Never Enough

by Alexandra Caluen

  “You’re right, I know. Do you want to hear about this thing at all?”

  “Do I have to be hateful to you?”

  “Nope, and I’m not hateful to you either.”

  “Okay, good. Are we singing or dancing on screen?”

  “Singing offscreen, dancing on screen. Not with each other, because forties straight club setting, but eye-fucking each other while we dance with other people.” Victor couldn’t help smiling about that. He couldn’t wait to play it.

  Andy couldn’t either. They’d done some good eye-fucking on the TV

  show. “Okay, great. Then is it the straight-razor thing?”

  “It sure is.”

  “Yikes, okay. What else would I want to know?”

  “I guess that’s it.” Victor was still smiling, looking up at Andy, very much appreciating that his first concern was how they would be, together, in

  their scenes. “Did you hear back from Red?”

  “They’re flying in today. I’ll shoot those at the end of the week. We’ll re-purpose some of the other costume for Mary, and of course Red’s got his own shit for Macduff.”

  “Which line is it for him? Oh yeah, ‘my wife kill’d too.’ He got great reviews.”

  “Yes he did. He said getting that message from Niall was such a kick in the head. He’d never done any of the plays before, not as an actor. Only on the crew. I’m sure his agent is having a continuous screaming orgasm.”

  Victor laughed. “Is Raquel still trying to get you to take something between now and July?”

  “Yes she is. Presumably Parker’s the same. Why they won’t take no for an answer, I’ll never understand.”

  “Well, they get paid when we do.” Victor wriggled a little, then sat up. “I think I’m hungry.”

  “Good, I’ve been waiting for that.” Andy gave him a hand up off the couch, then couldn’t resist stepping in for a kiss. “Gee this is fun.” If he hadn’t been truly hungry, he would have done something more.

  “It is fun.” Victor bent for another kiss, one hand on the side of Andy’s neck, still amazed. They fit together differently, but they still fit together.

  “Your mouth is every bit as nice from this angle.”

  “Mmm. Better stop that if you’re hungry.”

  “How hungry are you?” Victor couldn’t seem to stop kissing his husband. He had his hand on Andy’s back, fingers running up and down the indent of his spine. He walked backward slowly, bringing Andy with him, around the end of the couch. Sitting on the back of it, with his feet on the floor and Andy between his legs. Pressing him close for another open-mouthed kiss. “Jesus, Andy.”

  “Maybe we’d better do this first.” Andy unbuttoned, then unzipped two pairs of jeans. “God almighty, how you feel.” They didn’t stop kissing until they were both spent and gasping. After a minute Andy kissed Victor’s cheek and said, “Did you even think about walking backward just then?”

  “No I did not.” Victor glanced down at the seven-inch heels.

  “Tomorrow’s rehearsal should be interesting.” He patted Andy’s ass. “And now I’m even hungrier.”

  “Me too.” One more kiss, and then they headed for the kitchen.

  The next morning they finally both heard from Loretta, in a long email ranting about her ex and raving about Jim. A few updates had come in from Jim, most of them of the minimally-informative ‘not sure I know what’s happening’ variety. After that email Andy and Victor both thought Jim probably was sure now. “I’m going to have to check in with Mom,” Andy said. “I know he was there for a few days. If he got out the door without telling her everything, she is not the woman I grew up with.”

  “Want to call her now? Then we can go practice.” Victor turned the kitchen over to Consuelo, and got out of her way. “Let’s go upstairs.” He led the way without even thinking about his shoes. Consuelo gave Andy a ‘Still?

  Really?’ kind of look that had him stifling laughter all the way upstairs. It was the buckled boots today, which were probably the ones Victor would wear for their performance. Andy could not help but think that he was actually starting to like them.

  Andy was, as usual indoors, barefoot. So when he took the last step and fetched up beside Victor, he had to look up a little to make eye contact. “You are really digging this, aren’t you,” he said.

  “Consuelo thinks I’m insane.”

