ZooFall

by Lawrence Ambrose

  Gary surveyed the tall posts from which Molly was strung, visualizing how it could be done. Hell, just climb the posts, chop the ropes, and lower her to the ground. Ain't no big thang. Of course, if the chimps spotted him he'd be in deep shit. But still, he could always drop to the ground and run for it.

  More shots rent the night. A lot more – coming in desperate-sounding volleys. His people were still here then, and things were getting hot. He wanted to help them, but on the other hand, they were giving him the perfect distraction. Time to rock and roll.

  Gary bounded out across the clearing, staying low. No cries of alarm – just a continued hubbub within the big tent. Probably scared shitless by the gunfire and being under attack. He shimmied up the nearest pole, reaching the rope in seconds. No sweat. After a little further thought, he cut the rope a bit lower than its attachment, and hugging the pole with his legs held on to the rope, stretching out his body to let Molly swing over the fire toward the far pole, releasing her to thump softly against the pole. Luckily, the bonfire was concentrated in the middle, so there wasn't much heat near its edges. So far, so good.

  Gary dropped down and sprinted around the fire where his chimp paramour hung by one arm. She appeared to be awakening – making teakettle sounds, murmuring in a scratchy snarl, blinking blindly. Gary scrambled a few feet up, high enough to reach the rope just beyond her wrist. Locking his legs around the pole and one arm around her waist, he cut her free.

  It required a bit of his super-strength to climb down while holding her with one arm, but again, no biggie.

  But the Azrene pointing and shouting at him from the leader chimp's fancy-dancy tent: Biggie.

  "Can you run?" Gary half-shouted into Molly's ear.

  The Azrene mumbled something that sounded like a curse, but she was mostly dead weight in his arms. All-righty then. He swept her up over his right shoulder – she had to be at least three times the weight of Laurie Jensen, the last person he'd carried – and ran like hell.

  Turned out hell wasn't that fast. The dozen or so Azrene were gaining on him as if they were running on a conveyer belt and he was stuck in mud. He was pretty sure they were faster than the males. He might've had trouble outrunning the females even without the added weight.

  Gary reached the tents on the far end of the central clearing with the Azrene close enough to hear their heavy breathing. He had no choice. He steeled himself. Sorry, Molly, gotta let you go. He was loosening his left arm to drop her when a familiar mass of short, barrel-chested dudes burst from the inner circle of tents launching a forest of spears. Gary ducked, for one crazy moment wondering if his new friends had turned on him, but as his dear old mom often said: Ye of little faith. The spears flew over his head, finding the pursuers behind them with nice stone-penetrating-into-flesh thunks. Glancing back, at least half of the females had added spears to their fancy cloths covering their chests. A few others wore spears elsewhere, and three or four unscathed chimps launched some spears of their own.

  Gary ducked, hearing the Azrene spears thud into dirt rather than flesh behind him. The cave-dudes, crazy tough guys that they were, charged the chimps with axes and clubs. He heard the females make hawking sounds – their prelude to poison spit – and he waved back the Stoners. But instead of spitting, the Azrene were in retreat, dragging their wounded with them. The cavemen pulled up. Gary gasped out a deep breath of relief. The primitives looked from him to Molly with puzzled frowns. Lucky thing Twiggy wasn't with them. Knowing women, he doubted she'd appreciate his simian squeeze.

  "Yeah," Gary sighed in response to their looks. "It's a long story."

  He shouldered Molly again and motioned for his new tribe to follow him. More gunfire sounded to the west, and now, emerging from the camp, he could see the muzzle flashes and the human figures behind them. They appeared to be headed toward the no-fight zone. Good thing, because they had maybe a hundred males and a few dozen females on their ass.

  Gary jogged along with his cave-friends, as usual not sure what to do. He couldn't see making much difference against that number of monkeys, and as blind as his people were at night they might just shoot him if he came running up, especially with Molly draped over him. He might've run back to their camp, but with the others fighting their way to the Rodney King Zone, he couldn't see leaving them behind. Besides, if they got stuck here there wouldn't be a camp to go back to.

