by C. S. Moore
“Don’t touch her!” John screamed. “Don’t touch her!” The man jumped back. “Mae will be fine. She just needs a doctor. Right, Mae?” he asked, looking down at her lovingly.
Amanda took in the haunting building as they entered the hospital grounds. It stretched toward the sky, towering over the small town.
The building was stretched tall, like a yard of taffy, and its surface reminded her of seeing something through water. The color of brick faded from dark scarlet to light pinkish tones, and the windows bowed so badly Amanda was sure they’d break at any moment, spewing shards of glass all over her. Just then, she heard a voice ring out so loud it shook everything around them, including the bulging windows.
“Whaaat hasss haaappened?” it asked.
Amanda shivered as her skin tightened into goose flesh, and she wasn’t the only one. She felt Madgie shudder next to her.
That voice! It sounds so inhuman. The hospital doors trembled in their frame before bursting open.
The man stepping out of the hospital wasn’t at all what she’d expected. He was in a long white coat like the doctors she’d seen on television, but he didn’t resemble the tall proud men with good cheekbones. He looked more like a wounded animal. He limped out of the hospital, gasping as if each movement brought him incredible pain.
The man looked up and Amanda’s mind swirled in confusion. His eyes were double the size that they should have been and a solid sphere of black. She wasn’t taken back by their size or color or by the severe pain that was so evident in them. She was confused by the feeling they gave her. Amanda wasn’t at all fearful. She just felt that they were in need of help. They were that she fell in love with instantly, and that could only mean one thing.
He was a trapped spirit. She looked over at Cole and Madgie and saw they reflected her astonishment. “Two spirits in one Scar.”
“I’ve heard of this happening, even heard rumors about Ancients healing Scars with thousands of trapped spirits, but I’ve never experienced it. This is like opening a Cracker Jack box and getting two prizes!” Madgie exclaimed excitedly.
Amanda tried not to feel angry. Most Healers felt this way. They were excited to heal every Scar, free every spirit, save every soul. She knew she should feel this way too and probably would, if their pain didn’t affect her so.
“Yeah,” Amanda said, breathing out hard. “Double the fun.”
Cole gave her a squeeze, letting her know he understood her reluctance.
“I struggle with one person’s pain. How will I deal with two?” she asked.
“You can do this, Amanda. You’re so much stronger than you know,” Madgie whispered. She felt Madgie’s warm hand enclose her forearm. “Don’t try to separate your love from their sorrow. It’s your love that releases them from all of this. Allow yourself to take their grief on to your shoulders without resistance.”
“I don’t know that I can, Madgie!” Amanda squeaked as
John stepped nearer to Mae’s father. “I’m not like you or the rest of the Healers. When they put their pain on my shoulders, I fall. I’m too weak!”
Madgie’s grip on her arm tightened at her words. “You’re so young, Amanda, and therefore accustomed to speaking about things you don’t fully understand. Even so, I refuse to hear talk like this. No matter how young and stupid you might be!” Madgie huffed. “No, Amanda, you’re not like me or other Healers, you’re so much better than us. Feeling a spirit’s pain as if it’s your own is a gift. Take it!” She spun Amanda toward her so that they were face to face. “You have more love and empathy in your heart than any Healer I’ve met in my many decades. Just own who you are and you could be the strongest of us all.” She released her then in a frustrated fury.
Amanda felt hurt that Madgie was so upset with her, but she couldn’t feel offended because somewhere deep inside of her a cog clicked into place. “I’ve never stopped fighting who I am, what I am.”
This was no epiphany. Amanda had known this fact her entire memorable life. She never forgot running, never made excuses for it. This was different though. For the first time in her life she thought maybe she wasn’t too weak. Maybe Madgie was right.
“Whaat is thiss?” he asked. The hissing voice seemed to infiltrate her very being, slamming into her like a strong gust of wind. Only this wind seemed to move through her, leaving in its wake the feeling of rage and remorse. Her bones felt heavy under the weight of it, making it hard to stay upright.
