Carina twisted on her stool to face Bella. “And I so much appreciate what you are trying to do. I do. But I'm scared and all this rebelling isn't in my nature. It's in yours. Perhaps I can go through with the marriage but then refuse him. Does he seem like a man who would force himself on me?”
“No, he swore he wouldn’t. But an heir is very important to them, so is upholding his duty to his father. He would not accept my offer of taking your place.” Her throat tightened and she tried to swallow.
“What do we do now?” Carina asked.
“I am not sure but I’m not giving up yet—” Bella caught sight of herself and her sister in the mirror. All their lives they’d been told they looked like twins. Perhaps that was the miracle she needed. She stared at their reflections until her eyes stung, and Carina touched her shoulder.
“What is it? You look as though you've seen a ghost.”
“I'm seeing you and me.”
Carina turned to the mirror.
“We look very much alike,” Bella said.
“Except you look alive and I appear half dead.”
Bella took Carina’s hand and squeezed it, willing warmth and courage into Carina.
“I'm not done planning, but we don't need just one plan. We need two.”
“I don't understand,” Carina said. “I'm so tired.” She brushed her hand across her forehead, leaving a smear of blue paint.
“Go back to bed. I have lots of plotting to do.”
“Tell me, what is your plan?”
“I'm going to try one more thing to get him to change his mind,” Bella said. I’m going to speak with him again and hopefully he'll have reconsidered since last night,” Bella lied.
She wasn't just going to speak to him this time. She remembered the heavy tension between them, the way his gaze made her flush. There was something there that she could use. An attraction, she suspected, though she couldn’t be sure. She had no experience with attraction. If she couldn't appeal to his conscience, she'd negotiate with his baser needs. Men were slaves to their animal lust—at least, that's what her mother had always said. If he cared so much about his honor, she’d use it against him. If he compromised her then he would be honor bound to marry her. The contract with Carina would be null and void, a useless scrap of paper.
But if he refused her… Well, then she would have to carry out her bigger, more ridiculous plan.
Carina sniffed her aromatic oil and leaned back against the pillows with her eyes closed. “Tell me quickly before I fall asleep.”
Bella thought it better she not share her first plan, but Carina would have to be an accomplice in the second.
“I haven't worked out all the fine details yet but to summarize we’ll trade places at the wedding.”
Carina's eyes popped open. “I beg your pardon?”
“We look enough like, you and I, and if I powder my face and darken the shadows under my eyes…” Bella studied her reflection. “If I wear a heavy veil, no one will know the difference. We can claim I am too distraught to attend the wedding and will stay in my room, but you will be in my room. Meanwhile, I'll be in yours, dressed in your gown with the veil over my face, pretending to be upset or whatever I need to do to keep my face covered until the moment it's too late. I’ll sign the wedding certificate in my name and then—”
“And then they will know.” Carina sat up. “And it will be a huge embarrassment to our family. This is madness.”
“I don't care about embarrassing our family,” Bella said. “I care about saving you. I don't know what else to do.”
Carina slumped back against her pillows. “Nor do I.”
“Then madness it is.”
Chapter 7
All the snow that had fallen the night before had turned to gray slush in the bright morning sun. Bella left Carina to rest and went down to breakfast, but as she entered the breakfast parlor, it felt more like an inquisition.
Her father sat at the head of the table, his shiny scalp gleaming like Mrs. Grange had waxed it along with the floors. His horseshoe of black hair was more gray than black now and his eyes brows were slashes of charcoal above his pale green eyes on his forehead. Her mother, mouth stern and flat and hazel gaze slightly narrowed, watched her enter while her brother, who favored their mother’s brown hair and eyes mirrored her expression.
The coward. Had he no will of his own?
Bella supposed not. He was the favored child, the heir to their kingdom, as if being born with the proper genitalia was some sort of accomplishment.
She sat in the only chair available to her at the end of the table, all alone. She spread her napkin over her lap and thanked the footman who set her plate before her. Porridge and dry toast. Her mother’s doing, she suspected. Some sort of punishment.
“Good morning, everyone,” Bella began. She was not going to be cowed.
“Good morning, Isabella. We’ve been discussing your recent behavior. You’ve made your stance on this issue clear.”
“What issue is that, father?”
“Carina’s marriage, you daft girl,” her mother spat. “You’re jealous. You’ve always been jealous. We know you conspire to ruin it.”
They knew nothing, or had Sir Sebastian gone and tattled? He was nothing like the man in his letters. Though she didn’t yet understand why she felt she knew that man—the man who’d written of beautiful sculptures so life-like, he suspected they were shaped by the hand of God, or the man who wrote of children merrily chasing him through the alleys of Italy for the bag of plums he’d bought. The winner got to choose the best plum, and he’d had to buy more to feed them all.
Where had that man gone? Had he ever existed or had he only been a figment of her imagination?
Sir Sebastian looked the part, so strong and big enough to carry all her troubles, to slay all her dragons. But perhaps she’d made up that man, using the sketch to fulfill her own fantasy of a man who would not only save Carina but Bella too. Save her from a life devoted not to her own happiness but Carina’s.
