Lacey Luzzi Box Set

by Gina LaManna

  “That’s rarely ever it,” I said. “Most of your assignments turn out to be a whole lot more complicated than they sound.”

  “Not this one,” Carlos said. “Have an omelet and a coffee on me at Gabe’s. Tell the barista hello. Listen for gossip. If there is none, no problem.” Carlos clapped his hands to show just how easy the assignment would be.

  “And if there is gossip?” I asked.

  “Then relay it directly to me. Your work is done after that.” Carlos reached a hand up and rested it on my shoulder. “Go to Gabe’s and have a drink. That’s all.”

  I sighed. “I don’t feel like I have a choice.”

  “Safe travels.” Carlos ignored my complaint. “Call me with any updates.”

  “All right,” I said, reaching for the handle. “Oh, and why couldn’t you have asked me this at the house? Why did you drive all the way out here in secret with your undercover posse?”

  Carlos cleared his throat. “That’s the other thing. I’d appreciate if you’d keep this under wraps. Nora would not be pleased to hear I’ve asked this favor of you. On your vacation, at least.”

  Ahh, now it all made sense. Carlos hadn’t sent me to the cabin out of the kindness of his heart. He had an agenda, but he’d hidden the true reason for the trip from his wife. Which was probably smart, since Nora would birth an entire herd of cows if she knew Carlos was interrupting Operation Get-Lacey-Hitched with work.

  My silence seemed to make Carlos nervous. With a resigned look, he leaned back in his seat. “You’re learning not to work for free,” he sighed. “I suppose that’s a good thing.”

  I hesitated, figuring I’d just let him keep talking, since I didn’t know what on earth he meant.

  A moment later, I realized that Carlos had interpreted my silence to mean I was upset he hadn’t offered to pay me for the gig. In reality, I was mostly wondering if I could turn in an expense report for the drinks at Gabe’s bar. But I wouldn’t complain about a little extra cash if he offered.

  “You’ve taught me well,” I said, turning my chin up and trying to sound as if I’d planned to ask for money.

  “Fine,” Carlos said. “I’ll buy your silence to Nora and compensate you for the disruption of this vacation.”

  “How do you mean...compensate?” I hoped I sounded confident. This whole bargaining-with-the-boss thing was new to me.

  Carlos wrote a number on a sheet of paper and showed it to me. I lost any semblance of a cool demeanor as my eyes widened at the figure.

  “Consider my silence bought.” I gave my grandfather a handshake and a smile as I climbed out of the car. Grinning from one ear to the next, I mentally calculated how many bathing suits I could buy Meg with that money.

  Needless to say, it was a big number.

  Chapter 5

  “THIS IS IT?” MEG ASKED, wrinkling her nose. “I expected it to be bigger.”

  For once, Meg wasn’t referencing any part of the human anatomy, and instead, gestured to the sprawling cabin before us.

  “What do you mean? It’s ginormous.” I stepped back and admired the beautiful landscape.

  Nothing about this place, not even the front yard, was small. Lush, rolling green hills spanned the distance between the cabin and the boat shed, which sat crooked by the lake’s edge. Grasses flowed and waved in the breeze, sloping around the water as far as the eye could see.

  On the lake itself sat two boats directly behind the cabin. One of them rocked majestically on the waves, a huge yacht reeking of extravagance. On the other side of the dock bobbed a scrappy, beat-up pontoon. It wasn’t difficult to guess which boat Carlos had given us permission to use. (Hint: it was not the yacht.)

  “Shall we?” I nodded towards the cabin, which resembled the little log houses found on the sides of syrup bottles. Times ten.

  “Yeah, I’m anxious to find my bedroom. Didn’t Nora say there’s like ten of them?” Meg asked. “I call the biggest one. With the comfiest bed.”

  I’d relayed Nora’s message to Meg, which was that the place had two floors and plenty of bedrooms for me, Meg, and any guests. I wasn’t expecting any guests, but that never seemed to stop folks from dropping by unannounced.

  And speaking of unannounced guests, I still held a small hope in my heart that Anthony would swing across the border to say hi. But no matter how much I missed him, I’d never confide my secret wish to Meg – it would most certainly hurt her feelings, and it was equally important for Meg and me to have a nice, girl-bonding weekend together.

