Whisper Always

by Rebecca Hagan Lee

"Yes, please see that my carriage is brought around, Cason. I'm in need of some fresh air after the stuffy reception rooms."

  "Right away, sir. Good night, sir."

  "Good night, Cason." Blake turned from the door to find Cristina watching him with an expression of alarm on her face. "Cason is my personal assistant and majordomo combined. He's the soul of discretion."

  "I'm relieved to hear it," Cristina returned haughtily. "As are all your other ladies, I'm sure."

  Blake watched her for a minute before he burst into laughter. "That's my girl. Haughtily clinging to her dignity whenever she's caught with her finger in the pie."

  "You certainly enjoyed having your finger in the pie," came her waspish reply.

  Blake continued to howl with mirth. "Woke up ill-tempered, eh?"

  "Out!" Cristina ordered, her feelings injured by his insensitive laughter. "I'm leaving. I don't have to stay here and listen to you laugh at me." She pointed toward the door then glanced around, searching for her clothing. "Where is my dress?"

  "I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing with you."

  "I'm not laughing," she informed him.

  "You should be. Oh, come on, Cris, can't you see the humor in it? You're always misplacing your clothes and you're always trying to make the best of it by cloaking yourself in haughty disdain." He tried to explain and soothe her ruffled feathers.

  "Where is my dress? I don't remember seeing it earlier." Still smarting from his laughter and his apparent insensitivity, Cristina ignored him.

  "I asked Cason to have it pressed. He was returning it just now and you stared at him as if he had committed a crime."

  Cristina smiled suddenly and a few giggles escaped. "I suppose you're right. My clothes do have a way of disappearing whenever you're around you."

  "Making your clothes disappear is my mission in life," Blake replied solemnly.

  "Leah says you're a menace to my closet."

  "Leah knows what she's talking about," Blake agreed. "Now let's see about getting you home. If we wait much longer the sun will be rising and I'll have a harder time smuggling you out of here."

  "You sound as if you've had plenty of experience at smuggling ladies in and out of buildings," Cristina couldn't completely conceal the jealous note in her voice.

  "In my younger university days Nigel and I were quite adept at it." Blake smiled in remembrance of those carefree, youthful days before Meredith. "However, most of our experience consisted of smuggling in, not out. And not one of those women could be called a lady or be compared to you." He placed a light kiss on her nose and pulled her out of bed.

  With her vanity soothed and her curiosity satisfied for the moment, Cristina relaxed under Blake's capable hands. He handed her her lacy corset and chemise, helped her put them on, then tied her corset strings, gently nudging her backward until she sat on the makeshift bed.

  He knelt at her feet, lifted her silk stockings, placed them over her feet, and slid the sensuous fabric over her shapely calves, ignoring the throbbing in his loin and the pounding of his heart against his rib cage as he fastened the stockings to the frilly garters attached to her corset.

  He reminded himself that he was out of his mind to be dressing her and sending her away when all he could think of was tumbling her back into the mattress. But Blake forced his rebellious thoughts aside and turned his attention to her petticoat, then to the velvet gown which he lifted and dropped over her head and into place.

  When she was fully clothed, except for her shoes and hat, Blake produced a brush and carefully brushed her hair off her neck, twisting the mass into a knot on the top of her head and pinning her small velvet hat down to secure it. He located her slippers beneath the bed and held them for her while she slipped them onto her feet.

  Cristina stared at him in astonishment. He had dressed her completely and correctly and as impersonally as a dressmaker's mannequin in less than half an hour. "I believe you've done this before."

  "Once or twice," he admitted. "I've been told I make quite a lady's maid."

  "Dressing or undressing?"

  "Both." He suddenly grinned a boyish grin that made him seem years younger and almost vulnerable. "But I prefer the latter."

  "So do I," Cristina blurted, amazed at herself for admitting it aloud. Her forehead knitted into a frown.

  "Don't look so worried, Countess," Blake whispered, "I'll keep your secret. I won't tell a soul." His teasing was gentle and natural, designed to put her at ease.

  She dazzled him with a grateful smile. For tonight, at least, he seemed to understand and respect her feelings. She loved him for that.