  “I think you’re the hotness.” Andy ran his knuckles up Victor’s torso, from his navel to the hollow of his throat, and brushed his ring against the chain. “Why don’t you think about that while I talk to Mom.” He swept his thumb across Victor’s mouth, then dodged away. “Oh no. If I don’t catch her now she’s going to be out beating the pants off her neighbors at bridge.” He heard Victor mutter something about ‘pants off’ and thought, soon, heading straight to the sunroom. “Hi Molly, you feeling all right? You didn’t join us for breakfast. My good girl. My best girl. That was a long walk yesterday, huh. Lazy old lady. Yes pretty girl, go back to sleep.” The creak of rattan, a minute’s silence, and then “Hi Mom.” Victor was on the floor, stretching. He took his shirt and the shoes off, thinking about this apparently insatiable desire. He’d had the idea that with all this time together, they’d eventually cool off. Neither of them were. He tuned in again. “Glad to hear it. Yeah, we got an email from Loretta this morning and it sounds as though things have resolved. Apparently getting a visit from the FBI calmed that dickhead down.

  He was like, it was only on the internet, I was just messing around, I didn’t

  mean it. He posted this long-ass apology. Loretta linked to it. Yeah, we read it. Sounded pretty sincere. Said things about how someone messed with his own sister online and he should have remembered how it made her feel. Said he was getting counseling. Promised to respect Loretta’s request and stay away. So overall quite positive. No, our friend Jim has not told us anything useful. No.” Andy laughed. “We’re kind of assuming he went from your couch to her bed. We know he was in it at least once before she went home.

  He has to be back here by the fourteenth. I know. You said what?” Another laugh; this one went on for quite a while and ended with giggles. “Oh lord.

  You are a good woman. No, he didn’t mention that. We’ll give him hell about it when we see him. Yeah, weekend before Thanksgiving for our show. It’s tango again. Because we like tango. Because my hot honey can get me right off my feet. Mom! You have a dirty mind. We’ll do bachata when he’s your age. Oh, thanks Mom. Yes, I’ll be the crypt-keeper by then. Counting down till we see you. Stay out of trouble. I love you too.” A few more residual giggles reached Victor from the sunroom. “Did you get all that?”

  “What did she say before you told her she’s a good woman?”

  “She said she told Jim to propose. Said, ask her to marry you. You know you want to. A woman likes to know.”

  “What did he say?”

  “Turned five shades of red and fled the scene.”

  Victor laughed. “You’re not going to be the crypt-keeper when you’re eighty-eight.”

  “Oh, you don’t think so? Imagine I never put on weight. Imagine I lose my hair off the top, and start doing a comb-over.” Andy was leaning on the bathroom door frame now, watching Victor stretch. “Mom’s father did that. It was not pretty.”

  “You can afford a good toupée.” Andy laughed again. Victor finished what he was doing and went over there. “Hey baby. Still like me when I’m short?”

  “You’re not short. You’re perfect. You’re always perfect.” Andy stood still, waiting for the kiss, enjoying the hell out of it. “Mmm. Did you think we’d start getting tired of this at some point?”

  “I kind of did. I’m not, though. Not even close. Every time I see you, I want you. Want to kiss you, want to touch you. Want to put my mouth on you. Touch you all over. I always want to touch you.” He was touching Andy

  as he spoke, getting his hands under the tee shirt, pushing it up. “This body, my God. Your mouth. The way yo
u taste.” Andy was backing him toward the bed. The tee shirt was off. Andy’s hands were under the warm-ups. He started pushing them down as soon as Victor stopped moving. His mouth followed.

  After a while, when they were lying in each other’s arms, Andy said,

  “And then there’s this. I never had this. Never in my life wanted to cuddle.”

  “Me either. I was all, wham bam thank you ma’am.” They both laughed.

  “Of course, the way I was, that makes sense. But I’m surprised about you.

  You’re affectionate. You cuddle the girls all the time.”

  “Girls are different.”

  “Well, yeah.” Victor’s voice was dry.

  “I mean there’s no expectation with girls. They know my limitations. A guy wouldn’t have known. If I cuddled with someone who was more involved than I was, that would be cruel. If I cuddled someone who didn’t care, that would be masochistic.”

