by Bliss Carter
Grace: Hey! Being celibate isn’t a foreign concept. People do it all of the time. I had abusive, controlling and just plain awful before. And got pregnant with it. Now I want something different. Something more. For me AND for Jaxson. I deserve it, don’t I?
Cade: Awww, Gracie. I’m not putting you down sweetie. Of course, you deserve it. You deserve every single gift life can give you. I was surprised is all. I think it’s perfectly understandable and it shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks or feels besides you. And that includes what Boomer thinks. If a man sees you’re important enough to have you in his world, then how you feel and what you need is just as important to him as his own. I think you aren’t giving Boomer enough credit. Will it be easy for him? Nope. Not gonna lie. But I don’t think it’s going to be easy for you either. Y’all are like gas thrown on dry timber. One match, one spark and up in flames.
Kresley: Talk to him. Be honest.
Birdie: My honest opinion? When you talk to him it’s going to accelerate your relationship majorly. We’ll be celebrating another marriage before Christmas
Grace: Woah! ILYs haven’t even been said.
Francie: Yet
Cade: I’m a guy and think a lot like Boomer. It’s why he and I are such tight friends. If Kres had come to me with the same stuff that you will be saying to Boomer, I would have agreed with what she needed without thinking about it. Because she was just that important to my world. Boomer has been waiting for you for 2 years Gracie. If you weren’t worth the wait, he would have given up by now.
Gertie: Cade nailed it
Grace: Whew! Thanks everyone. Thanks Cade. Having you for a pseudo brother-in-law is paying off so far. Okay, gotta put Jax to bed and have “the talk” with Walker
Francie: Good luck
Kresley: You’ve got this
Birdie: Let us know
Cade: Happy deep sleep sweetie
Gertie: One step forward Gracie
Kresley: I love you Cade
Cade: Love you more baby
Birdie: You two make me sick. Get a room, and not in chat please.
Cade: Brat
Grace put her phone down and saw that the movie was finishing up the after-credit scenes. Jaxson was talking nonstop with Walker about superheroes. Grace smiled lovingly at her son’s enthusiasm. She had worried that Walker wouldn’t be able to hold his own with Jaxson, but so far so good. Walker looked up at her and met her eyes, locking in with those gorgeous hazel ones of his.
“Everything okay, baby?” Walker asked. He had been watching Grace from the corner of his eye for the last 30 minutes or so, observing the looks she was giving her phone and she had some type of intense conversation with whoever on text. If he had to guess it was a group chat with the sisters. He had enjoyed watching the movie with Jaxson and loved that they had those type of movies in common with each other. He didn’t know how Grace would be. Would she have pouted at being ignored? Or gotten mad when he didn’t cuddle with her or kiss her enough during the lulls in the movie. Nope. In true Grace fashion, she had been completely fine with Walker giving most of his attention to her son. He made sure to show her that he was aware of her, even it had only been a hand on her leg, a squeeze to her thigh or a brush of his hand over hers, holding it tightly. Her easy, satisfied smiles said everything to him that needed saying.
“Yeah, everything’s fine, sweetie. I just had a good talk with the girls…and Cade. He jumped in to the middle of the convo. I just wanted some advice and he was a good listener,” Grace said quietly, laying back against the cushions of the couch, her phone resting face down on her stomach. She yawned, covering her mouth at the last second. “Sorry. My get up and go has officially gone on and went.” She smiled at Walker’s laugh. Just then Jaxson turned the TV off and came hopping over to her. He sat down beside her and lay his head over her lap, wrapping his arms around her thighs in a loving way. He would do this every so often when he was feeling super tired and relaxed.
“Hey pumpkin. So was Ant Man still the best movie ever made?” Grace looked up at Walker’s face at that statement, rolling her eyes a little. She grinned at him as he winked at her. They both waited for Jaxson’s answer. Silence greeted them.
