by Jena Wade
Lucas had seen Jason naked many times, but never like this, never with so much desire and arousal emanating from him. His chest heaved with each breath. Jason was lean and beautiful, every part of him perfect, from his chiseled abs to his sculpted biceps.
Working in sync, they each kicked off their jeans. Lucas threw the comforter off the bed. Lucas’s eyes never left Jason as he crawled to the head of the bed, his bronze skin standing out against the stark white sheets.
“Well, are you coming or not?” Jason asked.
Lucas chuckled. “Not yet I’m not. But you’re going to. Like you never have before.”
“Promises, promises. Get over here and make good on that, would you?”
It was the only encouragement he needed. Lucas straddled Jason’s hips and met his lips again. Much to his surprise, Jason took both of their cocks in hand and stroked.
The sensations and knowing it was Jason stroking him nearly made Lucas lose his focus, but he took a deep breath and regained his control. He wanted this to be good for Jason. Real. Not hurried. This wasn’t some random, quick hookup or adolescent play in the gym bathroom. This was the man he’d been dreaming about for five damn years. The man he wanted more than anyone else in the world. He couldn’t disappoint him.
“Lube, J. We need lube.”
“I got some saddle soap in my lasso bag.” Jason chuckled against Lucas’s neck, then dropped a few light kisses on Lucas’s shoulder.
Lucas nearly came unglued. He shook his head. At least Jason had kept his sense of humor through this.
He got up and located his suitcase. Inside, he found the lube and condoms he kept in the side pocket.
Once he had the supplies, he returned to the bed. He met Jason’s gaze, still expecting to find reluctance and apprehension, but all he found was desire and anticipation.
He reminded himself to go slow, that this was not a timed event.
“Do you want to—”
“No. I want you to fuck me, please.” Jason’s hips bucked as if they needed Lucas now.
Lucas slicked up his fingers, and while keeping his gaze locked on Jason’s, he pressed the tips of them to Jason’s opening.
Jason arched his back. “Christ! You know they make warming lube right? Warn a guy next time.”
Next time wasn’t something Lucas could think about. They only had tonight. Right now.
“Sorry.”
Carefully Lucas slipped one finger into Jason, who moaned beneath him, rocking his hips to drive it deeper.
Lucas added another finger, and then another when he knew Jason was ready.
Jason’s cock dripped precum onto his stomach and Lucas quickly licked it up, desperate to have a taste. Jason shivered. “You. Want you now.”
Lucas heard the truth in Jason’s voice and the desperation that matched his own.
He rolled the condom down his shaft and lined up to Jason’s stretched hole. “Gonna be tight.”
Jason nodded like a bull rider signaling his crew to open the chute. “I want it. I wanna feel you.”
Lucas’s control slipped and he entered Jason faster than he would’ve preferred.
“Fuck.” Lucas held still, trying to gauge Jason’s reaction, but Jason had his eyes pinched closed.
Finally, he opened them. “Holy hell, this is amazing. Move, damn it, move.”
Lucas pumped his hips, his hand jacking Jason’s cock to the same rhythm. It was everything Lucas could have hoped for and more. He’d often dreamed of what it would be like, but reality proved to be so much better.
Jason gripped the back of Lucas’s neck and pulled him down for a hard kiss. He held Lucas there as he arched his back and groaned. Cum splashed on Lucas’s stomach as Jason clenched around him. It was more than he could take. His release immediately followed Jason’s, and with just as much enthusiasm.
For a long while, Lucas remained on top of Jason, soaking in the experience and committing every sensation to memory. He would never forget this night, never forget the way Jason felt beneath him.
Finally, he slipped out and collapsed beside him. In the afterglow of his orgasm, a dark cloud seeped through. What did this mean for them? What did this mean to Jason? Where could they go from here?
Jason crawled out of the bed and limped his way to the bathroom; he came back with a damp cloth. He tossed it at Lucas, and he cleaned himself up.
“Did I hurt you?”
