by S.A. Tadej
Devin nodded and got up, brushing his hands over the back of his pants. Then he extended his hand and helped me up. Once I was up, he drew my hand within his arm and we walked back to his truck. We rode back to the diner in an awkward silence. I was confused at all he had just revealed to me. I did have feelings for him and they were growing in intensity. But at the same time, I guess I really was afraid that once I admitted to loving him that I would lose him. Then there were the nightmares. I just couldn’t shake them.
Devin pulled into the parking lot at the diner and parked next to my car. I grabbed my bag and the flowers he had picked for me, smiled over at him, and jumped out. As I was putting the key into my door, I heard his truck door slam. I looked up and saw him coming toward me.
“Not even going to say goodbye?” he asked.
I looked up at him and met his fiery gaze. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I understand,” he said sympathetically. “You’ve been through a lot lately – more than anyone should ever have to go through. I wish I could take it all away for you.” He reached out and pulled me into his arms. Then he rested his head on my chest. “I love listening to your heart beat,” he said, his voice dipping to a whisper. He pulled away, keeping me at arms length, only to pull me to him again seconds later.
He loosened his grip, then looked up at me and gave me another kiss. I smiled at him and said goodbye, promising to call him tomorrow night. Then he walked back to his truck and sat there watching me as I started my car and pulled out of the parking lot.
When I arrived at home, I put my flowers in some water and ran up the stairs to take a bath. I had a lot going through my mind with all Devin had told me. I didn’t understand the feelings I was having. I felt as if I was under some sort of a spell, or mind fog, like I didn’t know what was what anymore. After my bath, I put Nevaeh on her leash, wrapped myself in my bathrobe and went outside for some air. I walked my dog around the yard a bit then finally settled on the front porch. I sat there in contemplation for a long time. As I was getting up to go back into the house, I once again had the eerie feeling that someone was watching me. I ran into the house, quickly closing the door and locking it behind me.
Chapter 10
I awoke early the next morning, my eyes puffy from lack of sleep. Once again I had been awoken by a series of nightmares until I finally just gave up on the concept of sleep. Nevaeh followed me as I made my way downstairs. I took her outside to the yard so that she could use the bathroom. Then I came inside, changed into my swimsuit and went out back to the pool. I dove into the water, it’s coolness waking me up and invigorating me. I swam a few laps before going back inside to shower and get dressed.
After my shower, I tiptoed down to the kitchen, careful not to wake my mother. She’d be waking soon as it was, but I wanted to surprise her with breakfast. I quietly got out everything I would need and set about making pancakes for my family. As if on cue, my mother and brother appeared in the kitchen just as I had finished.
“This is a nice surprise,” my mother said cheerily. “How long have you been up?”
“You cooked?” Tommy asked, laughing. “God, help us!”
“Good morning,” I said as I took Tommy’s plate away and lightly smacked him on the back of his head.
“Hey, I was just kidding!” Tommy declared.
I put his plate back in front of him and smirked at him. “I’ve been up for awhile now. Just couldn’t sleep.”
“Still having nightmares?” mom asked.
“No,” I lied. “Just feeling restless I guess. Wait… how did you know I was having nightmares?”
“I’ve heard you screaming.”
“Oh.”
“So what are your plans for today?”
“I don’t know. Since I have the day off, I was thinking of stopping by the cemetery to visit Jim’s grave. I haven’t been there since the funeral.”
“I’ll go with you if you like,” Tommy offered.
“No, that’s okay. Thank you, but I need to do this alone.”
I finished my breakfast, helped with the dishes, and then took off in my car. The cemetery was a good thirty-minute drive. The day was rapidly growing hotter. I pulled over to the side of the road and removed the t-tops and rolled down all the windows. Then I got back on the road and blared the radio, singing along as best I could.