  Blake had amazed himself with his gentle teasing. He hadn't cared about a woman's feeling outside the bedroom for years. He had even convinced himself that women had no feelings outside the bedroom and some he knew lacked those. But he cared about Cristina's feelings. They mattered to him. Everything about her mattered. He wanted to take care of her and not just physically, but mentally as well. He wanted to care for her, protect her, and somehow earn her trust.

  He had treated her shoddily in the beginning, but he would change. He would earn her regard somehow ... even if it took the rest of his life.

  Blake picked up her cloak and placed it on her shoulders. There was a new tenderness in his touch and in his voice. "The carriage is waiting, Cristina."

  "I know." She moved with him to the door. Her face was pale, the tears stoically held in check.

  Minutes later, Blake smuggled her out of the embassy and into his carriage. "I don't want to take you back to his house."

  "Then don't." She turned to face him and their eyes locked in a moment of silent communication that spoke volumes.

  "I must. For now." His black eyes pleaded with her. "I know it's asking a great deal, but I'm asking you to trust me, Cristina."

  Cristina opened her mouth to tell him she did trust him, but he held up a hand to forestall her.

  "I want you, Countess, and Rudolf wants you. That's a tricky situation even without the political tensions between our two empires. I don't intend to let Rudolf keep you. I think you know that and I think you prefer it that way."

  "I do prefer it." Cristina's voice was confident. "That's the one thing I knew all along. I tried to lie to you, but now I want you to know I want you, Blake. I have from the first night. I want to be with you as long as you want me."

  Blake stopped her flow of words with a demanding kiss. He plundered the depths of her mouth with his tongue, seeking a commitment. "Then trust me, Countess. Trust me to do this right. For all of us. I know I haven't given you any reason to trust me in the past, but all that is in the past. We're going to married."

  "When?"

  "As soon as I can arrange it."

  "And then what?" Cristina wanted to know.

  "Then we'll live one day at a time and let the rest of the world take care of itself. I promise."

  Cristina reached up to kiss him.

  "You won't have to stay here much longer," Blake told her when he forced himself away from her lips. "Rudolf hasn't tried to seduce you yet, but that doesn't mean he won't. I don't want you in his house or under his protection any longer than necessary. God knows I can't stand the thought of him wanting you the way I do. Arranging everything to spare Rudolf, the Austro-Hungarian Empire and our own empire embarrassment is going to require a great deal of tact and all the diplomatic acumen I can muster."

  Cristina stiffened ever so slightly in his arms, aware she had lost his attention for the moment. "You don't honestly see this as a challenge--as if you're really taking me away from Rudolf."

  Blake's attention was centered on her once again. "Of course, I do," he said as he took in the compressed line of her lips and the angry tilt of her chin. He laughed softly before kissing her firmly on the mouth. "The best kind of challenge. And taking you away from him has been easy,
Countess; it's keeping you that's proving to be so difficult."

  "You should have told me you had a gold ring and a special license in your pocket." Cristina smiled mischievously. "You know how I love jewelry, so it looks as if you're stuck with me now."

  "I hope so."

  "And I always assumed you couldn't wait to be rid of me. As I heard it, you tried to foster me off on Nigel when I didn't want to go," Cristina teased.

  "I know better than that now." He smiled at her. "I think I'll keep you around for a while," he teased, "so long as you don't bore me. I detest boring women." Blake didn't notice the hurt look on Cristina's face because he was too busy enjoying his own thoughts. Whatever else she was, Cristina Fairfax was never boring. That knowledge made him happy.

  Cristina sat silently beside him. He didn't want her forever, only until boredom set in. "I'll see what I can do to keep from boring you."

  Blake looked down at her with a puzzled expression on his face, then watched in something akin to horror as her face crumpled and she fought to keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks. Suddenly understanding dawned. "Good God, Countess! You can't actually think that being assaulted with jewelry or having a beautiful half-naked woman turn up in my bedroom at odd hours of the morning spewing fire is boring? I'm afraid I'll bore you long before you learn the meaning of the word." Blake held out his arms to her and Cristina moved closer.

