Will tightened his arms around me. “I see. And this upsets ya?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know! I’m happy for her ’cause I know this is what she wants. But …”
“But, you’re scared.”
This man—my husband of only two months—already knew me so well. How did he know me better than Julianne, the sister of my heart? She and I had shared everything these last ten years, yet it was Will who immediately understood what motivated my emotions. How was that possible?
I nodded.
“I thought as much. Earl mentioned the news to me this afternoon. I was wonderin’ when Julianne would tell ya. Honestly, I’m not surprised by your reaction.”
“You’re not?” I asked.
“Not at all. In fact, I somewhat expected it. We’ve not talked much about your mama, but I heard ya never cried, not even as they placed her in the ground. And when your daddy died a short time later, they say ya still didn’t cry. You were like this tiny adult, carryin’ the worries of the world on your shoulders. You refused to show weakness. I admired that in ya when you were a child, and it’s what made me fall in love with you.”
Startled, I pulled away from Will and propped myself on an elbow. “You love me?”
“Ya know I do. I don’t know how ya could help but know.”
Settling back into Will’s arms, I lay quietly for some time before Will spoke again. “So about Julianne. You’re worried somethin’ will happen with the pregnancy?”
I nodded. “It’s what I’ve always been afraid of. There are too many what-ifs. What if the baby dies? What if Julianne dies? I’ve had too much loss to go through it all again.”
“But what if none of those things happen? What if Julianne delivers a perfectly healthy baby? Should she not reach for happiness on the off-chance her happiness might turn to sorrow? What kinda life would that be to live?”
I mulled his words over in my mind before responding. “That’s what I’ve been doin’, isn’t it? Saying I’d never marry—swearin’ never to love, and promisin’ myself I’d never have children.”
“That’s exactly what I think you’ve been doin’. My job is to help ya scratch those things off your list so ya can live a happier life, one small thing at a time. I succeeded in convincin’ ya to marry me, so I’m makin’ progress.”
“Ya backed me into a corner!” I laughed. “You painted a bleak future for me if I didn’t make my own decisions before someone else made ’em for me!”
“I was right, wasn’t I? Can ya say you’re not happier married to me than ya were before? I know the work is harder than you’ve been used to, but you’re not truly unhappy, are ya?”
“No!” I said quickly. “I’m not unhappy at all. In fact—I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.”
“I expected as much.” Will smiled.
“So how do I turn off this fear I have of somethin’ bad happenin’ to Julianne? I just can’t seem to erase it from my mind.”
“I’m not entirely sure, but I think maybe ya start with askin’ yourself some questions. For instance, would ya be this upset to find yourself with child?”
“Noooo …” I replied slowly. “I don’t think I’d be upset, or afraid, if it was me. But then, I wouldn’t be losin’ anyone. If somethin’ happened to me while havin’ a baby, then it’d be me leavin’ others behind; and not me bein’ the one left behind alone. And if it was the baby, well, I think I’m strong enough to overcome the loss. Surely I’d grieve, but I’m pretty sure I could move forward—it’s not like it’d be someone I know and love who’s already close to me. So no—if it was me, I think I’d be okay.”
“So maybe the answer is that ya stop frettin’ over Julianne, and instead concentrate on your own baby.”
“Oh, I don’t think I’ll have any children of my own.”
Will didn’t answer right away. After several moments, he said softly, “I don’t think ya have any choice in the matter, darlin’.”
“Well, of course I have a choice. I simply won’t become pregnant.”
Will was silent once again, carefully choosing his next words. “Has it occurred to ya that you’re already expectin’ a baby? Our baby?”
My world spun for the second time that day. “What are ya sayin’?”
“I’m sayin’ the probability you’re already pregnant exists. In fact, I suspect ya already are.”
“What? Why?” I sat up again, but quickly lay back down when my head spun. “Whatever gave ya that impression? Please don’t joke with me, Will Harrison. This is not a joking matter!”