  He steered clear of the two groups, leading the cavemen toward the north part of the Hub.

  THE GANG was all there – minus Gary Hanson.

  They all huddled under the light – and the cold gazes of perhaps thirty Azrene – nursing their bruises and wounds, most of them seeming minor, though Diana suspected she had some broken ribs along with a sprained shoulder and wrist. Not much of a price for a full-body encounter with two of the baboon-creatures. Donny and Sonja appeared untouched. Dan had a purple egg under one eye and a split lip. Gunnar's nose had been knocked askew – clearly broken – and his right jaw and cheek glistened with watercolor greens, blues, and yellows. Penny sat nestled up against Curly, who while splattered with blood and gore appeared to be resting peacefully. Perhaps, Diana thought, he was badly injured and merely being stoic.

  Gunnar caught her staring at him and grinned. "You should see the other guy."

  "Did he have a satisfied smirk on his hairy face?"

  "Guess you must've seen him."

  They laughed, joined by polite smiles from the others. Behind them, Myth approached the Hub and a doorway opened.

  "Go in, Myth," said Dan. "Check it out. But don't stay long – especially if there's danger. Just long enough to see what's in there and get out."

  "I will," she said.

  She stepped through the door. The wall was instantly restored.

  "I hope she finds something," said Diana. "This" – she nodded to the females hunkered down outside the safe zone – "could get rather awkward sooner than later."

  "Anyone have any water?" asked Sonja. "The first thing that will get awkward is dehydration. They might not be able to hurt us in here, but without food and water they won't have to."

  Tell us something we don't all know, Diana thought. Gunnar's dry smile at her suggested he was thinking the same thing. She had a water bottle clipped to her weapon belt which had about two swallows left. A couple of others had managed to hold onto their canteens but weren't much better off. Trying not to appear grudging, she handed her bottle over to Sonja and Donny. The other two canteens were passed around until empty.

  Diana heard the others' gasp of surprise before she was aware of the odd group of individuals approaching them from around the Hub. The tallest of the people was helping an Azrene along in a limping walk. It took Diana a moment to decide it was a female since she lacked the usual varicolored garb – and a long moment more to recognize the tall dark-haired man in the spotted loincloth she was leaning heavily against. Gary! The youth was striding along with a collection of short, squattish, thick-bodied men, women, and children. They appeared to be some variation of Stone Age human, though not meeting her stereotypic image of dark-haired brutish features and oblong heads. If she had to classify them from their light, copper skin and reddish-blond hair she might've said: "Late-century Irish after an all-nighter at the local pub."

  "Hey," Gary called to them. "What took you guys so long?"

  "Gary?" Sonja sounded uncertain. "Where have you been?"

  "Oh, just hangin' with my brothers." He patted a big-shouldered man with a red-golden beard on the head. The man ducked away, shooting him a small scowl. "Kind of got distracted for a while there."

  "You look a little distracted." Diana nodded to the Azrene.

  "Oh, yeah. Heh. This is Molly. Uh...ran into her when I stole the clothes from the tent."

  "You never mentioned that. So why is she with you?"

  "And what's with the cavemen?" Gunnar asked.

  Gary laughed and shrugged self-consciously. "It's kind of a long story. We just sorta fell in together, if you
know what I mean."

  "Not really." Diana peered at the alien simian female, noting the smoky odor wafting from her. "Wait a minute. Isn't she the one who was hanging over the fire?"

  "You got it."

  "And you rescued her? Why?"

  "Like I said, it's a long story. They were punishing her because she – well, we – had, uh, contact. Guess that that violates their laws or something."

  "Contact?"

  Gary's face flushed. Puzzled looks were exchanged. Gunnar broke out laughing. Diana frowned in disbelief as comprehension dawned.

  "Are you saying...?" Dan began.

  "I ain't saying." Gary held his head high. "Gentlemen don't tell, you know?"

  "Jesus." Dan shook his head. Sonja slid closer to him as if seeking a barrier between her and the youth. Laurie rolled her eyes.

  "So you got it done," said Gary, nodding to the Jensens, a small defensive note in his voice. "Congratulations on that, right?"

