Lacey Luzzi Box Set

by Gina LaManna

  At his sullen expression, I guessed I was correct in my thinking.

  “Also, I invited you here for a second reason. Now that we are both locked in this tiny room, we can have a nice, honest, heart to heart chat. I have a way to get us out when it’s time, but until then, you’re stuck with me.”

  “You’re crazy, you perv.”

  “I’ve heard the first before, but never the latter. Anyways, I have no interest in your body. Also we’re all Family somehow, and that’s disgusting, so you’re wrong. Now tell me, where is Kiki?”

  His mouth screwed up in a contorted grimace. He opened it to speak, but I shushed him with a finger.

  “Just kidding,” I interrupted. “First, how did you get out of my apartment?”

  “The front door.”

  “Damn. He was right. What about Tupac?”

  “He’s dead, man. Where’ve you been?”

  “What?” I gasped and clutched my chest. “You killed Tupac?”

  “What the hell are you talking about, lady?”

  “The...the cat! How did he die? Did you bury him?”

  “Oh, that Tupac. Nah, he’s fine. He’s in the hotel room.” Alfonso shrugged. “He’s cute.”

  “He’s also mine.”

  “He likes me better.”

  I opened my mouth, but realized I had more important battles to fight right now. Also, he was probably right, based on historical data. “Tell me about Kiki.”

  “I don’t know a Kiki, but she sounds hot. Wanna introduce me?”

  “None of this smart talk,” I said. “Or you’ll roast in here like a chicken. That’s a bad answer, try again.”

  We were both really sweating by now, and it was becoming harder to breathe. I felt a burst of satisfaction as he gave a wary glance at the locked door.

  “It’s really locked.” I jiggled the handle to prove my point. “I have a way out. You don’t.”

  “I’m telling the truth. I don’t know anything.”

  “Strike two.” I glanced threateningly at the glowing orange coals. I’d never be able to hurt anyone, especially a kid, but hopefully he wouldn’t notice.

  “You wouldn’t do that,” he said.

  “Oh yeah?” I tried to look tough. “I won’t if you tell me about Kiki.”

  “Look, I can’t breathe very good.” He leaned over and clutched at his chest.

  “Well,” I corrected. “Can’t breathe well.”

  Indeed, the air was heavy and smoggy and it felt like I was sucking up piles of water through my nostrils. I was thinking that it’d been a bad idea to crank up the heat so high and toss water on the coals.

  “You better talk fast.” I took a seat on my towel, fingering my phone in its hiding place.

  Alfonso took a deep, shaky gulp of humid air. “Look, lady—”

  “Don’t call me lady, I’m not that old.”

  “Sorry. I came here, Miss, because I lied. I came here to tell you the truth. I didn’t kill Leo.”

  “What?” I spun around. “Say that again.”

  “I didn’t kill Leo. Somebody else did it, and I heard about it first ’cause he’s my uncle.”

  “How’d you hear about it?” I asked suspiciously. “Were you there?”

  “No. In fact, nobody from our family has even seen the body. Some friend of his called the house and said that they’d found Leo’s body and identified it then and there. My family wanted to do the viewing this weekend, but this wedding was already planned, so they just put him on ice for a few days. We’ll have the funeral and memorial when we get back next week.”

  I sat down and massaged my temples. “So you haven’t even seen Leo dead? Why did you think you could get away with this?”

  Alfonso looked truly pained. “It’s just that my parents, my uncles, none of them ever made it anywhere in the Mafia. They were all nobodies. I wanted to be somebody. I thought maybe if I could show I was tough that Carlos would pay attention to me. Put me in the Administration, you know?”

  “At fifteen?” I was flabbergasted. “Do you realize that I’m his granddaughter, twenty-eight, and have only been in the back room of the laundromat once? Last week, when I saw you—that was the first time. It takes decades to get close to Carlos, buddy.”

  “Maybe he would’ve fast tracked me.”

  I shook my head in amazement at this kid’s glorified view of Family life. “Not a chance.”

  We sat in solemn silence for a few minutes.

  “So you won’t put in a good word for me?” he asked.

  “NO! Why do you want to be in the mob so much, anyway?”