Walker looked down and gently smiled. He looked up at Grace and said quietly, “Just that quick, he’s out for the count mama. I’ve never seen a child go to sleep that fast in my life.” Walker put his hand over Jaxson’s back and rubbed gently in circles, his hand covering Grace’s after a moment. Both of them, hands on her son, soothing him in his sleep…Walker’s heart could have burst open at that moment and he wouldn’t have been shocked.
“Yep. He’s notorious for going and going and going. Then he’ll hit a brick wall where energy levels get depleted and he’s toast. He’s getting a little too big for me to carry anymore to bed without waking him. Do you mind doing it? I’ll follow and help get him settled. Then I’d love for us to cuddle and talk some.”
“Sure baby. Happy to help with whatever I can. Just let me stand up to get him in my arms.” Walker stood to his full height, then bent down and first, kissed Grace full on the lips sweetly. A second small kiss had to follow the first. Then he reached and gentle cradled Jaxson in his arms. Grace quickly got up and moved ahead of Walker, leading him into Jaxson’s room. She moved off the bed some toys, pulled back the covers and fluffed his pillow. She got out his shirt and shorts PJ set and turned to Walker. He laid Jax down and pulled away slowly. Jaxson didn’t move an inch. He helped Grace take off his clothes and put on his PJs, then they covered him up, both leaned down and kissed him on the forehead and as she left the room, she turned off his lights and closed the door.
Grace turned back to the living room, thinking Walker would be on the couch by now, but she was surprised to find him standing right there beside her. She tilted her head up to him, and without thinking, just going by instinct, held up her arms to him, as if to ask him to pick her up. Walker did so without hesitation. Grace felt Walker’s arms cradle her butt and hips as her arms twined tightly around his neck. He boosted her up and straightened to his full height. He made sure her legs were wrapped tight around his waist and cradled her lovingly to his body. He walked her to the couch and sat down with her twined around him, doing so with such ease that it made Grace feel so small and protected.
Walker loved how Grace was so openly affectionate with him now. Her body wrapped around him, cradled to him, did things to his body, yes. Lots of things. But it also did so much to his heart. He settled her on his lap until he knew she was comfortable, then he leaned back so both of them were reclining comfortably. He took her face into his hands and pushed his fingers into her blonde curls on either side of her temples and ears. He could stare at her beautifully heart shaped face all day. Every day. When his eyes wandered over her lips, he could see that Grace had been watching him as well and when she licked her wet tongue over her lips, Walker groaned and gave in to kissing her like he wanted. As his mouth slammed down on top of hers with heavy need and desire, Walker had one thought. This woman would be his, in all ways, one day soon. Forever.
Grace lay against Walker, her breasts smashed against his hard chest, her sex against his hardening manhood. And her only thought was how in the hell did she think she was going to keep celibate with him. How? If she were less strong, Walker would already be inside of her body by now, thrusting into her over and over. But Grace’s resolve to see her decision through was strong. It wasn’t just for her, but was for Jaxson as well. She needed to know that she and Jaxson were that important to a man that his own sexual needs and wants were secondary. It was that important to her. And she hoped it would be accepted by Walker. If it wasn’t, she knew her heart would never be the same. As his mouth reclaimed hers for another fierce, hot and wild kiss, Grace’s heart died a little, thinking there was no way Walker would want to put the breaks on anything until Grace knew her future was secure with him. How could she feel such desire and need for a man and yet feel so sad at the same time?
Grace looked up at Walker and deeply sighed. “I’m sorry Walker. I have some things I want to talk with you about and honestly, I’m scared of the answers I’m going to get from you. We just started seeing what we mean to each other and I don’t want to lose you, lose this, lose us.” Grace ended on a small cry of anguish. She felt Walker’s hands in her hair, gently soothing her. He made shushing noises with his mouth and kissed her cheeks.
“Baby, one thing I can guaran-damn-tee you, is that I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care if you tell me that the world will end if we continue dating. I’d enjoy those last few days with you and Jaxson until it did. Because I’ve found you now. I. Am. Not. Letting. You. Go. Period. So, let’s move on with what we need to talk about, then we can get back to kissing. Because that mouth of yours is pretty hot and tempting right now, all wet and pouty. Best kisses of my life are held in there.”