  Instead of answering, I climbed out of the car and pointed to a sunny, wrap-around porch at the end of the dirt driveway.

  “That porch is so cute! It will be great to sip coffee out here in the morning, soaking up the fresh air,” I said, pointing. Wrap-around porches were one of my favorite features on any house.

  “Yeah, also it’d be great for cocktails by firelight,” Meg said. “It’s a multi-use sort of porch.”

  “Amen, sista,” I said, giving her a smile.

  There was something about the chill breeze coming from the lake and the fresh, crisp cabin air that made my shoulders relax and the tenseness from the morning’s fiascos begin to fade. So what if I had to make a quick pit stop at a bar to appease Carlos? It wasn’t like having a drink on the company dime was difficult.

  I climbed the first few steps onto the porch, basking in starlight and taking in the beautiful view of the sparkling lake. “This is paradise.”

  “Yeah, yeah, sure. Enough with nature and all that jazz. Know what else is beautiful? The chicken we bought at the store.” Meg followed close behind me, the scent of savory chicken preceding her. “Oh, crapola. I left my take-out in your trunk. You can eat it later, if you’re hungry.”

  “No! Now my car is going to smell like tacos.”

  “Actually, it’s not. I ate all of the tacos. Probably it’ll just have the scent of rotten sour cream.”

  “Wonderful,” I said. “Can you grab the bag, just in case?”

  “Yeah, in a second. My arms are full, plus I’m hungry.” Meg heaved her way past me as I unlocked the front door, bursting into the spacious kitchen. “You hungry? ’Cause we didn’t pick up three rotisserie chickens just to sit around and sniff ’em all night.”

  “I am starving,” I said, as my stomach roared loud enough to drown out my own thoughts.

  It didn’t take either of us long to unpack the chickens. We forgot about unpacking the rest of our things, and instead divided the drumsticks somewhat evenly between the two of us. We dug right into the meal while standing at the island in the center of the kitchen. Traveling took a lot out of us, judging by the silence that descended on the room as we ate. Although Meg and I didn’t agree on everything in life, it was mutually understood that when given the option between eating and talking – eating always came first.

  Usually nothing interrupted a meal, but when a thump sounded outside the front door, I laid down my chicken leg, feeling a chill creep over my spine.

  “Did you hear that?” I asked Meg.

  “Are you implying I passed gas?” She looked up from her plate, pausing as she gnawed on a wing. “Because I most certainly did – but that was like five minutes ago. You’re late to the party.”

  “No, it sounds like there’s someone – or something – outside.” I meandered over to the front hallway and peeked out the long window next to the door. “There’s a car out front. One that’s not mine.”

  “Your car isn’t yours, to be fair,” Meg pointed out. “It’s stolen. Technically it belongs to someone else.”

  “There’s another car here besides the Lumina.” I ignored the whole stolen thing for now. “I don’t know about you, but I didn’t invite any guests.”

  “I see that accusing look you’re sending me, and you can stop that right now because I didn’t invite guests, either,” Meg said. “If anything, I un-invited people. I have a guest list of negative one, seeing’s how I scared Anthony away.”

  “Then who knows
we’re here?”

  “Eh,” Meg shrugged and resumed devouring her dinner. “This is Carlos’s place. Isn’t it bulletproof and helicopter-proof? If so, we can deal with the car dealie-bob once I’m done getting my strength up with some much needed calories.”

  “Yeah, but those safety features for Carlos won’t help us if the person gets inside.” I shoved up my sleeves. “I’m gonna go investigate.”

  “You got a gun?” Meg asked.

  “Of course not,” I said, trying my best to sound appalled at the notion. “I’m on vacation. And anyway, it’s probably just a local friend of Nora’s stopping by, kind of like a neighborhood watch. They probably don’t recognize my car, so they’re just checking out the visitors and making sure we’re okay.”

  “They don’t recognize it because it’s not your car,” Meg called after me as I stomped towards the front door. “It’s stolen, for the hundredth time!”

  I didn’t bother to respond this time, instead focusing on pumping myself up to open the door. It’s just the neighbor, I told myself. It’s just the neighbor.

