by E Cleveland
So slowly it’s almost painful, I reach beside me and ease the gun up to my shoulders. My eyes never leave the rabbit. I’m going to make Sawyer so proud when I provide our next meal. The idea warms me from the frosty air.
I maneuver the rifle up silently, careful not to make a sound that would disturb the hare. My breathing is shallow and my body is still as I manage to get the gun in position and look over the barrel at the little triangle marker. Taking aim, I squeeze the trigger and a shot echoes through the forest like a clap of thunder. I didn’t realize I had also squeezed my eyes shut until I have to open them again and search the ground outside for the fallen rabbit.
All I see is white. Pristine, unbloodied, fluffy white snow as far as I can see.
I twist and crawl until I’m free from the snow cave and stand up, spinning around in circles as I look for the hare. Where is it? There’s no way I missed it. Is there?
The tracks on the ground confirm that the rabbit got away. There’s no sign that I did anything except give him a scare.
I slump over with disappointment. How can I be such a failure?
“What was that? Are you okay?” Sawyer emerges from the drift with his clothes strewn on and his eyes wide. “I heard a gunshot.” He looks at me.
I don’t want to cry about this. It would be stupid to. Yet, I can’t stop my chin from quivering as I look down at the scuffed tracks of the rabbit that easily got away.
“I tried to shoot a rabbit, but I missed,” I confess to my snow-dusted boots.
“Why didn’t you come get me?” Sawyer frowns and I feel the exact opposite of how I imagined I would when I grabbed his gun. I wanted to make him proud of me, not scowl at me.
“I don’t know. I fucked up, I guess.” My chin quakes and emotions flood me as I’m reminded of the familiar feeling that’s been haunting me my whole life. Not good enough.
Not smart enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not popular enough.
Not fucking enough.
Tears blur my vision and spill onto my cheeks. “I thought I could do it, but I messed up. I’m sorry.” I turn away from him, not able to face his frown for even one more second.
“Elsie.” He grabs my arms and pulls me back. “Hey, it’s not the end of the world. Every hunter has the one that gets away. More of them than we’d like to admit. I was just worried you got hurt or saw a wolf. I don’t care that you didn’t hit the rabbit.” He pulls me into him tight and the weight of his muscular arms feels comforting against my back. Like he’s built a wall around me that can protect me from everything, even the horrible voice in my head that tells me I’m nothing. My mother’s voice.
“You’re not angry?”
“Why would I be? I don’t care.” He shakes his head and gives me another squeeze. “I’m fine eating whatever. I just hope you don’t mind when we’ve got to crack open the baked beans I left in the cabin.” He smiles at me and my anxiety melts away like this mountain of snow will under the warmth of the spring sun. In my heart, the blooms of love grow.
I hug him tight, not wanting to feel the cold space where his warmth once was. Not wanting to put even inches between us, let alone the miles I know are coming soon.
“The storm has passed,” he muses, looking up around us at the clear sky.
I follow his gaze and wish that the baby blue peeking in around the tree tops brought me joy. Instead, I feel dread. Our time is counting down. This is the end.
“We should probably get back to the cabin and get everything sorted out.” He kisses my nose quickly and I can’t help but smile. Something so innocent, so sweet, it’s so unexpected from someone who looks like him. “Okay,” I agree, but I don’t move. My muscles are still as I wish I could hold on to this moment forever as tightly as he is holding on to me.
“Wait here, I’ll grab the stuff.” He steps back, breaking our embrace. I watch wordlessly as he shimmies back inside the snow cave. Waiting, I look back at the sky and find myself silently praying for another storm. However, even though I’m no expert like Sawyer, I can feel in the air that the worst has passed. Doesn’t that mean that the best is yet to come?
Then why am I filled with so much dread?
27
Sawyer
With the fire crackling and popping the song of warmth in the living room, I open the barren cupboard and stare at my limited options for food. I keep hoping that, somehow, I’ve missed the ingredients to make a nice spaghetti dinner, like if I keep staring at the desolate shelf, food will suddenly appear behind the can of baked beans or the box of stale crackers.