Jason shook his head and climbed back into bed. “Quit thinking so much. I can hear gears turning inside that head of yours. Go to sleep. We can talk in the morning.”
Jason lay on the bed, rested his head on the pillow, and closed his eyes. Within minutes, snores erupted.
For a long time, Lucas stared at a sleeping Jason, his chest rising and falling with each beautiful breath he took. His arm rested above his head, the sheets barely covering his groin.
It was an image Lucas would store in his mind forever. The situation never to be repeated again. Though Jason looked content now, sated from making love, there was no way he would feel the same once he woke and realized what they’d done. He’d already said he wasn’t gay, though his actions said he was at least bi. Jason had been clear about his plans—one more year riding with Lucas, and then he was done.
Lucas’s stomach dropped at the thought of Jason turning him away, telling him it wasn’t anything serious. Lucas didn’t regret it, at least not completely. He hadn’t taken advantage. Jason had wanted it just as much as Lucas had. But wanting and following through were two different things. Now they would have to face the consequences.
He didn’t want to see the rejection in Jason’s eyes. Not after he’d seen them on fire with lust.
Thank God the season was over. He could go home to his folks’ ranch and work. The rodeo was getting tiring. Winning the title with Jason would have been wonderful. Amazing. They had a real shot at it for the next season too. But there was no way Lucas could face him each day.
Lucas picked up his jeans and pulled them on, then shoved his feet into his boots. Jason began to stir, and Lucas knew he had to move quickly.
It wasn’t until he was out the door and headed toward his truck that he realized he’d forgotten his belt with his brand-new second-place buckle. Oh, well. It would only have served as a reminder of what he couldn’t have.
Chapter Two
Three months later
Jason turned his truck onto the familiar driveway. A belt under the hood had squeaked throughout the entire journey. The old rig was on its last legs, barely making it through the forty-five minute drive between Lucas’s ranch and the ranch where Jason boarded his horse.
The rodeo season was right around the corner, and Lucas hadn’t answered his calls or text messages for months. Jason had given him long enough to sulk or whatever the hell he was doing. Now they needed to get ready for the roping season. They had a championship to win.
Jason didn’t see what the big deal was. So they’d had sex. People had sex all the time and still remained friends. No reason they couldn’t do the same—at least until they won the finals. Then they could reevaluate.
As Jason put the truck in park, he caught sight of Lucas on his horse, Rain. The pair of them worked the group of cattle in the arena, moving together as one creature instead of separate man and beast. Jason sat for a moment, watching. He’d missed that lean frame riding high in the saddle. In the past months, Lucas had let his hair grow long, which only made him more attractive. Jason’s fingers itched to feel those soft curls again.
He was man enough to admit that he was attracted to men, especially Lucas. But he wasn’t about to start a relationship with one. He wasn’t about to start a relationship with a woman either. Too many things to accomplish before he brought another person into his hectic life. He had a championship to win and a ranch to buy before he could even think about being with anyone.
“Jason Taylor, are you going to sit in that truck all day, or are you going to come out and give me a hug?”
The voice brought a smile to Jason’s face. He turned to find Mary Dryer, Lucas’s mom, standing on the front porch, hands on her hips. Her black hair was pulled in a tight bun, streaks of gray showing her age.
“I hope you didn’t come all this way to sit in your truck and stare at Lucas.”
Jason chuckled. “No, ma’am.” He exited the truck and met her on the front walk. She enveloped him in a tight hug.
“Been wondering when you was going to show up. He’s been ornery ever since he came back. The two of you better work things out before the season starts.” She turned and walked back to the house, and Jason followed.
Once they were inside, he sat at the large dining room table, much like he’d done many times over the years. The old farmhouse looked the same as it always had. Pictures of Lucas and his brother Bryan at various ages lined the walls. The house was kept neat and clean, thanks to Mary’s determination that her boys always pick up after themselves. They weren’t about to disobey.
“You want to tell me what happened between the two of you?” Mary raised her brows and stared hard at Jason.
