by Lee Wardlow
“What do you want to do in life?” Cal asked.
“Write.” It was that simple. I had never wanted to do anything else. “What about you?”
“I don’t know. I hope college will be paid for with at least a partial athletic scholarship. Dad talks about the military. It makes a man out of you.”
I glanced at Cal and his eyes met mine. “You don’t want the military?”
“No, I want to go to college. Someday if I have a family, I would like to be there for them.” I turned in his arms and hugged him.
“Have you told him that you miss him?”
He snorted at me. “Wouldn’t do any good.”
“It might.”
“Dad might make it home this season. He’s hoping to. He’s been gone nine months. He usually makes it home every nine to twelve months. I’ll introduce you to him. You’ll see.”
I glanced up at him. He was unhappy talking about his dad. I could see it in his eyes. “How does your mom deal with this…him being gone so much.”
“She’s used to it by now,” was all he said. “She wants to meet you. Do you think you could come over tomorrow? I’ll come here and get you.”
His mother. I felt the nerves creeping along my skin. I nodded though. I wanted to make Cal happy because that is what he did for me. He smiled at me. “Good. I’ll call you in the morning and let you know when.”
We needed to move out of my bedroom before my parents came home. Dad would not like Cal being here even though nothing had happened.
I got up and took his hand urging him to follow me to the living room. Ty and his friends were in the basement. I wanted Cal to see that room sometime. He was impressed with the TV in the living room, he needed to see that monster of a television downstairs.
We sat on the sofa and flipped through the stations. Found a movie that we both liked. We could hear Tyson and his friends making noise in the basement.
Then Cal kissed me. I didn’t mind his kisses. I liked it when he ran his hand down my bicep. His arm slid around my waist and found bare skin. His hands were warm. My body tensed. No one had ever touched me not that he was doing anything wrong. I was just innocent. Afraid.
Cal pulled back and rested his head against my own. “Relax Abby. Not doing anything, you don’t want to do.” He kissed my nose. My lips again. Then he tucked me into his side, and we watched the movie.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do or not do. I was fifteen. I liked Cal Cooper, but I was overwhelmed by the feelings that I had for him. He was confident and assured of himself while I fluctuated between trying to be self-confident and falling off a cliff on a bungee cord. I wanted to bounce back to safety, but I didn’t think it was possible yet. I just wasn’t there, ready to take that plunge.
He turned my face to him. “I see you thinking.”
I chuckled at him.
“What’s wrong, Abby?”
I glanced down at his long legs stretched out then up to his narrow waist. His broad shoulders. His hand now rested across my stomach; his fingers splayed across me almost possessively. I liked him too much.
“I get scared sometimes. Scared that I won’t be enough. Can’t be enough because I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
He moved his hand up to my face. His thumb brushed over my cheek. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, either Abby, but I know I like you and I want to be with you.”
Then his lips were on mine and our breath mingled as one and everything else happening outside of this room was forgotten.
I wasn’t thinking about my brother and his friends being in the basement when Cal’s hand slid up my bare back. I wasn’t thinking that I wasn’t wearing a bra. I wasn’t thinking anything except that I loved how Cal kissed.
Then Tyson cleared his throat. I wanted to strangle Ty. What was up with him? Cal looked over my shoulder at my brother then he moved away from me. I turned and glared at Tyson.
“What Tyson?”
“We’re hungry, just wanted to see if you guys wanted some pizza with us?”
“I’m good. Are you hungry?” I asked Cal.
“I’m good too.”
With great reluctance my brother left dragging his friends with him. I looked at Cal who was watching the movie now. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Cal reached for my hand and I laced my fingers through his. I leaned over and placed my head on his shoulder. We watched the movie now knowing that Ty would be coming back by the living room to get to the basement.
It was a half hour or more before he and the guys traipsed through the hallway that ran the length of the house. He hesitated outside the living room.
“There’s more pizza in the kitchen if you get hungry,” he declared. Then Ty stood there waiting for my response.
I peered over the sofa at him. I shook my head at him. “Go away Ty. We’re fine.”
“Could I see you?” He asked.
“Nope. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Guys go to the basement. I need to talk to my sister.”
I watched his friends head around the stairwell to the other hall where the basement door was. He wasn’t going away and if I didn’t want him to embarrass me in front of Cal, I knew I had to talk to him.
Turning to Cal I whispered, “I’ll be right back.”
Tyson grabbed my hand when I was in reach and yanked me behind him until we were in the kitchen. There, I took my hand back and glared at him. “What is wrong with you?”
“You don’t know what you’re doing,” he said. I tilted my head to the side, glared at him, unsure of what he meant by that.
“He’s got way more experience than you.” I looked the other way.
“What do you know?”
“I know plenty. Guys talk in the locker room.”
My head swiveled back around at him and I frowned. “It’s just rumors. Cal is sweet.”
“He was groping you,” Ty declared.
I started to go back to the living room. He wasn’t groping me. He was caressing my back. There was a difference. I was fuming now. Tyson caught me. “The three of them have a reputation.”
“He said he’s been with one girl.”
“He’s lying. Ask him,” Ty urged.
