NLP

by Tom Hoobyar

  Here are two tips to keep in mind when you’re trying to identify what’s at the root of something you’re procrastinating about.

  Tip #1: Slow Down, Way Down

  When you work on one of your issues, what I’d like you to do is to stretch out the point where you procrastinate. Slow down the mental movie and run it in slow motion. Go from the point where you intend to do something because it’s on your list to do, to the point where you put it off. In my client’s case, this report was being done at the last moment. There was probably an earlier time when she could have done it and it would have been easier and much more convenient for her, right?

  So when you’re looking for that image or voice that stops you, put the movie in slow motion. Look for the image first; then listen for “Not now. I don’t want to do it now.” Don’t think about the thought, because the thought comes after the image. The image is being presented by the unconscious. In a moment, I’m going to give you some ways to blast through that, but first I’d like to explore why looking inside ourselves and finding the pictures and sounds in our heads is essential.

  You have a right to do this exploration and adjustment. It’s your brain. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t get in there and look around. It’s just a new skill. Just be patient and take your time. If you examine anything in your life that you’ve been putting off, it’s likely that the reason you put it off is that your brain is trying to protect you.

  Now, it may be trying to protect you from something that bothered you when you were five, ten, or fifteen years old or from something recent that was traumatic for you. Here’s the thing: when people are doing this, it’s not because they’re broken; it’s because they’re working perfectly. When you put something off, that’s perfect. You’re doing something very well. You’re doing it so well you can’t change it by effort of will. That’s pretty impressive. So the solution is “Okay, let’s not fight anymore. Let’s study the process and then find the detour point.”

  Imagine for a moment that you had a paperwork task that you were putting off. I’ve had clients in this situation, who once they saw the image, realized, “Oh, this is a cartoon. I’m sitting at this desk and this pile of papers is like ten feet over my head. That’s ridiculous.” Or they saw an image like a movie image, but it was right in front of them and it was larger than life and it was all this work they had to do. Or they saw a piece of paper or stack of papers that was all messed up with scratch marks on it and staples in the wrong place and pages torn, and it was really scandalous to turn in to anybody because it was very poorly done. There are lots of ways that we have of making ourselves afraid to do something and we’re not even aware we’re doing it.

  Tip #2: Recognize Confusion for What It Really Is

  In your process of trying to uncover the root of your procrastination, you may have moments where you feel confused. What you need to know is that feeling confused is code. Confused usually means either afraid or angry. It’s code; it’s protecting you. When you feel confused about something, if you look around you’ll find there’s a feeling under there that’s probably even less pleasant than confused.

  I invite you to, in your head, start running your movie in slow motion. Define the points of decisions, and the points of decision are not where the feelings are. They’re before the feelings came up. Remember, the structure goes like this: you have a thought, you make a meaning out of it, then you have an emotion, and then you do the behavior.

  For now, let’s not worry about changing behavior. That’s the wrong end of the lever. We need to work backward, because the easiest thing to manipulate is the image or trigger itself; there’s no feeling attached there. There’s no risk. I want to give you a couple images that you can play with right now that could make things easier without all this kind of archaeology.

  Discovery Activity:

  Reducing Internal Resistance

  Procrastination is a form of resistance. Here’s another effective strategy that works well with resistance. It’s called the “Godiva Chocolate Pattern” and it doesn’t really have to do with Godiva chocolate (unless that’s your favorite thing). Here’s how to work with this process.

  I want you to make two images. The first image I want you to make is of your favorite thing to do. I would say not sex, because that involves somebody else, so make this something that you might do on your own—whether it’s eating Godiva chocolate, being in a boat fishing, playing solitaire on your smartphone—something that you really enjoy doing. Remember what it was like to do that and what it will be like to do that again. Actually be in that image so you have the feeling of what that’s like.

  Once you’ve got it, put that image out in front of you a ways. Then, between that image and you put the image of the task you’ve been putting off, only see that task disassociated. In other words, that it’s just a picture. It’s a still picture of the task, however you represent it—whether you see yourself doing it or whether you just see the task itself as a pile of papers, a cluttered garage, a tax form to be completed, a dirty cat box, or a phone call that needs to be made—whatever it is. Just see the task itself.

  Now, right in the center of your picture of the task, make a little pinhole so you can see your favorite thing that’s behind the task. Notice how the picture is brighter. You can see through it. Open the pinhole a little bit so you can see that really good thing. Open it until you get the feeling of the really good activity. As soon as you get that feeling, hold on to that feeling and start closing that pinhole. If the feeling starts to go away, open it up again until the good feeling gets strong.

  This is a simple but very powerful motivation process well worth practicing repeatedly so you can more easily accomplish whatever you want. Review the step-by-step process at a time when you’re alone and can get in touch with your feelings without being interrupted.

  For now, here’s a quick summary of the process. The strategy is based on the picture that’s behind the task. The task is between you and the thing you want to do. You just open up a little window in the task so you can see through it to the thing you want to do, a thing you love doing. This window becomes your iris that opens until you begin to get the emotional connection to the thing you like to do, then you very slowly close it down. What will happen is your motivation will blast you through that task. It’ll change your relationship to the task. Guaranteed.