  "But I've gotten so big...." She gestured toward her ever-expanding stomach. "And I get so droopy and cry all the time."

  "Is that all that's worrying you?" Blake was half amused by her display of self-pity. It was so unexpected coming from Cristina. "Haven't I just proven I find you irresistible? I've never seen a more beautiful woman. You'll get your figure back after you have the little viscount here and you'll forget all about crying all the time and be back to your normal, unpredictable self."

  "Are you sure?" She sniffed in a childlike voice.

  "I know all about these things," he lied, "trust me."

  "Oh, Blake. ..." She sounded relieved, but the tears continued to fall from her luminous green eyes. "I can't find my handkerchief."

  "Take mine." He handed her a square of linen. "Now dry your eyes and blow your nose. You're home and we can't have Leah thinking I've upset you again."

  Cristina hadn't noticed the stillness of the carriage, but he was right, they were parked in front of her house.

  The carriage door opened and the coachman reached up a hand to help her out. Blake remained seated in the corner of the coach. Cristina turned a questioning gaze on him.

  "No," Blake told her, pulling her black veil from in back of her hat, concealing her face. "I won't get out. I don't want anyone to see us together yet." He jerked his head toward the closed carriage parked across the narrow street several houses down from hers. "You understand why?" he asked urgently, hoping to avoid any further misunderstandings between them.

  "I understand," she told him. "I'm being watched by the secret police. And he's probably in that carriage."

  "That's right." Blake leaned toward the door and touched her face with his gloved hand. "Don't worry. I'll take care of everything."

  Cristina frowned up at him. She had learned that allowing someone take care of you had its drawbacks as well as its rewards. She didn't love Crown Prince Rudolf but he had been kind to her in his own way and she didn't want to embarrass or hurt him any more than Blake did. But not for matters of state. She didn't want to be the bone of contention between two men that she sensed genuinely liked and respected one another. But she also knew that she couldn't stay with Rudolf now that she had learned there was no joy or triumph in being desired by a man she didn't desire in return.

  Some of what she was thinking must have shown on her face because Blake took her chin in his hand and spoke to her. "Cristina, are you reconsidering my proposal?"

  "No."

  "Are you sure? Because this decision can't be halfhearted."

  Blake was allowing her to make a choice regardless of the effort it cost him to say the words. "If we marry, it's forever. The decision is yours."

  Cristina hesitated a moment while Blake held his breath and prayed. "I've made my decision." She leaned back into the coach to kiss him. "I've chosen you."

  "Then leave everything to me."

 

  All this and heaven too.

  --MATTHEW HENRY 1662-1714

 

  *Chapter Nineteen*

 

  His Imperial Highness, the crown prince Rudolf, left for Prague two days later after bidding Cristina a careful good-bye. Officially the emperor was sending him to review several of his army regiments, but he and all Vienna knew that this was the emperor's way of removing Rudolf from the arms of his mistress, the comtesse di Rimaldi.

  Negotiations were stalemated and Austria-Hungary was caught in the middle. No hint of scandal would be allowed to reach the ears of England's Queen Victoria, especially when everyone knew that the crown prince had met his mistress in London and that she was rumored to be half English on her mother's side.

  Cristina knew who was responsible for the hastily arranged trip to Prague. Hadn't he said he would take care of everything? She hadn't seen Blake in two days, but she knew he had been very busy carrying out his immediate plan for Rudolf's removal. She wondered how Blake had managed to gain an audience with the emperor in so short a time.

  "How long will you be gone, Your Highness?" She hated to pretend, but it was important that she sound heartbroken and sympathetic to Rudolf's ears.

  "A minimum of three months, liebchen. I may not be able to return in time for the child's birth."

  "You must do your duty, Your Highness. You mustn't worry about me or the baby. We'll be fine," she assured him.

  "But you will be alone," he protested.

  "I'll have Leah."

  "She's a servant."

  "She's my dearest companion. So, you see, there's nothing for you to worry about. You must go and attend to your regiments and not concern yourself about me."

  "You're a rare gem, Cristina. I'll miss you more than I believed possible and I shall pray every day that my absence will make your heart grow more fond of me."