No such luck.
Elsie walks over and peers in. “Pretty bleak, huh?”
“Yeah, it doesn’t look good,” I admit. “What are you doing with that?” I look down at the cell phone in her hand. I thought she’d given up on that thing by now.
“Checking if there’s signal. There isn’t.” She doesn’t look upset about it for once. “I’m amazed I still have battery left. I guess it’s from shutting it off,” she muses.
“Yeah, isn’t it amazing how much longer it lasts when it isn’t clinging to your hand like a baby attached to an umbilical cord?”
“Yeah, yeah.” She waves me off. “I get it. I think I’ve done pretty well, actually.” She lifts her chin and levels me with her beautiful blue eyes. I breathe in sharply as the color transports me to the serenity of the lake by my home. In the oppressive heat of the summer, there’s nothing I love more than diving into that lake. I love relaxing in the water as the ripples of blue wash over me, refreshing me and bringing me back to life.
“You have done well,” I admit and wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her in close. “I’m proud of you.” I quickly kiss her soft lips.
“Thank you.” She looks up at me from under her heavy, dark eyelashes. I can see a glint of pride dancing in the pools of blue, adding vibrancy like when the lake comes to life with fish and wildlife under the hot summer sun.
“So, I already know what I want to eat for dessert,” I murmur in her ear, “but I should figure out what I’m going to feed you for supper first.”
Her pink, plump lips pull up into a sweet smile and I can’t help but kiss her again. This time I savor her lips parting under mine. I enjoy how our tongues join and dance together.
“Mmmm.” She pulls away from me slowly, like she’s fighting the laws of gravity just to put a step between us. As if the universe would rather we never were apart. “Okay, I’ll let you get to it then.” She slides from my side and coasts over the worn floor to the living room.
Elsie absentmindedly picks up my radio and spins the handle until a channel tunes in. Snowy static fills the air, much like the snow that’s been filling the air outside for days now. She plays around with the tuning wheel as I grab the beans from the cupboard with a defeated sigh.
Suddenly a loud noise crashes through the serenity of our cabin. “Buy one burger now and you get a same-sized burger free! Wow, where else can you get this whopper of a deal? Nowhere!” The announcer oversells it.
Elsie laughs. “There ya go! Maybe we can get them to deliver.”
“Maybe we don’t have to.” I look at the can in my hand, finally inspired.
“What do you mean?”
“In local news, the search for missing person, Elsie Young, will officially begin tomorrow. According to the Anchorage search and rescue team the record-breaking ice and snow conditions that have prevented them from pursuing this operation have lifted and they are prepared to mount a full mission to recover the twenty-three-year-old model from the Chugach forest. It is widely assumed that the young woman is deceased as she has been exposed to days of extreme temperatures and blizzard conditions.”
Elsie stiffens up and flicks the radio back off.
“What, you don’t like hearing that you’re probably dead?” I smile, but she doesn’t move. Her body is a statue of a forlorn Greek goddess.
“It’s not that,” she finally utters.
&
nbsp; “What then?”
“I-I don’t know. I thought I’d be happy to hear they were finally coming for me.” She tilts her head and her long hair trails down her arm.
“You’re not?” My heart beats a little harder. Is she saying what I think she’s saying?
“No, not really. I guess I don’t feel ready to go back to all that,” she confesses. Elsie turns around and looks out at the deep shades of mauve and pink lace across the sky. Days quickly fade into night in the winter, but nature makes up for the shortened time with her spectacular sunsets.
I put the can down on the counter and walk up to Elsie, sliding my arms around her. We both watch the transforming sky over the shimmering white snow, like we’re at the edge of an artist’s canvas and he’s painting just for us.
“If this is our last night together, I think we should make the most of it.” I hold her close. “We still have that whiskey we can drink. I’ll make us a nice supper, and I think I already told you my plans for dessert.” I grind my cock into her ass and she leans back against me and smiles.
