NLP

by Tom Hoobyar

  During periods when I’m going through a down time in life, I am very deliberate about reading that victory list every morning. This helps to remind me that I’ve done a number of things right in my life. Again, it doesn’t have to include only big achievements—like winning a Nobel Prize—just things you’ve done that make you feel good about yourself. You can note times when you were generous or tolerant or brave or courageous—whatever reflects your value system and gives you reason to be proud of yourself.

  I think of tuning up my confidence as a kind of mental hygiene. Sometimes when I get a sore place on my gums, I’m a little more attentive with the Waterpik than I am at other times. It’s the same way here. When you’re feeling a little down or you need to build up your confidence, it’s useful to revisit that list.

  So, what does a “greatest hits” list have to do with NLP? Here’s what: If you just read that list like you’re sleepwalking or like you’re glancing through a magazine article, it’s not going to have much of an impact. The way to read that list is to go through each of those experiences in an associated fashion—quickly step into each experience and remember it. Be “in” the movie and revisit once again how wonderful you felt. Recalling your “greatest hits” this way will actually change your neurology and your blood chemistry.

  Discovery Activity:

  Amping Up Your Confidence

  Let’s experiment with a technique to deliberately increase your confidence. This activity will change your mind and what your reference images are. First, though, there are some serious things to consider whenever you come to the issue of confidence. A lot of people have said, “Can you give me more confidence? I just want more confidence all the time.”

  This is like wishing for eternal sunshine and permanent happiness. It’s a silly idea, and if you had it, you’d probably soon regret it. Permanent anything eliminates choice, and without choice we’re simply robots, right? If, for example, you automated confidence so you had it all the time, you could get yourself in some hot water pretty easily. Imagine being so confident that you carelessly walk down a dark alley in the wrong part of town. Think that would be such a great experience? Sure might poke a hole in your permanent happiness.

  There is a mythical (I hope) story about a man at one of those “be all you can be” seminars who got himself so jacked up with confidence he tried to swim Hawaii’s Molokai Channel—and was never heard from again. Naturally, you can enjoy a solid sense of confidence in situations where you know you have what it takes to perform. That’s an appropriate place to use this process to rev up your confidence so it’s really strong.

  That said, there is a confidence you can have in all situations. Regardless of the context, and whether you have even been there before, there’s one ability that you have everywhere. That’s your ability to learn. You can learn from any and every situation, from every event that touches your life. At an absolute minimum, your learning might be “I sure don’t want to do that again,” right? And that is learning.

  It may be that you just needed that one last repetition. The bottom line is that it’s realistic to have a strong sense of confidence in your ability to learn in any situation you face. This gives you a positive attitude that will build and sustain your energy. You’ll be able to profit from any feedback you get, discoveries you make, and use that information to do even better in the next opportunity.

  So think of a situation where you have full confidence in your abilities, any situation where you’re pretty sure that you know exactly how to manage whatever it is that comes up. It could be anything— making breakfast, changing a tire, teaching a group of people—just something you know you can do. Now, here we go again with sub-modalities. Notice what comes up for you when you think of that situation. Do you see a picture? You do? Do you hear anything? What?

  I suggest that you step into that situation in your mind so you’re associated. This is important for two reasons. First, you’ll get more information. Now you can probably hear what’s going on and you can even hear your self-talk. Notice that.

  When you’re actually in that situation, how do you feel physically? Take a moment and write down these details so you can use them as a model to make positive changes. Notice where that feeling resides in your body? What’s it feel like? Is it warm? Is it tingly? Does it move around? Does it make your muscles swell up? Do you breathe more deeply?

  What you want to develop here is a list of the specific sensations you have when you’re in an associated experience of being confident.

  Once you’ve specified that, it’s important to change your focus of attention, so just for a moment think of your zip code backward, the five digits in reverse order.

  Now think of a situation that you need to tackle, but where you’re a bit doubtful about yourself. You’re doubtful that you’ll handle it as well as you’d like to.

  If you’ve got one, go into that situation and notice the differences. Notice any images (size, color, distance, etc.) and sounds (volume, tone, location, etc.) and feelings (warm, tingly, moving, etc.). How are these images, sounds, and feelings different from the confident experience that you reviewed a moment ago? Notice where in your body the nonconfident feelings are.

  Now start changing those feelings. Start replacing them with the qualities of the confident specification. Change the qualities of the image that you’re in to match the qualities of the image when you were confident. Change what you were hearing in your mind’s ear, what self-talk there was, to the same kind of self-talk as when you were confident, and change the body feelings, too.

  When I’m feeling confident, I notice I have more mental energy and am actually thinking more clearly than when I’m overly self-conscious or caught up with self-doubt. This is a process that you can easily practice. I recommend doing it every day for at least a week or two if you really want to build your ability to achieve a more confident state of mind.