I yanked my arm out of my brother’s hand and tried to get away again.
“Abs, you haven’t been with a guy. You don’t know what you are doing with Cal Cooper.”
I was fine. Cal wasn’t pushing me to do anything. That’s what Tyson didn’t understand. I stomped down the hallway. My feet making a heavy sound on the hardwood floors. Cal was staring at me when I hit the living room, carpet. Much softer than the unforgiving hardwood.
I plopped down by him and crossed my arms. I stared at the television unwilling and unable to look at Cal until he said, “What’s wrong?”
I gave him a quick look. I decided to trust Cal and not rumors told in the boy’s locker room. “Nothing,” I said and leaned my head on his shoulder. He kissed my temple and we went back to watching our movie.
Chapter 9
On Sunday after breakfast, Cal picked me up for our date at his house. Dad wasn’t happy about it. He liked for us to be together on Sundays, the one day that he was home. Mom soothed it over for me. After all, he would be watching football all day, so why did it matter?
I had to be home by five, she told me as I raced out the front door when I saw Cal coming up the walkway. As soon as I met him midway, he pulled me in for a kiss. A quick one. I turned and looked at the big floor to ceiling windows that faced the front yard and driveway to see if Dad was looking outside but he wasn’t. I breathed a sigh of relief.
“I could have said hello to your parents,” Cal informed me.
“That’s okay,” I said turning him around and giving him a shove. “What are we doing today?”
“Mom went to see Rhonda for a little while. She’s bringing lunch home. What do you want to do?”
I was nervous. Would we be alone in the house? I had been
alone with Cal before, in my house. Not his. It was easier being in my own territory. “Whatever you want to do,” I replied.
“Care if we just go to my house and wait for her? Blythe is there.” I felt somewhat relieved by that. “She’s sleeping but she’s there. Her snoring would wake the dead but she’s there as a chaperone,” he offered. Then he gave me that charming wink that he was always doing that made me think he wasn’t so serious about what he was saying.
I laughed. “Not much of a chaperone, I think.” Did we need one?
Ty was getting into my head.
Cal didn’t live that far from me in a cute neighborhood with tree lined streets. Older homes that were well maintained. The yards freshly mowed. When we arrived at his house, he got out and beat me to my side of the car. I was still taking in the neighborhood. His house. Him. He opened the door for me and took my hand.
In his house, Cal showed me around. He was right, the house wasn’t the same as mine, but it was charming. Homier and I liked it so much more. On the mantel were pictures of Cal and his siblings. I checked them out while he went to get sodas for us.
I turned when he came back to the family room. “Let’s go to my room,” he suggested.
I swallowed, nervous as all get out, but I followed him like he asked. He sat our sodas on his dresser. Then he guided me to his bed. I sat down while he slipped off his shoes.
He turned on some music. Soft and low. He came to me and laid down on the bed. He patted the mattress beside him. I watched him unsure of myself. Suddenly unsure of him because of what Tyson had told me.
“Come here, Abby. I just want to hold you in my arms.”
I crawled across the bed and he wrapped me in his embrace. That is all he did, just like he told me. Cal held me. I could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest and I thought he had fallen asleep. When I raised my head, his eyes met mine.
“What?” He asked.
“I just wondered if you were sleeping.”
“No, just thinking,” he replied.
I laid my head back against him and put my hand on his rock, hard stomach. My fingers traced absently through the lightweight fabric of his shirt. He covered my hand with his after a few minutes.
“Abby,” he groaned. He rolled over me, his leg pinning me to the bed. Cal removed my glasses and laid them on the nightstand. “That’s better,” he said. “I like seeing your eyes.” His fingers traced down my cheek and my eyes closed at his soft touch. “You’re so beautiful.”
I snorted at him.
“You are. You hide behind those,” he nodded towards the nightstand where he had laid my glasses.
He hovered near me waiting to see what I would do. I was nervous. I had never been on a boy’s bed before. I had never had one laying practically on top of me.
Then he brushed his lips across me. Sweetly. Tenderly. Testing the waters. His hand snaked across the skin of my stomach. He groaned. Then Cal left it there. He didn’t inch his way up higher trying to touch more of me. He didn’t go lower either. Maybe just because he was fine touching my bare stomach.
Finally, he moved his hand down to my hip pulling me closer to him. My eyes flew open. His eyes were closed. I pushed back on Cal and he released me.
“I’m not ready for this,” I said my voice trembling.
He kissed my lips one more time.
“There is no this,” he replied. “Not yet. I just like kissing you Abby. I can’t help it if I get excited.”
I rested my hands on his shoulders unsure of what to do with them. I gripped harder, my nails digging into the firmness of his muscles. “Do you know how the boys talk in the locker room?” I asked.
He sighed and released me. I flopped back on the bed and Cal rested his head on his hand. “Why don’t you tell me what Tyson told you last night?”
I stuttered and stammered. Then I couldn’t meet his eyes. Cal ran his finger across my cheek forcing me to look at him and my eyes flew up to his.
“Tell me Abby,” he said.
“You have way more experience than I do.”
