Everything I Never Wanted

by K. Street

  Contents

  Prologue

  1. Tucker

  2. Camryn

  3. Tucker

  4. Camryn

  5. Tucker

  6. Camryn

  7. Tucker

  8. Camryn

  9. Tucker

  10. Camryn

  11. Tucker

  12. Camryn

  13. Tucker

  14. Camryn

  15. Tucker

  16. Camryn

  17. Tucker

  18. Camryn

  19. Tucker

  20. Camryn

  21. Tucker

  22. Camryn

  23. Tucker

  24. Camryn

  25. Tucker

  26. Camryn

  27. Tucker

  28. Camryn

  29. Camryn

  30. Tucker

  31. Camryn

  32. Tucker

  33. Camryn

  34. Camryn

  35. Tucker

  36. Camryn

  37. Tucker

  38. Camryn

  39. Tucker

  40. Camryn

  41. Camryn

  Epilogue

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Other books by K. Street

  Preview

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Copyright © 2018 by K. Street

  All rights reserved.

  www.kstreetauthor.com

  Cover Designer: Shanoff Designs

  Editor: Jovana Shirley, Unforeseen Editing, www.unforeseenediting.com

  Proofreader: Tandy Proofreads

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  ISBN-13: 978-1720882381

  Dedicated to my girls, Marni and Crystal.

  You two are the embodiment of the word tribe.

  Thank you for being mine.

  Prologue

  Tucker

  Shayne laid her head on my shoulder, her baby soft curls brushing against my beard as I rocked us. It was after two in the morning, and I was both physically and mentally exhausted. Unable to keep my eyes open for another second, I dozed off, only to awaken moments later when Shayne stirred.

  “Mama?” she whimpered.

  Every time she asked for Dani, it gutted me.

  “Shh. It’s okay, Doodlebug.”

  I patted her butt and started humming the strains of an Aerosmith song. Her tiny arms went around my neck as she snuggled in closer.

  The glow cast from the night-light on the opposite wall illuminated the space enough for me to see the dimple in her cheek. The resemblance to Dani was almost painful. Shayne and I had the same eyes, but she was the miniature version of her mother. From the chestnut brown hair and button nose to the crooked pinkie finger.

  How in the hell was I going to do this alone?

  I rocked Shayne for a few more minutes before I carefully rose from the chair and walked over to her crib. Just as I started to peel her from my body, she woke up.

  “Dada, hold me.” Her voice quaked as she tightly clung to me.

  “Shh, Bug. It’s night-night time.”

  “Dada, no. Hold me. Peas.”

  “Okay, baby. Okay.” I stood next to the crib and started rubbing small circles on her back, trying to get her to go to sleep.

  Once she seemed convinced I wasn’t going to lay her down, Shayne rested her head on my shoulder. “Mama at?” she faintly asked into my neck.

  I felt her tears on my skin.

  The impact of her question struck me with the force of a wrecking ball. I’d tried to explain it a hundred different times and in a hundred different ways. Shayne was barely eighteen months old, so the concept was impossible for her to grasp.

  I tried to push the words past the lump in my throat, but I couldn’t make myself say them. I was tired of breaking her heart, so instead of answering, I hugged her closer. She wrapped herself tighter around me as we stood clinging to each other like a life raft.

  Over the last several months, for one reason or another, sleep had been an elusive mistress. Tonight was no different. I carried Shayne into the living room, grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch, and tossed it onto the recliner.

  “Me firsty, Dada.”

  “Do you want some water?”

  “Peas.”

  I made my way into the kitchen. With Shayne still in my arms, I filled a sippy cup with water and gave it to her. Then, I took her back into the living room. I picked up the remote and settled us into the chair. After I covered us with the blanket, I turned on the television.

  “Cars?”

  I knew what she wanted, and it wasn’t the cartoon.

  “Okay, Doodlebug, but you have to close your eyes.” I pulled up the shows that I’d saved on the DVR. Counting Cars started playing on the screen.

  It only took a few minutes before Shayne’s eyes grew heavy, and her breathing evened out. Slowly, I reached for the lever on the recliner and raised the footrest, and then I adjusted her in my arms. Shayne’s head rested on my chest, tucked into the space where my heart used to be, before my entire world had been turned upside down.

  I closed my eyes, desperate to stop the thoughts cycling through my head. I didn’t want to think about the circumstances that had led me here.

  Back to Jaxson Cove.

  Living a life that was everything I never wanted.

  1

  Tucker

  Four Years Later

  “Shayne, we’re leaving for Grammy’s in five minutes,” I called out from the front door where I was putting my boots on.

  “Be right there, Daddy.” Two minutes later, she came into the living room, dragging her backpack behind her. “Ready.”

  “Did you forget anything?”