“Sweetheart, this is one thing I would never tease ya about. It’s too important, especially considerin’ your feelings on the subject. But we’ve been married for just over two months. In all this time, we’ve made love nearly every night. Not once have ya turned me away for your courses.”
“Oh, God,” I whispered, tears springing to my eyes. “Oh, God …”
I mentally calculated dates in my head. There could be no mistake. The last of my courses had arrived only a few days before our wedding. Will was right. In all the hard work around the farm, I hadn’t even thought about it.
“Oh, God,” I said again. “But how is that possible? I haven’t been sick. Don’t women usually get sick when they’re expectin’? I’m as healthy as I was when I came here—more so, even!”
“I won’t pretend to understand a woman’s body, but I do know not all women are sick when they’re expectin’. When Hannah was expectin’ the twins, she was very ill. But she never had a moment of sickness with any of the girls. I’m not sure I’d gauge the verdict on whether or not you’ve been sick.”
Will was right, and I knew it. In all the time we’d been together since our wedding, and the many nights we’d held each other under these same blankets, it never occurred to me I might become pregnant. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
Pregnant?
Me?
A baby?
Will’s baby?
Our baby?
The idea took root, and my pulse quickened in anticipation. “A baby. Someone completely mine.”
“And mine, of course,” Will teased. “Ya didn’t do it all by yourself.”
“And yours.” I smiled—I couldn’t stop smiling.
“So where does that leave ya feelin’ about Julianne?”
I thought for a long moment. It seemed ridiculous to remain upset about Julianne when it seemed I was in the same condition. Our children could be friends!
“I guess it’s pretty ridiculous, huh? Oh, but I do worry, Will!”
“It’s okay to worry; we all worry. But worryin’ don’t fix the problem, and it often creates new ones … like, I’m guessin’, your relationship with Julianne. Would I be guessin’ right that ya didn’t leave things on good terms when she left?”
“Oh, God! No, Will—I didn’t. I tried, but I just couldn’t be happy for her. My reaction must’ve hurt her somethin’ awful.”
“So now ya have to find a way to make amends. I have a feelin’ it won’t take much; you can probably just tell her your own good news, and that’ll be enough.”
“Thank you, Will.”
“For what, darlin’? I didn’t do anythin’ more than help ya see a little sooner what you’d’ve figured out on your own, eventually.”
With nothing more for either of us to say, we laid quietly together and listened to the crickets chirping beyond the windows of our small bedroom. Will alternated between stroking my arm in long, leisurely caresses, and running his fingers through my hair. His words had filled me with both confidence and joy. After nearly an hour without speaking, I turned toward Will.
“You’ve been rather successful with your ‘to-do’ list,” I said.
“How’s that?” he asked, his voice sleepy.
“You convinced me to marry ya. You persuaded me to have a baby. Then ya gave me no choice but to fall in love with ya.”
“Of course I did. That was my evil plan all along,” he said
, grinning wickedly.
As the light from the outside moon shown in through the window and onto the bed, I looked at Will and waited until his eyes met my own. “I love you, William Jackson Harrison.”
Will closed his eyes and smiled. “I know ya do, sweetheart. And I love you, too, Victoria Hastings Harrison.”
With no other words needed, we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THE NEXT MORNING I AWOKE EARLIER THAN was my habit. I had slept restlessly, unable to erase my last conversation with Julianne from my mind. Easing out of bed in the still-dark morning, I moved on quiet feet so as not to wake Will. Just as I eased open the door to our room, he opened his eyes and propped himself up on one elbow.
“You’re up early. What time is it?” His voice was still groggy from sleep.
“Go back to sleep. Ya have about another hour,” I whispered. “I just wanted to get an early start. I need to go see Julianne today, and I have things to get done first.”
“Thought about her all night, did ya? I felt ya toss and turn.”
“Yeah. I need to go see her and make things right.”
Will rolled out of bed and stepped into his pants, then pushed his arms through the sleeves of his shirt. “I might as well help ya. It’s still pretty dark to be out there by yourself.”
“I’ll be fine—go back to sleep. You get up early enough as it is. Ya still have the fields to see to today.”