Cole put a hand out to steady her. “Are you all right?” he asked, his perfect features twisting into a mask of concern.
She was equally thankful for his concern and annoyed by it at the same time. After all, she wasn’t the one in need of help. Amanda was whole and strong. She thought about her life, all that was happening outside of this Scar.
Out there she might be a damsel in distress. But in here, in here, she could be somebody’s knight in shining armor. “Did you feel that?” she asked.
Cole and Madgie nodded in unison.
“Hate,” Cole whispered. “Rage.”
“No, no. Beneath that. There was something else, regret?” She turned to her companions.
“I’m not getting anything but anger, quite concentrated.
It’s making me sick to tell you the truth,” Madgie said through tight lips as she turned her eyes away from the doctor and back to John. Amanda stared at her mentor and then glanced back to Mae’s Father. His hollow eyes were full of despair as he looked at his lifeless daughter.
“Mae?” he whispered. When she didn’t respond he ran to her as quickly as his disjointed body could move. “Mae, baby?” he shook her out of John’s arms. John seemed unable to object, powerless to speak at all.
He knelt in the parking lot with Mae’s cold, wet body in his arms, holding her tight as he desperately put his ear to her chest, knowing he wouldn’t hear the tell tale flutter of life. She guessed he’d seen more than enough dead bodies to know better, being a doctor, but reason and knowledge didn’t stop him from laying her flat on the pavement and starting CPR. The crowd of sad faces was hushed as he worked on her, pumping her stubborn heart and crying all the while. After thirty minutes of this, a tall man stepped out of the crowd and walked over to him.
“That’s John’s father,” Amanda said.
“Bill, she’s gone.” He put a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder.
“No!” Bill cried out. “She can’t be.” He looked up at John’s father with eyes full of sadness. “My baby can’t be…” Bill seemed unable to say the word ‘dead’. In a flash, his eyes were full of anger. “You did this!” he shouted and spun to face John.
“What?” the dazed boy asked, his voice still distant.
“You killed my baby,” Bill spat. John’s face filled with sadness, but he didn’t argue. His father put a hand on Bill’s tight shoulder and, as he rose his arm, Amanda saw a gleam of silver flash from under his coat.
“Bill, let’s get her inside,” he said simply, trying to diffuse the situation.
Bill turned to go along with the officer, and before he made his move, she knew why she could feel his regret.
She knew what was going to happen. Amanda darted forward, ignoring the part of her that was screaming for self- preservation. She leapt between John and Mae’s father.
Her feet touched the ground just as Bill grabbed for the sheriff’s gun, kicking him aside. There was a shout from the crowd as he turned the gun on John, but John didn’t scream. He looked resigned, maybe even happy that his pain would soon be over.
She dropped her invisibility, allowing them to see her, and the rest of the memory faded, leaving just the three of them. Mae’s father looked bewildered, but John didn’t, he looked as if he had been waiting for her.
“Who are you?” Bill asked.
She turned away from John and spoke to Bill. “Put that gun down, Bill. Put it down now, or you’ll forever wish that you had,” she said. The words came out of her soothingly, not threateningly.
<
br /> Bill looked taken back, but his grip on the gun didn’t lessen.
“This wasn’t John’s fault. He loved your daughter.” She could feel John’s happiness at her words.
“I said, who are you?” he shouted. “And where are we?”
Bill asked, looking around.
Nothing could be seen but the three of them, spotlight center stage. Not the hospital, the parking lot, or any people. “Where’s my Mae?” he demanded.
“Mae’s not here. She’s moved on,” Amanda said.
John’s head shot up. “Moved on where?” he asked in a rush. His boy-like features stood out to her even more as he asked the question.
“I don’t fully know. You can find out. You can be with her. Just let go of what’s holding you here,” she pleaded.
“But, it was all my fault. I don’t deserve to be with her,” John said, looking at his feet.
