by Bliss Carter
“Lucky? How so baby?” Walker asked Grace, trying to follow her way of thinking.
“You can call it luck or being blessed, but I was placed with a foster family that took me in and treated me as if I was their own child. Glenn and Hazel Patrick were the parental home I had always wished for growing up. A loving home with three other kids, all adopted. Two had special needs and the other had been in a similar predicament as me. It’s a rarity for a child to be placed with only one foster family during their time in foster care. Children usually are bustled around more than that. Lots more. But the Patricks weren’t normal. They were kind, loving, thoughtful. And I took to them like a duck to water. I stayed with them until I was 17 years old. Then they had some health scares with Mr. Patrick and the state couldn’t approve them to be a foster home any longer. I had to move my last year in foster care to a group home. And sadly, I lost touch with the Patricks after that. I haven’t seen them since. I’ve thought a lot about trying to find them, but they had moved out of state and honestly, I don’t even know where to start in looking. Maybe one day.”
Walker squeezed her tightly into his embrace at this new info, trying to adjust to this new image of Grace, a scared little girl with bad men and boys being predators towards her. He shivered at the thought of what could have happened to her if she hadn’t been smart.
“So now our story leads us to the finale, which I like to call “Sperm Donor Debacle’,” Grace stated with heavy sarcasm. “I was able to graduate from high school while at the group home and I immediately started with community college. I didn’t have a place to feel like it was home, but I didn’t know where else to go, so I figured I’d stay in the town I was in and just start college classes. Anything to move my life in a positive direction. I refused to become stagnant. I worked and took classes off and on for several years. I wound up taking a semester or two off to work more full time. I needed the money way worse than I needed the education. By the time I was nearly 21, I almost had my two-year degree and was working as a receptionist for a lawyer’s office. It was enough to pay the bills and that’s all I needed.”
Grace took a deep breath. “Then I met him. Hank Crenshaw. He was a year older than me, and seemed way more mature. We started dating and became hot and heavy pretty fast. He said all the right things, made promises to me. I was so infatuated with being in love and having someone show me affection, that I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I knew I didn’t know a lot about him, his background, etc. But he said he loved me. Who was I to argue? The sex was okay, nothing to yell out about, but how was I supposed to know for sure when all I had been surrounded by before for the most part was hatred and abuse. When I became pregnant with Jaxson, I was both terrified and elated. I thought Hank would be as happy as me and would ask me to marry him on the spot after finding out. What a crock of shit that was.”
“I told him about the pregnancy and the first thing out of his mouth was a demand that I get an abortion. I refused. I knew that I didn’t want that, didn’t believe in that. And when he finally took me seriously, he told me that we were done and that he wanted nothing to do with the baby, ever. I thought maybe I would give him a few days to calm down and then try again. But within a few days, he had packed all of his stuff up and left town. I haven’t seen or heard from him since then. I guess my story would be more awful if I said he had been physically abusive towards me. But the fact that he just didn’t care about me or Jaxson to bother staying or at least saying that he would help when he could, spoke volumes. It made me feel like discarded trash. Still does sometimes.”
Grace stopped talking at that point and just lay against Walker, wanting to feel his warmth, smell his pine forest scent. But then she continued. “So that’s my full back story. And now in knowing all of that, let me say what needs to be said between us. After I had Jaxson, laying in that hospital bed with a newborn in my arms, no one around to help me, no friends, no family, just me and him, I made a promise to myself. I had gone through such abuse, such shitty circumstances and had been abandoned by ones who said they loved me so many times. I told myself that I would not have a relationship that included sex again until I was married to the man of my dreams and could provide Jax with a dad that would be there for him forever. I wasn’t going to settle for someone unless I knew that marriage was the end result. To me, sex was my way of showing how much I cared for someone. And Hank took that and crapped all over it. So, I made a vow to be celibate until I married and still believe in my vow to this day. And now I’ll stop talking for you to think about everything I just said. And I hope you don’t toss me on the couch and leave out of my door without a backward glance.”
Grace lay against Walker, hearing his heart beat in sync with her own. She waited with held breath for his reaction. She honestly considered that he would leave right after her explanation. But that didn’t happen. Walker continued to hold her for several minutes, kissing her temples, the crown of her head, her cheeks. He rubbed her back and played with her hair. Finally, he took a deep breath and Grace waited as if her life depended on it. Because it kinda did.
“Baby, that’s a lot for anyone to digest at one time. But I’m not sorry you told it all to me. It’s like you’ve given me a key to a secret diary you’ve kept locked all of these years. I feel honored that you trust me to share it with me. In saying that, can I be honest with you?” Walker asked gently.
Grace squeezed her eyes shut and nodded, ready to push up off his chest when he rejected her. But he surprised her yet again.
