Tiger's Strength

by Kimberly A Rogers

  “Baran, I don’t believe that this is just nothing.” I touched his arm only for him to pull away from my touch. “Baran. What is wrong?”

  “I told you. Nothing.”

  He was lying. He was acting like he had when we first met, only worse. I could almost see him putting his defenses in place and blocking me out even as he sealed in his emotions. Before I could say anything else, he got to his feet. He set the tray down on the bed and muttered, “Something is going on outside. I am going to check it out.”

  “What? Now?” I protested instinctively. I twisted around to look at him as he strode across the room. “At least, let me go with you.”

  The TDS shook his head. “That is unnecessary. I’ll be back. Stay here.”

  “Baran,” I called after him, feeling more than a little desperate. Not to mention utterly confused. It was a relief when he didn’t just ignore me like I had half feared he would. But when he turned slightly in the doorway, I decided not to press the topic just yet. Something wasn’t right. I knew that, but I didn’t know enough to understand what was going on and I . . . I was afraid of driving him away. The same fear was what kept me rooted in place on the bed instead of chasing after him.

  When he raised an eyebrow in silent query, I offered a faint smile. I was still praying he would change his mind or at least offer me some sign that I hadn’t done something wrong. Forcing a lightness I didn’t feel into my voice, I said, “Make sure you run away if that leech makes a reappearance.”

  He didn’t even grin at my joke. Only offered a curt nod before he vanished out the door. Yes, it was a rather pathetic and bad joke, and he could have at least shown a hint of amusement. But there was nothing, absolutely nothing. It was like we had stepped back a year in time, more actually, and gone back to our very first hunt together. When Baran was so stern and serious and suspected me of being Fringe.

  I didn’t understand this change. My gaze fell on the photo album still lying in my lap. The inescapable feeling that I had made a terrible mistake swept over me. Even though I didn’t understand it, somehow talking about his father had chased Baran away.

  I carefully put the album away, and then finished my sandwich. I covered the tray and resolved to return it to the kitchen. After that, I was going to make sure the TDS was actually protected from that leech.

  ΘΘΘΘΘΘ

  Chapter Eleven

  Baran

  She thought I was running away, avoiding her. But, that was only partially true. I was avoiding the reminders of my past . . . of the shame I still carried and fought so hard to keep from surfacing. I didn’t want her to know this shame. I didn’t want to see the change it would bring to the way she looked at me.

  Forcing away the thoughts and their disruptive emotions, I was almost grateful when I walked out on the back deck in time to see Madoc leap down from the roof. I growled under my breath. Now what was the fool doing? “Madoc.”

  My younger half-brother hunched his shoulders before squaring them once more as he swung around to face me. The heavy scent of exasperation filled the air as he growled, “Do you truly have nothing better to do than play warden?”

  I ignored the jibe. “Where are you going? To meet the friend you claim was smoking the ‘nip? Or maybe you’re going to help the reeves search for the missing transients?”

  Madoc scoffed. “Like the reeves would accept my help when you’re around. No one cares about the loners who’ve been disappearing. If you had paid any attention to the news, you would know the only ones disappearing are the unwanted. Loners or Elves and Elf-born travelling on their own.” A hint of chagrin appeared in his expression as he added, “No one cares about the unwanted.”

  The chagrin vanished as he shrugged, rolling his shoulders and swinging his arms, before he stated with a mix of disinterest and disdain, “Maybe a Wendigo got to them, though. You should like that. From everything I’ve heard, you’re very good at killing Wendigoes now.” He backed up a few steps, waving dismissively. “Don’t worry. I’m sure the reeves won’t wait much longer before inviting the vaunted General Baran to sweep in to rescue them from their incompetence.”

  I folded my arms over my chest and refused to rise to the bait. In truth, I had been too distracted with fending off Celeste’s unwelcome attention to pay much attention to the conversation with my mother beyond the comment regarding the disappearances. Despite the fact that I had been forced to sit between them as I struggled against running from the room in search of Raina. I had made a mistake in that regard.