  “Nope.”

  “Where’s Wilbur?” I asked, referring to the small stuffed pig she took almost everywhere with her.

  If she forgot him, things would get ugly come bedtime. That meant I’d more than likely end up driving the thing back out to my mom’s later. All Shayne had to do was jut out her bottom lip, and I’d cave like a damn sinkhole.

  “He’s already in here.” She picked up the bag and slid it onto her back.

  I reached to open the door for her. “Let’s load up.”

  Shayne ran out of the house, and I locked up behind us and then helped her into the truck.

  As I pulled out of the driveway, my eyes darted to the rearview mirror. Shayne sat, staring out the window, with a perplexed look on her face.

  “You okay, Bug?” I asked, turning my gaze back in front of me.

  “Yep. Just thinking.”

  “Okay.” I decided to wait her out because that was the way it worked with her.

  A few minutes later, she spoke, “Daddy?”

  “What, Doodlebug?”

  “Do you think Mama can see me from heaven?”

  Her question seemed to come out of nowhere and felt like a shot straight to my heart. You’d think the ache would’ve dulled after all this time; if anything, it was worse.

  “Of course she can baby.”

  “Does she have a telescope? Or are there holes in the floor? How does it work? If there are holes, then why can’t she fall out and come back to us?”


  Each word rained down in a succession of quick blows.

  I didn’t have all the answers, so I told my daughter the closest thing I had to the truth. “I’m not sure how it works, Bug. I just know it does.”

  We talked about Dani every day because it was important to keep her memory alive. Shayne had been just over a year old when her mom died. I needed her to know how amazing her mother was. There were things I’d never tell my daughter though. Like how her mother had sacrificed her life for Shayne’s.

  “Do you think she knows I love her?”

  “She knows.” I kept my eyes on the road and one hand on the wheel while I reached back with the other. When I felt her small palm slip into mine, I spoke, “I love you, Bug.”

  “I love you, too, Daddy.”

  I gave her hand a squeeze and then returned my own back to the wheel.

  She was quiet for a minute before she spoke again, “Grammy said she’s taking me to get a haircut. Guess what else?”

  Relief washed over me as she changed the subject. “What?” My gaze shifted between her and the road.

  “She said I can have ice cream before dinner. And I can stay in the bathtub as long as I want. I’m staying in there forever.”

  “You’ll turn into a prune.” I caught her wide-eyed look in the mirror.

  “I don’t want to be a prune. That’s what Grammy eats when she’s concentrated.”

  I laughed hard. “You mean, constipated.”

  “Yes, that.” She giggled.

  We had another few miles before we made it out to my mom’s. She lived on a nice-sized piece of land out in the country, still in the same house where she and my dad had raised me and my brother.

  When we pulled up in the driveway, my mother stood on the porch, waiting for us. I barely had the truck in park before Shayne unbuckled the straps of her car seat and reached for the door handle.

  “Shayne.” My tone was firm as I pinned her with a glare.

  She huffed and settled back into her seat.

  I was all for her independence, but last weekend, when we had been here for Sunday supper, Shayne had fallen, climbing out of the truck, and skinned her knees. Bug was tough, but she didn’t deal well with her own blood, and I didn’t want to chance another meltdown.

  I exited the truck and moved around to open the door for her. After I helped her down, she reached into the cab to grab her bag while I leaned over and unlatched her car seat.

  Shayne took off like a shot and ran across the yard into her grandma’s open arms. As I followed behind her, with the car seat in tow, I took in the landscape and made a mental note to call around for a new lawn service.

  “Hi, Mom.” I bent to kiss her cheek and set Shayne’s car seat on the porch.

  “Hi, baby. Thank you,” she said and pointed to the seat. “I just put the cover to mine in the wash this morning. I don’t know where all those ants came from. I sprayed the car already and vacuumed it, too.”

  “Want me to buckle it in for you?”

  “We’ll get it. Won’t we, Shayne?” She smiled at her granddaughter, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Grammy has warm chocolate chip cookies on the kitchen table.”

  Shayne squealed as she reached for the screen door handle.

  “Doodlebug, put your stuff away before you get a cookie.”

  “Okay, Daddy.”

  After she walked inside, my mother intently looked at me. “You doin’ okay today, son?”

  I nodded. “What about you, Mom?”

  “Fine. Just fine.”

  She’d never been a good liar. Her eyelids were a little puffy, and I could tell she’d been crying. I pulled her into a hug.

  Today was Griffin’s birthday.

  He’d only been eleven months older than me, but that didn’t stop him from living up to his role as big brother. Our father died when we were teenagers, and Griffin always looked after us. After he graduated high school, he went into the military. He was killed in action nearly six years ago. My mom had completely fallen apart, and there had been a time I thought I might lose her, too.

