Never Enough

by Alexandra Caluen

  NEVER ENOUGH

  An L.A. Stories Novel

  By

  Alexandra Y. Caluen

  NEVER ENOUGH

  Copyright 2019 by Alexandra Y. Caluen

  All Rights Reserved

  By the Same Author:

  The L.A. Stories (Novellas)

  Getting Off – Vicky & Sharon’s story All the Bars on Sunset – Vince & Kelli’s story Chrome – Michelle & Kenji’s story The Continental – Elena & Tony’s story Chai at Midnight – Tyrone & Indira’s story Speed Date – Danny & Kate’s story Set Dressing – Lucy & Nick’s story Mating Dance – Ray & Julia’s story Benchwork – Charlene & Juan’s story Vintage – James & Silvia’s story The Whole Truth – Stella & Frank’s story Toward Love – Cameron & Marco’s story Green Man Walking – Red & Mary’s story A Random Sequence – Linda & Diego’s story Drawn Out – Tina & Reza’s story Stripped – Rory & Dana’s story Illusion – Lesley & Yoshi’s story When It’s Time – Hiro & Kristine’s story Shaken & Stirred – Anya & Terry’s story Overboard – Luis & Ricky’s story Breathing Space – Paul & Kevin’s story Torch – Tomás & Rosa’s story Lift – Zach & Karen’s story Revved Up – Rita & Dexter’s story A Secret Chord – Janis & Niall’s story Here to Stay – Gino & Sergei’s story

  You ask me if there'll come a time When I grow tired of you …

  You wonder if this heart of mine Will lose its desire for you Never my love

  “Never My Love”

  Music and Lyrics by

  Richard P. Addrisi / Donald J. Addrisi

  NEVER ENOUGH

  The playlist:

  A Million Dreams – P!nk

  Never My Love – The Association

  Every Time We Say Goodbye – Annie Lennox

  Come Rain or Come Shine – Ray Charles

  Never Enough – Loren Allred

  I’ll Fight Hell to Hold You - Kiss

  Bridge Over Troubled Water – Simon & Garfunkel Always Remember Us This Way – Lady Gaga Never Gonna Give You Up – Rick Astley

  NEVER ENOUGH

  Chapter 1

  January 2019

  “Mother fucker.”

  Victor Garcia turned his head toward the voice in the bathroom.

  “Everything okay, baby?” His husband didn’t answer, only stepped into the doorway and pointed at his crotch. He was naked. Victor gave the whole assembly a good long look. “Been there, done that.”

  Andy Martin turned his pointing hand up, changing fingers. Victor laughed. Andy tried not to. “Another gray hair. Shouldn’t you have noticed that?”

  “I had other things to think about.” Victor propped himself up on an elbow and took another look. It was always a rewarding activity. “You know every hair on your body could be gray and I’d still think you’re the hottest.

  The sexiest. Jesus, look at you. Every fifty-one-year-old in the land should look like you.”

  “Almost fifty-two.”

  “Like I care.” Looking at Andy, and thinking about Andy, were having the usual effect. Victor used his free hand to throw the sheet off so his husband could see. He still loved thinking that, ‘husband.’ It was a year old now but he wasn’t anywhere near over it. “Does this look like I care?”

  Andy shifted his pose a little. You gorgeous thing. He knew he looked good. The way he worked out, he ought to. Keeping up with Victor was half of it, but the best half. He watched Victor put a hand on himself. “For someone who’s been there and done that, you’re looking kind of eager.”

  Victor didn’t say anything. He was giving Andy the hot-eyed stare that had sent them straight to bed before they even really knew each other, a little over six years ago now. Six years since Andy had stopped looking at anyone else.

  “Is this what you want? Let me give you a better look.” Now he turned his back to the door frame so Victor could see his body in profile. He didn’t really even need to touch himself, only needed to watch his husband. God I love that word. “Quieres esto, mí esposo?” He enjoyed the way his wedding ring flashed when it caught the light coming in the sunroom windows behind him. His head was still turned toward Victor so he could see what was going

  on there. He liked what he was seeing.