He recognized the look. It was one that he’d seen her give Lucas a time or two, but it wasn’t going to break him. “With all due respect, ma’am, if Lucas hasn’t told you, then I guess I better keep it to myself.”
“Hrmph.” The look she shot him seemed to say ”we’ll see about that.”
“I was hoping to talk Lucas into a little team penning competition tomorrow at Foster’s. We’ll see how it goes.” Out the window, Lucas dismounted and handed the horse off to one of the ranch hands: Miguel, if Jason remembered correctly.
Lucas’s mom mostly raised beef cattle, but she had a few cash crops thrown into the mix. His father had passed away when Lucas was eleven. Since then his mom had run the ranch with her two sons. During the off-season, when they weren’t traveling to a new rodeo each weekend, Jason and Lucas would usually help out—sorting cattle, taking them to livestock sales, whatever Mary needed done.
In recent years, Bryan had taken over much of the day-to-day operations. Jason had always assumed Lucas would want to take over, once he was finished with the circuit.
As much as he loved the rodeo life, Jason knew someday he would have a ranch like this. Something real to show for all his hard work, instead of broken bones and belt buckles. Unlike Lucas, he didn’t have a family ranch to take over. His parents had been disappointed in him the minute he decided to ride in the rodeo instead of attending college. Both of his parents lived by-the-book lives. His mother was an accountant and his father was a tax attorney. Neither was impressed with his vagabond lifestyle.
Distracted by his wandering thoughts, Jason didn’t realize Lucas had come up to the house.
“What are you doing here?” Lucas’s voice held an irritation that Jason had never heard before. Not even when they’d been living out of hotel rooms or the cab of the pickup truck together for two months straight.
“It’s nice to see you too.” Jason smiled, then stepped forward, opening his arms like he was going to give Lucas a hug.
Lucas jumped back as if Jason were a hot flame.
So much for using humor to break the tension.
“What are you doing here, Jason?”
Jason dropped his arms to his sides and shrugged. “Came to visit. Talk about the upcoming season; see when you wanted to get together to practice. You haven’t answered any of my calls. Our sponsors want us to start doing appearances.”
“I’m not riding this season.”
Jason stumbled back as if Lucas had punched him. Fear, panic, and a few emotions he couldn’t even name rattled through him. He would have been less surprised if Lucas had punched him. If Lucas didn’t ride, how could they win? “Bullshit. You can’t not ride. We could win it all this year. You know we can.”
“No. Not after—” Lucas looked at his mother, who sat there absorbing the conversation. “Can we have a minute, Mom?”
Mary sighed loudly as she stood and left the room. Jason turned his gaze onto Lucas. “Now you want to talk about the real issue?”
Lucas cringed. “I think you know. It’s not hard to guess.”
“I’m bad in bed, is that it?”
Lucas’s lips didn’t even twitch, and his gaze never wavered. Jason always could make Lucas laugh. But not today.
“Keep your voice down. Bryan’s upstairs; he could fucking hear you.”
Jason narrowed his eyes. He stepped closer to Lucas and lowered his voice. “Are you out to anyone?”
“No, and I’d like to keep it that way if you don’t mind.” Lucas looked around wildly like someone might possibly hear them.
Jason shrugged. This wasn’t an issue he wanted to pursue right now, but they would discuss it. At the moment he had bigger fish to fry.
“The season starts in a month. We should start practicing now if we want to win this year.”
Lucas took his hat off and ran a hand through his hair, damp with sweat. Sexy as hell. Jason tried to shake the thought. But there was no way around it. It wasn’t just a onetime thing; he was attracted to Lucas and wanted to have him back in his arms.
He took a deep breath. After they won the title, then he could think about that kind of thing.
“Tomorrow’s the team penning competition at Foster’s. We missed it last year, so I thought it would be nice to go this year. You in? Bryan can be our third.”
He braced himself for Lucas to say no. Jason could see it in Lucas’s stance; his shoulders were tense, and he looked ready to jump out of his skin. Since when was Lucas so damn jumpy around him?