  For additional demonstrations and/or examples, go to: http://eg.nlpco.com/2-7.

  As I said earlier, these techniques are a technology, not voodoo; so you should test them ruthlessly. Do this process and then set it aside and ask yourself, “How do I feel now about that dirty cat box, cluttered garage, report, phone call, or whatever it is. Do I feel any better about it? Am I more likely to do it?” If you don’t feel better, go back and try this process again.

  Been Down Too Long?

  The Power of Inner Voices and the “Auditory Swish”

  Based on hundreds of clients that I’ve personally worked with and thousands of clients that my trainers have described, we’ve learned that anxiety, jealousy, fear, and irritation (those energizing emotions) are frequently visually oriented. Yet when we feel depressed or discouraged, these downbeat feelings are generally from an auditory cue, a voice in our head. Here’s a way to notice that and deal with it.

  Discovery Activity:

  Removing Negative Auditory Cues

  I’d like you to listen for an internal voice, a voice that maybe crops up and discourages you from doing something, or robs you of your self-confidence. It’s completely arbitrary and automatic. These are artifacts from our early lives that we’ve generally outgrown, but the voices are still hanging in there. They’re just echoing away because we never turned them off.

  So go inside and notice what voice you hear. Here’s an easy way to find it. Take the feeling that you have that’s a downbeat feeling: discouragement, shame, sorrow, or even some negative self-talk, like “I can’t do this,” or “Nothing good ever happens
to me.” If you listen very carefully, you may hear somebody else’s voice talking to you.

  One thing to notice is what direction it’s coming from. We have two ears because humans are designed to localize sound; so it’s going to be coming to you from above and behind you or from one side or from the other side. You may start out thinking that it’s coming from inside of you. But even if you’re talking to yourself, the voice is coming from someplace and it’s interesting to notice where it is.

  When we talk to ourselves, the voice is generally coming straight at us. (In a moment, you’ll learn how to change that.) If it’s somebody else’s voice—a father’s, teacher’s, or coach’s (as it was in my case)—then it’s typically coming in from one side or the other, and generally behind you and above you, because these voices were recorded when you were small.

  In many cases, what you hear is something that was or has been repeated. It could be an unkind comment, like “You’re lazy.” It may have been repeated over and over or said only once, but it just rattled on in your head. Any time you need to move out a voice that isn’t working on your behalf, follow these steps. Let’s go through the highlights so you can do it. Although detailed instructions are provided as part of a link at the end of this chapter, try it now if you want to.

  First, get your brain to hear that voice, and as soon as it hears it, as soon as the first sound starts, press the volume control so it quickly fades out; it doesn’t even complete the first word. You can’t even understand the first word. It just fades out completely. That’s Step 1.

  Step 2 is fun. You know how in a restaurant or an airport or movie theater, you’ve looked up and just glanced in someone’s eyes as they walked past and you have an idea about that person. “That person has a good sense of humor, that’s nice,” or “I wouldn’t want to make that person mad,” but you get some knowledge or impression of that person.

  What I’d like you to do is to create an image of yourself, the you that’s reading this book, just a half step ahead of this moment. Have this person, this future you, facing you. When you look into this person’s eyes, into this “you,” the only difference is you see that this person doesn’t have that voice. You can just look at them and know that. Now note that they are saying something to you.

  They’re either saying, “I feel good about myself,” or “I feel safe.” You choose the statement, one or the other, and that comes right at you but it doesn’t go into your head. It sort of rings around your head.

  You know how when you run a wet finger around the lip of a crystal glass, it makes the sound of a bell ringing? Well, this is like a crystal bell that’s upside down over your head, maybe at eye level, so the rim is at eye level and this sound is ringing around and around and around your head. Hear it now: “I feel safe. I feel safe. I feel safe,” or “I feel good about myself. I feel good about myself. I feel good about myself.” This is the future you. This is the wonderful you who no longer has that negative voice in your head. That’s Step 2.

  Step 3 is the sound of the surf to wash it all away. As you listen now, you can hear it just like the waves sizzling on the sand, and then it repeats. As soon as the voice starts, that first yucky word, it just fades out and turns into “I feel safe. I feel safe,” or “I feel good about myself,” and then the sound of the surf, and then the steps repeat. This easy and effective process is called the “Auditory Swish,” which was originally developed by Richard Bandler.

  As the CEO of a manufacturing firm, I learned that frustration, irritation, and anxiety were my occupational hazards. I always seemed to feel one of these emotions (which, as you might imagine, is not ideal for someone with employees). Because I was signing people’s paychecks, it made them feel uneasy when I was difficult or short with them or someone else. When I noticed these feelings or behaviors, I tapped on the brakes and checked in with myself to see what was going on. If it was an image that cued up some negative emotions, then I shifted my experience by playing with my visual sub-modalities. If I was hearing a negative or critical voice, I’d use the “Auditory Swish Process.”