“Two things to know about me. I haven’t talked to you about my family much, if any and I do that for a reason. Because it hurts too much to talk about. But with you sharing of yourself tonight, I know that I need to return the same to you. I’ll go into more detail later for you with the whole story, but my life growing up was with a father who was the best damn police officer Mercy Springs had ever seen. I was always so proud to be Boyd Collins’ son. My dad was my everything. My mom, was another story. She took care of me and my dad. She did all the wifely and motherly duties, but she wasn’t affectionate. She didn’t show love. I don’t even recall her saying I love you to me growing up. I was 14 when my dad was killed in the line of duty.” Walker felt Grace tense at that statement and she brought her head up to see his face. Tear tracks could be seen on her cheeks, but new tears were welling in her eyes, but they were for him. She tenderly stroked his cheek and chin. She mouthed so sorry to him before laying her head back down to listen.
“My mom played the mourning wife with everyone in public, but behind closed doors she acted like nothing significant had happened. Within 2 weeks she had met a man and was dating. I came home from school one day and she was packing up our things. She had made the decision to sell the house and move with this man, without even talking to me. I was born here, grew up here, and was in the middle of school here. I refused to leave with her. I told her if she forced me to go that I would petition the courts to emancipate myself. So, I essentially said goodbye to my mother and moved in all of my belongings with my dad’s PD partner and his wife and family. I lived with them and graduated high school, all while working to help pay bills at their house and saving up for me to go to the Police Academy. I haven’t talked with my mother more than three times since I turned 21. She is married to that man she left town for and they live in Alaska of all places. My dad is a big reason why I became a cop. I’m letting him live on through me.”
Grace reared up and scooted up Walker’s chest when he finished. She sat straddling his stomach. Walker could feel her heat through his shirt. Grace leaned down until they were almost nose to nose. She put her hands on either side of his head on the couch arm cushion and leaned in, placing her mouth of Walker’s in one of the sweetest kisses. There was no fire, no desire, no raging need. There were only the unnamed feelings of affection in the air between them. “I’m sorry about your dad and about your mom. I understand. It’s just one more way where you and I just click, Walker.”
; “Second thing to know about me, and I think you already do, is that I am super protective of those that I love and care for. If I were anywhere near your dad, or your brothers, or your ex-boyfriend right now, I’d soon be going to jail. Because I wouldn’t hesitate to kill every last one of them for the shit that they put you through. It hurts me so much and makes my heart ache for you for the things that you’ve endured. And it makes me amazed as hell at the absolutely awesome woman you’ve become. You’re an amazing friend, amazing mother, amazing girlfriend. You love with everything you have and you don’t use your past as an excuse to just give up. You fought off Sloan Smith with everything you had. Not many women can say they could do it. You find strength within on a daily basis. And I see it. We all see it in you. Every damn day. I honestly can’t believe that I’ve been blessed to call you mine.”
“But Walker, what about what I told you? About my decision to be celibate until I get married? Doesn’t that make you frustrated? It doesn’t throw you off from wanting to be with me? I can’t help but assume that any man would go running, screaming for the door when a woman puts in a ‘no sex rule” into their relationship,” Grace stated, putting her fears out there for him to see clearly. She was afraid he’d turn his back on her and run for the hills at any moment.
“Baby, sex is an amazing thing between two people who care about each other. I love to think of having sex with you. And when we do, it will be amazing. I know it will. But it doesn’t mean that I’m going to abandon the woman that I feel is my final stop in being a bachelor just because I’m not going to have sex with her for a while. I haven’t had sex in almost four years. You hear that? Four years. I definitely haven’t looked at another woman to even take on a date since meeting you. I know we’re taking things slow and I’m perfectly fine with that. But let’s both be realistic here. The way I feel about you, the way I think you feel about me, I could honestly see us together, married before New Year’s. I’m not pressuring you into declaring any feelings tonight or tomorrow. It will be said when you and I both feel like it’s the moment to do it, but my intentions are pretty straight forward. You are mine. Jaxson is mine. And I’m both of yours. Marriage is inevitable. And when we get married, holy shit, baby. The sex is going to be through the roof, hot and sweaty. You know what? It won’t be sex. It will be making love to my wife. So, you deciding to stick with your celibate plan until marriage is okay with me. I’m agreeable to wait with you. There is no one else but you for me. Don’t think I’m going to try to find something on the side. Because that’s not the kind of guy I am. So, do you feel better after talking to me about all of this? I hope so.”
Grace lay there, letting everything that Walker just said sink in to her brain. “Wait. So, let’s recap all of this. You understand my past, my background. You understand that due to all of that I made the decision to have no sex until I get married, and knowing all of that, you’re okay with waiting with me because you know that we’re going to wind up married and probably before New Year’s?” Grace stared at him like he had grown three heads.
“Yep, all of that. I understand and fully accept the decision you made and I’m fine with waiting with you because you and Jaxson are just that damn important to me. That’s what this is really all about Gracie. You realize, that right? Your plan for celibacy is basically a testing pattern for any man who wants to get close? If you bring it up and they don’t agree with it, then you toss them aside without having to think about it anymore or put any harder work into building a relationship with them. That’s fine and I totally get why you’re doing it. But I’m here to pass the test. I’m here for the long haul. Because you are my everything. And there’s no going back for us. Ever. Out of curiosity, how many men over the last almost seven years have you told about this celibate plan?”
