Shattered (Guardian Series Book 1)

by Shawna K. Rockey

  “I will return for you ‘my taube’. And when I do, you will be the one in checkmate. You’ve awakened my beast and my beast will find you no matter where you go. In the meantime, be safe and always watch your surroundings. I don’t want another beast lurking in your shadows.” I kiss her soft hand and proceed up the mountainous terrain.

  I lower my head and say a silent plea.

  “I promise, if you return to me, I will tell the truth about how we met. I can’t tell you why I did what I did, because I don’t understand it myself but I will spend the rest of my days making it up to you. Please, God if you do exist, please bring her back to me.”

  A tear seeps out from my eyes and rolls down my cheek.

  Seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours. I never realized how waiting can feel like a lifetime. Glenn and Jimmy came in 2230 freshly shaved and showered. They both sat on the couch placed directly under her window. She’s placed in a trauma room which is larger than most hospital rooms. Her walls are a warm cream color, with light floral designs on the wall. She has a full bathroom with a double door closet and a long countertop with drawers below. There are dispensers hung on the wall for antibacterial gel, red dispensers for hypodermic needles, and other medical supplies throughout the room. I honestly don’t even know what half of this stuff is.

  “The doctor hasn’t been in yet. There hasn’t been any change,” I said.

  “Please wake up baby. We’re waiting for you to come back to us,” I beg.

  I feel her hand jerk inside of mine. Oh, she’s waking up.

  “Nurse, get in here! She’s waking up,” I yell.

  Thank you God. I can feel my muscles loosen and air return oxygen to my lungs. I can feel the pounding in my head start to subside. The stress and anxiety of her being in a coma is starting to melt away.

  “Let go,” Jaycee mutters.

  I know I didn’t hear her correctly, she would never ask me to let go. She always craves my touch. “I don’t understand what you’re saying, babe. Do you need something?”

  She mumbles something else that I couldn’t make out and then asks for her friend Amy. I reassured her that I will reach out to Amy and try to get her here.

  Dr. Napels immediately comes in the room and completes a brief neuro assessment on her and reassures us that she is progressing nicely. He explained what discharge planning may look like, but there’s still time to make those decisions. At this point, I’m just going to take this one day at a time.

  There’s a knock on her door and a petite woman enters with a bouquet of red roses mixed with pink and white carnations.

  “I have a delivery for Ms. Jaycee Callhoun,”

  “Please put them on the counter,” I direct the woman. “Thank you,” I hand her ten dollars.

  “That’s a nice arrangement,” Jimmy said.

  “Thank you, I ordered them as soon as I got here,” I said. “24 hour Flowers is very convenient; they arrive anytime, day or night.”

  I shift my focus on the ones responsible for putting Jaycee in this situation.

  “Any news on the one they arrested,” I asked.

  “No, not really,” Glenn answers. “The D.A. is compiling a list of charges, including several vehicle violations, attempted murder, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, resulting in injury to persons and property. He also has an outstanding warrant from New York for being a suspect in a drive-by shooting resulting in the death of a 23 year old male.”

  “What about her car and her personal belongings,” I inquire. “Who has Jaycee’s personal effects from the car?”

  “The car is totaled,” Glenn responds. “Portland Car Parts has the car on the lot waiting for your word to have it demolished. I have her purse, and papers from her glovebox as well as other items scattered through the car. Her phone didn’t make it. She will need a new phone.”

  “I have that covered,” I said. “I brought an extra one just in case. Phones are durable, but I didn’t think it could sustain what she went through.”

  I take a minute and investigate the chair I’m sitting in and realize it pulls out into a recliner. I hit the trigger button on the side and fall into place. “I’m going to get some shut eye,” I announce.

  “We are too,” Jimmy agreed.

  I hear a jolting noise to my left and watch Glenn and Jimmy recline both end sections on the couch.

  A nurse enters a moment later to check Jaycee’s vitals and medication volumes. “Would you like a warming blanket,” She asks.