  Emotions as Passengers, Not Drivers:

  Choosing and Changing Your State

  Feelings really are just options and I’ve seen people make important shifts when they treat their feelings as options instead of as things they have to endure. As you learn and experiment with the information in this book, you will gain significant influence over how you feel from day to day or moment to moment. You get to make choices here. How much of a difference that will make for you depends on how much time and energy you put into using these skills.

  As you get more and more tuned in to how you feel, it will become easier to go back behind the feeling to notice the image or the sound that triggered the emotion, or the body feeling. During the next couple of days, I encourage you to notice the emotions you’re having and to immediately explore what’s behind them. Ask yourself: “When did that start? What was I thinking just before that started?” First, you’ll find the thinking you’re aware of, then look beneath that. “Was there any image in there or was there any sound that teed up the feeling? Was I making a comment to myself that sort of biased me . . . flavored things . . . and took the energy out of something . . . or made me particularly happy?”

  You’re likely to find that you’re talking to yourself all the time and so are other voices. I don’t know about you, but I’ve got a whole Greek chorus of voices in my head that are chiming in, spontaneously noticing things and commenting, in some way, on everything. You’ll also find there are lots of images flashing that you largely ignore. After all, if we pay too much attention to these movies in our heads, we’ll never get anything done. But they are, in fact, going on all the time. As you become aware of them, you can make changes. The good news is that, given a better choice, your brain will continue to choose that better option.

  Curiosity: A Preferred State

  Once I learned NLP, here’s what I did to address my personal frustrations, irritations, and anxieties. I call it the “Curiosity Shunt Installation.” (Refer to the link at the end of this chapter to access a detailed summary of this process.) I did some research on emotions and I found that the emotion of curiosity is really a curious emotion. It’s a very neutral and engaging emotion that affords you greater flexibility.

  All parts of the body like curiosity. Curiosity actually helps grow T cells! It helps grow new synapses in the brain so the immune system gets stronger. People function better when they’re engaged and curious.

  When you’re curious about something, a lot of the blocking self-talk and images go away. Once you’re curiously exploring the answer to something, it’s amazing how a lot of negative stuff just disappears and how this state of information-gathering opens people to new possibilities.

  Here’s what used to happen for me when I was managing a manufacturing company. When I got frustrated, I would think of what was frustrating me. A vendor didn’t ship a part on time so we couldn’t meet our manufacturing deadline, so we were going to be late shipping stuff. We were going to get a bad reputation. Then I’d start all over again. “Well, the vendor wouldn’t ship on time, so yada yada yada,” and it was a loop.

  The more I did the loop, the more frustrated I got. As you might imagine, I did the same thing with feeling irritated or feeling anxious. “Suppose this goes wrong. Then this would happen and this would happen. Then suppose this goes wrong. This would happen and this would happen.” Same damn loop. You get the picture.

  I thought it would be really nice for me if, as soon as I became aware that I was stirring up one of these negative, unresourceful, and unproductive states, I would remind myself that I could be curious instead.

  So immediately I’d think, “That would be really nice. As soon as I start feeling irritated, I’m going to get curious about the cause of this irritation.”

  Well, that put me in a whole different frame because then I was curious about the cause of the irritation rather than mad at it. And I’
d want to know what caused that irritation. Was it me? Was it the other guy? Was it something I missed somewhere? Could I have done it better? How could I change it? How could I make peace? What curiosity did was kick my brain onto a completely different track.

  Sound good to you? I hope it does. Because it resonated for me, I studied how frustration, irritation, and anxiety worked in me. I began to notice exactly how each of these feelings began. Then I looked at what happened just before that.

  You may be surprised to discover that it’s not different experiences that create these familiar feelings. It’s not “Well, it was this vendor, it was that guy.” No, no, no. It’s not that. It’s actually what you said to yourself about that or it’s the picture you made about that. The emotions are triggered by a cue. The cue is going to be the same even though the stimulus is going to be completely different because the cue leads you to the emotion. It’s so well rehearsed, it happens really fast. It’s a flash just like greased lightning.

  Because it’s a fast, automated process, it’s sometimes difficult to find what’s driving us. The only way to do it is to slow things down, take a few deep breaths, and run the mental movie at half speed, quarter speed, or 10 percent speed really slowly, back before you had the feeling. And to discover, just before you had the feeling, what happened.

  You’ll be amazed and amused. You’ll find there will be an image or a phrase that will trigger you, so here’s what you want to do. If it’s a phrase, as soon as it comes up, press the volume control on the machine so the voice quickly fades out. If it’s an image, you can use a Visual Swish. Go to http://eg.nlpco.com/2-5.

  In both cases, here’s what you want to see: Right in front of you is the wonderful you. Here’s you without this problem. This you is perfect. He or she is dressed just like you are at the time, but this you is curious. “Hmm, I wonder what started that? That’s very interesting.” This you has a look of curiosity on his face. The facial expression this you has is one of sincere curiosity.