She stared at her porridge. It was beginning to turn into a hard lump, much like her stomach.
“I have only ever wished to see my sister live and be happy.”
“Then why thwart her marriage to Sir Sebastian?” her father asked.
“Ask her yourself, why don’t you? She’s terrified. She’s afraid doing her duty to her husband will kill her. Are you willing to sentence her to death for the sake of a contract? What is so bloody important about this contract?”
Her mother gasped. Her father slammed his fist on the table in outrage, rattling the dishes. Calvin stared at her in amusement.
Her mother pushed to her feet and marched to Bella’s side, taking her arm in a pincer grip and hauling her from her chair with a strength Bella didn’t know her mother had.
“You’ve taken leave of your senses. Your sister will marry in two days on Christmas morning, and you will be too ill to attend. You’ll keep to your room until this affair is over.
Bella tried to yank her arm away. “You’re hurting me.”
“You’ve done this to yourself.”
Bella was too dumbfounded to resist as her mother dragged her, wheezing as they climbed the stairs and returned to Bella’s room. At her door, her mother fidgeted with the handle and shoved Bella inside, not violently because Bella wasn’t resisting any more. She was doing as she’d told Carina.
Plotting.
She was banished from the wedding already, but it wouldn’t stop her.
Her mother fiddled with the key in her door, and Bella crossed her arms as she waited. Her mother pocketed the key and spun to face her with a triumphant smile.
“Enjoy your solitude.”
“Oh, I will.”
Her mother pursed her lips and exited, slowly closing the door, as if Bella might beg to be released.
Bella stared at the door, fury clawing its way inside her as the lock clicked.
She waited a moment more, until her mother would be so
mewhere else in the house before she took a pin from her dresser and picked the lock.
Her mother knew her so little.
Next, she changed into a different dress and her heaviest cloak. She knew her brother and Sir Sebastian had planned to do a bit of shooting, and if she kept watch from the stable, she might find an opportunity to catch Sir Sebastian alone. The odds were not the best, but what could she do? There was so little time to convince this man to do the right thing.
Her feet and hands were frozen by the time Calvin and Sir Sebastian returned with their fresh game. They rode into the stable and the grooms took their horses. Bella panicked, not knowing how to catch Sir Sebastian’s attention before they returned to the house for luncheon.
“My single hare is easily larger than both of yours,” Calvin said.
“They’ll taste the same, won’t they?”
Calvin shrugged. “But mine is better.”
Sir Sebastian shook his head. “Yours is better. There. Is your ego satisfied?”
Calvin scowled. “My ego is just fine, thank you.”
“Are you certain? You seem to be oddly obsessed with the size of your rabbit. It’s not the size that counts, but the quality of the meat.”
Calvin chucked hay at Sir Sebastian and he dodged it. Bella shook her head. Were they men or boys?
“Come along.” Calvin turned away, and with not a moment to lose, Bella dropped a fist full of hay on Sir Sebastian’s head.
He brushed it away and looked up, his eyes widening as he caught sight of her and mouthed something.
She waved for him to join her up in the loft.
“Are you coming?” Calvin called over his shoulder.
“Uh, just a moment. I’ve stepped in something and need to clean my boot. Go on.”
“The grooms have all left for their mid-day meal, are you really going to clean it yourself?”
“I’m not as pampered as you, go on. I’ll be only a moment.”
Calvin left the stable, closing the door against the cold, and Sir Sebastian stood below.
“What are you waiting for?” Bella whispered.
“To make sure he’s gone.”
“He’s gone. Come up here.”
“You come down here. What the devil are you doing up there, anyhow?”
“Waiting for you,” she replied with annoyance. Her fingers tingled painfully as she climbed down the ladder.
He handed her down from the last rung.
“Come in here, so we are not immediately in sight should anyone come in.”
“You’re up to something,” Sir Sebastian said, warily.
“I assure you it’s a noble cause,” Bella replied.
“Is your sister well?”
“As well as she can be. Have you changed your mind at all?”
He shook his head, his mouth a grim line.
“Fine.” She set her hands on her hips but thought better of it. She was going to have to be bold and more than a bit brazen.
She grabbed his thick wool coat by the lapels and tugged him close, sealing her mouth over his before he could resist. She must have stunned him because at first he didn’t respond, but then he took her by the shoulders and moved her back.
He scowled. “Are you mad?”
“I’m determined.”
“You think to seduce me?”
“Men are slaves to their desires. It’s a fact.”
“Well, I am not. That kiss inspired no desire whatsoever.”
Bella blushed in embarrassment. “Well, I’ve never kissed anyone before. My apologies.”
“What—never? No, never mind. Of course, you’ve never kissed a man.”
She reached for him again. He seemed distracted enough that she might get another chance, bad kiss or not.
He caught hold of her hands.
“Don’t. Why are you doing this?”
“You know why. To save my sister.”
He frowned at her. “So, there is no other reason?”
