by Jena Wade
“Thanks,” he said stiffly.
Jason and his rickety truck and trailer pulled into the drive right then.
Saved.
* * * *
Lucas offered a gruff hello when Jason got out of the truck, but that was it. Bryan was snoring away in the backseat before they even left the driveway.
“Thanks for driving,” Jason said.
Lucas scoffed. “Like we would take your piece-of-shit truck anywhere. We have to make an impression, you know.” His voice held the teasing tone Jason was used to hearing. A spark of hoped fired within him. Maybe they could get back to normal sooner rather than later.
“Hey, don’t make fun of the truck. Not all of us can afford the biggest and the best.” Money. That was a topic they’d rarely ventured into. Fuck. Why had Jason opened his mouth and gone there?
Lucas gave him a sideways glance. “We share the same winnings, get the same sponsor checks. You could get a nicer truck.”
He could. But he wasn’t going to. Not until he had his own driveway to park it in, instead of squatting at his parents’ house whenever he needed a place to crash. He was surprised they still let him stay there.
Jason didn’t answer. He let the silence fill the truck as it had before.
As soon as they arrived, Lucas hopped out and stormed toward the registration booth, without a word to Jason or Bryan about where he was going.
Bryan shrugged and helped Jason unload the horses. Once they had them saddled and ready to ride, they stood along the fence line, watching the other riders warm up in the arena.
“So you two finally…um…” Bryan waved his hands in the air like Jason was supposed to know what he meant.
“Yeah, we’re talking again.” Sort of.
Lucas hadn’t exactly been the most talkative, but they were at the same competition riding together, so that was a plus.
“No, I don’t mean talking, I mean you two finally…” Bryan lowered his voice and leaned in closer to Jason. “Did it.”
Oh, shit. Bryan knew.
He looked around the area they were in. There were plenty of people at the fairgrounds who may or may not object to gay cowboys, and Jason didn’t want to find out which side they were on. Lucas sure as hell wouldn’t appreciate the information being advertised either.
Jason nudged Argo until she sidestepped closer to Bryan and his horse. “What do you know?”
Bryan shrugged, completely calm, like he didn’t hold Jason and Lucas’s fate in the palms of his hands. “I know Lucas’s gay. Mom knows too. We figured it was only matter of time before the two of you fucked. Well, Mom said fell in love. I said fucked.”
Jason wouldn’t have been more surprised if Bryan had told him he was from Mars. “How the fuck did you know? I only found out three months ago when we…” Oh, he so wasn’t getting into that with Lucas’s brother.
Bryan rolled his eyes. “Please. I’ve known Lucas forever, and I’ve never seen him with a woman. But I have seen him look at you.”
Me?
The thought sent a little shiver down Jason’s spine. He’d been doing a lot of looking at Lucas too.
“It doesn’t bother you that your brother is gay?”
“Hell no. More women for me.” Bryan smiled wide, but after a moment it slipped. “I tried to get him to talk to me about it a million times, but he’s so closed up. You didn’t know?”
Before Jason could answer, Lucas rode up beside Bryan, keeping his distance from Jason. “Since we were late, we’ll be riding at the end. At least we’ll know what our competition is, but the steers will be tired, so we’ll have that against us.”
Jason pushed the conversation with Bryan out of his mind for the moment, but they would be continuing it at some point. A smile crept across Jason’s face. Lucas’s competitive edge was back; that was a good sign. Maybe they could mend things after all?
* * * *
The first round went well enough.
Lucas glanced around the fairgrounds. Each of the teams still in the competition huddled, probably talking about how they could improve for the next round.
Not his team.
Bryan had found himself a lady to chat with and was currently nowhere to be seen.
Jason stood beside Lucas, but they hadn’t spoken to each other for the past twenty minutes.
Lucas hadn’t spoken much the entire night, unless he had to. Jason seemed to exchange small talk with everyone who walked by. He had always been the more social of the two, which was why he handled all of the negotiations with sponsors and meet-and-greets with fans.