  “Are you sure you feel up to keeping Bug tonight?” Even though I already knew the answer, today was difficult, and I needed her assurance.

  She pulled away to look up at me. “Absolutely. She makes it easier.”

  I knew exactly what she meant.

  “What do you plan on doing with your free night?” She waggled her brows, which made me laugh. The heaviness from seconds ago dissipated.

  “You’re relentless. We’re not having this conversation again.”

  Laura Jaxson was a stubborn woman, and I wasn’t the least bit surprised when she continued on as though she hadn’t heard me. “Maybe you should try one of those dating sites.”

  “There’s only room in my life for two ladies. You and Bug.” I crossed my arms and looked down at her.

  Before Dani, there had been Holly, and there was no way in hell we were going there. After Dani, it wasn’t about me, and there wasn’t room for anyone else.

  “Tucker, you can’t hit it and quit it for the rest of your life.”

  I nearly choked. “You realize you just insinuated that your baby boy is a man-whore, right?”

  If she only knew how far that was from the truth. While I did have the occasional no-strings hook-up, most of the time, the only action my dick got came by way of my own hand.

  “Tomato, tomahto. It’s been a long time, Tuck. Don’t you want to love again … to let yourself be loved?”

  “Mom.” My tone held a warning.

  “Tucker, baby, you’ve got to start living.”

  “You make it sound so easy. But it isn’t just me. Bug and I are a package deal, and that makes it a million times more complicated. I’m so busy living and taking care of her; there isn’t much time left for anything else.”

  Shayne was my priority, and the last thing she needed was to become attached to someone who might decide the role of stepmom wasn’t part of her life plan.

  “Honey, I just worry about you two; that’s all.”

  “Stop worrying. I hear it makes you age faster,” I teased in an attempt to lighten my darkening mood.

  “Tucker Jaxson, don’t you make fun of your mother.” She placed her hands on her hips and glared up at me.

  “Mom, I’m fine. We are fine.” I pulled her in for one more hug. “I promise.” I released her and called out to my daughter, “Shayne, I’m leaving.”

  She barreled out of the house, a cookie in each hand. Chocolate was smeared across her cheek. “Gof you one,” she said, her mouth full.

  “Thank you.” I took the cookie and then bent down to hug her. “Be a good girl for Grammy. I’ll see you tomorrow. And quit stuffin’ your mouth so full.”

  “’Kay. Love you, Daddy.” Shayne squeezed my neck tight.

  I planted a kiss on her head. “Love you, too, Bug.” I ruffled her hair and kissed my mom on the cheek. Then, I made my way back to the truck.

  Shayne was my whole world, but damn, I needed some downtime.

  With my fishing pole in the truck bed and a six-pack in the cooler, I drove a few miles, then pulled onto the highway, and went toward the creek. On the way, I spotted an older model Honda parked on the shoulder. The open hood made it obvious the driver was having some sort of car trouble. I slowed down and eased in behind it.

  I approached the driver’s door and opened my mouth to speak but stopped short. The woman inside had just let loose a string of curse words that left me slightly amused and impressed. She was having a full-blown tantrum that could’ve rivaled Shayne’s.

  I let out a low whistle.

  Her eyes went wide as she took me in. Blue irises stood out against her black hair. Her hand went to her chest, pressing against her heart. The movement drew my eyes down to the swell of her breasts. She was frightened, but damn, she was beautiful.

  2

  Camryn

  I loaded the last of the boxes into my car and slid behind the wh
eel, ready to put the last several months behind me. I put my key in the ignition, and relief flowed through me when the engine finally kicked over. My car, Lucille, badly needed a tune-up. It was on my to-do list—along with about a million other things.

  Years ago, Dad had bought Lucille for me for my fifteenth birthday. We’d spent countless hours together, bent over the hood as he rebuilt the engine. He’d taught me how to swap out a tire, check all the fluids, and change the oil. I loved this car because it was a piece of him. Of our bond. It was one of the only tangible things I had left.

  On a heavy sigh, I backed out of the drive and turned the wheel in the direction of the highway. After a few miles, I merged onto I-75 and headed south. The drive from Booker Ridge, Georgia, to Jaxson Cove, Florida, would take me around two hours. My former life faded further away with every mile I drove.

  Good riddance.

  There wasn’t a thing left in Booker Ridge that I’d miss … except for my dad. But talking to a marble grave marker wasn’t the same as talking to him.

  It’d always been me and him against the world until six months ago. He’d had a massive heart attack while mowing the lawn. Here one minute and gone the next. The loss of my father had set a domino effect in place, and now, the remnants of my life closely resembled the aftermath of a natural disaster. It was impossible to rebuild on top of everything I’d lost in Booker Ridge.