Bella blinked at him. At least in his hold, her hands were warm. “What other reason could I have? My life has been consumed with protecting my sister.” She swallowed as heat spread over her skin. She’d never stood this close to a man before, close enough to see all the varying flecks of color in his eyes. They really were beautiful, the loveliest eyes she’d ever seen.
“That’s not right. This is not right.” But he didn’t let go or back away.
“You’re a rake and I’m offering myself to you,” she said.
His frown deepened. “But you don’t want me.”
Bella mirrored his frown. “Want? What does it matter what I want?”
He shook his head gently. “It matters in a kiss. Desire is not a candle. It takes more than the strike of a match to light it.”
“Like what. I know nothing.”
“Clearly.”
“Show me.”
His eyes blazed, and her body answered to the heat she saw there. An inkling of understanding trickled through her clouded thoughts. She was doing this for Carina, throwing herself at a man, but… A part of her wanted this for herself. She liked the feelings of his hands on her, the fine thread of tension that hummed between them. Her lips throbbed as if begging to touch his again.
“You’re a rake, aren’t you?”
“You don’t know the meaning of the word. I’m only a man. And even men like me want to feel desired.”
Bella licked her lips, and his gaze dropped to her mouth. “You won’t have this with Carina. You know that. But with me… I can feel it. Can’t you?”
His gaze returned to hers.
“What will happen if you kiss me?” she whispered, her lungs tight, her heart racing toward a horizon she couldn’t see.
“I don’t know.”
“Kiss me, Sebastian.” She wasn’t above begging.
His eyes flared. “You want me to?”
“Yes,” she whispered, her body swaying toward him, toward the warmth, toward his strength.
For a second, she thought he might reject her again, but his hold no longer pushed her away. It held her in place, kept her a hair’s breadth from colliding with him. Perhaps he battled with his conscience, but she might be winning. What more could she do?
“I want you to kiss me.”
“I don’t believe you. I think you’ll do anything for your sister. Including write her letters.”
Bella chewed her lip. “I did write them.”
“You deceived me.”
“She wouldn’t have written to you at all. That’s how uninterested she was in knowing you. But I—”
“You what?”
She swallowed, her mouth dry. “I read them. And they deserved an answer. It would have been unkind not to.”
“So, you answered out of kindness? Nothing more?”
What more did he want? The truth? That she’d developed an infatuation for a man who wrote about the sound trees make when the wind blows through them or buying plums for hungry little children.
You should see their little faces, their smiles so bright they rival the sun. Those plums may as well be gold doubloons to them.
“I answered because I wanted to. I wanted to know the man who wrote them and see the world through his eyes. I’ve seen so little, and you’ve seen so much. Your letters weren’t jaded or pompous but amusing and insightful. Between my father and my brother, I’d lost faith. But then you came along. I’d never met you, but through your writing I had a glimpse into your heart. And I began to believe in you.”
His grip went slack around her wrists, but he did not pull away. His arms came around her, and his lips touched hers. The bulk of their clothing dulled the delightful press of their bodies, but for Bella it was enough. She leaned into him and absorbed the sensation of his firm lips molding to hers.
His tongue swept across the seam of her lips and she opened them, curious and willing to experience whatever he would show her. She forgot what she was supposed to be doing. Her mind turned to dust and t
he pounding of her heart filled her ears, drowning out all thought.
The slide of his tongue against hers made all the fine little hairs on her body stand on end. She inhaled, remembering that she needed to breathe, and his scent filled her nostrils, fresh wintery air, mixed with the musk of leather and horse.
Her knees went weak, and she clung to him. His hands moved inside her cloak, and he pressed her up against the stable wall. Her boot hooked around his ankle, and she felt everything at once—his heavy breathing, the hard line of his body angst the softness of hers. His mouth tore from hers, and he pressed deep kisses to her throat.
Bella held her breath, afraid to do anything that might make him stop. His hands cupped her bottom, tilting her hips toward his and the ridge of his manhood blazed through her heavy gown as if she wore nothing at all. She wanted to be wearing nothing at all. Her clothing grew heavy and bothersome as she wiggled to get closer, every caress of their bodies so enthralling she wanted more, she wanted to be drunk with desire. His mouth returned to hers, stealing her breath, tongues dueling as they writhed together against the wall.
But all too soon, he pulled away and Bella almost tripped over her own feet.
“No. This is wrong,” he panted.
His rejection stung, the sudden loss of his touch so jarring she hugged herself as chilled air filled the space between them.
He scrubbed his gloved hands over his face. “The reality may not be what we want it to be, but this is what is done. I made a promise and I must uphold it.”
Stunned, Bella couldn’t think of anything to say. Her lips tingled and she wiped her mouth. She could still taste him, sweet and sultry. Her eyes began to sting.
He cupped her cheek. “I’m sorry.”
Bella sidestepped out of his hold, her eyes burning with the threat of tears. She was a little afraid the ache in her chest meant her heart was breaking. She didn’t have the luxury of thinking with her heart. This was about Carina—she reminded herself. How quickly she’d forgotten. For just a moment, she’d fallen for her own plan. She’d seduced herself into thinking there was something more between them, that she wasn’t just rescuing her sister, she was falling in love.
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