“I don’t. I was honest with you.” His hand cupped my face. “We talk to make ourselves sound way more experienced than we are.” He kissed me. “I doubt any of my friends have been with as many of the girls that they say they have been with either.”
His lips brushed over mine again and again. He was making it hard to think. I let my hands slide down his shoulders. I gripped his biceps, hard and firm. Cal rolled over on top of me, his weight pressing me into the mattress.
I inhaled.
I couldn’t breathe not because he was heavy. His eyes boring into me, showing me what I was making him feel. His eyes were intense. “I’m falling for you Abby,” Cal whispered.
I didn’t know what to say.
“You’re all I think about and if I have sex with another girl it will be you but I’m not pushing you. I’ll wait as long as you want to wait.” He rested his upper body weight on his forearms, shifting his weight at the same time. He didn’t say anything else. He just gazed at me.
No one had ever made me think the things I was thinking. Feel the things that I was feeling. Then, his lips moved against my lips. They traced across my neck sending shivers down my spine.
“Abby,” he whispered my name near my ear.
He nestled my throat so he could press his lips to my skin. Things were getting out of hand. I wasn’t sure how far I wanted to go with Cal, but I loved how his was making me feel. Breathless. Excited. Wanting more. Scared out of my mind.
Then we heard the front door slam shut. He turned his head towards the door. My skin cooled where his lips had just been. “Mom’s home,” he groaned.
Cal rolled to the side of the bed. “Come on,” he said. “I want to introduce you to her.”
I had excited Cal. I knew that even though I didn’t have a lot of experience. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about what had just happened between us. He said he wouldn’t rush things, but I was torn between wanting more myself and being afraid.
I straightened my hair and followed Cal to the living room. His mom was the female version of him. She looked up when we entered the room. He laced his fingers through mine sensing my uncertainty. The hesitation in my step.
“Mom, my girlfriend Abby. Abby, my mom, Dana Cooper.”
She smiled. Her eyes like his warm and inviting put me at ease right away. “Well Abby, it is nice to meet you. Cal never brings home a girl so you must be special.” That one honest statement made me feel so much better about things with Cal.
She was much shorter than me. I don’t know how she produced such a large son. His father must be tall, I assumed. I smiled at him. Cal wasn’t looking at me though. He was looking at his mom.
“How’s Rhonda?” He asked.
She laid the things in her hand on the table and put one hand on her hip. The other hand went through her hair. “Same. She’s down.”
Then Cal glanced at me. “She was six months pregnant,” he explained.
His mom gave me a sad smile. “She had felt her son move. She’s pretty depressed right now.”
“I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say to them.
“You guys should go over and visit with her. I was just going to order pizza but maybe a visit from you and Abby would cheer Rhonda up.”
“Are you sure that is a good idea?”
“I think it is a great idea.” His mom was shooing us out the door. “New blood will do her a world of good.”
Cal stopped his mom, explaining he needed shoes and he had to get my my glasses. No awkward silence between me and his mom. She started firing off questions. “How did you and Cal meet?”
“English. He sits by me.”
She nodded. “That’s his best subject. What’s yours?”
He was caught. I turned and gazed at him as he returned to the living room carrying my glasses. His mom looked between us. “What did I say?”
“I uh, well…”
“Calv
ert, what did you do?” She asked folding her arms across her ample chest as she stared down her son.
He was even more unhappy that she had used his full name. Then she smiled at him when he explained about asking me to be his tutor. “My son, the charming one. Abby, he doesn’t need a tutor in any class. Don’t let him fool you.”
“I won’t ever again,” I replied shaking my head at Cal.
We left their house and drove to an apartment across town. The community was cute. We drove around a pond that had swans and ducks swimming near the shore. I watched as Cal made his way around a circle and through tight, two-lane, roads until he parked in front of a white painted brick building. We ran up two flights of stairs and Cal knocked on the door at Apartment 401.
Rhonda’s fiancé answered the door. “Cal, great to see you man.” He appeared tired. It had been a long few days for this couple. Beneath the tiredness I could see the sadness.
I felt so awkward. I thought maybe we were intruding. At least I was. Rhonda might be happy to see her brother but not his girlfriend when she had just suffered a tragedy like this.
Rhonda was sitting on the sofa in her pajamas a fuzzy purple blanket over her legs. At first, she was turned to the patio doors but when we got to the living area, she faced us. A sad smile crossed her face. Then she pulled up her legs and offered us a place to sit.
“So, you’re Cal’s girl?”
I nodded. “Abby,” I said.
“Go with Lyle,” she told her brother. “He was just on his way out for some lunch for us.”
I was surprised. Cal leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Go easy on her. She’s nice.”
They headed out to get something for lunch. Rhonda patted the sofa beside her.
“I’m harmless. It’s the other sisters you have to worry about.”
She was teasing, I realized. I took a deep breath and sat down uncomfortable and unsure of what to say. I was socially backward. Afraid of saying the wrong thing so I didn’t say anything at all.
“It’s okay,” Rhonda said. “I’m not as breakable as they think.”
“I’m really sorry.”
She sighed. “Me too. I hope you never lose a baby Abby. You aren’t sleeping with my brother, are you? If you are use condoms. You both are too young for a baby.”