  “Yes, that would be great,” I said. “We would each appreciate that.”

  She hands each of us a warm blanket and exits the room. The hospital makes the stay for the family members welcoming, comfortable and convenient.

  Jaycee

  Present

  The sun’s warmth expels the chill in the air, while the glimmer of its rays illuminate the darkest of days. I can feel the warmth on my face and can see light shine through my closed eyes. I can hear someone taking deep rhythmic breaths right next to me. I can also hear a loud, thunderous snore coming a little further away. I realize I am not alone.

  My thoughts keep going back to Jaxon. I don’t want to see him right now. I need time to sort out my feelings and confusion. I need to hear the truth from him, but I know I’m not ready to hear the truth. I’m not ready to accept the truth because I know an apology will follow and I’m not ready to forgive him. I’m not sure I want to forgive him.

  I replay the memories over in my mind and tie them along with all the other incidents and coincidences that followed over the years. I wish I had a piece of paper to write this down.

  I met Wyatt about a week or two before that frightful day with Jack, or. rather Jaxon; the day that undoubtedly changed me. It left an imprint that forever altered the person I am today.

  Wyatt was there to help me heal emotionally from the mental torment I suffered from that day. I didn’t purposefully place that burden on Wyatt; in fact, after that day, I never discussed it with him. I didn’t want him to see me as weak or an emotional wreck. He asked me, repeatedly, how I was doing and my response was emotionless and vague but always the same: I was fine. He helped me by just being there, by being my friend. Perhaps, I put too much pressure on him without realizing it. That will have to be something I explore, later.

  The nightmares started soon after I met Jaxon. I never shared them with anyone or what they were about. Why would I want to share the nightmares that tormented my mind and soul? I know how cruel people can be. I didn’t want my secret to get out and be laughed at, or be known as the freak at school, so I remained silent. Even my two girlfriends, Amy and Mary, didn’t know. My parents knew because they heard me at night and would come in and wake me. My mother always tried to comfort me at first, but I became frustrated and eventually unleashed my pent up frustrations out on her. Sometimes I wish they would’ve let me sleep; deep down I believe I could beat the demons in my dreams. If I wasn’t dreaming about the demons then I was dreaming about Jaxon…scary Jaxon.

  But why did Jaxon pursue me and then leave me when I collapsed? Why did he put his shirt under my head? The gesture is symbolic, almost like he was trying to comfort me. I don’t understand why he would go through the trouble.

  Wyatt was there when I came to and that was the first day we kissed. From that moment on, we were on again and off again until the day I met Jaxon at Ray’s Pizza. During our off times, I dated others and looking back now I realize they were meaningless relationships, including Wyatt’s. But at the time, I didn’t care. I was self-destructing. I was trying to find anyone or anything to whom I could attach myself to. Couple the self-destructing behavior with the constant fear of whether my aggressor would return for me or the repeated rejection from all the wasted relationships chipped another layer of my being.

  Knowing Jaxon’s past, I know he was in the service when I was in high school and received his award one month before I met him the second time. He purposely came back for me; like a p
redator who stalks and deceives its prey before it goes in for the kill. How long did he follow me before he was bold enough to introduce himself?

  I remember his mannerisms that day in the restaurant; how he placed his arm around my shoulders and his arrogant, possessive behavior, when Wyatt appeared. His actions were calculated, unnoticed by me at the time, but transparent now. His words were tactful, methodically planned. He knew exactly what to say to me because he already knew me, on some level. I wonder what he would have done had I not fallen helplessly into his trap?

  My head starts to ach again and my insides are turning. I suddenly don’t feel well. I can feel my stomach start to rise—oh, this isn’t good.

  I slowly open my eyes and see Jaxon is sleeping in a recliner chair placed right beside my bed. My dad and my brother are fast asleep on the couch under the window.

  “I feel like I’m going to get sick,” I croak.

  Jaxon quickly opens his eyes and shoots out of the chair. “Okay, let me get you the trash can,” he said.

  “I’ll call for the nurse,” my dad offers.