  "Pray, Your Highness?" Cristina teased. "Surely, you don't intend to kneel to a higher god?"

  The crown prince laughed as he made his way to the front door. His views on religion were well known in Vienna, much to the dismay of his staunchly Roman Catholic father and Holy Roman Emperor. "For you, Cristina, I will even do that."

  "Then perhaps you should stay," Cristina ventured, taking a huge risk. "I don't want to be responsible for corrupting a perfectly good crown prince...."

  "Ah, liebchen, if only I could stay with you." He kissed her lightly on the lips and disappeared out the door and into the confines of his imperial carriage. There was a reason for the distinctive imperial carriage with its golden wheels. Soon the whole of Vienna would know that their handsome crown prince had taken official leave of the mysterious fraulein. And that would please the emperor.

 

  Blake arrived at the little house the next afternoon. Cristina was tense and uncertain. She had been on tenterhooks since the crown prince's visit, waiting for Blake to come.

  Blake recognized her nervousness for what it was and took the bull by the horns. "No greeting, Countess?"

  She stood hovering near the door to the salon. "Did you think that I would fling myself into your arms whenever you decided to visit?"

  "As a matter of fact, I did." He held out his arms and Cristina took a step toward them before she could stop herself. "Don't you want to? Even a tiny bit?"

  She did. She let herself be held in his strong embrace. "I thought you would never come."

  "I had to wait until Rudolf was out of Vienna. I couldn't follow immediately hot on his trail. This way it looks as if I'm pa
ying a social call."

  "Are you?"

  "You know better than that." He bent his head to capture her lips.

  Cristina melted against him. "I've missed you, Blake." She ached to feel him next to her. "Shall we go upstairs?"

  Blake caught his breath at the open invitation--the first she had ever offered--then regretfully shook his head. "Not here. Not in Rudolf's house."

  "Then where?" Cristina was anxious at the prospect of enforced celibacy when Blake was so near. "In your secret room?"

  "No, I've arranged for you to move to an apartment on the Ringstrasse."

  "The Ring? Oh, Blake, the Ring is terribly expensive. Can we afford an apartment on the Ring?" she protested.

  "Spoken like a wife already." He chuckled. "And yes, my darling countess, we can afford an apartment on the Ring."

  "When?"

  "Tomorrow morning," Blake told her. "But we'll have to keep it quiet for a while."

  At her crestfallen look, he hastened to explain, "It's these bloody negotiations. Everyone is so touchy, so damned afraid of being slighted or of slighting someone else."

  "And?"

  "There are still a few sticking points in the San Stefano Treaty and the Berlin Congress. I feel as if I'm walking on eggshells, trying hard not to exert too much pressure, for fear they'll break. The relations between our two empires are strained to the limits of endurance, not only by the treaty negotiations but by the Empress Elisabeth's continued visits to and support of Ireland." He massaged the tired muscles at the back of his neck, stretched his shoulders, then rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in a effort to ease the strain of hours of negotiations. "The emperor can't or won't rein her in and she sees Ireland as an underdog to be championed and protected from our government. I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I don't know how much more our governments can stand. I informed my superior of my plans to marry you and of our situation, but I've been advised by Ambassador Paget that it would be best if we marry quietly and delay announcing it until these negotiations are resolved. We can't risk alienating the emperor by embarrassing his son."

  "How would our marriage embarrass Rudolf?"

  Blake took a deep breath and tried to explain a part of diplomacy that was almost impossible to grasp. "It's all about appearances, Cristina. Rudolf bid you a very public farewell. He visited you during the daylight in full view of the emperor's secret police and he used his imperial carriage so that everyone would know who he was and where he was going. But he did it only to appease his father. He agreed only to review his regiments in Prague because his father ordered him to go. He gave every appearance of ending his affair with his mistress, but Rudolf has no intentions of giving you up yet. He's simply waiting for the negotiations to end before he resumes his courtship."

  "What does it all mean to us?" Cristina asked.

  Blake sighed. "It means you'll be moving into my apartment on the Ring."

  "With you?"

  He shook his head. "Not at first. I'll be moving into bachelor's quarters in the embassy."