  Mission Critical:

  Motivation Tips from Navy SEALs Training

  Another way to build confidence is to develop an inner knowing that you can do almost anything. Navy SEALs, as you’ve probably heard, have the most difficult military training on earth—and many people come to the United States to learn about it. This training was originally modeled on the methods the British Special Air Services used with their commandos. But the demands on Navy SEALs are even greater because they do so much work in the water—where being constantly cold and wet is a huge disincentive to forging ahead.

  Let me give you a little background first—and then we’ll explore how you can benefit from SEAL training. The first training that SEALs are put through is really just a six-week sorting-out process that concludes with something called hell week, where they get four hours of sleep over a sixty-hour period of time, and they spend a lot of time being cold and wet.

  In this phase of training, here’s what the Navy discovered. They selected candidates who had high IQs—and were, of course, great physical specimens. These people were able to perform all of the activities the job required them to perform. But what the Navy noticed was that, in this six-week period of time, 76 percent of these carefully selected candidates were dropping out of the program.

  This dropout rate represents a huge loss not only in terms of recruiting and training investments, but also in terms of this division’s readiness and capability to deliver when called upon. Because both of these issues became a real concern to them, a few years ago they hired Eric Potterat, a psychologist, who became the command master psychologist for the U.S. Navy SEALs. He was instructed to review the mental toughness training and find out what the Navy could do to increase the abilities of these candidates to force themselves to do things that the Navy estimated they could physically do, but instead resulted in the candidates quitting.

  Potterat came up with what he called the Big 4 and he trained SEAL candidates intensively in these four habits. As a result, the graduation of candidates increased by 50 percent! This improvement was particularl
y impressive because the Navy was starting with a group of exceptional candidates, and then studying these people to find out what made the difference between quitting and persevering. In NLP, we call that “the difference that makes the difference.”

  In a nutshell, here are the four critical habits that may mean the difference between life and death—and a successful or failed mission. Although these are presented in a sequential way, they can be used simultaneously.

  Habit 1: Focus on Right Now

  The first habit involves a special kind of goal-setting thinking. There are all sorts of ways to set goals. You may have learned them in school or on the job, but this is different. This is short-term goal setting.

  The major way to combat stress when you’re doing something very difficult is to narrow your focus. Narrow it down to the immediate future. Navy SEALs focus on just getting to the end of the twenty-mile run. They don’t think about anything after that. They do not think about the next meal. They do not think about the inspection coming after that. They would not think about any further tests.

  This first habit reminds me of the advice I got when I was bicycle touring: “Don’t look at the top of the hill” when you’re slogging up a hill. Just turn the pedal over, crank it over again (and again and again), so each rotation moves you further along.

  So one of the things the Navy SEALs were trained to do was to just do the job directly in front of them and focus on that. That’s Habit 1.

  Habit 2: Imagine How Good It Will Feel

  This one’s related to rehearsing past successes. And, as you know, when you go through a victory list in an associated way, by the time you’re done with twenty or thirty of those successes, you’ll be very familiar with the body feeling that tells you, “I’m pleased with myself. I’m on top of this. I’m doing this. It’s working.”

  So then, you would take that feeling of success and imagine what it will be like when you successfully do the thing you’re doing right now. The trick to that is to transfer those wonderful feelings. What you’re actually doing in this step is utilizing your most positive sub-modalities. In this step, transfer these positive feelings to any task you’re doing and tell yourself how good its feels to be making progress—how good it feels to be almost done—how good it feels to be completing this task.

  Break down the task into smaller pieces so that every little step feels good and moves you forward—just as every revolution of the pedal on my bicycle felt good. Every time you finish a little set of tasks in a project, you check it off—and that feels good. So make a habit of noticing that.

  You can do this over and over again. And as you do, you’re providing your brain with extra experiences of success, which will further deepen the feelings and make them easier for you to access when you need them.

  Habit 3: When All Else Fails, Breathe Deeply

  There often comes a time in the process of being discouraged, demotivated, or physically drained when there’s sort of an inner collapse and a panic reaction. “Oh, I can’t do it! I can’t do it. I can’t hold on! I can’t hold on! It’s slipping . . . it’s slipping . . . it’s gone! Oh, no!”

  That’s when two little parts of your brain about the size of a pair of thumbnails take over your life. As you may recall, this part of the brain is called the amygdala. It determines when you’re safe and when you’re not. So when you feel yourself failing, the amygdala decides that everything has gone to hell in a handbasket; then you’re likely to have a panic reaction of some kind.

  The way to beat this primal reaction is by flooding your body with oxygen. You actually change your blood chemistry—and when you do, it calms down the amygdala. So here’s a special kind of breathing the Navy SEALs were taught to do—and you can try it right now.

  Inhale deeply for a count of six. Hold it for a count of two. Then exhale for a count of six—completely emptying your lungs. Do this three times, just three times anytime during the day. Do these three deep breaths, in for a count of six, hold for a count of two, exhale for a count of six.