“How many? Oh, well, you’re the first man that has ever come close for me to talk to about it.” Grace blushed at that, but didn’t look away from Walker.
“Gracie, baby. Don’t you see? You were meant to wait on me to find you. It just took us two years of dancing around each other before we could move forward. Now that you see me and I can touch you like I’ve dreamed about doing our relationship is going to accelerate at warp speed. And it’s going to be so much fun for all of us, Jaxson included. Do you know how many days I’ve looked at or thought of that little boy and wanted to be his dad in every way that counts?”
Grace could feel tears begin building in her eyes. “No baby. How many?”
“Every damn day for the past two years. That’s over 700 days that I wished for it. Wished for you to be mine in every way.” Grace let the tears fall from her eyes and roll down her cheeks. Walker closed in on Grace’s lips and kissed her like he wanted, kissing away her tears and her fears. He pushed open her mouth with his tongue, thrusting inside her warm, wet heat. She moaned softly and kissed him in return, hanging on to him with her arms and hands, her embrace almost desperate in making sure he stayed close to her.
Grace tore her mouth away from Walker. “There’s so much I want to say, but I honestly don’t have the words tonight. I’m out of words if you can believe it. My brain is so tired. Can we go to bed, baby? Will you stay with me, hold me? Please. I honestly don’t think Jaxson is going to be upset to find you here in the morning.”
Walker took a deep breath to calm his desire for this woman. “Angel, let’s get you to bed so you can sleep dreamless. We’ll figure things out tomorrow on how we’re going to proceed with everything. We’ve both dumped a load of emotions on each other tonight. Let me take care of you.” He took her hand and squeezed it. “Go on and get ready. I’m going to lock up everything and head your way in a few minutes.”
Grace smiled sweetly up at him, then eased up off of him, and turned to head to the bedroom. Walker stood up and was still for a few moments after she left and took several deep breaths. He looked up at the ceiling and thought, please let this be the cure to her nightmares. Please.
∞∞∞
About an hour later, Grace found herself tucked in her bed, surrounded by her protector. She opted for her usual sleep shirt and boy shorts; hair pulled up into a top knot. Walker had come in the bedroom and stripped right in front of her down to his boxer briefs. She had no words to adequately describe the beauty that was Walker Collins. Rippling muscles, skin stretched tight. His arm muscles with a shirt were drool worthy. Them without anything covering them made her speechless. And Walker being who he was didn’t make it awkward at all.
He climbed into bed with her, leaned over and kissed her senseless for several minutes. Then he turned her body as if she were a mere doll to pose and move around at his whim and spooned her from behind. With his arm under her neck and the other over her side and between her breasts, Grace felt like nothing could harm her. They didn’t talk. Didn’t bring up his obvious hard-on. Walker kissed her shoulder and neck, gentle kisses to convey feelings and not desire. His whispers of endearments in her ear were the last things she remembered before drifting off to sleep. And the nightmares left her alone. All because of a man with the nickname Boomer.
∞∞∞
Waking up in his arms the next morning, his body still spooning hers and his legs intertwined with hers, Grace stretched and smiled. No dreams, no nightmares. She felt Walker stir behind her and bury his face in her neck. She blushed slightly at his apparent morning erection.
“Good morning baby. How did you sleep?” Walker asked, his voice like gravel. It felt so good to wake up with her snuggled with him. It’s what he’s dreamed about for the past two years.
“Amazing actually. You are officially the cure to my nightmares. My protector.” Grace quickly turned around until they were face to face. “Thank you, Walker. She leaned in and kiss him sweetly, mouth closed.
“No thanks necessary, angel.” He leaned in for another kiss when they heard a knock at her bedroom door.
“Mama, are you awake? I’m hungry,” Jaxson called from the closed door.
“Yeah, baby. H
ang on just a sec,” Grace called out. She looked up at Walker with a question in her eyes.
“How do we do this? Just bite the bullet?”
“Yeah, angel. I think that’s best. Just call him in here and he can see us at our most vulnerable. We’ve got time in case he has questions before we leave for work. It will be ok.”
Grace nodded and called out to Jaxson. “Baby, come on in. I want to tell you something.”
Jaxson didn’t hesitate but zoomed into her room like normal. He came to a skidding stop when he saw that Walker was sitting up in bed with his mama. “Boomer! Did you sleep over?”
Grace looked up at Walker for him to address Jaxson. He sat beside her, touching her body and held her hand between both of his. He squeezed it and looked at Jaxson, taking a deep breath.
“Good morning Jaxson. I did spend the night with your mama. She wanted to see if I could help keep the nightmares away like I did when she napped the other day. And guess what? It worked. Isn’t that great?” Walker said to Jax with a huge smile, trying to bring him into their bubble of happiness.
“Yay! Mama you can get more sleep now and not be so cranky. Can I have some cereal?”
“Jaxson, you don’t have any question about Walker staying here? Will you be okay if he does it again?” Grace asked quietly. She felt like she was standing in the shallow end of the pool, looking at the deep end, but waiting for a float first.