“You gonna ignore me all night?” Jason finally asked.
Lucas jumped at the deep voice that had the power to set him instantly on edge. Since that night, images of Jason had haunted his dreams, and now Jason was there in the flesh, and Lucas could hardly look at him without his cock hardening.
“I’m not ignoring you. I’m focused on the competition. Cory’s here and it looks like his team is pretty good.”
“His new guy is hot.”
This time Lucas did ignore him. Jason was trying to get a rise out of him, and he wasn’t going to fall into that trap.
The announcer called for their team, and Lucas nudged Rain, his red roan quarter horse, forward. Jason reined Argo in so she blocked their path. “We’re gonna talk, Lucas. You can’t run away forever.”
No, he couldn’t, but right now it looked like his best option.
Fear kept him from talking about that night. He didn’t want to hear any excuses from Jason, or apologies. He really didn’t want to hear about how they had a good time, but it was nothing serious. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to compete with Jason anymore. He couldn’t imagine his life without roping, but he also couldn’t imagine not being able to kiss Jason again. The thought made his heart break.
“Focus, numbnuts; we’ve got some times to beat.” Bryan and his horse trotted past Lucas and into the arena.
Lucas followed. He could do this. He and Jason could still be a team.
* * * *
If it were up to Lucas, he would have had more time to prepare for his talk with Jason. Since Bryan was with them, he’d known they would have an audience all night and wouldn’t have an opportunity to talk. That was until Bryan found himself a girl to go home with.
Two hours stuck in a truck with Jason. Alone.
Three months ago that wouldn’t have been a big deal. Hell, they had traveled the whole United States together and spent more time behind the wheel than he cared to remember, but this was different.
Jason smiled wide as he climbed into the passenger side. “Just you and me, Lucas. No running.”
Lucas’s stomach rolled. This was going to be a long drive.
As if the entire competition hadn’t taken long enough. Everywhere he turned there was Jason. Smiling. Talking. Being himself. Luckily, enough people were around that they hadn’t gotten a chance to talk about what Jason wanted to discuss.
“Good God, ease up. I’m not going to torture you, just want to get a few things straight,” Jason said.
Lucas cleared his throat. He could do this. He’d faced worse situations before. “Okay.”
The silence hung in the air as an old country song played on the radio. Was Lucas supposed to say something? He didn’t know what he could say.
Jason spoke. “How long have you known you were gay?”
That’s what Jason wanted to start with? Lucas shrugged. “I always knew.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Maybe honesty really was the best policy. Here goes nothing. “You didn’t need to know. I always thought you were…attractive, and I didn’t want you thinking I was going to hit on you because I was gay. I valued our friendship too much.”
Jason snorted. “Doesn’t really say much for what you think of me though. You thought I was going to assume that since you were gay, you were into me? What the fuck? Lucas. I’m not some idiot who thinks every gay guy wants to fuck me.”
“Well, in this case you would have had a right to be concerned.” Lucas had more than wanted to fuck him. He wanted to be with him. For real. In a real relationship.
“I thought we were friends, Lucas. Partners. A team. You and me. We are gonna win it all, and we need to trust each other in order to do that.”
“You still want to ride with me? After what happened?” He desperately wanted to know what Jason thought of that night, but no matter how many times he tried, he couldn’t find the right words to ask. He couldn’t see any regret in Jason’s eyes. That was a good sign.
“We’ve been friends for what seems like forever. I can’t imagine riding with anyone else, and I damn sure am not going to miss my last year. We’re going to win. We have a real chance, and I’m not going to let you fuck that up for us.” Jason smiled and laughed like it was the most natural thing in the world to have had sex with his partner.
Lucas thought for a moment. He wanted to win this year too, and he knew they could. But could he really be that close to Jason each day without being able to have him again?
“Okay. I’ll ride this year. But I have a few conditions.”