  When you do this kind of breathing, you’ll find that several things happen. You lower your blood pressure. You flood your brain with oxygen and it increases your ability to think and react thoughtfully—instead of out of panic or emotion. Being able to breathe easily and think makes using the other habits possible!

  Habit 4: Cheer Yourself On

  This habit is related to something we talked about in the last chapter—hearing voices in our heads that are discouraging or critical. What the Navy SEALs are taught to do is to create their own cheering section—to be their personal encouraging chorus.

  They mentally have their own voice say, “You can do it! This is easy. Forget that mistake. Focus on the next shot and on getting it better.” They constantly cheer themselves on while they’re in the process of doing it—instead of saying, “This is terrible. This is exhausting. I wonder if my ankle is going to hold up. I’ve got a blister. My pack is loose and shifting around.”

  Instead of listing their troubles, they list everything that feels good. As I said, this isn’t about being reasonable; this is about being successful. This methodology is working for people who are in the most challenging situations that humans can invent. So that’s Habit 4.

  Try these steps the next time you feel anxious about an upcoming event or are feeling sort of freaked out in the moment. Six-two-six-count breathing will help you regain some equilibrium and enable you to put your focus on the task at hand, tap into past successes, and cheer yourself on.

  Messing with Hecklers:

  How to Silence Critical Inner Voices

  In Chapter 2, we talked about the voices in our heads—our own and those of others, who are or were important to us. A moment ago, I mentioned the benefit of having a cheering section—in your own voice—that you can have at your immediate access to encourage yourself whenever you need it.

  But sometimes we have negative voices, too. What about the hecklers in your mind? “Oh, this is all a bunch of hokum. This doesn’t really work. This is just a bunch of feel-good crap. I can’t do this. It’s not going to change reality. The reality is I’m failing. You can’t do this. You’re not good enough,” or whatever the negative voices are.

  I had one that stayed with me for years. It was a little voice that said, “Screwed up again, Hoobyar.” I didn’t realize until my mid-fifties that it was the voice of Coach Marshall, the gym teacher who’d been in charge of the high school track team. At one point, I was a really good runner, and then I started smoking—which definitely impacted my performance.

  When Coach Marshall saw my running times begin to slip, he would shout that out at me when I was puffing around the track. “Screwed up again, Hoobyar.” That voice went in because I totally admired the guy and was very ashamed of my behavior. Coach Marshall’s voice went into my mind’s eye and ear and stayed there—for years.

  After a while, my mind just began applying poor old Coach Marshall’s voice to everything. Every time I forgot a thank-you note, every time I was less than gracious, every time I was late anywhere, any time I dropped the ball anywhere, I heard that comment. I felt like I could actually hear him.

  Well, those kinds of comments can become predictive. They could convince you that you’re just so crummy, you’ll never do it. Because they lower your expectations of yourself, they degrade your performance. That’s why it’s so important to interrupt those critical voices. They are not going to help you. Period.

  These voices just sort of take the fun out of life and take the energy out of our commitment, out of our actions, and out of our will to succeed.

  When that happens, here’s what you can do: First, sort of set a trap for it. Notice it. Be an attentive audience for your own inner talk, and listen for any negatives, any self-sabotage. When you hear a negative voice, immediately obliterate it. Immediately change it.

  Once you notice it, you have choices. Let the critical voice say whatever it’s saying, and as it’s talking, gradually c
hange its tonality from whatever it is to something really pleasant—or funny. Change it from that tone that communicates, “You’re not worth it. You don’t have what it takes.” Change the tone to something sexy or a voice that sounds like a cartoon character—making it faster and higher until it sounds more like one of the famous Chipmunks.

  In either event, the critical voice will stop. Notice how changing the tone changes your feelings about what you’re doing—and about yourself. That’s the quick fix. The longer-term way is the “Auditory Swish,” which you practiced in the last chapter.

  More Than Maintenance:

  How to Increase Energy and Productivity

  So far in this chapter, you’ve learned about the importance of expectations and mental rehearsal, the link between physiology and energy, ways to fine-tune your focus in the moment, how to reduce the impact of resistance and negative inner voices, as well as the importance of enthusiasm and confidence. As you integrate these concepts and techniques into the way you think and operate each day, you’ll be able to more easily maintain your positive energy. But how do you increase it?

  Franz Kafka said, “Productivity is being able to do things that you were never able to do before.” So, here are a few additional tips to help you maximize your focus and productivity.

  Tip #1: Rehearse Positive Mental States

  Energy, motivation, enthusiasm, and optimism all feed on each other. After all, it’s easier to feel optimistic when you’re confident that the outcome is going to be positive. Each of us can elicit enthusiasm and optimism by practicing certain mental states. To start changing your blood chemistry, regularly rehearse the energy-generating physical interventions we explored at the beginning of this chapter. This neurological energy will improve the mental processes that generate your motivation.