  Alfonso kicked his feet against the damp wood of the bottom bench. He took a seat on the top bench and slouched against the back wall, his skin dripping sweat.

  I wiped my forehead. “Huh? Spill. We’re not going anywhere, yet.”

  “You’re brutal.”

  “Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. Why do you want to be a part of this?” I gestured around the room, including myself in that gesture. “To be honest, sometimes I myself wonder why I got involved in this. It wasn’t my first choice, you know.”

  Alfonso caught my eye, and the melancholy attitude of the room was palpable.

  “It’s the other kids,” he said finally. “At school, sports—everything. Nobody believes I’m Italian, even though my name is Alfonso. They say my parents ordered me on Amazon from Ireland, two day shipping with Prime.”

  I snorted, but caught myself at his devastated look.

  “I just thought that if I could fit in somewhere, especially with the mob, maybe people wouldn’t make as much fun of me. Maybe they’d be scared of me.”

  “It’s not really fun to have people scared of you, though. You just need a few good friends.”

  “Yeah, but I don’t know how to find them.”

  “I can’t tell you that. I have two close friends. I’m related to one of them, and the other one just...well I guess we just grew up next to each other for so long that we’re part of each other now.” I hunched my shoulders.

  “You’re still young, kid. I’m not that young anymore. I got bills to pay, shit to take care of. You know, responsibilities. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, and if I’m honest, the only reason I got into this job was for the money. I love my family and The Family, but I don’t want to work for them. It’s not really me.”

  “But you’re good at it.” Alfonso looked up and caught my eye.

  “Nah, I’m really not,” I said. “I let you escape and you’re fifteen.”

  “I’m smarter than I look,” he said.

  “Yeah, I guess so.” I gave a wry smile, and he returned it. “I’m just saying, don’t shortchange yourself. Go to college and drink too much beer, put on the freshmen fifteen—or fifty-five, in your case—meet some girls, hang with some cool dudes. Join a club or something. Figure out what you like to do. ’Cause the Family will be here when you’re done in four years, I guarantee that. And you won’t get another chance for the college experience.” I tried to give him my most understanding look.

  “I just wish I could skip past high school. Kids are so stupid and mean and immature. I wish I could just be a grown-up already.”

  “Let me tell ya something, kid.” I leaned over and whispered conspiratorially. “Grown-ups are still stupid and mean and immature. High school sucks ass, but believe me, your problems are not all solved by graduation. You just open a world of new ones.”

  Alfonso looked like he didn’t believe me.

  “You need proof?” I asked. “Look around at this wedding we’re stuck at. In a room of adults, how many of them act like adults?”

  A hint of a smile tugged at his mouth.

  “Come on, I know you’re smart. Help me out.” I prodded him.

  “About one percent, if that,” he said.

  “Exactly. So don’t rush into that mess. You can get away with stupidity for a bit when you’re young, but the consequences get worse as you get older. And so do the
hangovers.”

  Alfonso’s legs were swinging now, and I was relieved to see a little color back in his pale frame.

  “You’re not so bad,” he said.

  “You neither.” I gave him a pat on the shoulder. “This here—this mess? This is one of those times you’re lucky that you’re young and stupid. Don’t pull this shit again. Pull normal crap like breaking curfew and sneaking your parent’s booze, okay?”

  “I’m going to tell them I have your permission.”

  “Don’t you start with me, Mister.”

  A satisfied silence passed between us, and I felt like we’d mutually accomplished something. Then, my stomach sank. If Alfonso didn’t do it, then who did? I was back to square one. My insides felt a bit wobbly as I realized I’d have to tell Anthony that we were all wrong. That his men were chasing the wrong guy while the real murderer was on the loose—out there, somewhere. Maybe even up here, dressed in a suit and tie and ready for the wedding.

  “So, who’s Kiki?” he asked.

  “A bridesmaid that disappeared.”

  He sucked in his breath. “Ouch.”

  “Really, it’s no loss. Plus, I don’t think she’s dead. I think they’re holding her somewhere. The only unfortunate part is that the ceremony is delayed ’til we find her.” I flipped my finger at him. “But you didn’t hear that from me.”

