ASH: a bay falls high novel

by Kidman, Jaxson

  I reached down for him and he shut his eyes.

  I got the chair back upright and looked into his eyes.

  He was terrified.

  I pulled the cloth out of his mouth.

  “Please, man, please,” he said. “I don’t want any more trouble. I’m fucked as it is.”

  “Fucked? How are you fucked?”

  “I’m just fucked.”

  I showed him the knife again and he turned his head.

  He groaned.

  “Right now, I’m the most important person in your life. And I want answers.”

  “I know Mac talked to you,” Liam said. “And it’s all bullshit. Okay? It’s years of bullshit stuff. My father. His father. It’s just a mess. I’m a fucking pawn here. Okay? They’re trying to take down your father for stuff he did to them.”

  “Did you kill my mother on purpose?”

  “What? No!”

  “Did you hit her on purpose?”

  “No,” Liam said. “That was an accident. That was the biggest mistake of my life.”

  Liam’s eyes filled with tears.

  “Why did you drive away then?” I asked. “You could have stayed. Helped to save her.”

  “I was high,” he said. “I was paranoid. I thought someone was after me, man. And I think people were. I still think it. I’m screwed out here. I was happy in jail. Okay? I didn’t ask for this. They just came and let me out. Told me I had to go. This isn’t my fault.”

  “My mother is dead because of you,” I said.

  “I know,” he said. “But I…” His eyes looked to the knife. “Go ahead. Hurt me. Whatever. I deserve it. But it’s going to backfire on you.”

  “Do you think I give a fuck?”

  Liam’s eyes met mine again. “No. And I don’t blame you for it either. I’m sorry for what I did. I just…”

  “Tell me what happened that day. From your eyes.”

  “I just… I was just driving too fast. And I came around the turn and… I just lost control for a second. Just one fucking second. I hit the other vehicle and I thought it was just going to go flying off the ledge. I panicked and took off. But I… I…”

  “It didn’t go off the fucking ledge, Liam,” I said.

  “I know. I saw in my mirror.”

  “You saw in your mirror?” I asked.

  “I looked back…” Liam eyes met mine. “And I just kept going.”

  My heart raced even faster.

  What are you doing, Ash? What’s the plan here?

  The problem was I really had no plan.

  It was just one moment leading into the next.

  Wanting to know the entire story.

  And then… I wasn’t sure.

  “You can do whatever you want,” Liam said. “I know people have told you not to do this. I get it. You don’t want to be told that. You want revenge. I did my time. I didn’t fight it once. I didn’t ask for any help. Any favors. Nothing. I waited. Like I was supposed to do. I had no idea what was going to happen.”

  “And what now?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What now?” I asked again. “What are you going to do with your life?”

  Liam shook his head. “My life will never be the same. My life is over. In more ways than one. What did you think I was going to do? Get out of jail and just start partying? I think about it every single day. All day long too. It never goes away. I just replay the same thing over and over…”

  Liam moved his eyes away. He stared forward, off into space.

  He blinked and a tear moved from his left eye down his cheek.

  I shook my head.

  “You don’t get to cry,” I said. “No fucking way in hell. You do not get to cry…”

  “I’m sorry,” Liam said. “I am so sorry. You have no idea what I’m up against. What I was up against then too. That place… that life…”

  “What’s that? BC?”

  Liam looked at me again. “It was different when I was there. That’s what I always say. But I’m not sure that’s true. I was a bad kid in life. I did stupid stuff all the time. And me looking bad in front of my parents wasn’t good either. No matter what I did, it was always cleaned up.”

  “Except when you killed my mother,” I said.

  Liam nodded. Another few tears leaked from his eyes.

  “They just abandoned me then,” Liam said. His nose started to get snotty too as the emotion caught up to him. “I was just left for whatever happened. Once they realized who your father was and what he was going to do to make sure I went away… they were just gone. I became the black sheep. I have no idea what was said about me. But in a way, I liked it. I embraced it.” Liam lifted his eyes to mine again. “What the fuck did I know about life, right? Life. Death. Anything. I was just me. Doing whatever I wanted to do. And that day, I was just doing what I wanted. And I still can’t believe what happened. That’s why I replay it all the time. I have to remind myself what I did. You know… you grabbed me and I got scared. You threatened me and I got scared. I didn’t know who you were. But when I realized… I’m not scared now. I’m sad. For all of us.”

  “You’re not scared of what I’m going to do?” I asked.

  My eyes looked to the knife for a quick second.

  Liam looked up. “I’m not scared. It’ll make it all stop. I won't have to think about it ever again. I won’t have to relive it. I won’t have to calm myself by pretending I did stop and I did save your mother. All of it goes away. And the burden to my parents goes away too. Even at my age, I’m still a teenage kid to them.”

  Liam slowly shut his eyes.

  Now this prick wanted me to hurt him.

  I wanted him to cry. And to beg. And I wanted him to jump the chair around again and fall over ten more times.

  My head swelled with anger, hurt, even some regret at what was happening right now.

