Deceitfully Damaged

by Abigail Cole

  Jogging down the stairs, the ‘ding’ of the elevator shaft arriving chimes below. At least now I know Meg is thousands of miles away, my heart can stop filling with hope every time I hear the sound and I don’t have the twisting in my gut when she doesn’t walk out. Rounding the banister, I find all three of the house’s other current occupants readying to step into the elevator, all in hoodies, sports shorts and sneakers. Upon seeing me, matching smiles break across all of their faces. One of these hunks would bring a girl to her knees, but when all three of them look at me that way, I have to resist the urge to melt into a puddle on the marble flooring and force my feet to move in a straight line.

  “Hey, we were just heading out for some groceries. Since there’s nothing else to do, we figured we’d save both Susie and our sanity for a little while.” As acting head of the household (which is hilarious since he’s never fricking here), Wyatt must be the one to allow Susie to return to work. Until said blessed event occurs, our cook has been running around doing our shopping, cooking batches of reheatable meals, the laundry and any errands we need. I reckon she’s as bored as we are at the moment.

  “Oh please, please, take me with you!” I beg, pressing my hands together in prayer and fluttering my eyelashes. Garrett kicks his foot out to stop the sliding doors from closing and mock bows as I smile and skip past. Joining me inside the metal walls, Axel’s fingers slide into mine as Dax slips his arm around my shoulders. Usually I’d push out of this protective bullshit, but in light of Meg’s misery and my run-in with Huxley, I’ll take any small slither of comfort I can get right now. Garrett steps in and finally lets the doors close, transporting us down into the underground garage.

  As the boys cross the darkened space, each light flickering on with the sense of moment below, I quickly dive into the closet to my left. Ignoring the heaps of jacket and coats loaded onto brass hooks along the side, I rummage through various storage boxes beneath to find my matching white Converse. Pushing my feet inside, I jog over to the burnt orange Nissan as the engine roars to life.

  Dax is in the driver’s seat, one arm slung across the wheel while the lovebirds are whispering in the back. Sliding into the passenger seat, Dax accelerates the second my door is shut. Hastily buckling myself in as we emerge from the underground ramp onto the gravelled driveaway, I glance over the shadows falling upon the bushes lining the front of the house on instinct. Nothing seems out of place, but these days I am trying to be extra vigilant.

  Bright amber eyes catch my attention in the side mirror, a mischievous smirk on Axel’s face matches the look Garrett is giving me in the rear-view mirror. They are both looking at me like they did that day I entered Axel’s room. The image of Garrett roughly gripping my hips and ramming into me from behind while Axel tugged on my hair as I sucked him off flashes to mind, causing my cheeks to heat and core to pulse.

  Clenching my thighs together tightly, I attempt to casually slide down from their eyelines to hide the blush, although the chuckle that sounds behind tells me they know just how much I’m affected by their mind games. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to having the attention of so many hot guys at once, not that I’m particularly complaining. Although I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t counting down the days for them all the return to college and for my life to resume some type of normality.

  Axel

  Spooning the last chunk of cookie dough from the ice cream tub, I lean over to Avery and pop it into her mouth. Her bright blue eyes twinkle in the fading sunlight and her smile warms me from the inside out, despite the chill descending upon us with the last glow of the sun. The sun setting over Atlanta has been stunning from this hilltop we found, hues of red and orange bleeding into the sky which already has a few stars shining through. But still, none of it compared to the blonde sitting beside me. Lights begin to appear amongst the shadowed buildings far below as we dangle our legs over the ledge.

  “This was exactly what I needed.” Avery sighs contentedly. I think this afternoon was what we all needed. Grocery shopping consisted of Garrett piling items high in the trolley, while Dax pushed it with Avery leaning over the bar. Every time Gare was distracted by another aisle of sugar snacks, I would slip out some of the high-calorie rubbish he doesn’t actually need and snuck in actual food we can cook with. Apparently, I’m the only one trying to maintain our strict nutritional diet the basketball coach usually has us on, if it wasn’t for me and the list I’d made, we all would have been on popcorn for breakfast and pop tarts for dinner for the foreseeable future. Although, I have to admit his idea to grab some cooked pizzas from the readymade counter and tubs of ice cream for an impromptu four-way date night was a hell of an idea. But remembering to buy some plastic spoons was all me and I want full credit for that.