  Victor did too. “Quiero todo. Jesus, Andy. Get over here.” That profile, almost a silhouette, was killing him. He wanted all of that, always.

  “Oh, I don’t know. I like watching you.” He knew they could both get off like this. Would, most likely. It wouldn’t take long at all. He let his gaze travel down Victor’s body, those tawny legs, those wicked tattoos, hips starting to move a little. It was almost as if Victor could feel his gaze. When Andy’s attention lingered on that hand and what it was doing, Victor lost his rhythm for a second. Andy caught his breath. “Oh yeah, baby.” His voice went into the low silky tone that never failed with Victor. “Let me see it. I could watch that all day. Yeah, like that, I can feel it from here.” That hand was back in business now. So was Andy’s. His gaze traveled up, over the tense abs to the no-longer-raw scar of the bullet wound on the upper chest, to the perfect mouth.

  Victor had his teeth in his lower lip. He really wanted Andy to touch him. He was going to make that guy pay for this later. But he was losing it.

  His breath was fast and shallow, he kept going out of focus, even though Andy’s gaze was locked with his now. “Next time I get my hands on you,” he managed.

  “Nothing stopping you.” Andy’s voice was breathless too. Victor sort of laughed. He couldn’t have moved off the bed right now for anything. “Come on, baby. Come for me. Fuck, you’re so fucking gorgeous, fuck that hand and yes.” Andy was breathing through his mouth, not really trying not to come himself. He needed a second to get over seeing that, though.

  Victor’s head was back on the pillow, eyes closed, hand still. “Get in my mouth,” he said. “Right now.”

  Andy levered himself off the door frame and took the few steps over to the bed. He set one knee beside Victor’s head and fell forward onto his hands because he wasn’t even balanced before that perfect mouth had him. Then he was on his elbows, eyes closed, vaguely aware that his other foot was still on the floor. Victor’s arm was locked around that thigh and he was making hungry sounds that Andy would remember. “Jesus fucking Christ.” Another sound, something that might have meant ‘go now,’ and he did. “Fuck!” He wasn’t sure if he collapsed or if Victor pulled him over. It didn’t really matter. His legs were across Victor’s body and he was gasping into a pillow.

  They were both quiet for a minute. Then Andy said, “Did you get that hair for

  me?” and Victor laughed.

  They had coffee in the sunroom, because they could. They didn’t have anywhere to be that day. There were still a few days when they had to report back to the set of ‘L.A. Vice.’ But the number of taping days was in the single digits now and very soon, or finally, they’d be done for good. Victor was wrapping up an almost ten-year run on the cop show, Andy nearly four.

  They might have worked through the end of this season if not for the shooting last September. That had been the final straw, a definitive ‘enough’

  after years of threats and hostility because of their characters. Because of who they were and what they represented, as gay men in love. Andy knew that Victor still believed what they’d done had social value. Value enough to outweigh those years of stress. He did himself, though he personally didn’t know yet if the social value outweighed almost losing Victor to that bullet.

  They might never know.

  “What did you think of the schedule?” he said after a while. Almost the minute they wrapped their parts on ‘Vice,’ he and Victor were going out on an international tour to promote a movie. That was the only reason they had their phones out here.

&nb
sp; “It’s not that bad.” Victor sipped coffee, enjoying the sun. It wasn’t cold outside. The climate in the sunroom was ideal for nudity. “They spaced things out pretty well.”

  “The best thing about it is that’s all we have to do. Get to the thing, do the thing, go wherever and sleep. Or find a milonga and dance till dawn and then go wherever and sleep.”

  “It’ll be fun. Oh, fuck me.” Victor’s phone was buzzing with an incoming call. He had zero desire to answer it.

  Andy picked up the phone. It was an unidentified number. “Victor Garcia’s phone, Andy Martin speaking. This had better be important.” He listened for a few seconds, held the phone away and gave it an ‘are you kidding me’ look, then put it back to his ear. His tone was still pleasant when he said, “How did you get this number? Well lose it, and go fuck yourself.”

  He disconnected and handed the phone back to Victor, who was laughing.

  “Somebody wants to sell you a sports car. You didn’t want a Ferrari, did you?”