“Beans and booze. Wow, that’s quite the send-off,” she teases me.
“No, you gave me an idea earlier. I’m going to make something out of the beans.” I smile, happy she’s letting me lighten the mood.
“What’s that?” She turns around and cocks an eyebrow at me.
“I’m making a whopper of a deal.” I imitate the voice from the burger commercial. “A two for one taste sensation!”
Elsie laughs and it’s better than any music my ears have ever heard. Her laughter lightens my soul. “Sounds amazing.” She grins at me.
“You’re amazing,” I answer. “Now, let’s get this party started!”
28
Sawyer
She laughs loudly and puts her empty cup down on the table. “This is so perfect, isn’t it? In our little world of two?” she purrs.
I stand up and fill our glasses back up, dreading the end of this night. The end of us. It doesn’t have to be over. The thought swirls around in my brain.
It doesn’t.
I whirl back around and plop down on the chair, locking my eyes on hers. “It can stay perfect.” My heart thuds out of control. I feel like I’m proposing.
“What do you mean?” She bites her lip and looks at me from under her long lashes.
“Listen, I know this sounds awful, okay? But everyone thinks you’re dead right now. They aren’t expecting to find you alive tomorrow. Hell, I bet they’re not even expecting to find your body until spring, if ever,” I ramble and my drunk words slur together.
“Okay.” She scrunches up her nose, clearly missing the point. “So?”
“So, you can disappear. Permanently. You can come live with me. We’ll have our world of two forever. Who knows, maybe someday we’ll even expand a little.” I nod down at her belly.
Elsie’s eyes grow about three sizes as the impact of my words hit her. “You want me to stay with you? Forever?” Her voice is hushed.
“I do,” I answer solemnly.
“Ummm…” Her uncertainty crushes my spirit. “I don’t know if I can hack it out here. I don’t want to be a burden.” She looks down.
“You’re no one’s burden, Elsie. The only burden with your name on it that I carry is the burden of love you’ve laid on my heart. And that’s a burden I’ll gladly take to my grave.” I swallow another mouthful of whiskey as her cheeks flush.
“I just need to sleep on it. Is that okay?” She looks so uncertain. What does she think I’m going to do? Pull out a timer and tell her I need a decision by the time it rings?
“Of course, that’s okay.” I smile.
“Sawyer, I love you.” She grabs my hand.
“I love you too.” I stand up and pull her tight against me.
“Show me,” she whispers.
29
Elsie
Sawyer’s lips hover over mine and I can smell the booze on his breath. His arms wrap around me and he kisses me passionately. I moan into his mouth as our tongues flirt and dance. He pushes me back, but I pull free.
“I thought this is what you wanted.” He lifts his eyebrows in confusion.
“It is, I just want to taste you first.” I slide to my knees and work on getting his pants open. His belt is easy enough, but for some reason, his zipper gives me trouble.
“Is this what you want?” He unzips his pants, pulling his heavy, hard girth from his underwear in front of my mouth.
I lick my lips hungrily. “Yes,” I whisper.
He places his hand on the back of my head, pulling my face toward him, making my pussy flood with desire as I inhale his musky smell. My mouth opens instinctively.
I thought he might feed me his cock or fuck my face. In fact, there’s a part of me that wants him to own me that way. That wants him to claim every part of me as his. Instead, he lets me determine how much I take into my mouth.
Circling my fingers and thumb around the base of his shaft with one hand, I suck on the flanged head. My breath is hot on his shaft as I watch the rivers of my spit coat him. I slick my hand over every inch of him until he’s lubricated. A couple more inches slide into my mouth, while I keep pumping my hand, and now my head, in unison. I suck my mouth tightly around his thick rod until my cheeks are sunken inward with the seal I form.