  “Where are you going, Madoc?” I asked again, this time a growl creeping into my words. “Do you know anything about the disappearances?”

  “Why would I tell you anything? You aren’t my father, and you certainly aren’t my keeper.” Madoc tugged on his leather jacket as he added snidely, “If you really don’t have anything else to do tonight other than bother me, you and your little mongrel bride must not have a fairytale marriage after all. Or are you just trying to get rid of me so you can rendezvous with Celeste? From what I saw, you seem to prefer her kisses to those of your little Leopard.”

  I hit him hard. The tiger in me roared for more, for a better recompense from the fool who dared to insult my mate. Madoc surged to his feet shifting into his half-form. I raised my fists instinctively, but didn’t shift as the movement caused the lingering hints of Raina’s perfume to tease my nose. She would only be miserable if I fought with Madoc again and sank us both even further in Venetia’s disapproval. After the span of a heartbeat, I lowered my hands and forced my fingers to uncurl as I stepped back. “I’m not going to fight you, Madoc. However, I am going to give you a warning. If you had anything to do with these disappearances or have chosen to make your bed with the Fringe, then you should know that I will find out and I will not permit our kinship, however tenuous that may be, to stand in the way of justice and honor.”

  Madoc shifted back into his mortal form. He glared at me as he snapped, “Tell Celeste I said hello. Oh, and Raina, too.”

  He stormed off swearing under his breath. I watched him reach his truck and get in. The truck’s engine roared to life and Madoc sped down the long winding drive. I didn’t go inside at once. I didn’t want Raina to know that I had confronted Madoc again. Or what he had said about her.

  Taking a deep breath, I chose to thank the Creator that the First Year Rage no longer clouded my thoughts to the point that I lacked all my control. I would not have stopped at merely punching Madoc once if I had still been subject to the Rage. Not unless Raina was right at my side and even then there had been times when she had struggled to help me control the tiger’s instincts. Although her influence had improved as our relationship improved.

  I stayed out on the deck for another ten minutes before I felt I could return to Raina without her immediately deciding something was wrong. I had only just entered the main area of the lodge when Venetia called down to me from the head of the main staircase. “Baran. A word in private, if you please.”

  As politely worded as her chilly summons was, I knew better than to imagine that I would be able to ignore her. I moved to the base of the stairs as she came down and followed when she led the way to her personal study. I pushed the door to as Venetia went behind her large desk. Every paper and folder was in precise order leaving a large square of open space in front of her when she sat. Venetia placed her folded hands in that space as she watched me with cool eyes. “Baran, I must say that I am very disappointed in your behavior these past two days. You have fought with your brother, even going so far as to strike him, more than once. And even worse, you have been insufferably rude to our guest.”

  I folded my arms over my chest, not looking away from Venetia. I let the tiger peek out at her as I stated, “That is an interesting accusation. For I was under the impression that I had disappointed you simply by marrying Raina. Or, is it the fact that I, the reminder of your past, still live that disappoints you most of all?”

  The Tigress’ cold haughtin
ess faded into something indecipherable before she was forced to look away, yielding the challenge. Yet her tone remained cool and distant when she finally replied, “Of course, your marriage disappoints me. Why should it not? I have brought a number of suitable mates to your attention over the years, and you refused to have anything to do with them. Even Celeste. And yes, she was always my favorite of the choices because her breeding is impeccable, which made her a worthy mate to the last scion of the House of Demirci.”

  Disgust rose and with it the Tiger’s ire as hot words strained to be released. I didn’t pay any mind to the need for decorum as my tone sharpened. “I never cared for any of those women. They were never the type of woman I could trust. And Celeste . . . Celeste repels me. Her breeding is of no consequence when she lacks any true character. She threw herself at me tonight, I am a married man, and yet she still did it. You act as though I have lost something in refusing your choices, Venetia. In truth, I lost nothing.”