“Third what?” Bryan, Lucas’s younger brother and nearly identical copy, entered the dining room. He was dressed similarly to his brother in a T-shirt and jeans, broad shoulders stretching the limit of his shirt, and his hair still wet from a recent shower. Despite the similarities, Jason felt nothing at seeing Bryan. No arousal, no interest, nothing.
“Third team member for the team penning at Foster’s tomorrow night.”
Bryan looked from Jason and then back to Lucas. “Awesome. I’m game.”
Now Lucas couldn’t refuse.
Lucas nodded. “All right. Fine. Be here at four with Argo, and we’ll head out.” He stuffed his hat back on his head and stormed out of the house.
It wasn’t the happy reunion Jason had been hoping for, but he’d take it. He winked at Bryan, who appeared dumbstruck by his brother’s behavior, then left the house. It was a long trip home, and he needed to put a game plan together to get back into Lucas’s good graces.
* * * *
Lucas untied the rope from the side of the trailer and loaded Rain.
Once she was settled, Bryan closed the door. His horse was inside, ready to go.
Jason had promised he’d be there soon, so they wouldn’t have to wait too long before loading up Argo and heading out to the competition.
Lucas stepped out of the trailer and pulled down his sunglasses to shield his eyes from the afternoon sun.
“You know, we haven’t talked much lately.” Bryan rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding Lucas’s gaze.
“What do you mean? We talk every day.” They had to; otherwise the ranch would fall apart.
“Since you got back from finals, you’ve been…quiet. We haven’t really…talked.”
Fuck. Not him too. Couldn’t a man be alone with his thoughts for a while? Lucas had to admit he’d been out of sorts for the past three months. But could anyone really blame him? His entire world had been thrown upside down in one night.
One amazing night.
“What do you want to discuss?” Lucas opened the tack room door and started organizing the tack. ’Cause that was a job that needed to be done right then.
“Will you get out of there and look at me for a second, please?”
Lucas stepped out of the trailer and faced his brother. The man he considered his other best friend. He couldn’t have asked for a better person to call family. But right now
all he wanted to do was run. Every fiber in his being pleaded for him to get the hell out of there. He wasn’t ready to tell his family about… Well, himself.
“Whatever it is, you can talk to me.” Bryan placed his hand on Lucas’s shoulder. “You’re my brother, and I don’t know what the hell is bothering you, but whatever it is, maybe I can help.”
“It’s not… I’m not sure… I’ll think about it, all right?” That was the best he could offer at the moment. Maybe someday he would be ready, but it was unlikely.
“You can trust me, whatever it is. Okay?” Bryan’s gaze bored into Lucas’s as if he was willing Lucas to believe him, to trust him.
Oh, God, how he wanted to. Too many stories of gay individuals being forced from their homes for coming out played in his mind. One man in particular took center stage: his first roping partner, Kevin. They’d been drawn to each other because they were both gay and in the rodeo, and they had stayed together because of Kevin’s competitive nature and Lucas’s talent. Ultimately, they were not enough. Kevin wanted to come out to everyone; he thought they would be accepted. He was wrong.
It wasn’t long after Kevin came out to his parents that he was kicked out of his house. Word spread like wildfire, and before long they couldn’t drive into a rodeo without everyone stopping to stare. He never did get the chance to come out; he didn’t have to. People whom they had considered friends, or at least acquaintances, called them names. Lucas ignored them. Kevin didn’t. He couldn’t sit by idly while the other rodeo guys called him a pansy, a faggot, or whatever else they came up with. Then one of the bull riders had challenged Kevin to prove he was a man and ride one of the high-ranking bulls. Kevin never could back down from a challenge. He never could take a fall either. Which was why he—
Lucas shook away the memories that threatened to choke him. He couldn’t think of Kevin right now.
Cowboys were supposed to be masculine playboys who had different buckle bunnies on their arms each night, not queers, and especially not queers who wanted long-term commitment and cuddling on the couch. He couldn’t do it. The fear was too much, too real, too palpable for him to even try.