed the tears from his eyes, leaped off the stool, and rushed to her side. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “I wasn’t asleep.” She took one slow step at a time, holding her hand across her lower belly. “I don’t rate having a cesarean.” She sat halfway down the stairs and drew the fleecy throw around her shoulders. Hunter took a seat beside her. She turned to him, her eyes tired and dark. “I was listening to you sing. Was that song for Ryan?”

  He nodded.

  “It was beautiful.”

  “I didn’t mean to get so vocal toward the end there, but—”

  “I miss him so much, Hunt.” She curled her hands around his arm, her touch gentle and warm. “Would you play that song for me again?”

  “It’s nothing serious. I was mucking around.”

  “I don’t care. Please play it.”

  After a moment’s hesitation, he patted her hand. “Sure.”

  He gently hooked his arm around hers and helped her down the stairs. She sat on the piano stool and he placed the throw across her back. He slid beside her, and his hands fell onto the keys. He played. This time he sang softer, without anger surging through him, but every note, every lyric, still stabbed his heart.

  “I can’t believe you just wrote that.” She wiped her tear-streaked cheeks.

  He took a steady breath to stop the raw ache inside his chest. “Playing is therapeutic. Not sure it’s helping yet.”

  “I know, but I loved it. I love Ryan’s song.”

  He stared at the lyrics before him. “I’d never be able to sing that live.”

  “Then don’t.” She rested her head against his shoulder. “It’ll be your song for him.”

  “I can’t believe he’s gone, Kar.”

  He turned to her and tears threatened to fall. He wrapped his arms around her waist and drew her into a hug. Resting his head against hers, he stroked his fingers through the silky strands of her hair; it smelled like cherry blossoms.

  She swiveled on the stool and edged closer. Slipping her arms around his shoulders she clutched onto him, tight. It felt so good to hold her. She made it possible to breathe.

  He hadn’t been this close to anyone in a long time. Didn’t think he’d make it through losing Ryan without her. The warmth of her body seeped into his exhausted muscles and eased the tension coursing through him. Rubbing his hands over her back, he wished he could erase their sorrow. Make everything right. But nothing was ever that easy.

  Kara sobbed, and his stomach sank. She pulled back and brushed her fingertips over his stubble. He closed his eyes. Her touch was so light and soothing. She leaned in and pressed her lips to his cheek. His heart jumped and skipped a beat. He didn’t trust himself to move, for fear of doing something stupid. He just needed to hold her, to share the burden of
their loss.

  With the softest of touches, she pressed another kiss an inch closer to his mouth. Then another. He closed his eyes tighter. His equilibrium swayed. Her hand caressed the side of his face, skimming along the line of his jaw. With all his might, he willed his pulse to stay steady. Edging back, he met her gaze. The blue depths and darkness in her irises swam with sadness that mirrored his and wrenched at his soul. She looked so lost. Broken. Just how he felt.

  He slid his hand up her back, and her body shivered. Threading his fingers under her hair, he curled them around the nape of her neck. “We’ll get through this, Kar. Together.”

  She nodded. Her rosy pink lips quivered a few inches from his. Her warm breath teased his face, sweet and intoxicating. A single tear fell from her eye and caught on her lip. It glistened in the dim lighting, hovering like a lone jewel. Hypnotized by it, the whiskey he’d drunk fuzzed his logic. Because he wanted to kiss the droplet away. Kiss away her pain. Kiss her.

  Within a single heartbeat, the distance between them vanished. Her mouth planted against his and the air rushed from his lungs. He wasn’t sure who had moved first. Him. Her. Both together. It didn’t matter. Fire charged across his skin and set a spark to every nerve. Cupping the side of her face, he parted his lips and kissed her. Slowly. Tenderly. Desperately. Absorbing her into every cell of his body. She sucked in a sharp breath and shuddered in his arms.

  Shit. He had to stop. Had to pull away.

  For one more second, he wanted to try and ease her hurt—not create more. He wanted to make everything right—not wrong. He wanted to make things better—not more complicated.

  She grabbed the back of his neck, flicked her tongue against his, and deepened the kiss, urgent and needy. She obliterated every one of his thoughts. Snaking her hands over his shoulders and clutching at his sweater, she kissed his upper lip. His lower lip. He groaned against her mouth and drew her closer. Her touch had made him feel alive for the first time in days.

  She whimpered and her whole body quaked. She jerked back, closed her eyes, and shook her head. “I’m so sorry.” The agony in her voice speared his heart. “I didn’t mean to kiss you. It was wrong of me.”