“Just answer me this, John. If God takes back the people he misses a little early, who do you think he would have missed the most?” she asked.
John closed his eyes, and Amanda watched the thoughts and memories of Mae floating behind his eyelids. “Mae,” he whispered almost inaudibly.
The air tasted sweet, and Amanda could feel him letting go. Just before he vanished in a burst of light, John smiled in recognition at something she couldn’t see. A surge of euphoria welled up inside of her chest, and a lone tear slid down her cheek. She could see why Healers love this, yearn for it even. Amanda didn’t get to enjoy John’s lingering joy for long.
“What the… Where did he go?” Bill asked. He lowered the gun to his side, staring at the now empty space that his target had occupied.
“He’s with Mae now and in answer to your question, I’m Amanda. I’m here to help you.”
“Help me?” Bill spat. “No one can help me.” He crossed the distance between them in shaky strides. “And if you could, I wouldn’t want your help. Do you know what I did?” he cried his voice increasingly high. “Do you? You may have stopped me right now, but I remember what I did.” He sat down on the ground and put his head in his hands. “I killed that poor boy. Shot him right between the eyes. Right here in front of his father and my poor dead Mae. I murdered him. Tried to kill myself too, but they took the gun from me before I could.” He looked up at her then with rage pouring from him. “And you want to help me? Listen, I see you’re sincere, but this is Hell and I belong here.”
“No, you don’t. You dedicated your life to medicine, to helping others. This was an awful mistake and if you’d had a clear head, you never would have done it,” she said comfortingly. “No, I would have. I’ve relived this scene more times than
I can account for. I’ve told myself over and over again not to do it, but every time he brings me Mae…” He let out a ragged breath. “Just leave me, whatever you are, just leave me.”
Amanda shook her head. “I won’t, I’m not going anywhere.”
He turned on her then and let out a shriek that sounded part human, part animal. “I said leave me!”
“Sorry there, Bill. I’ve seen things a lot more terrifying than you,” Amanda said, poking him in the chest with her forefinger. She could tell from the look on his face he was shocked, and it was the most human she’d seen him yet. “I’m not going anywhere, and we’re the only ones here, so let’s make conversation. Tell me about your daughter.”
“I will not,” Bill said savagely.
“If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to. I see all of the things you’ve ever seen, anyway.”
Holding up her hand, she projected an image of a dancing girl with ribbons in her hair. Amanda watched it and was amazed. She’d never seen a more beautiful child. It played out in front of them like an old film that had collected a little dust over the years. Bill watched in awe as his little daughter danced and laughed.
“Daddy!” little Mae said in a musical voice.
“Take it away! Take it away.” Bill roared. He closed his eyes tightly, and when he opened them, the projected memory was gone. “Why did you show me that? Why would you, when I can never see her again. Never hear her laughter…” He broke off as he began to sob uncontrollably.
Amanda walked over, sat down next to him, and put a hand on his shoulder. His body shook underneath her palm.
“You can see her again,” she said comfortingly. “You know you can. Most spirits don’t know they’re reliving the past over and over, but you did. You’re a smart guy, Bill. If you thought this was Hell then you must believe in Heaven. You aren’t in Hell, just so you know.”
He stopped shaking. “I’m not?” he asked in disbelief. “Surely I have to be, I know that I…” Bill broke off. “What does it matter where I am? I’ll never see my daughter, and I don’t want to.”
Amanda was speechless for a moment then regained her stride. “What do you mean? I know your heart, and I know your mind. Your daughter is everything to you.”
“Of course she is and always will be. I just don’t deserve to be where she is, and even if I was pardoned of this crime… I couldn’t face her. Not after what I did, I killed Johnny. Mae loved him so. She would be so ashamed of me. She’d hate me,” he said with sadness in his voice.
“I haven’t ever been to Heaven, but I think it’s a pretty good bet to say hate isn’t really the thing up there.”
“No. I couldn’t do it,” he said with finality.
Amanda held her hand up once more and replayed Mae’s childhood.