  I couldn’t see anything at first as I peeked through the window, but after a second of waiting and watching, my heart nearly stopped beating as three men appeared from around the corner of the porch, approaching the flimsy screen door.

  “Meg?” I called, my voice a little shaky. “We’ve got company.”

  “Dang nab it. I got two legs left to eat. I’m not happy about this disruption.”

  I turned my attention back to the men, sizing up their appearances. One of them was short and well-groomed – he stood closest to the front, and I guessed he would be the talker of the group. The man next to him was tall and lean, but the super-skinny sort of lean – not the trim and in-shape kind of slim. The third guest was just plain ol’ big all around. He stood over six feet tall, was plenty wide and plenty round, and he wore an expression about as interesting as a soggy noodle.

  I went with my gut on this one and opened the door an inch, leaving the chain in place. I didn’t get the dangerous vibe from these men. If anything, all I felt was confused.

  “Hi there,” I said. “May I help you?”

  The short, well-groomed man spoke. He was a smaller version of Mario Lopez, with eyebrows tweezed to distinct, fake arcs, hair gelled so tightly it could’ve been a wig, and skin that shimmered with a not-especially-human sort of sheen.

  “I am Marco,” mini Mario Lopez said.

  “Hi, Marco,” I said.

  Marco slapped the big guy on the shoulder. “And this is Alfie.”

  “Hi, Alfie,” I said, looking up at the boulder of a man.

  “The little one is Dan.” Another slap from Marco, this one on the arm of the skinny rail, who swayed dangerously close to the edge of the steps.

  “Hi, Dan,” I said, the man wobbling like a water-logged Twizzler.

  Luckily, Dan righted himself and reached an emaciated arm forward. “Hey, girl. ’Sup?”

  “’Sup,” I said, more confused than ever. “What are you guys doing here?”

  Despite the harmless greetings, I’d begun to panic slightly. My heart raced and my palms turned sweaty. These guys didn’t exactly seem like the killer-type, but they still hadn’t given me a good reason for showing up here unannounced, either.

  Before any of the three visitors could speak, Meg appeared behind my shoulder. I relaxed ever so slightly as she cleared her throat as loudly as a roaring lion, making her presence plenty known. However, any relaxing on my end disappeared when I felt the thunk of her large, ugly gun landing on my shoulder. I tensed right back up, too stiff with shock to move.

  “Spit it out,” Meg growled. “My girlfriend asked you a question. And I’m also curious to know the answer as to why you’re here, since I’m busy eating some rosemary roasted chicken that I got on sale from the rotisserie thing, and I’m kind of grumpy about not having some in my mouth right now.”

  “Meg – the gun,” I said. “Not necessary.”

  “How do you know?” She sighed. “Unfortunately, these clowns ain’t girl scouts. If they were, I’d accept cookies as a bribe to put the gun away.”

  “Please, put the gun down. You’re getting rotisserie grease on my shirt,” I wanted to gesture towards where Meg had rested the gun on my shoulder, but I was too afraid the thing would misfire. Meg glanced at the gun, which was indeed slick and shiny with rosemary scented chicken grease.

  And now, so was my shirt.

  “Come on,” I said. “You heard the woman. Tell us why you’re here or I’ll let her shoot just so I can go take a shower.”

  “Ms. Nora Luzzi invited us.” Marco eyed the gun warily, but to his credit, he didn’t give away any signs of terror. Maybe it was the botox and the painted-on eyebrows, but even so, I was impressed.

  “Oh, no,” I said. “No, no, no – she didn’t.”

  “Yes,” Marco parroted, “yes, yes, yes – she did.”

  I eyed them in a fresh light. Mini Mario seemed serious. And I wouldn’t put it past Nora to “forget” to mention that she’d invited three Italian men the same weekend Meg and I planned to arrive at the cabin.

  I crossed my arms. “How do we know you aren’t lying? You could’ve found Nora’s name on the mailbox. How do we know you’re not psycho killers? Or people with a hankering to steal our chicken and run?”

  “We’re not psycho,” Marco said, which didn’t help with my uneasiness. He hadn’t said they weren’t killers. Or hankering to steal my chicken, for that matter. “In addition, I have proof of Nora’s invitation. She said you’d be skeptical.”