Jason’s eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas. Damn him for being so gorgeous. Even with the dim glow of the lights in the truck cab, Lucas could see the five-o’clock shadow outlining Jason’s high cheekbones. Lucas knew all too well how the slight scruff felt against his skin, and his hands itched to caress Jason’s face again.
“Name them. Whatever they are, I agree.”
“One, you can’t tell anyone I’m gay. I keep that shit quiet for a reason.” He shuddered as he thought once again about Kevin being rejected by his family, being called names by his peers.
“No one cares, Lucas. It’s the twenty-first century, not the fifties.”
Lucas shot him a glare. “Trust me. People care.”
“All right. All right. Fine. I won’t tell anyone.” Jason made a zipping motion across his lips.
Lucas breathed a sigh of relief. “Two, I want separate hotel rooms from now on. We can’t have a repeat of…what happened before.”
Jason’s expression cleared, and for a moment Lucas couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “Okay. Fine. I can agree to those terms.” Jason pulled his hat over his eyes and leaned back in the seat, obviously intent on taking a nap. “First rodeo is in a month. You better be ready.”
Lucas wasn’t sure what the hell he had agreed to. The pit of his stomach churned. Fortunately he hadn’t eaten anything tonight, else he might have lost it.
He could do this. Jason didn’t need to know Lucas was in love with him.
Chapter Three
The month flew by faster than Jason liked. If it had been up to him, he and Lucas would have spent more time practicing. Instead, Lucas came up with every excuse in the book not to see Jason.
On the few occasions when Jason drove over to the ranch, hoping to meet with Lucas, Lucas was always gone or busy. Phone calls and texts went unanswered. It wasn’t until a week ago, when Jason called him multiple times in a row, that Lucas had finally answered.
Now the two of them were loaded up and ready to go to the first rodeo of the year. It was a small one, but each rodeo was important for them to acquire enough points to qualify for the finals.
“Truck looks nice.” Jason ventured into a safe topic. Lucas always did like to talk about his truck. He had bought it with their first big payout from one of their sponsors two years ago.
“Thanks.” Lucas gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles white.
“Are we not going to talk the entire trip?” An ache settled in Jason’s chest. He didn’t regret the night they’d had together, but he’d give anything to have his best friend back. What the fuck had gone so wrong? Was it because they had sex, or was it something more?
Lucas shrugged. “What do you want to talk about?”
“That night.” The words spilled from his mouth before Jason could hold them back. Maybe it was a good thing. “It’s obvious that there are some unresolved issues there. Would you like to talk about it?”
“No, Dr. Phil, I would not like to talk about it.” Lucas swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. Jason swore that a sweat broke out on his forehead.
“Or we could talk about the weather.” Jason chuckled through the tension that filled the truck.
After a few long moments, Lucas spoke. “I suppose we could talk about that night.” Lucas cleared his throat. “I’m not going to apologize though. And you can come up with any excuse you want, but you were a willing participant. Whether you admit it or not.”
Jason blanched and turned to stare at Lucas. “Are you under the impression that I regret that night? Because I don’t.”
Lucas looked Jason in the eye. Surprise and disbelief were etched in his features. “You don’t?”
“You think I would lie to you?” Jason held his breath, afraid of what the answer might be. Could one night really ruin five years of friendship? Of hard work? Would they ever go back to normal?
Lucas focused on the road once more. “We’re fine. Why don’t you drop it?”
Jason stared at the floor of the truck. Clean as the day Lucas drove it off the lot. Jason had helped him pick it out. He’d even picked the color: cherry red. Would they ever be that close again?
“I can’t drop it, Lucas. I need to know that we’re okay. That you still trust me. That one night didn’t ruin everything.”
“So we can win this year? ’Cause that’s what’s important, right?”
“Well, yeah—”
“Don’t worry. I won’t fuck up our chances for the title.”
Jason kept his mouth shut. Unable, unwilling, to correct Lucas. Let him think what he wished. Sure, Jason wanted—needed—to win this year. But it wasn’t for the fame or the buckles or the women. It was for the money. While Lucas spent his winnings on a new truck and trailer or fancy tack, Jason saved every penny. This year, if everything went well, he could stop traveling. Settle down. He could raise a herd of beef cattle, maybe get a few chickens and have fresh eggs every morning for breakfast.