  I retch into the trash can the moment it’s brought to me. Stomach acid is violently being expelled from my stomach. I don’t even know the last time I ate or even what day it is.

  An older male nurse enters the room.

  “What can I get for you honey,” he asks.

  “My stomach is upset and I have a terrible headache,” I inform him.

  “Sounds like you need my magic concoction to make you feel better,” he jokes. “How does a tylenol and a zofran sound? Actually, I can give a shot of morphine to help ease the pain, both medications are safe for someone in your condition. I’m Ryan, I will be your nurse today.”

  I watch Ryan walk over to the computer attached to the wall and quickly type information into it. When he’s done, he locks the computer and returns his attention back to me. Safe for someone in my condition? I bet he means because of all my injuries. I don’t press the thought any further.

  “I’ll be right back with your medication.” He says, as he walks out the door.

  “I missed you so much,” Jaxon coos. “I am so sorry for what happened to you. I got here as soon as I could”

  He leans down and kisses my forehead. I wasn’t quick enough to reject his kiss. I need to have this conversation, but I don’t want to have it in front of my family.

  My dad moves over to the other side of my bed. “Hey, baby cakes,” he says. “I was here the entire time. I promise you will be just fine.”

  “I can see you didn’t get any prettier while you were here,” Jimmy teases from the bottom of the bed. “But I still love you anyway.”

  Ryan enters with two tubes in his hand. “Okay, I have the goodies.”

  “Thank you.” I say softly.

  He types a few things into the computer and walks over to me with the medication in hand.

  “I just need to confirm your name and date of birth on your wrist band,” he says. “Okay, as I push the medication through your IV line, it may give you a brief metallic taste in your mouth and your palms may get itchy but it will pass.”

  “I appreciate the relief. Thank you,” I tell him.

  I watch Ryan nod his head and leave my room. I look around and stare at Jimmy, my dad, and Jaxon. I’m grateful to be awake but I’m feeling really uncomfortable right now. Anger and hurt are bubbling below the surface, ready to erupt.

  “What happened to me,” I ask. “I vaguely know what happened, but I don’t know why. What injuries do I have?”

  My dad squares his shoulders and proceeds to answer my questions.

  “You sustained a gunshot wound to your lower left leg which is why your left leg is in the immobilizer. You suffered four broken ribs and your upper torso is wrapped in a bandage, I believe. You were taken to surgery to have the bullet fragments removed and glass shards. You also had mild brain swelling so they induced a coma to give time for your brain to heal.”

  “How long have I been here,” I ask. “What day is it?”

  “It’s Friday, dear. You have been here for five days,” my dad quickly responds.

  My tears start to well in the corners of my eyes. I look over to Jaxon and realize he’s holding my hand. I shake his hand off.

  “Why did this happen to me and don’t lie to me,” I demand.

  The corners of his mouth gape open and he narrows his eyes at me. His chin dipped down to his chest and lifted it again before he made eye contact with me.

  “They were rebels to the Iranian group we were following,” he explains. “We didn’t know they had rebels on U.S. soil. Our post was compromised from the moment we entered it, we believe they hacked into our software and traced our calls.”

  “So I am here because of you,” I spit out at him.

  “I don’t understand the change in your mood or behavior here, Jaycee.” Jaxon states. “Are you ok? This isn’t like you.”

  Anger, frustration, and betrayal spill from my eyes.

  “What exactly do you do for the government, Jaxon,” I implore, as I wipe away my tears. “Are you with the CIA or the FBI?”

  “No, I’m not with the CIA or FBI,” Jaxon pauses and continues. “I am discharged from my military service with the Marine Corps, however I have been asked to complete private missions for the government. The government secures secret teams for specialized missions. I lead those teams in whatever assignment we are tasked.”

  “Let me guess, you are not there to lead the technological aspect of the mission,” I ask.

  Jaxon doesn’t verbally respond, just shakes his head no.

  I shift slightly in my bed. I’m really uncomfortable with my leg trapped in the immobilizer.