  “You lost all sense of honor and family pride,” Venetia snapped. “You judge others so harshly as though you are above all Therians. When you brought dishonor to your legacy? That girl is not suited to being your mate. She is rash and careless. She doesn’t care about decorum or being Therian. She will never be the sort of wife appropriate for a general. She is certainly not the appropriate mate for you. I could name others who would be more suitable if you insisted in introducing a non-Tiger to the bloodline. One of the dragon princes’ broods, perhaps.”

  “I lost nothing,” I insisted stubbornly. Anger rose but I used it to grow colder, to keep a weakness from being detected, as I added bluntly, “I could never trust a woman like Celeste. If she throws herself so readily at a married man, what would have happened if I had married her and she decided she desired someone better and more apt to gain a high status position than a lowly soldier?”

  Venetia’s mask of cold disapproval cracked. She paled as my words settled heavily between us.

  ΘΘΘΘΘΘ

  Raina

  I held my breath as the tension grew between the two Tigers following Baran’s cold analysis of Celeste’s character. They were so focused on each other that I still hadn’t been noticed. I also hadn’t pushed the door open wide enough to see inside. Even though I really wanted to at first.

  Venetia finally broke the silence. Hugging an iceberg while wearing a bikini would have been warmer than her voice when she spoke. “None of that changes the fact that you chose poorly.”

  “Raina was chosen for me. Therefore, someone must disagree with you,” came Baran’s equally cold retort.

  I backed away from the door, not wanting my presence to make things worse. Or even cause irreparable damage. My heart twisted with the knowledge that every word Venetia had spat about my inappropriateness as a wife had been aimed at hurting Baran. And, he was already hurting or else he never would have made that cold observation about Venetia wanting him dead so she could start anew. I didn’t understand what was going on and that really bothered me.

  Lost in my thoughts as I struggled to make sense of what I had heard and utterly failing, I was almost surprised that I even made it back to our room without mishap. I pulled the second photo album out and looked through it. Baran must have been in his teens when these were taken. A smile pulled at my lips, curving them without permission, as I found a picture of Baran in the midst of a gangly growth spurt, wearing formal court attire . . . including a coat with tails and a high top grasped in one hand. Then, I turned the page and paused on the picture of my Tiger when he was a young recruit. He couldn’t have been more than sixteen, maybe even a little younger, but he looked so proud as he stood next to his father. Baran was in formal recruit dress, a dark colored military tunic (probably blue based on my aita’s portraits) with black trousers, and there was a lightness around him that told me he was happy and proud and oh so confident. Badir stood in his formal military dress, the same as his son’s as far as coloring, but with gold braid stretching across his front to encircle the double row of gold buttons and gold epaulettes on his shoulders. He rested one hand on his son’s right shoulder, every inch the proud father.

  I looked again at Baran’s face. He showed his emotions freely in that picture. But now . . . He could be so closed off, so guarded. He was even worse right now than he had been since our first breakthrough in February. I drew a shaky breath as the truth hit me harder than any Ursa could hope to . . . Baran had only closed himself off after I told him we could come see Venetia for Thanksgiving.

  Venetia . . . I felt ill as everything that had happened, everything I had seen and heard, suddenly made horrible sense. Venetia had done something to hurt Baran, to wound his spirit to the point that he reacted by treating his own mother as a near stranger. Baran’s words from earlier came back to me. He had said Venetia betrayed his father. But surely that was tinged with the hurt of a young man who didn’t understand his mother remarrying soon after his father’s death. There were no more pictures of Baran and his parents after the picture with his father. But I didn’t know for sure how old Baran had been when he lost his father. He had never told me, and I had refused to look it up because I wanted so much for Baran to be the one to reveal his past. I had thought he would start trusting me enough to open up to me. When he was ready.

  Now, I was starting to regret not digging further. I closed the photo album and put it with the other one. Confusion and guilt gnawed at me as I found my phone and dialed a number. I didn’t remember the time difference until after Ama answered, “Raina, what is wrong?”