  I moved my hand… the knife obviously moved too.

  My mind replayed it all.

  The sound of the crash.

  The metal on metal slam.

  The tires screaming.

  The rubber on road friction that made the scream.

  Mixing with the scream from my mother as the SUV turned and went right for the cliff.

  It all happened so fast.

  My head getting split open.

  The blood.

  And then the strange kind of silence.

  Where my mother looked around and looked back at me.

  Telling me to get out.

  Telling me anything I needed to hear as a kid to believe that everything was going to be fine. Because that’s what I was always told. My parents argued a lot. I wasn’t sure what life was. But because money was there, everything was fine. We were untouchable.

  Until we weren’t…

  Liam wept in the chair.

  Openly and loudly crying.

  “Shut up,” I whispered. “You don’t get to feel anything. You don’t get to cry.”

  I stepped forward.

  It was the now or never moment of this thing.

  My heart screamed NOW. And my mind screamed the same.

  I lifted the knife some more.

  A hand touched my wrist.

  And it stopped me.

  I turned my head.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “I’m here to save you, Ashby.”

  * * *

  “Just put the knife down first,” Vanessa said.

  Her voice was soothing yet stern.

  There wasn’t an ounce of fear or worry in her eyes.

  She was calm and collected.

  Almost scary.

  I was by far much stronger than her. Meaning if I wanted to go after Liam with the knife, I could have easily shook Vanessa away.

  But I didn’t.

  Instead, I lowered my hand down and I released my grip on the knife.

  It fell to the floor.

  “Go into the kitchen right now, Ashby. We need to talk.”

&n
bsp; I walked away, my teeth gritting hard, the anger showing no signs of going away.

  I stood at the old fridge.

  There was one picture still hanging there by an old magnet which was of the letter R. The picture was us. Our family. What was once our family. My mother. My father. Me. I looked annoyed that my picture was being taken.

  My mother and father looked happy.

  The picture was taken out back behind the old beach house.

  I heard movement behind me and turned my head to see Vanessa approaching. She had the knife in her hand. She put the knife away where it belonged. Then she opened the top cabinet, right where my father always stored his favorite drinks.

  She walked away with a bottle and returned a minute later.

  She stood in the middle of the kitchen floor.

  “How?” I asked.

  “I heard everything you said to your father,” she said. “He’ll be okay, Ashby. We will be okay. In his heart he has to make a choice. He loves me so much he wants there to only be one allowed in his heart. He wants that to be me. And I think he had himself convinced that was what it was. And how it would be. But I’m not stupid. Far from it. There will always be a place in his heart for your mother. Before you say anything right now, he’s told me everything about her. About their marriage. I know all the good. All the bad. I know the beginning, the middle, and the end.”

  “Without the end there wouldn’t be you,” I said.

  “Your father is hurt and confused,” she said. “He realizes there has to be more room in his heart than he thought there was. I’m okay with it. I appreciate Philip growing concerned for me.”

  “He said you sounded upset on the phone.”

  Vanessa smiled. “If I tell you that he’s secretly a big time Mama’s boy, are you going to tease him for it?”

  “Yes,” I said. “Mercifully.”

  “Good,” she said. “I appreciate Philip looking after me. I spoke to him on the phone because I didn’t want him coming to the house and seeing your father the way he is right now. He’s crushed over this. And he’s crushed over lying to you.”

  “I don’t care anymore,” I said.

  “I think you do,” Vanessa said. “There’s a man tied to a chair in the other room.”

  “And you’re calm about it…”

  “Because you’re my family, Ashby,” she said. “I support you. And I wanted to talk to you before anything else happens.”

  “You never answered how… how did you know? How did you find me?”

  “I’ve known about this place for a long time,” Vanessa said. “I’ve been here before. I haven’t stayed long though. Your father showed me the place. And I respect what this place is to him and you. You may not realize it, Ashby, but I know so much about you. I’ve watched you grow up. I’ve seen the way you react. Do you remember when you and Philip finally worked your differences out? I bet you don’t.”

  “I have my story, what’s yours?” I asked.

  “Philip got hurt on his bicycle,” Vanessa said. “He was doing something stupid. You and him were fighting too. I’m talking actually fighting. The both of you throwing fists… stupid boys. But you went bike riding with Philip. I’m not sure why. Anyway, Philip got hurt, and you saved him. You carried him for miles, Ashby. To make sure he was okay.”

  “What does that have to do with anything now?” I asked.

  “It’s your heart. Your passion. Even if it’s a little crazy at times. I’ve known about Liam for a long time too. I kept an eye out on things. And I always knew he was going to get out. There was no way he’d be put away for life. No matter what your father did.”

  “Did you set this up?” I asked, my eyes going wide.

  “Never,” Vanessa said. “Your father told you the truth. This was unexpected. Someone called in a favor and got some paperwork pushed around. This caught me off guard too. But I know you, Ashby. You have your father’s drive. I knew you were going to find Liam. I followed you.”

  “You followed me?” I asked. “What?”