When I reached the cemetery, I sat in silence a few moments. I hated cemeteries. Something about them gave me the creeps. I finally willed myself to move and got out of the car, slowly walking to the gray marble headstone indicating Jim’s grave. I looked around at the various other headstones, many of which were covered with flower bouquets. Flowers – why hadn’t I thought to bring flowers?
I knelt down slowly and ran my hand over the smooth marble. Then I bowed my head and said a prayer for Jim and his family. Memories of Jim came rushing at me in an overwhelming flood of emotions. Our last conversation played over and over again in my head. The last thing I had said to him was ‘fuck you’. I felt so horrible for that.
“Jim, I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I dropped my face into my hands and burst into uncontrollable weeping. After a time, I wiped the tears from my eyes and lay down on my side, resting my face on top of the headstone. The cool marble felt good against my hot, tear soaked cheek.
I lay there for some time whispering “I’m sorry” over and over again until I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. I looked up and into the eyes of my mother and brother.
“I knew you shouldn’t do this alone,” Tommy said softly as he opened his arms.
I got up and flew into his outstretched arms, crying into his shoulder. I felt my mother’s arms embrace me from behind.
“I know this is hard,” she said with tear-brimmed eyes, “but we will get through this.”
I held on tight to both of them, grateful that they were there. Then I loosened my embrace on them and wiped at my eyes.
“Lets say a prayer for Jim together,” my mother suggested.
And so the three of us knelt down and held hands as my mother led us in prayer over Jim’s remains.
“Come on, lets go home,” I said.
“Are you okay to drive?” my mother asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
She turned to Tommy. “Why don’t you ride back with your sister and I can drive back by myself.”
Tommy nodded and seized my hand.
We took turns telling stories about Jim on the ride home. Somehow remembering the good in Jim made me feel better. I had to believe that he knew that I loved him and that he was now in a better place. It would be the only thing that would get me through this, assuming I would someday get through it at all.
When we got home, the phone was ringing. My mother ran to answer it. When she hung up she explained to us that her sister, our Aunt Susan, had to go out of town unexpectedly and needed someone to watch her daughter, Kelly. Mom had agreed to take her.
I was excited at the news. I hadn’t seen my cousin Kelly in nearly two years. The last time I saw her she was only four years old. My aunt was supposed to drop her off in the afternoon. I decided to make a quick trip to the grocery store before she arrived to buy ingredients to bake cupcakes. I figured she’d have fun making them with me.
I tried hard not to even glance at the stack of newspapers in the checkout line. But it seemed the harder I tried, the more my resistance broke down. Finally I picked one up and read the headline.
Religious leaders are speaking out against the rising death toll, calling them ritualistic cult killings. ‘The fact that the bodies keep being found in threes and have been drained of all blood indicates a satanic cult at hand. Autopsies have also put the time of death for the victims at 3am. Satanists like to use the number three to mock the Holy Trinity and insult God. Jesus died on the cross at 3pm, which is why they attack at 3am. These Satanists will do the opposite of anything holy.’
I dropped the paper back on top of the pile. I wouldn’t go there – couldn’t go there! I had thought that Jim’s death had been the result of a wild animal of some sort. I couldn’t grasp the thought that it could have been done intentionally by some sort of sick satanic cult. It was just too much for my soul to bear.
I paid for my purchases and hurried home. A metallic blue van was in the driveway when I pulled in. Must be Aunt Susan. Boy did she get here fast! I grabbed the brown paper grocery bag off the passenger seat and headed inside.
My mother was standing in the doorway with Susan, Kelly holding tightly onto her leg as she explained to her little girl why she had to leave.
“Don’t go, mommy,” Kelly pleaded, tears welling up in her eyes.
I pushed past them, smiling sweetly at my little cousin. I set the grocery bag down on the kitchen counter and rifled through it until I found what I was looking for. I pulled the plush teddy bear out of the bag and slowly walked toward Kelly. I knelt down beside her and slowly extended the bear to her.