  I dropped down on the bed and lowered my head. “I messed up, Ama. Baran and I are at his mother’s, and it is such a disaster. He has been so guarded and so completely closed himself off from me that I know . . . I know I made a huge mistake by accepting the invitation without talking to him first. I just . . . I thought it was going to be a good thing. It should have been a good thing, right? But, it’s hurting him. I know it is hurting him. And, I don’t know what to do now.”

  “Wait, wait, slow down. Did you say you have gone to Venetia’s?”

  “Yes.” I sighed heavily and studied my bandaged hand. “I, of course, managed to insult her from the moment we met because I called her ‘Mrs. Demirci’ because I didn’t know she had remarried. I don’t understand what is going on here. Ama, you and Aita knew Baran’s father, yes? Do you know what happened when Venetia remarried, that Baran would feel so betrayed by it I mean? I know that it’s unusual, but I can’t figure out why this decision hurt him so much. I want to help him, to make it better, but I don’t know how. Is there anything you can tell me?”

  There was a long silence. Long enough that I almost thought she might have fallen asleep. Then Ama’s quiet voice asked, “You didn’t know Venetia had remarried before you arrived?”

  “No. Baran didn’t feel it was necessary information.” I shook my head. “I don’t know, Ama. Roderick seems decent so I don’t understand why Baran is closed off about this matter.”

  “I see.” There was another long pause and then Ama sighed. “Raina, I am afraid this is a problem I cannot help you work out. You need to talk to Baran about it. He is the only one who knows the whole story and his reasons. Aita and I never knew more than a few portions of the matter.”

  “Well, that’s distinctly unhelpful.”

  My mother laughed softly. “Talk to your husband, Raina. I love you. Now good night.”

  That wasn’t the answer I wanted. However, I knew better than to try to argue with her. She wasn’t going to let me solve things the easy way. “Good night, Ama. Love you too.”

  The phone clicked in my ear, and I knew she had hung up. I stowed my phone again and moved to look out the window. The forest appeared so peaceful. I wished that peace was inside the Tigers’ den. I wished I knew what to do to bring that peace inside.

  Arms wrapped around me and the sterile scent of Baran’s practiced impassiveness encircled me. The guard on his scent didn’t ease even when he kissed my cheek and b
uried his nose in the crook of my neck. I sniffled in spite of my best efforts to stay utterly calm as I reached up to run my fingers through his hair. At least I wasn’t actually crying. I hated crying. Still I could hear the sorrow in my own voice as I broke the silence. “I am so sorry, Baran. I didn’t mean to hurt you by insisting we come here. If I had known that things were so bad you were avoiding contact with your mother, I never would have accepted the invitation. If I had known it was only going to hurt you, I would have refused.”

  The TDS tightened his grip on me and then he kissed my neck. His breath tickled as he brushed my hair up to expose my right ear and whispered, “This was never your fault. You did not know.”

  I wanted to apologize more, but he would only stay standoffish if I did. I knew him that well. I had to find a way to reach him, to convince him that I was not going to judge him harshly if we discussed the past. I touched the chain around my neck. My charm necklace. I had never told him the stories behind the charms. “Maybe you would be amenable to a trade, TDS.”

  Baran harrumphed. “Every time you propose a trade, you try to convince me to do something ridiculous like wearing that horrible tourist shirt of the Beast of Bray Road.”

  “I do not,” I protested, fighting back a smile. I still hadn’t succeeded in getting him to put on the Beast of Bray Road shirt. But, it was only a matter of time. And, taking all his other shirts away. “I wasn’t going to suggest something ridiculous this time. Just a simple trade of stories.”

  “No.” Baran released his hold on me only to undo my zipper. “Go get ready for bed.”

  “Wait a minute, this conversation isn’t over. You could at least hear my suggestion out.” I turned to look at him as he reached past me to draw the curtains together. Not like anyone was out there spying. I peered up at him. “Come on, Tiger, please. It’s very simple.”