  “I had to. You brought him here.”

  “And you didn’t come running in after me?” I asked. “Why did you let me…”

  “To give you a chance to realize what life is all about,” Vanessa said. “A lesson.”

  “A fucked-up lesson.”

  “If I came right in, you would have hated me for it. You needed to be closer to the line.”

  I shook my head. I looked around. “What the fuck is happening here?”

  “What’s happening is you’re going to find a way to move forward in life, Ashby. I’m sorry that your mother is gone. She can live in your memory forever though. And Liam? What kind of life is he living? Huh?”

  I looked at Vanessa and curled my lip.

  She was right.

  Everything Liam said to me showed his life was shit. He was happier in jail than being free. So in a weird way, being free was like jail to him.

  “Now what?” I asked.

  Vanessa stepped toward me.

  Her hands reached for my face.

  She held my face.

  “I love you, Ashby,” she whispered. “You’re my son. My other son. Stepson. Whatever you want to call it. I’ll do everything I can to care for you. I always have.”

  I nodded. “Thank you, Vanessa. I’m sorry… I just can’t call you Mom.”

  “You don’t have to,” she said. “But you have to get out of here.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Keep fixing things,” she said. “Because if the roles were reversed, your father would do anything in the world to fix things for me.”

  “Vanessa…”

  “Ashby,” she said. “I’ll use my Mom voice on you. I’ll chase you out of here. I know what I’m doing. I’m protecting my family. You love Belle, right?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Then don’t let anything get in the way of that.”

  Vanessa pointed for the door.

  Then she turned and walked away.

  She was powerful and motherly.

  Taking care of my father as much as he took care of her.

  I left the beach house and I took my phone out of my pocket.

  I had to text Belle.

  I love you, angel.

  Chapter 19

  I wrapped my arms around Belle as tight I could without making it so we couldn’t breathe. It was the middle of the night. The room was silent. The house was silent. My heart kept beating for her.

  When I got home, I fell into her.

  That was the only way to describe it.

  I literally just fell forward and Belle caught me.

  We sat together on the top step of the porch and I told her everything that had happened. Beginning to end. It scared the hell out of Belle. She cried, punched me on the arm, gently slapped me across the face, hugged me tight, and cried some more.

  I buried my face into her neck and just pretended that nothing else in the world mattered.

  Now I had her wrapped up in my arms.

  Seconds moving along in our life.

  It felt as right as anything in my life could feel.

  I slowly shut my eyes.

  There were still way more questions than answers.

  But there was a sense of family I wasn’t sure I’d ever believe in or feel again.

  And a sense of love.

  Belle and I.

  I kissed her shoulder for the four hundredth time.

  She was out cold though.

  Sleeping peacefully.

  So I listened to her breathe.

  And I eventually fell asleep too.

  I wanted to sleep for days like that with her.

  To leave everything else outside the door.

  For days.

  Maybe for forever…

  But my eyes opened to another day, Belle still next to me.

  She had turned around in her sleep and we were facing each other.

  She was awake already, just stari
ng at me.

  I blinked a few times. “Morning, angel.”

  “Ash,” she said. She touched my face. “I had a weird dream last night.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah. It was about you. And a bunch of crazy things you did. There’s no way any of it is true, right?”

  I smiled. I kissed her forehead. “I’m here, angel. I’m not going anywhere. I just… seeing my father like he was. Hearing that he might have been fucking up his marriage…”

  “Shhh,” Belle said. She touched my lips. “You’re not going to like what I have to say next.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you actually love your family,” she said to me. “You love your father. You love Vanessa. And you love Hil.”

  I curled my lip. “Why would you say that?”

  “To ease you into the next thing…”

  Belle cringed.

  I opened my mouth to ask what was happening now when the bedroom door opened.

  “Rise, screw, and shine, motherfuckers.”

  I shut my eyes.

  Why was Hil in my bedroom?

  * * *

  “I cooked you breakfast, bro,” Hil said to me.

  I shuffled my way toward the table in the kitchen.

  Everyone was there. Like we were our own family. Which I wasn’t sure of.

  Mara was in an oversized flannel shirt, her bedhead looking wild. She stared down into a mug of steaming coffee.

  Vera was in a hoodie that was way too short for her own good.

  She wasn’t wearing any pants, but she was wearing panties.

  And she had no problem that everyone could see.

  Uly stretched his neck and lifted a mug of coffee. “How was your night, man?”

  “Pretty wild,” I said.

  “I bet,” Uly said.

  “No more crazy shit without us,” Hil said. “No matter what.”

  I looked around and realized everyone at the table knew everything already.

  “If you leave Belle all alone, who will she be with then?” Hil asked.

  “I call dibs!” Vera said.

  “Wow,” Belle said. “That was fast.”

  “I’m perfectly okay with that,” Hil said. “There’s always room for an extra.”

  “No, Hil,” Vera said. “If I choose Belle, then I lose you.”

  “Damn,” Hil said.

  Belle looked at Hil and blew him a kiss.