  “Well, I care. And I like it. If we could be skin to skin all the time, I’d be a happy man. Even happier,” Victor amended, because he was happy. “Not even Alonzo?”

  Andy lifted his head a moment, so he could make eye contact and check in. Victor’s expression was untroubled. Andy put his head back down. “No, not even Al. Well, you know, we never lived together. Never had this kind of time. We both worked insane hours. After a date, we’d go straight to sleep, and then somebody would be gone before the other person woke up. That was the way it was. I might have missed it, once or twice. Might have thought, gee it would be nice to lie here in bed with him. But not enough to change my life for it.”

  “You changed a lot for me.”

  “I would have changed everything for you. You changed a hell of a lot for me.”

  “Yeah, I did. I’m glad I did.” Victor was quiet for a moment. “Did you remember to invite Rowena to see us at Chrome?”

  “Oh yes I did. He’ll dig it the most.”

  The photo shoot for Red and Mary was in the evening, because Andy

  needed their neighbors’ son Theo to play the Macduff child, and could only get him after school was out. He was mostly bored by the process and was happy to go back home when they finished. “That is the only minor involved in any of these photos,” Andy remarked, after returning to the home studio from walking the boy next door. “Please congratulate me for completely avoiding profanity while he was here. Can you stay for dinner? We’d love to hear all about London. You were there for so long!”

  “Well, Niall and Geoffrey found us a flat in their own neighborhood. By the time they flew off with Janis we knew everyone in it. Yes, we’d love to stay, wouldn’t we darling?” Red seemed to agree. Andy had downloaded the camera while he was out with Theo. Now he started the backup, turned off his monitors, and they all headed for the main house. There was the usual chitchat while dinner got staged. Then Mary returned to the topic of London.

  “I spent so much time with my parents, it reminded me why I stayed away so long. Oh, you laugh. They can’t be in the same bloody room. It was Mum one week and Dad the next, and each time all they mostly wanted to talk about was the other, and how vile they were. I’d have throttled both of them if Red hadn’t been there.”

  Red was snickering. “She told me what they were like, and I didn’t believe it.”

  “Because your parents actually like each other!” She shook her head impatiently. “Pair of knobs. So you’re enjoying being gentlemen of leisure?”

  “Well,” Victor said with a glance at Andy, “that isn’t entirely accurate.

  There’s been this Shakespeare project, and two dances with the Cabaret.

  We’re starting work next month on arrangements and choreography for a concert. I wrote a screenplay, with Jonathan and Loretta. And we bought the house next door.”

  Mary and Red were both staring at their hosts as if they’d shape-shifted.

  “You’ve done what?”

  “We want a pool,” Victor said, and started telling them how it happened.

  Andy was still inclined to laugh about it later, when they were sitting in the sunroom, looking out at the nighttime city, with mugs of decaf in hand and their dog at their feet. “Those were two epic what-the-fuck faces.”

  “Red jumped through some hoops to get their house. You know he’s been in there for going on twenty years.”

  “How long did it take him to get the place?”

  “More than two years. The person they rented from liked having that income. Red had to get his finance person to do this thing pointing out the benefits of having the cash in hand. How they could invest it, and generate almost the same income. Not a sophisticated seller.”

  “Kind of like our people next door.” They’d heard that the former owners had finally decided to go with a condo after all. They were going to be out of their rental in less than a year. “If they’d thought it through a little better, we might have been able to get in there with only one year’s rent tacked on.”

  “It’s no big deal,” Victor said, smiling. “It was better to get things worked out fast. Look how long it’s taking to get the underground stuff done.”

  “Oh, ‘how long.’ It’s been a month.” The backyard next door was kind of a disaster area at the moment. The engineers had said ‘do that stuff first.’

  Paige was reporting in regularly. “I can’t believe the permits got issued so fast. And Paige lined up the work so fast. I thought the place would still be sitting there untouched, with its pants down like a wrinkly old exhibitionist.”

  Victor cracked up. “You’re going to be popping some champagne when they pop that roof.”