  “Course not.” He raised his hands in submission. “So can we get out of here now?”

  I pulled my phone from under the blanket and tapped it. “Of course.”

  But then I looked down and realized the phone was damp with sweat, the screen was dark, and it wouldn’t power on. “Uh oh.”

  “What?” he asked worriedly. “Are we stuck here forever?”

  “Well, until someone comes, which could be a few seconds...or hours.”

  “NO!” He leapt up and started pounding on the glass, screaming.

  “Don’t do that,” I said. “You’re giving me a headache.”

  He took a seat. “But we can’t be stuck here. I need to eat every three hours or my blood sugar gets low. HELP!”

  “Stop screaming,” I said. “We’ll be fine.”

  I looked around worriedly, but there was nobody in the pool area.

  Alfonso pounded on the door for a few minutes, but I finally got him to lie down and take long slow breaths until I almost thought he was sleeping. I’d told him that we’d conserve our oxygen better that way and be able to live longer.

  When he was nearly passed out, I rolled over pretending to do the same and putzed with my phone a bit. This time, with a lot of praying and wishing, it powered up with a sick looking flicker. I sent out a quick text: Sauna—Now.

  Then, I stood up. “I see someone.”

  Alfonso’s eyes flew open and he jerked into a sitting position. “What? Who? Where?”

  “Get down,” I said. “It’s the head of Carlos’s security force. He’s a really scary dude. And he thinks you’re the bad guy.”

  Alfonso’s eyes grew to the size of a small planet. “I don’t want to die! What do I have to do? Tell him not to shoot.”

  “Okay, here’s what we have to do.” I leaned close and brought out the cinch from my bathrobe from under my towel. “He might think you’ve got me trapped in here. In order to prove that it’s the other way around and you’re not dangerous, you need to let me tie you up. He won’t shoot if you’re tied up and standing right behind me, okay?”

  “Fine, fine,” he said. He stuck both of his hands out.

  “Behind your back.”

  He turned around, his thin wrists trembling as I tied them together tightly.

  “Good. Now stand behind me.” I waved for him to get behind me and I took my place in front of the glass door.

  Anthony strode towards us with sure steps, though his face was a mask of annoyance. Just wait 'til he sees this, I thought. Just wait.

  And then I was in for a surprise; behind Anthony, walking with a gorilla-esque gait was Joey, trudging through the swimming area, his mouth working a hundred miles an hour in the direction of the backside of Anthony’s head.

  “Hmm. That’s odd,” I mumbled aloud.

  “Everything okay?” Alfonso asked.

  “We’ve got additional company.”

  “I’ll be okay, right? You said...”

  “I know what I said. You’ll be fine. This guy...” I trailed off as Anthony approached the sauna.

  He looked through the glass at me for a moment, and I worried for a second that he was debating letting me out or not. There was a small part of me that thought he enjoyed seeing me sweat in here, and would leave me in for punishment or amusement, two things separated by a very fine line.

  I put my hand to the glass and gave a sad pout, much how I’d seen monkeys do at the zoo, and then I gestured towards the locked door. With a grimace, he unlocked the door and pulled it open.

  “Look who I have here,” I said. “Caught him, captured him. Told you I could do it.”

  Anthony’s eyes took in the sight of the two of us, sweating beyond all belief—Alfonso naked except for a towel and me in barely more than a swimsuit.

  “Do you believe in working naked?” he asked. “Because the common thought, at least in my experience, is that clothing is good when you’re on duty.”

  “Hey, I had to play a role, okay?”

  “You were playing a role?” Alfonso blurted. “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you! What are you going to do with me now, kill me? I’m innocent!”

  “You might be,” I said. “But the advice I gave you was real. I wasn’t playing a role the whole time, buddy.”

  I leaned toward him and showed him my glowing phone screen. “But I did have to capture you, especially after such an embarrassing escape from my bathroom. Since you’re a sneaky little twerp, I had to out-sneak you. The moral of this story is that if you wanna be in the Mafia, you gotta learn to take no chances. For example, how do I know you’re not feeding me a sob story, and that you really did kill Leo?”