His groans make me crazy and I want to please him, to take his entire cock into my mouth. I want to taste all of him. I get greedy and try to inhale his length into my mouth, feverishly sucking his dick, like my life depends on making him cum. His cock starts twitching. I steel myself for the load of jizz I crave. He stops me, pulling out of my mouth completely in one swift movement that makes a popping noise.
Sawyer plucks me from the floor, pushing me back against the cool wood wall. He yanks my pants down, and I step out of them, never taking my eyes off his.
He pulls me against him, kissing me with such passion, fireworks explode behind my eyelids as I sink against him. My tongue tells him my secrets, my desperate longing for him. It tells him of my broken heart he’s now mending, all in this one kiss. He wraps his arms around me and I feel like I’m finally home, like my body was made to be pressed against his.
My nipples are pebbles under my shirt and my mound is clenching with anticipation. I love how he owns the bedroom, or whatever room he’s fucking me in, making me as excited as a virgin with just a look or a whisper.
Without a word, he dips his fingers down between my open legs, teasing me as he strokes lightly against my sex. I can’t contain my moans. He traces his finger over my lips before pushing it deep into my core. I cry out and thrust my hips back toward his hand, desperate for more, chasing his touch.
He pulls back, gliding his now coated finger up until he finds my tender bud. I breathe in sharp, silently begging him to give me release.
Slowly but firmly he pushes small, tantalizing circles around my clit, driving me to the edge. I hope with each ragged breath that he will flit his finger over my most sensitive part, but he expertly dances around, purposely bringing me pleasure but not allowing me to build toward a climax. He won’t be happy until I’m begging him for it. At this rate, that won’t take long.
He kisses down my neck and then my collarbone until he reaches my breasts. His mouth moves down to my nipple and he takes it in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the first, then the other, giving each equal attention. His sense of fairness and justice even stretch into his lovemaking, giving each inch of my skin his devotion as I arch my back to push my breasts toward him, offering them to be ravished by his mouth.
“Please,” I cry out.
I can feel his smile spread against my skin.
“Please what?” He loves to tease me. To drag this out. To make me beg.
“Please fuck me.” My voice is raspy with desperation.
He leans back and grabs my legs, throwing one over each of his shoulders, and doesn’t hesitate before he buries his large cock deep into my mound. Holding one of my ankles
in each of his hands, he pulls my legs straight up and wide-open. I moan loudly at the sensation of his dick filling me up again, feeling that tight fullness as I stretch around him.
A wave of heat burns in my lower abs, blooming out and growing larger until it spreads through my entire stomach. Sawyer holds my legs so tight, I can’t move them an inch while he furiously pounds his throbbing cock inside me.
I feel myself race to the edge of my desire and fall over as a hot bolt of electricity jolts through me. Starting at my sensitive bud, my ecstasy radiates out through my body in a powerful, gripping shot. Every muscle in my body spasms while the walls of my pussy pulse around Sawyer’s cock, tugging him up higher inside me.
I want to scream and cry with my incredible orgasm, but all I can manage to pant in his ear is, “Yes.”
His back tenses and his sexy ass tightens up as he pushes his weight into me. I struggle to catch my breath as his orgasm shudders through him. His thick cum fills my aching pussy in wave after wave until it begins to spill out of me, dripping down my ass. He holds me perfectly still, impaled by his meaty cock, as he gets his jagged breathing back under control.
Sawyer’s entire body tenses and shakes as his seed drips from my pussy. My body is humming in an afterglow that kisses my soft skin. He pulls out of me and I drop my feet back down onto the floor. I’m not completely certain that I’m not going to collapse into a pile.
Sawyer throws his arm around me as support and gently guides me to the blanket we never used in front of the fire. I lie with my ear against his chest and listen to his heartbeat sing me a lullaby.
I’m not ready to leave him, but I don’t know if I can stay. Both thoughts are terrifying. I told him I would sleep on it and as my eyelids slowly blink closed and my mind drifts to a world with only the two of us in a log home I’ve never seen; I do just that.