  “How come you didn’t go to college with Meg?” Dax breaks the silence, his eye line tracing the lettering on Meg’s grey sweater Avery is wearing. ‘ATLANTA’ sitting central is bold red, above a circular logo of two lacrosse sticks forming an X with a ball in the bottom section. Avery looks down herself before shrugging and focusing back on the horizon.

  “Not really a people person, I guess. Mom and Nixon liked having me there when they weren’t working and I got to do lessons in my pyjamas.” she smirks, but my frown is mirrored in Dax’s face. Garrett moans sensually from behind us, sitting on the hood of Huxley’s car and fully invested in his fourth pizza. Even though I know his reasoning and I’m more than used to it by now, it still baffles me how Gare’s first priority will always be food. We could be in a room of America’s hottest models butt naked, but for Gare the buffet table would still win every time.

  “Don’t you worry you’ve missed out on living a normal life?” Dax asks quietly, his hesitation evident by the shy side glance he gives her. Avery simply laughs dryly.

  “I’ve lived enough to last me a lifetime and nothing about it has been normal. If I can hide away and enjoy the rest of my days in peace and solitude, that’ll be good enough for me.” I stare out into the night sky, wondering if she really meant that. Avery’s been through more shit than all of us combined, but I had expected her resilience to blur into all aspects of her life. From that statement, it almost seems to me like she’s given up on attempting to have a future, and for such a free and strong spirit, that seems like a crime to me.

  “Surely there’s more you’d want to experience. To see the world, achieve amazing things, be loved and have a family?” I ask, unable to help myself. Her head turns my way as she seems to consider my question.

  “Every day I continue to wake up is another fight I have to face. It shouldn’t be a mission to simply get by, but to me it is. I’ve been broken and never properly put back together. So no, I don’t want to be loved. My life was ruined for me; I refuse to waste energy trying to fix it for the sake of those around me.” Her eyes shine with the truth that she genuinely believes her words.

  “It doesn’t have to be that way.” I clasp her chin and pull her towards me. Placing my lips softly on hers, I kiss her for a long moment before pulling back. I’ve never been one for pretty words, so hopefully my actions speak for themselves. There’s a whole world out there, and if it doesn’t have Avery in it then there’s no such thing as justice.

  Avery links her fingers through mine and leans into me, her hair tickling my arm in the gentle breeze. Glancing over her head, Dax’s face is covered by shadows as he stares out at the horizon, his posture rigid as he hugs his knees into his chest. I’m about to ask if he’s okay when Garrett throws himself between him and Avery with a thud.

  Slipping his arm around her waist, he drags Avery roughly from my body and into his. The dents appearing in his cheeks taunt me with a shit eating grin as I roll my eyes. A choked noise comes from Avery as she elbows Gare’s chest and rises from his hold. Without a second glance, she retreats back to the Nissan and slams the door shut once inside. “Nice one, asshole.” Dax grumbles, brushing down his shorts as he stands and leaves too.

  “What did I
do?” Gare asks me, although his smirk tells me he knew exactly what he was doing, ruining my moment with Avery. For someone who shares partners so easily, Garrett can be a possessive prick. Whether that power move was out of jealously for Avery’s or my benefit though, I’m not sure.

  “You can be a real cock sometimes, you know that, right?” I can’t help to smile back when he’s giving me that look – all dimples and a cocked eyebrow. The engine begins to rumble behind us, signalling it’s time to leave. I rise to my feet, offering Gare my hand to pull his heavy weight up.

  “Thinking about my cock again?” he winks and strides away while I flip my middle finger up at his retreating back. “I saw that,” he shouts over the sound of Dax revving the vehicle impatiently and I chuckle as I follow.