  “And you,” I stare at Jimmy. “You are with him? You are on this special team too?”

  Jimmy looks over to Jaxon and receives a nod. “Yes, I was asked to join a specialized force team when I completed my service with the Marine Corps.”

  How could I have been so blind. How did I not realize how deep this tangled web is woven.

  “At any given time, during any mission, it’s plausible that neither of you could return home,” I question, turning my attention to Jaxon. “And are you Jimmy’s leader.”

  “Yes,” Jaxon said. “It’s possible that something could go very wrong with the missions we are on that could jeopardize the possibility of coming home, but my team possesses great skill and intellectual abilities . We don’t just walk in blindly. We know where we are going, how many people are there, and where our target is. We go in, get the job done and leave. That’s it.”

  I lay motionless and take in what he is saying. I succumb to the hurt my heart feels and the lividness raging through my mind and body.

  “Leave,” I demand. “I want you all to leave now.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Jaycee.” Jaxon bulks. “I just got here and I’m not letting you go through this alone.”

  “You don’t have a choice,” I say with anger-laced words. “I want you all to leave. I’ve heard enough.”

  My dad reaches down and touches my hand.

  “Jaycee, I love you and I will respect your wishes,” he says reassuringly. “You need time to yourself to sort everything out. I understand, really I do. You are at Sandbridge Trauma center, which is an hour away from home. I’m going to go home and I will check in with you later.”

  He bends down and kisses me on my forehead.

  “Thank you dad. I love you too,” I say, with a smile.

  “I guess I’ll go too, since you are kicking me out,” Jimmy states. “I love you, sis. Call me if you need anything.”

  I look over to the stand next to the bed. “Do you know where my phone is?”

  “I programmed a new phone for you,” Jaxon says as he places a new phone on the bedside stand. “Your phone didn’t survive the crash. All your information, messages, photos, contacts are there.”

  Silence fills the air before my dad and brother leave the room. My pulse quicken
s and the butterflies return, I don’t want to have this conversation with him. Even though I’m angry at him, my treacherous body still reacts to his presence.

  “You can leave now too.” I demand.

  “No, I’m good,” Jaxon defiantly counters. “I’m not leaving until we talk about what’s going on. Just so you know, I have all the time in the world baby doll.”

  His arrogance is starting to annoy me.

  “You don’t seem to understand what I’m saying Jaxon,” my voice growing louder and more forceful. “I want you to leave. I don’t want to talk about it. As a matter of fact, I’m not sure I even want to be with you anymore.”

  “Jaycee, I don’t understand why you are so angry with me,” Jaxon pleas.

  “Checkmate,” I yell. “Checkmate, Jaxon. Now get out!” I yell louder as I ring the nursing call bell.

  Ryan comes through my door at the perfect time. I don’t want to hear another word out of Jaxon’s mouth.

  “Can you please ask my company to leave,” I request. “I would like to get some rest.”

  “Sir, if you could please gather your things,” Ryan politely asks. “I need you to respect my patient’s wishes.”

  Jaxon walks over to the countertop and grabs one of the two bags and turns to me. “I love you Jaycee,” he softly says. “I will give the space you need. But you need to give me the opportunity to explain myself before you make any rash decisions.”

  I don’t even wait until he walks out of my hospital room, I turn my head and peer out the window. I don’t want him to witness the hurt fall from my eyes. He doesn’t deserve to see me broken.

  Guardians

  Always Watching

  Isaiah 8:9-10

  “Be broken, O peoples, and be shattered; And give ear, all remote places of the earth. Gird yourselves, yet be shattered; Gird yourselves, yet be shattered. “Devise a plan, but it will be thwarted; State a proposal, but it will not stand, For God is with us.”

  Camael and I are both inside Jaycee’s hospital room. I am seated on the built-in countertop next to her bag and Camael is settled on her windowsill. We agreed that we need to be closer to her from now on, although we do leave when she sleeps, so we can continue practicing for battle.