  “That’s a solid no,” Victor said after a few seconds to collect himself. He

  glanced over, reluctant to ask, but knowing he needed to. “What’s the latest on your pops?” Andy’s father had recently had his second mini-stroke.

  Andy sighed. “Mom says he’s stubborn as a pig, which surprises exactly no one. The doctor said you have to stop smoking, he said I’m almost eighty why stop now, Mom said if you don’t stop I’m going to divorce you.”

  Victor bit back a laugh. “But she won’t.”

  “No, of course she won’t, and he knows it. He did promise to go with her every morning for her beach walk when he’s out of rehab.” Andy rested his head on the chair’s high back and gazed at Victor. “I’d better go over there as soon as the tour is over.”

  “What about those guys you want to photograph?” Friends of a friend, who they’d seen at the movie premiere in December.

  “Okay, as soon as that’s over.”

  Victor waited a few seconds to see if the health conversation was going to continue. “So you had your physical.”

  “Yep.”

  “What did your doctor say?”

  “Said we want to put you on statins.”

  “Why the fuck would they do that?”

  “It’s the protocol.” Andy made an impatient gesture. “I’m over fifty.”

  “You’re fitter than I am.” Victor was ten years younger, and he had to work to keep up with Andy. “That’s ridiculous. They don’t even have any evidence that shit does any good.”

  “Which is exactly what I said, and also gave him an earful about the side effects. Basically a big hellz to the no. You know last fall the guy at the hospital wanted to keep me on a heart monitor. They were like, it’s your age, sir, shock can do funny things. Same thing Stan said, though I think he was talking about me passing out, not me stroking out.”

  “Don’t even say that.”

  Andy turned his head, smiling. “I love you, catnip. My heart is fine as long as you’re beside me.”

  “I love you too.” A few more quiet minutes. Victor rubbed their dog’s fluffy blonde belly with his toes. She did that catlike thing of stretching out all her paws, with a sound something between a sigh and a groan. He wanted

  to keep Andy talking. He knew once they left the sunroom and actually started their day, Andy wouldn’t stop being busy. He couldn’t help it. “So you know I’m voicing a villain for that animated thing. Some songs to record.

  That’ll get me out of your hair for a few weeks before ‘Countdown 3’ starts filming.”

  I don’t want you out of my hair. “In town, though, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Good. I might try to do something with dancing this spring.” He was still watching Victor’s face, and saw the happy surprise there. He’d told his best girlfriend Dana, and she no doubt had told her wife Rory, but for whatever reason he had kept the lid on it at home. He wasn’t sure why. Victor would be a hundred percent behind whatever he decided to do. Andy couldn’t help smiling again. “I guess I can’t stay away from it after all.”

  “After the tango Olympics last year?” The movie they’d made together was wall-to-wall dancing. “After the way you slaughtered that thing at the premiere? Yeah, not surprised. I’m glad, though. Are you going to throw yourself on Dmitri and say find me a partner?” The thought was not entirely pleasant. Victor loved dancing with Andy. But the dancing he could do wasn’t up to what he knew Andy could do.

  “I’d dance with Dmitri,” Andy said, watching his husband. Dmitri was a good friend; he also owned a dance studio, and had been quietly pestering Andy for years to get his ass into it as something other than the official photographer for the Underground Cabaret. Andy had thought that after the pressure cooker of ‘Vice,’ and the even-more-intense experience of the movie, Victor would be glad to work on something solo for a while. But his perfect Valentino face wasn’t entirely supporting that conclusion. “I’d consider doing something with the Cabaret. I’m considering all options at the moment. It’s going to be so awesome dancing all over the damn place with you for six weeks.”

  Victor couldn’t wait. “Like our honeymoon times three.”

  “I’m so glad you married me.” Andy reached out a hand. Victor was close enough to catch it. “You about ready for breakfast?” Victor nodded, and shifted forward in his seat. Andy didn’t stand up, though. Instead he said, because he’d just been struck by inspiration, “I had this wild idea.”

  Victor settled back again. More talk was good. “What’s that?”

  “It would take a while to put together. A Broadway thing, like a concert,

  at Chrome.” He was thinking out loud. “A little showcase for us, the two of us. Song and dance.” Victor was smiling. “You like that?”