Grace gave him another scorching kiss since he said that, then stated, “Okay. I’m just going to go in full speed here. First of all, my sleep needs to change. I’m tired of the nightmares. I’m tired of feeling like a zombie all of the time. I want you here, sleeping with me, in the same bed, holding me at night. The only deep sleep I’ve gotten since Smith is the other day when you cuddled me while I napped and then me knowing you were in the house somewhere, protecting me. I want that. I need that. We can figure out Jaxson and what and how to explain things to him. But later. Right now, I need to tell you the second thing and this is the part that scares me so much. Before I continue, do you have any questions about the first thing?”
“Nope. I’m all good with that.”
Grace took a deep breath. “Okay, good. Now on the second part. Please be patient with me because I’ve got a story to tell first. And It’s going to be hard for me to tell it. So, if it’s okay with you, I’m going to lay down on your chest and let you cuddle with me. I think it’ll give me courage since you’re so strong.” At Walker’s silent nod and quick kiss to her forehead, Grace lay down on his chest, feeling him recline further. He shifted them abruptly until they were laying full length on the couch, with his head resting on one of the couch arms and Grace lying on top of him, her head tucked under his chin. She loved this feeling of being so close to Walker, feeling his heart beat. His hands began stroking up and down on her back and it soothed her enough that she began talking without thought.
“You know a little about my past. Obviously, you know I was pregnant since I have Jaxson. And you know that his sperm donor of a dad turned out to be a complete douche. I have never lied to you or Kresley or any of the girls about my past, but I’m not forthcoming with information either. My life before I came to Mercy Springs was bad. It’s the best way to describe it. To understand me and my way of thinking, you need to know about my childhood and upbringing. My parents weren’t the best. For me or my three brothers. I’m the middle child of four. I have two older brothers and one younger than me, but we are all near each other in age. Mom and Dad had us back to back to back. When I was really little, I only have good memories. Especially of my mom. My dad worked a lot, shift work at a mill in Kentucky. That’s where I was raised, by the way. In a little town in Kentucky. I was the only girl, so I didn’t play with my brothers very much. Just played by myself or with other neighborhood girls. We lived in a trailer park because money was always right. When I was five, I have memories of things changing for the worst. All of a sudden, my mom was gone. Just vanished it seemed. One day I remember her being there, in the kitchen, cooking dinner for us and the next she was gone. I think because I was so young, I didn’t catch on to the why she was gone. I just remember the emotional feeling of her being missing.” Grace felt Walker squeeze her with his arms locked tight around her. His hands moved up to her head at this point and he caressed her blonde curls, running his fingers through her tresses over and over, in a soothing, hypnotic motion.
“I soon began overhearing things my dad or older brothers would say and finally figured out that my mom had left us. Just vanished on us all without a word. But Dad knew why. I later learned that she had fallen in love with another man and since my father wasn’t home much to give her what she needed, she decided to leave and be with a man who could. But in doing that, this man told her she couldn’t take us with her. He didn’t want to be saddled with four kids. So, she chose him over us.” Grace sniffed and realized that she had some small, silent tears running down her cheeks and wetting Walker’s shirt. “Sorry about that,” she said as she tried to wipe away any wetness.
“Hush baby. It’s fine. Go on and get it all out.” Walker stated, still caressing her hair and back, over and over.
“Understandably my dad was furious. And hurt. He loved her. I remember that. He still worked shift work at the mill and was served with divorce papers. He couldn’t afford a lawyer, but my mom didn’t ask him for anything except her freedom. But she put in the papers that she gave full custody to him of us. A nice older lady helped my dad by watching us when he worked. I stayed a lot with her. I never felt comfortable being around my brothers by myself for longer than a little while. I always felt a slight weirdness around them, but always thought it was because I was the only girl. This went on for a few years, but Dad became more bitter, more hateful. To us kids and anyone around. But especially to me, since I was a female that looked just like my Mom. The older I got the more it seemed he hated me. And that’s when the beatings started.”