“Nah. I won’t be able to sleep anyway. C’mon.”
Together we worked side by side on the morning chores. We milked the two cows, fed the goats and pigs, then collected eggs for breakfast. The girls could muck out the horse barn when they awoke.
Returning to the house, I prepared breakfast.
“Mornin’, Daddy. Mornin’, Victoria,” Caroline said, joining us at the table.
“Good mornin’, darlin’,” Will said.
“Breakfast is just about ready,” I told her. “Did ya wanna go wake Olivia, Catherine, and the boys?”
“Yes, ma’am,” she replied, leaving the table to do as she was bid.
Minutes later the heavy bodies of the four remaining children entered the kitchen and took their seats at the table.
“Girls,” Will said. “Victoria and I’ve been out in the barns this mornin’. We’ve already taken care of the livestock. The only thing left to do is muck out the stalls, so you’ll need to do that today. Victoria needs to walk over to the Sykes’s and talk to your Aunt Julianne.”
“Yuck!” Catherine scrunched her nose in dismay. “I hate muckin’ the stalls. It’s stinky. Can I go with you and the boys out to the field instead, Daddy?”
“No you may not, Catherine,” Will replied. “Ya need to stay here with your sisters and give ’em a hand. Victoria isn’t sure how long she’ll be, so they may need your help preparin’ the noon meal for when the boys and I get back.”
“Humph!” was Catherine’s only reply.
I turned my back to hide a smile, and flipped the eggs to cook on the other side.
“Wasn’t Aunt Julianne just here yesterday?” asked Olivia.
“She was,” I said, turning to face her. “We had some harsh words, and I need to go make things right.”
“I’m sorry,” she replied. “I didn’t mean to pry.”
“Of course not. It’s quite alright.”
I dished the eggs onto several plates, and served them to my family.
“How long d’ya think you’ll be gone?” Caroline asked, taking a dish from my hands.
“I’m not sure. I thought I’d set out right after breakfast. I expect we’ll have a lot to discuss, and maybe I’ll help her with some of her chores. I don’t expect to stay all day, though. If I’m not home by noon, I’ll be home shortly after for sure.”
“Jacob. Daniel,” Will said. “You boys need to hurry up ’n eat. We need to check the back five acres today. Time’s a-wasting.”
“Yes sir,” Daniel said.
“I’m done,” Joseph announced, taking his plate to the sink to be washed.
“Okay. Me too,” said Daniel, following Joseph.
“Me too,” Catherine said.
With breakfast completed, I washed the dishes while the girls mucked the stalls outside. I worked quickly in the quiet house, and finished my chores in short order. Gathering my courage, I walked the short distance to Julianne’s.
THE OKLAHOMA HEAT was stifling, the air so thick and sticky I found myself struggling to breath. Heat waves rose in squiggly lines above the earth, but disappeared each time my feet approached their location. The flat landscape allowed me an unimpeded view for miles of this red earth I loved. I’d never been out of Oklahoma—or even Canadian County, for that matter—but I’d heard our soil was unique. The rich rust color stained the earth in every direction, lending it an unexpected vibrancy.
Preoccupied with thought, my foot struck a rock and I lost my balance, barely righting myself before my backside hit the ground. Steady on my feet again, I spied the culprit: the largest Cherokee Rose Rock I’d ever seen, easily the size of my fist. Reaching down, I lifted the rock and tested its weight in my palm. Stories from my childhood flashed through my mind—stories Mama had told, branded so fiercely in my memory they had become a part of me. I smoothed my hand over my flat stomach, imagining the day I might share those same stories with my own child.