“Hey, Kelly, I got this for you. This here is Mr. Cuddles and he could use a friend. Would you like to be his friend?”
Kelly sniffled and reached out for the bear. Then she hugged it close to her body. “Thank you,” she mumbled in her sweet little girl voice.
“You’re very welcome,” I replied. “I was just about to make some cupcakes. Would you like to help me?”
Kelly nodded. I extended my arm and she placed her tiny hand in mine. My aunt smiled at me and mouthed the words “thank you”. I smiled back and nodded.
Kelly seemed to be having fun helping me mix the batter for the cupcakes. Then I let her help me fill the cupcake liners and I put the tray in the oven and set the timer. There was still some batter left in the bowl, so we shared it - both of us dipping our fingers in and out of the bowl. Just as I had lifted her up onto the counter to clean her face and hands, my cell phone started ringing. I quickly wiped off my own fingers and dug my phone out of my pocket. I saw that it was Devin.
“Hey, you!” I answered excitedly.
“What are you doing?”
“Making cupcakes with my sweet little cousin,” I answered as I finished wiping Kelly’s face and hands with the dishrag, kissed her cheek, and lifted her off of the counter.
“I need to see you. Can you meet me somewhere?”
“My cousin just got here and we have cupcakes baking in the oven.”
“Please,” Devin pleaded. “It’s important. We’re running out of time. I mean…”
“Devin, you’re acting weird. What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I just really, really need to see you.” There was an urgency in his tone of voice that I couldn’t ignore.
I looked over at the timer. There was still five minutes left to go.
“Let me finish making cupcakes with my cousin and I’ll see what I can do. I’ll call you back.”
“Promise?” Devin asked, his voice desperate.
“Promise.”
I hung up the phone feeling bewildered. Why was Devin acting so strange? ‘We’re running out of time’. What did he mean by that? The timer started going off and I jumped at the noise. After taking the cupcakes out of the oven and setting them on the counter to cool, I took Kelly upstairs and gave her a bath. When we finished, we went back downstairs and frosted the cupcakes.
I found my mother and told her that I needed to go out for a while and needed her to watch Kelly. She reluctantly agreed. I called Devin back and agreed to meet him at the same place he had taken me to on our last date. Even though twilight was falling and I was still afraid of the woods at night, knowing that Devin would be there with me made it somehow bearable.
I ran upstairs, showered, and changed into a long white cotton dress. Then I grabbed my keys and set off for the long drive to meet Devin. His truck was already there when I arrived and he was standing leaning against it. He came around and opened my car door for me as soon as I had parked.
As soon as I was out of the car, he reached for me and held me in a warm embrace. When he pulled away, I noticed that he had a strange joyful glitter in his eyes that seemed to alter his whole face, making it even more beautiful. I was sure that my own eyes were sparkling joyfully at the sweet encounter.
“Come on,” he whispered as he tenderly reached for my hand. I closed my hand tightly over his and we began to walk into the woods. He led me near the brook he had taken me to just yesterday. Suddenly he dropped my hand and disappeared swiftly from my sight. I looked around, but didn’t see him anywhere. Panic started to well up in my chest. Then I felt strong arms encircle me and a hand was gently laid over my eyes.
“Turn around,” he whispered.
I did as he desired and looked up trustingly into his face. His eyes met mine and he took both my hands into his for an instant, his eyes never leaving mine. He didn’t say anything to me, but somehow I felt that he understood all of my thoughts.
He lightly stroked my bare arms, the tips of his cool fingertips just barely grazing my warm flesh. His cold fingers sent shivering thrills all through my body each time he touched me. The sensation was delightful. Then with one finger under my chin, he upturned my face and showered me with kisses, which I eagerly returned. With the luminous rays of the moon shining down upon us and the beautiful scenery surrounding us, it felt almost magical.