Walker jerked at that statement and brought up his head to look down at her. Rage coursed through him at her quietly stated words. She had sounded so… so…robotic at saying that. Like it wasn’t a big deal. But it was. To him it was. But Walker didn’t say anything, just brought his lips down at kissed her on the crown of her head, and left his lips there, smelling her sweet scent, and let her resume talking.
“At first, he took his belt to me when I got into trouble, but then he decided to include all four of us in his daily beatings. No one was safe. And it didn’t take much to warrant a beating. One time, I put a dish in the cabinet the wrong way and because he had seen me do it, knew it was me, I immediately got a beating with his belt so bad that the stripes on my back and thighs bled a little.” Grace thought she heard Walker say “Sweet Jesus”, but when he didn’t say anything else, she continued.
“My father would lock me in the closet, for no reason except to let me know he could. I would sit there for hours, in the dark, rats and roaches crawling around me and over me. I could hear he and my brothers outside the closet. Watching TV, arguing, laughing, eating dinner. And there I would sit, in a dark closet where I couldn’t see anything at all. Hungry, hurting from a beating, needing to use the bathroom. That’s why I sleep with night lights on at night. I can’t handle the dark. The demons come if I don’t have some light on.” Grace shrugged her shoulders slightly, as if to apologize. Walker hugged her tight, but remained quiet.
“It got really bad when my sweet neighbor died and we didn’t have anyone else to watch us. I had tried using her home for a safe haven, but it was yanked out from under me. So now I not only had my Dad to consider, but I was around my brothers a lot more. The oldest one, Zack, was 12 by then and I was 9.”
“One day he caught me in the bathroom after getting out of the shower. He wouldn’t let me dress or put a towel over me. He tried to force me to touch him while he tried to touch me, but I screamed loud. He must have thought I’d would bring someone from another trailer nearby because he left me alone. But after that, he watched me all of the time, like a creepy stalker. I made sure to never be alone with him again and always locked th
e bathroom door. I even started taking a knife in the bathroom with me just in case. My other older brother, Greg, started to act just like Zach. And soon I was trying to avoid both of them. It was exhausting. My youngest brother, Sam, he was the only bright spot in my world. He was my shadow sometimes. We would play together, talk and laugh. He didn’t seem to have any of the evil tendencies that my brothers or father seemed to have. Then he died and it was just me again.”
Grace stopped talking at this point and became silent. She didn’t cry, didn’t make a sound, but Walker knew that she was mourning her younger brother. Walker lay there silently, letting her know with his hands and mouth that he would be her greatest support. But inside he was seething. For her father, her older brothers. If he had them in front of him right now, he knew he would be going to jail for murder. Plain and simple.
“Sam had Type I Diabetes, but none of us knew it. He didn’t complain to Dad about feeling sick or any symptoms he was having. He was afraid to. He didn’t want to get beat. I noticed a few things back then that if I were seeing them today, I would definitely know he needed medical attention. But back then, I was just a child. I didn’t know any better. It still doesn’t make it hurt any less. Sam got really sick and wound up in the hospital in a coma. The sugar levels not being maintained had done damage to his internal organs. He died three days later of complications. My Dad didn’t even have the money to bury him. We didn’t have a funeral, no memorial service. It was just like when Mom left. One day she was there, the next she was gone. Sam went the same way, but I knew he was actually gone. I just hoped he was in a happier place.”
“After Sam’s death, things only got worse at our house. It got to the point that I couldn’t take it any more and I spoke to a teacher at school. I told her everything that was going on with my dad and my brothers. DFCS was called to investigate and I wound up being removed from my Dad’s home. He didn’t even protest. He told the caseworker that he was glad not to have a female in the house. My brothers were taken away for a bit, and then were given back to him, but I was placed in a foster home. We didn’t have any other family to see about taking me in, so a foster home was the best solution. I was 12 years old. And the luckiest girl on the planet.”