My mind swirled through the years. Mama’s voice was as clear in my head as if she was standing right beside me, retelling for the hundredth or more time of the great migration of the Cherokee people to Oklahoma. Remembering, I was once again aghast at the unimaginable hardships, yet awed by the strength and resilience of those great people as they journeyed—by force, through the Indian Removal Act of 1830—to a strange land then considered uninhabitable by the white man. Known as “The Trail of Tears,” more than 16,000 of our nation’s first residents travelled—most on foot and through inclement weather—approximately two thousand miles. The journey lasted many months, and an estimated 4,000 people died before reaching their destination. The Legend of the Cherokee Rose Rock held that, as their tears of pain and despair fell to the rust-colored earth below, a “Trail of Tears” in the formation of red rocks, shaped in the distinct likeness of a rose, grew from the ground at each spot a tear had landed. Mama had called the Cherokee Rose Rock sacred, and had reminded me never to forget the lives lost and tears shed as the result of an unjust government. Wiping a stray tear from my cheek, I kissed the rock and stuffed it in my pocket for another day.
About twenty yards from the house, Earl’s massive black dog sounded the warning of my approach. Blind in his right eye and gray around the muzzle, Mutt danced happily around my feet, barking for attention and nearly knocking me to the ground. More like a small horse than a dog, he stood high on his back legs and rested his paws on my shoulders.
“Mutt!” Julianne yelled, stepping out of the house. “Mutt! You stupid beast! Down boy! Down!”
Earl Sykes followed behind at his wife’s voice. “Get down! Down!” Overtaking Julianne, he reached my side first and pulled the dog away. “Bad dog! Bad, bad dog!”
“Oh, Victoria,” Julianne said. “I’m so sorry! That crazy dog! Are ya okay? I don’t think he’d bite ya, but he gets so excited when we get guests!”
“No, no,” I said, brushing strands of the dog’s fur from my skirt. “I’m okay. Ya know we’ve got those big dogs of Will’s out at our house. I’m fine. Just taken by surprise is all.”
“I don’t know why Earl keeps that dog,” she said. “He’s old, half blind, and no good for anything but makin’ a lot of noise.”
“Which is exactly why I keep him.” Earl wrapped an arm around Julianne and smiled warmly. “I don’t like ya bein’ out here at the house by yourself when I’m out in the field. That dog might surprise ya. He’d protect ya if you needed it. But, even if he doesn’t, at least ya won’t be caught off guard by somebody sneakin’ up on ya.”
Releasing Julianne
, Earl pulled me into a hug. “It’s good to see ya, Victoria.”
I smiled. “You too, Earl. Married life seems to suit ya.”
Earl’s cheeks flamed and he rubbed his jaw, his eyes shooting downward. “It does at that.”
Julianne cleared her throat. Now that the commotion with the dog had passed, she seemed to remember we’d parted awkwardly the day before. I’d have to make the first move.
Stepping forward, I enveloped Julianne in a hug. “I’m sorry.”
Forgiveness was immediate, as I knew it would be. She returned my hug and we held on for long moments, neither of us ready to let go.
Finally stepping back, Julianne smiled. “Come into the house for some coffee?”
“I’d love to.” I nodded.
“That’s my cue, ladies.” Earl pulled Julianne in for a quick hug and a swift peck on the cheek. “I gotta get on out to the field. I’ll be back ’round noon, darlin’.”
“I’ll have lunch ready,” Julianne replied, then looped her arm through mine before leading me into the house.
“So what brings ya out here?” she asked, turning to prepare our coffee.
“I came to apologize.” I sighed and sat on one side of the kitchen table. “I’m sorry for the way I behaved yesterday. I have no excuse except to say the idea of you havin’ a baby terrified me. If somethin’ happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do.”
Julianne set two coffee cups on the table and sat across from me. “Ah, Victoria. I’ll be fine. Women have babies all the time!”
I stared down at my hands. “Yeah, I know. That’s what they said about my mama.”
“Oh gosh!” Her cheeks flushed pink. “I’m so sorry! I never thought about your mama or your baby brother! I was just so excited that I couldn’t wait to tell ya. It never crossed my mind that, well—that you’d think about your mama. I’m really sorry.”
Reaching across the table, I took her hands in mine and smiled brightly. “Don’t you go apologizin’. This isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I just wasn’t prepared for it, and the news threw me off guard. I’m actually really happy for ya, now that I’ve had time to think on it.”
The Edge of Nowhere Page 9