  “You better believe it. When they said that was a go, I was like hallelujah. Even though it did mean losing the fireplace.” Victor stretched, rolled his neck, winced. “I need to get another massage.”

  “I think you need to start having someone come here twice a week, till we get done with this routine. You’re doing great with those heels, but it puts different stresses on you.”

  Victor knew it was true. He’d tweaked his back a little the other day, and even though he hadn’t mentioned it he knew Andy could tell. “Maybe you could set me up with that heating pad tonight.”

  “I can and I will.” Andy leaned across the gap between the chairs. Victor met him halfway for a kiss. “There you go, wincing again. All my fault.”

  “No it isn’t. And even if it were, I wouldn’t care. I love you.”

  “I love you too. Go get washed up. I’ll take Molly out, and then I’ll give you some therapy.”

  Chapter 15

  November 2019

  The first night of ‘Spy Games’ went off without a hitch. Andy and Victor were more than a minute into their performance before the audience clicked to who they were. They stayed in the green room for the remainder of the first act, watching the other dancers on the monitor, chatting quietly with those who remained in (or returned to) the green room. They didn’t join the rest of the performers for the first-act curtain call. Instead, they listened to the reports from those people as they returned to change, and decided to hide out for the rest of the show. “Tomorrow night may be a little bit insane,” Andy said after a few minutes, when they were alone. Victor snorted. “We may need to get here at, like, six o’clock. And fuck me, I’m hungry.”

  Rory heard that as she came in. “We’re stretching intermission because everybody but everybody is Tweeting and Instagramming and Facebooking you fuckers. If you step out the stage door, you’re going to be mobbed.

  Terry’s sending a server back with some food for you, and some drinks. Text your team and let them know you’re still in one piece. They’re probably seeing people go out for a smoke and catching some of the chatter.”

  “Thanks Rory.” Victor was damned glad they had the security detail with their car tonight. “We can’t actually text anybody because our phones are in the office with all our other shit. Could someone bring all that in here too?”

  “Oh, you’re ready to get out of th
ose shoes? You both look phenomenal, by the way,” she said. “I only didn’t say so at dress rehearsal because I was trying to un-swallow my tongue.” Both men laughed. “I mean, don’t get me started on the costume, but this Inigo Montoya thing you’re rocking, Victor, holy hell.” Victor was cracking up. His hair hadn’t been cut since they left the ‘Countdown 3’ set, and his mustache was a month old. “Yes, I’ll take care of it. Tomás and Sam are watching the stage door, nobody’ll get back here to mess with you.” She went back out.

  Victor decided to go ahead and take the shoes off. Andy was already out of his. Now he unsnapped the bottom of his dress, sighed with relief, and peeled off the fishnets. “Ow, holy shit,” he said. “I think those things are permanently imprinted on my butt. You want to check for me?” The dance belt came off next. He scratched vigorously while Victor laughed. “How’s your back, catnip.”

  “It’s fine. All that therapy really set me up.” He tugged his shirt out of his pants, unbuttoned it, wriggled around a little. “You went easy on me this week.”

  “Didn’t want to break you. I can break you Tuesday.”

  “It’s a date.” The door opened again; it was the manager himself, with their gear, and followed by a pair of servers with food and beverages. “God, Terry, you’re a lifesaver. Thanks so much. It’s going to be nuts here tomorrow.”

  “Truer words. I already called some people for extra security. Y’all got some, right?”

  “Yeah, we added an escort to our driver situation. Do you think we should get here early? We were thinking maybe so.”

  “Don’t know if that would actually help. We’ll make sure you get in and out safe.” He gave them half a smile, his gold tooth flashing in his dark face, and went back out. The servers finished setting up their dinner, and followed him. Andy and Victor both got out of costume in the next two minutes, and into more comfortable clothes. They hung Andy’s dress and cloak next to Victor’s dance suit on the wardrobe rack, stashed their shoes and the gloves on the shelf above, and double-checked that a fresh shirt (for Victor) and fresh fishnets and dance belt (for Andy) were in their garment bag waiting for tomorrow. Then Andy slung his makeup case up on the shelf and they sat down to eat.