  “Oh, you do?” Meg raised her au naturale eyebrows. “What sort of proof?”

  “Yes. Ms. Nora said to tell Lacey that...” Marco cleared his throat and paused, as if waiting for a drumroll. “Nora said you might want to use your gift from her while I’m here.”

  Mini-Mario Lopez gave a small bow. When he returned to my shoulder level, he was smiling pleasantly. I frowned with a fury I hadn’t felt in a while. I knew Nora had an ulterior motive when she’d slipped me the lingerie.

  “It’s not okay?” Marco asked, his thick accent even stronger as concern etched onto his brows. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s not your fault. But I am sorry about the mix-up,” I said, waving a hand, unlatching the chain on the door and putting my hands firmly on my hips. “To clarify, I will not be using that present. At all, let alone on you. Sorry.”

  “Ooh, a present? What is it? I love presents.” The gun wavered as Meg peeked around to get a better look at the men.

  “It’s nothing,” I said. “I’m sorry again about the mixed signals, but you guys should just grab a hotel for tonight.”

  “We can’t stay here?” Marco shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I think Nora might call my father if you turn us away. Then my father would be upset and call Carlos. My father would tell Carlos that his granddaughter isn’t hospitable for family members. Is a problem, yes?”

  I couldn’t quite follow Marco’s explanation of the Family tree, so I paused. In the off chance turning these men away would upset family ties, I didn’t want to be the one held responsible. With a grumble, I held Marco’s gaze.

  “I’ll call Nora. If she says she sent you, you can stay. If she doesn’t know you, Meg is allowed to shoot. You have a ten-minute head start, as I have a few words I need to say to Nora.”

  I turned around and took a step back into the house to make the phone call in private. I glanced over my shoulder, startled as the men began to follow me inside.

  “Whoa, whoa, hold on. Nobody’s coming in ’til Nora says so.” I whipped my cell phone out and nodded at Meg. “Watch them.”

  “My pleasure,” she grunted, swaying the gun in their direction. She was so close to picking Alfie’s nose with the barrel of the gun that I almost told her to step back. But I didn’t.

  “Hey Nora, this is Lacey,” I said, walking out of earshot. “Did you send three stooges up to visit the cabin?”
I paused and listened as Nora rattled off a few descriptions that accurately matched our guests. “Yeah, there’s one here with the fake eyebrows. Names are Marco, Alfie, and Dan.”

  Nora continued to describe Alfie and Dan perfectly, and I cast a disappointed glance at the men as my grandmother confirmed my worst suspicions. I noticed Meg eyeing up the big one – Alfie – as if he held some strange appeal.

  “Why did you invite them, Auntie Nora?” I groaned. “I’m not interested in these men.”

  “Dear, you said you were open to something happening. Marco and friends happened to be in the area. Who knows? Maybe it’s fate!”

  “It’s definitely not fate,” I said. “Definitely not.”

  “Let them stay for one night, dear. Just one. I promise they’re harmless, and it will help smooth over some ties for Carlos,” she said. “Please.”

  “This sounds dangerous,” I said. “I don’t like it.”

  “Don’t be so harsh and cynical, Lacey. Men don’t appreciate that. One night. Please.”

  “Fine. They can stay one night. One,” I said.

  “Don’t forget the present I gave you,” Nora said, her voice high-pitched. “Maybe you can test it on them.”

  “Not a chance,” I said.

  “Well, fate has a way of working itself out,” Nora said. “I’ll let you go now, dear. Have fun.”

  “I’ll work fate out,” I grumbled, turning back to Meg.

  I should have just told my grandparents about Anthony and me. That way, this whole debacle could’ve been prevented. But when presented with the right opportunity, I’d panicked, all because of the dreaded baby talk. And now I had the King of Unibrows over here, asking to see my lingerie outfit.

  “No luck?” Meg asked, as I stomped back to the door.

  I frowned at the men. “You three are allowed to stay here one night. And you’re sleeping on the second floor far, far away from us. My door will be locked. And I have a gun.” That last part was a lie, but they didn’t need to know that.

  “Thank you, Lacey,” Marco said, bending to one knee and grasping wildly for my hand. He planted a sloppy kiss on the back of my wrist. “I will win your heart over, I promise.”