“Daddy!” the girl exclaimed.
“If not for you, do it for her. She misses you. I’m sure it’s brought her pain to watch you all these years, never able to comfort her daddy.” Amanda let her words hang in the air, unsure of what to do if this route failed her. She waited for what seemed like forever before hanging her head.
Just as she opened her mouth to speak, she tasted the sweetness in the air around her and smiled. She looked up at Bill and couldn’t believe her eyes. He looked nothing like the monster that had stumbled out of the hospital. His hair was dark and shining, and she saw where Mae had gotten her stunning smile.
“Daddy’s coming, baby girl,” was all he said before he vanished in an explosion of bright lights.
“Good for you, Bill, good for you,” she said just before the familiar tug pulled her back.
NELL SLOWLY PUSHED THE DOOR of her room open just a crack. It was hard to see anything in the dark hallway, but after her eyes adjusted, she could see that it was empty. She closed the door quietly in disappointment.
What was she doing? She didn’t even know Armaan. And on top of being a stranger, he was a member of that horrible Guard. She’d stayed up all night trying to make a decision. Stay here in the Hovel, full of sadistic strangers, or leave with a stranger who could be a good person? He’d helped her and seemed so kind. However, his light was so dim. He had the same darkness the other Guard members had hanging around them. So what should she do?
She had been running that question over and over in her mind. In the silence of her room, the tick-tock of her clock invaded her ears like the drums of an approaching army. She glanced at it quickly.
Three minutes to midnight. Just three minutes to make up her mind.
She looked at the room that had been her home for four years. It was barren now, all of her possessions in a small bag slumped on the bed. She wondered if she could say goodbye. The Hovel had been like an answer to a prayer. Many of the Healers here didn’t have much like for her because she was different, and she loved Amanda like a sister. When Nell had first arrived, she was thought to be a prodigy. Not many ten-year-olds entered Scars on a regular basis, let alone healed them. Everyone wanted to know how she did it, how she healed every Scar that she entered. Soon after her arrival, Amanda ran away, and Nell and Amanda had both shared the gift of early leaping. So ‘prodigy’ turned into ‘untrustworthy.’
Two minutes to midnight.
She never let their whispered words bother her and didn’t answer their many questions
, though Nell knew why she was so good. Many of the Scars held spirits who were suffering things that she’d already gone through. It was easy to relate and heal when you truly understood what they were going through. Nell loved being a Healer. It gave her a purpose and allowed her to see that she wasn’t the only person who’d a tough life.
One minute to midnight.
The drumming of the clock continued. She hurried to her bed and snatched up her bag. As she walked to the door, Nell realized she’d been running through these questions for no reason. She was always going to leave. With that thought, she ducked her head out the door.
The hallway seemed even darker once she left the safety of her room. She squinted down the corridor but saw nothing. Worse than that, she felt nothing. The place was completely deserted. It was so strange for the Hovel to feel this empty. Even at midnight, there were usually a few people coming and going.
She could hear the faint sounds of a place inhabited, quiet footsteps, whispered words, and the heavy breathings of sleep. More familiar than those were the creaking and groaning noises made by the large, old factory. Though they may have felt haunting to some people, they didn’t frighten her at all. She had always been comforted by them. After all, it was the sound of home. Realizing she didn’t know when she would hear the hushed sighing of her only home again, she listened closer. The white noise calmed her nerves.
It had to be midnight by now. She strained her ears, trying to hear. All of the racket seemed to be growing more and more quiet. She thought as all sound faded away. There was nothing to hear now, nothing but thick silence. Nell raised a hand to her ear and slapped at it. Nothing. Was she deaf? She opened her mouth to whisper something, anything to reassure herself that there was nothing wrong.
“Hello,” she said, but didn’t hear it.
Nell could feel the word leave her lips, but it never reached her ears. She stumbled back to the door frightened, not hearing footsteps or the loud ‘bang’ that she must have made when colliding into her door, grasping for the handle.