  ∞∞∞

  Sitting on my open window ledge, I watch as a group of guards walk across the manicured lawns towards other members of their team for the midnight cross over. I could never have a job that required standing on high alert all night, I need my sleep but I guess someone has to do it. From this distance, they all appear the same - huge tanks of men, dressed all in black. Guns strapped across their uniformed bodies glint in the moonlight as they walk past the darkened pool house.

  My thoughts drift to Wyatt, wondering where he is or what he’s doing. Ever since we met, he has been the one to insist our group stays together and, failing that, in constant contact with one another. He hated being forced to come home for the occasional holiday, saying he felt guilty for leaving his real family back at college without him. Seems like that doesn’t matter to him anymore, since I welcomed Avery into our fold. And rightly so - I stand by my decision. Not because she’s his real sister, because she deserves a place to belong with like-minded people who understand her. I’m sure he’ll come around once he’s had time to adjust but I really miss his presence.

  Shuffling within the room alerts me that Garrett has returned from his midnight snack hunt. Pulling the window closed, I turn and walk across the room while he stuffs a cracker into his mouth. “Where did all the M&M’s and Cheeto’s go?” he mumbles. I shrug, switching off the bedside lamp and slipping into bed, needing to hide my terrible poker face.

  Gare dives into bed with all the grace of a small elephant and rolls over to hug me. Even though he can’t stop the night terrors plaguing me each night, just having him right there when I wake up is more than enough until the next night rolls around. His arm slips beneath my head as his chest meets my back, our legs tangling together. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, I ease myself into a calm state, attempting to keep the bad dreams at bay, even though it’s never worked before.

  “Axel honey, come on in. Don’t be shy.” No, please no. Looking up and down the hallway, I briefly consider running but I’ve tried that before, the outcome is the same. Running a hand through my hair, I release a sob at its silky texture. I’m not that boy anymore, but I still don’t know how to get out of this never-ending loop. Bracing my hand on the handle, I shudder slightly as I turn the nob and open the door into the ballroom.

  The space is filled with women of all ages in fancy ball gowns. In unison, they turn to glare at me. Gloved hands ball into fists, perfectly painted lips sneer. A walkway down the centre of the crowd has been left clear for me, my mother waiting expectantly at the podium on the other end. A sparkling champagne coloured dress hugs her surgery perfected body, her usual pearl necklace hanging around her slender neck.

  Stepping onto the shiny floor, my shoes echo loudly in an otherwise silent space as I make my way towards her. With each step closer, my mother’s hands begin to change to a deep shade of crimson. The stain grows until I reach the raised platform, stopping just short of her wrists. Following my eyeline, she smiles wickedly and lifts a skinny index finger to paint the color across her lips.

  “This is all your fault,” she smirks down at me. Confusion seeps in with a feeling of unease as I look around. Pale, bare feet poking out from behind mother’s dress catch my attention. Sidestepping the opposite way, I find Avery’s blonde hair fanned around her as she lies lifelessly on the stage. Making a move to rush to her, hands grab me from behind and pull me backwards. Arms hook across my chest with impossible strength yanking me further away from Avery and my cackling mother.

  “It’s all your fault!” the crowd shout and jeer over and over again. I try to set my feet so I can’t be moved anymore but it doesn’t work and soon I’m too far back and too surrounded to even see the podium. I reach out desperately, tears filling my eyes as I scream her name. I’ve failed her again, like I do every night in every scenario. I’ll never be able to save Avery when I can’t save myself from these visions. The first tear spills from my eye and everyone freezes, my mother suddenly appearing before me. Her dark hair has started to fall from her flawless chignon and the bloodstain has smeared from her lips across her cheek.

  “You see, you are weak. Real men don’t cry, which is why you will forever be stuck as this pathetic, little boy.”

  I shoot upright in bed, forcing Garrett to flinch. My skin is clammy as I run a hand over my shaved head instinctively. Gare slips his arms around my middle but I shake him off, keeping my face angled away from him. “It’s okay,” he soothes, rubbing my back. I spin around in the hazy light of morning and glower at him angrily.