With Lucas.
The thought came out of nowhere. But it felt…right, like it was the missing piece to the puzzle he’d been working on for years. It was easy to imagine ranch life with Lucas by his side. They had been inseparable. It only made sense for them to settle down together. Jason had always thought they would be business partners, but now the gates were wide open, and the reality was, they could be actual partners. But that wouldn’t be possible if Lucas wouldn’t talk to him.
Jason glanced sideways at Lucas. He was focused on the road, his lips pinched in a tight line. He looked gorgeous even when he was angry.
Would Lucas be interested? Jason wasn’t about to ask. He needed to buy his land, and then, maybe, he could think about sharing his life with someone.
God, it sounded like heaven though. Jason leaned back in the seat and let out a long sigh. Sleeping in the same bed every night, eating homemade food that didn’t come out of a wrapper, with Lucas there beside him—he could get used to that.
* * * *
Lucas grabbed the currycomb from the tack box and ran it across Rain’s back as gently as his emotions would allow. It had been a long two days stuck driving with Jason close by. His mint cologne, which Lucas couldn’t seem to resist, filled the cab of the truck. It made for a hard drive. In more ways than one.
His cock still hurt from straining against his zipper for so damn long.
The rodeo announcer called for all roping teams to report to the arena. Lucas glanced around for Jason. He spotted him chatting with some of the bull riders who were regulars on the rodeo circuit. Lucas recognized them, had seen them before at other rodeos, and had even had a drink or two with them at a bar. They were nice guys, but something about the way Jason laughed at whatever the skinny blond said set Lucas’s blood boiling.
He turned away, grabbing his saddle and pad to put on Rain. It wasn’t his place to get jealous. Ja
son wasn’t his, and besides, Jason was straight, and so were the bull riders.
He looked up and caught Jason’s eye. Damn it. That man had a way of causing a reaction in Lucas every time. Hell, even if he were sitting in a tub of ice, he could get hard just looking at Jason.
Jason strolled over to the trailer where Argo was tied. “You ready for this?”
Lucas nodded and swallowed. His mouth had gone dry from the hot Texas air. It had nothing to do with the cowboy standing a few feet away.
Within a few minutes, the two mounted their horses and trotted to the back of the arena, where they would wait for their run. Lucas lifted his lasso and ran his hands over the familiar rope. Butterflies circled in his stomach. The feeling was foreign to him. Nervous? When had he ever been nervous for a ride before? They’d done this a million times. Today wasn’t any different from any other year. Except for the lack of practice, and the sexual tension between him and Jason that he couldn’t shake.
“You okay? You’re looking a little green.”
“I’m fine. Just a little nervous.” He coughed after he said the words, surprised he was being honest with Jason, though it felt good to be talking to him for real again.
Jason reached over and clapped him on the back. “No sweat, man. We got this.” His hand lingered on Lucas’s shoulder longer than necessary, turning from a friendly gesture to more of a gentle squeeze.
No.
Lucas rolled his shoulder back, shrugging off Jason’s hand. He glanced around the area, scanning the faces of the rodeo riders to see if anyone had seen. That was just what they needed, for one of the other cowboys to suspect that Lucas was gay.
Lucas couldn’t let himself get too close to Jason again. “I know. We’ll be great. Done this a thousand times.”
Lucas adjusted his hat and situated his lasso until he was comfortable. He gave Rain a pat on the neck and watched the other riders complete their rides. There was a lot of good competition here today for such a small rodeo.
Within a half hour it was Lucas and Jason’s turn to run. Lucas’s stomach flipped as he held Rain back behind the designated line, waiting for the steer to be released. Jason was on the other side, calm as could be. It was his job to rope the steer’s head and horns, and then Lucas would rope its back feet. The team who did it the fastest with no point deductions won.