  “I love that.”

  Andy leaned across the gap between them. Victor met him halfway for a kiss. Andy still had his hand. “I really love you. ‘Vice’ was stupid and that movie was tough but I don’t want to stop doing things with you. You might need to take a jazz lesson or two. Would you do that?”

  “For another show together, one that’s all for us? You’d better believe I’ll do that.” Victor lifted their joined hands to his lips. “Do something for me?”

  “Anything.”

  “Get yourself a new ring for this hand.” He knew his tone was a little bit wicked. That ring Andy used to wear, before he joined the TV show, had driven Victor crazy. There was something about the smooth metal against his skin. He could still feel it sometimes. “And something for your wrist.” The ring and the leather cuff had somehow made Andy seem slightly dangerous.

  Or maybe it was all in the way he used that long-fingered, surprisingly strong hand.

  Andy was watching Victor think, and pretending not to notice signs of returning arousal. I could have you back in bed in another minute. “Not another tattoo?” They had matching wristband tattoos on their left arms, dating back to their first vacation out of town. Andy only had two: the wristband and the delicate artwork at the base of his throat, also matching Victor’s. Victor had lost one of his tattoos to the bullet wound. Andy knew he would get a new one sooner or later. He didn’t especially want another one himself. “Because that shit hurts.”

  “You don’t need any more of those. I’ve got you branded now.” Andy laughed. Victor said, “Could be leather again. I liked that braided leather.”

  “I know you did.” He was so tempted to go back to the bedroom. Some days it was like this, especially these days when neither of them were called to the set, neither of them had a meeting, they were free. There weren’t enough of these days. Decision made, Andy stood up and pulled Victor to his feet. Victor stepped over Molly the dog because Andy was moving back, away from the windows, toward the bathroom door. “Silver or gold?”

  “Gold. To go with our wedding rings.”

  “All right.” They were crossing the bathroom now. Andy was walking backward, Victor’s eyes telling hi
m where he needed to go to avoid crashing.

  His legs contacted the bed and Victor stopped right up against him. They stood there for a minute, arms around each other, kissing like they hadn’t seen each other for weeks. Then Andy had Victor’s head between his hands, and seconds later both hands lightly around his neck. “You want to feel it here, don’t you. Put that chain on and let my ring rub against it.” Victor hadn’t worn that chain for a while. Andy still remembered the first time he’d seen it, signaling ‘bite here.’

  “Oh God. Yes. The way it scraped.” Victor shivered, from that memory and from Andy’s voice. They were both fully aroused now, as if they hadn’t done anything before coffee, or anything during the night. “Jesus, Andy. It’s never enough. I never get enough of you.”

  “I know. I love it. I love you.” Andy kissed him again, stroking his hands through Victor’s hair.

  “I love you. I wish I’d met you ten years earlier.”

  “I wish you had too.” God, did he wish that. Andy bit gently where that chain should be, hands on Victor’s hips now, thumbs stroking in, across and down. Victor had both arms around Andy’s neck, one hand wound into the graying dark hair, his head tipped back and eyes closed. Andy’s voice, that low silky murmur. “How do you want me now.”

  “Take me. Take me like you did that first night.” Victor still thought about that, still fantasized about it. There were things to regret about that night, but he’d never surrendered like that before. He would never regret that.

  “Jesus, Victor.” Andy didn’t argue. He wanted that too. He kissed Victor hard, then leaned down to open the nightstand drawer. Set the lube on top, pushed Victor toward the wall. “You turn me into an animal.”

  “I know. I love it.” Victor was leaning on his elbows, Andy pressed to his back. Left hand closed around his throat and right hand cupping his balls.

  Victor closed his eyes, tense with arousal under that fondling, stroking hand.

  Andy’s mouth was against his neck, on the side of his face. “I’ll come on this fucking wall.” It might have been a warning. Andy took his hand away. Then he was caressing with the lube. Victor’s back arched, an invitation. Andy’s left hand relaxed, sliding around to skim down his spine. “Jesus, Andy. Do it.” Victor widened his stance.