  “Wait a second! What about everything you told me? The freshman fifty-five, all that stuff about grown-ups. Is it all just lies?” Alfonso wriggled, trying to loosen his hands, but I’d tied a pretty darn good knot.

  “No, buddy.” I turned and put a hand on his shoulder. “Everything I said was real. This was real. We had a moment.”

  Anthony was looking between us as if he wanted nothing to do with the interaction.

  I turned away from the large man to focus on the small one once more. “What happens in the sauna, stays in the sauna. Just remember what I said.”

  Alfonso rolled his eyes. “But I’m innocent.”

  I looked at Anthony. “I’m pretty sure the kid’s telling the truth. Which means, we have a problem.”

  “A problem? Besides this?” He gestured towards the whole sauna situation.

  “Yeah. He’s innocent,” I said.

  “That’s him!” Joey’s finger stabbed towards Alfonso accusatorily. “He’s the one that stole it.”

  “Stole what?” I asked.

  “My bathrobe cinch. The one they took Kiki away with,” Joey said. “I saw him leaving the room with it. Didn’t think twice about it then, but it’s hard to mistake that glowing ginger head of hair.”

  “What happened?” I asked. “Fill me in.”

  Anthony cleared his throat. “We found the cinch of a bathrobe outside on the driveway. It has lipstick smears on it that we believe to be Kiki’s. To the best of our knowledge, the person who kidnapped her gagged her with the bathrobe waist tie. We’re not sure how it ended up on the ground behind, but maybe after they put her in a truck or car or whatever vehicle, she managed to leave it behind as a clue.”

  “Your bathrobe was missing the cinch.” I quickly added, “I’d mistaken it for mine in the dark last night when I showered, and I was surprised when I couldn’t tie it shut.”

  “Yeah, and he stole it,” Joey said, the finger still jerking towards Alfonso. “I always knew yo
u were no good.”

  “I haven’t seen you for years, Joey,” Alfonso said. “The last time I was like six. You were over at our house drinking beer and playing cards. Remember? You tried to light your farts on fire with a match after you lost Go Fish to me.”

  “I didn’t lose,” Joey hissed. “But, you little liar—you snuck into my room last night. I don’t know how, but you took that rope. Someone took that rope, and I’m sure it was you trying to frame me.”

  “I’m not trying to do anything.” Alfonso looked at me. “Tell them, Miss. Tell them I’m innocent.”

  “I need to think,” I said. “And I’m feeling a bit woozy from the heat. Could we please just...?”

  I trailed off, the heat really doing a number on my brain. I was afraid if I didn’t get some fresh air I’d be seeing mirages left and right.

  “All right,” Anthony said. He took Joey’s right arm in one hand and Alfonso’s tied wrists in the other. He pushed them both out in front of him and took out a scary looking gun.

  “Don’t kill them,” I said.

  “It’s a Taser.” Anthony nudged them. “Now get moving or I’ll shock you till you piss your pants. Then I’ll throw you in the pool, because I don’t do cleanup and I can’t stand the smell.”

  The awkward troupe began their march across the pool room. I gathered my things and escaped the humid box, hurrying after them. I latched onto Anthony’s arm—the one without the Taser, and with his help managed to limp through the lobby following my sort-of cousin and my captive.

  “I need to talk to you,” I whispered to Anthony.

  “And I, you,” he said. “But not now, not here.”

  “When?” I looked up at him.

  “In five minutes, once we get the ghost kid some pants and put some more clothes on the pumpkin.”

  “All right, good plan.”

  We retreated back to mine and Joey’s room, where Vivian was still sitting on the bed, a tissue in her hand and mascara on her cheeks. One of Anthony’s men stood next to her, as straight and still as a statue.

  Anthony tossed towels at both Joey and Alfonso.

  “Get them dressed.” Anthony talked with clipped tones at the bodyguard in the room, also in a suit.

  “Come,” Anthony gestured to me. I joined him by his side as he addressed the pumpkin and the ghost. “When I come back, I want your nuts fully covered in a piece of manly clothing. No glitter, no sparkles, nothing. Jeans, maybe.”