When at last he released my face, his gaze lingered on the white cotton dress that brushed down my figure and flirted with my ankles. He grabbed hold of my hand and began walking. We walked on for some distance in silence, my heart wrestling with all the emotions that were overcoming me until once again we found ourselves among the perfect green grass filled with fragrant flowers. I stopped in wondering delight. It was a sight I would never grow tired of.
We reached the top of the hill again and lay down looking up at the rich blue sky dotted with stars as we had the night before. The view from atop the hill was breathtaking to say the least. We made small talk for a bit as we delighted in each other’s company.
Still, I sensed something was wrong. It was as if I could feel the tension in him. As if reading my thoughts, Devin turned to face me. I rolled over on my side to meet his gaze.
“Can I ask you something,” he whispered.
“Of course,” I answered, giving him a reassuring smile.
“Do you believe in monsters?
Okay, there was a question I wasn’t expecting. I thought it over a minute, unsure of how I should answer.
“You mean like under the bed and stuff,” I giggled.
“Come on, I’m being serious. You know that’s not what I meant.”
I noticed how nervous he looked. “What do you mean then?” I asked, looking puzzled.
“What if everything isn’t as it seems?” he asked.
“Like what?”
“Like me for instance. What do you see when you look at me?”
“Well, to me, you seem like just an average, nice, charming guy with looks better than most,” I replied, not sure of what else to say. I mean despite my growing feelings for him, I still didn’t know much about him.
Devin snickered then turned to face me again, his eyes seemingly burning into mine. “What if I’m not who you think I am?”
I let his last statement roll around on my brain for a bit before I answered. “Okay, who are you then?”
“Lets just say that I’m not like anyone you’ve ever met before.”
“Could you elaborate?”
Devin let out a long exhale, then ran a hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. “What if I’m a monster?”
“I don’t believe that could be true,” I whispered as I reached out to touch his face.
Devin pulled away from my touch and in an instant was on his feet. He turned away from me and walked on with firm, swift steps. I got up and ran to catch up to him. When I had nearly caught up to him, h
e spun around abruptly.
“Don’t you get it? I’m no good for you. You should run from me, not to me,” he screamed. But even as he yelled, I could see the pain behind his dark eyes.
“Devin, I don’t understand,” I pleaded. “Please talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. Just yesterday you told me you were falling in love with me. Now you’re telling me to stay away from you. Please explain it to me because I’m really confused. Did I do something wrong?”
He snickered again. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. That’s the problem.” He paused, as if contemplating what to say next, as he looked into my eyes. “I won’t kill you,” he muttered under his breath. It was so low that I almost didn’t hear him. His face was contorted with pure agony as he once again repeated his last statement, again a near silent whisper.
Now I was more confused than ever. Did he really just say ‘I won’t kill you’? I don’t understand. Where did that come from? Did he want to kill me before and suddenly change his mind? Is that what all my nightmares had been about? Were they some sort of premonition? Is that why Nevaeh had tried to attack him? Was she really protecting me?
I took a few steps back, my eyes never leaving his. My heart pounded wildly in my chest as I tried to decide if I should run. But something held me there. In one swift step, Devin was in front of me again. I started to panic, but it soon disappeared as he pulled me into a loving embrace and kissed the top of my head. “I won’t hurt you,” he promised.
“I know,” I whispered back, deep down feeling that what I was saying was true.
“Come on, we should get going.”
“But wait,” I said as I fixed my gaze on him. “What about what you were trying to tell me? I still want to know.”
“You’re not ready to hear it yet,” he said as he grabbed my hand and began walking back toward the parking lot – an indication that he was finished with the conversation.
When we reached the parking lot he walked me to my car and stood there as I unlocked the door. “I love you,” he whispered into my ear. Then with a soft kiss on my lips and a loving embrace, he left me at my car door. I watched as he walked back to his truck and climbed inside. I started my own car and dared to look over at him again. He was watching me as he had the night before. I smiled and waved before backing out of my parking space and driving home.