  “No Garrett, it’s not okay. Real men don’t cry and they don’t screw other men.” I regret my words immediately at the flash of hurt reflected in Gare’s hazel eyes, but clearly my subconscious was trying to tell me something. It’s my own mind that conjures these images and words each time I close my eyes, these are my thoughts. I try to rise from the bed but Garrett’s hand clamps down on my bicep to keep me in place.

  “Now, you listen to me.” He grips my face roughly and forces me to face him. His eyes are churning with emotion like a wild hurricane is trapped within them. Shifting his body so we are directly opposite each other, he grabs my hand and pushes it down on his left pec forcefully before copying the action with his palm on my chest.

  “This is real. It may not be some poetic love story like in the movies. It’s twisted and dark and something no one else will understand, but this is us and it’s 100% real. I will be here to kiss away every nightmare, hold you every time you cry, love you because you don’t know how to love yourself. And I refuse to let you self-sabotage what we’ve got going because, for the first time in my life, I actually feel something I’ve never felt for anyone.”

  I stare at him in stunned silence. I honestly didn’t think Garrett thought about anything other than his dick and his next meal, not particularly in that order. He didn’t specifically say those three words, but he definitely insinuated he loves me. I try to think of something to say back but there’s only one word filling my mind – why? I don’t have anything to offer him, just a broken shell of a man. The tears from my dream finally fall, rapidly soaking my cheeks.

  “Make the pain go away” I beg, tremors still having a slight control over my body. Garrett strokes his fingers up my arms and gently takes a hold of my face between his hands. Looking deep into my eyes as the sun’s rays spill through the curtain, he whispers “I’ll do my best,” before his lips connect with mine.

  Wyatt

  Stretching across the wide mattress from the ends of my fingers to the tips of my toes, I sigh contently. I haven’t seen Ray since the evening I arrived, but the last two days have been pure bliss. Despite the small army of guards I’ve seen walking through the mansion, other than bumping into Charlton on occasion and the staff, I’ve pretty much had this place to myself. It occurred to me rather quickly this is probably an easier way for whoever Ray’s ‘family’ are to keep watch over me. But as long as they keep the food and booze coming, I’m happy to play along.

  A knock sounds at the door, announcing breakfast bang on time. “Come in,” I shout and pull the cover tightly around my waist. Rachel, the live-in cook/cleaner pops her head around the door with a large smile. Nudging the way in with her hip, sh
e easily balances a tray in one hand and a glass of cranberry juice in the other.

  “Did you sleep well?” she asks, her perfectly curled brown locks pulled into a ponytail at her nape. I nod and accept the tray with a thanks, groaning in delight at the smell. Fried eggs on toast with sausages wrapped in bacon, just the way my mom used to make. On weekends, when she wasn’t travelling the globe to film the latest blockbuster movie, mom would cook me a breakfast like the one in my lap, before a day filled with one of our adventures to the forest or beach. Rachel hands me the glass and produces two small tablets from her apron’s front pocket, stroking my hair softly as I pop them into my mouth and guzzle down the juice.

  “That’s a good boy. You need your vitamins,” her kind smile brings my own out. A sense of calm and peace fills me at her presence. “Ray would like to see you this evening, so make sure you freshen up and take your pick from the clothes in the wardrobe.” I nod, the motion making my hair bounce upon my head. As Rachel backs out of the room, I toss my head side to side enjoying the way my hair flops from ear to ear.

  Remembering the breakfast in my lap, I tuck in and moan in between mouthfuls. Rachel’s cooking isn’t exceptionally different from Susie’s, but I don’t ever remember enjoying her food this much as a child. Each mouthful is a burst of flavor, overriding my senses so I don’t hear the sexual noises I’m making until I’ve swallowed.

  An image of Garrett flickers to mind as I think how much he would enjoy being here, waited on hand and foot with as much food as he could want. My mood sours, realising I haven’t thought about my brethren in days. How could they have slipped my mind like that when they’ve been an integral part of my life for years? Reaching over to the bedstand, I pull out the drawer to grab my phone.