  "Now we just need to figure out how to leave the magic circle," said Gunnar.

  Gary lowered Molly with him to the ground to one side of the group. Curly emitted a low, nearly subsonic rumble that sounded to Diana more like a negative comment than a growl.

  "It's okay, Curly," Penny murmured. "Gary's just a little weird, that's all."

  The Neanderthals walked past, regarding the group warily. Twiggy made an impatient motion for Gary to follow. Gary raised his hand and gave her a regretful smile. She scowled as a door appeared in the Hub and her people started to file through, holding back until her father tugged her along with a gentle but firm grasp.

  "Maybe later, babe," Gary said. "Gotta stick with my main peeps for now."

  "God," said Diana, "don't tell me you have a thing with that Stone Age girl, too?"

  "What – are you jealous?" Gary snickered. "Don't be hatin' on me just 'cause I got a way with women."

  "Not just human women, apparently," Donny observed.

  "At least I like females."

  "Anyway," Sonja cut in sharply, "I – we – want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts, Gary, for sticking with us – we know you were following us all along – and making our rescue possible." She squeezed the top of her son's shoulder. "Don't we, Donny?"

  "Yeah," said Donny. "You're a real mensch, Gary."

  "No problem, kid, whatever that means." He tipped an imaginary hat to his favorite MILF. "Mrs. Jensen."

  "We want to thank everyone," said Sonja, turning to Diana and the others. "We owe you all everything."

  "Yes," said Dan. "I feel the same way. You all risked your lives for people you hardly knew."

  "Maybe there's hope for the human race yet," said Gunnar. "What's left of it."

  No one spoke for several seconds.

  "You guys happen to have any of that blue goop?" Gary asked. "Molly here is hurting a bit after all that roasting."

  "We have some back at the camp," said Diana. "Not with us."

  "She could probably use water more than anything," said Sonja. "She must be extremely dehydrated."

  The Azrene was glancing at the people as if she understood they were talking about her. She pointed weakly to the Hub and made a motion to rise. Gary placed a restraining hand on her shoulder.

  "Hold on, Molly," he said. "Let the smart people here talk this over a little."

  "I'm probably going to regret asking," said Diana, "but why Molly?"

  "She kinda reminds me of my junior high math teacher."

  When Gunnar and Penny snorted, Diana lowered her head in her hands.

  "You mean they're both good with numbers?" Gunnar suggested.

  "Yeah." Gary forced a good-natured laugh. "Something like that."

  Everyone – including Gary and his simian companion – gave a start as Myth emerged abruptly from the Hub. She performed a double-take noticing "Molly."

  "Why is the Azrene here?" she asked.

  "You can ask Gary about that later," Dan chuckled. "What did you find in there?"

  "It is a habitat identical to the one I grew up in," he said. "What the Keepers said was a rough imitation of our true native world. It is not a good place for humans. My people lived mostly above ground in something like trees. We take water and food from the trees, mostly."

  "Not a good supply of water or food for us, then?"

  "No, Dan. With this body, it wouldn't work for me, either."

  "That seems to imply that a door opens to a different world suited to each zoo creature," said Diana.

  "Unfortunately," said Dan, "none of those doors open for us."

  "One opens for me," said Gary. While everyone stared at him, startled, he added with a shrug: "At least the alien dude told me it would. Haven't tried it yet."

  "Alien dude?" Diana asked.

  Gary shrugged and smiled self-consciously under Diana and everyone else's hard stare. "Oh, yeah, D. I didn't tell you guys about Zurgie, did I?"

  "Zzurgire?" For once, the unflappable Myth had her mouth open in an expression of rapt disbelief.

  "Yeah, I guess. Had one of those hard-to-pronounce alien names, you know?"

  "Zzurgire, the Keeper scientist?"

  "So he said."

  "You spoke to him face-to-face?"

  "Nope. He spoke through speakers or something. Lucky for him, 'cause I probably would've punched him out." Gary shrugged again. "Not that he didn't seem like a nice guy, you know, for one of the things that killed pretty much all the people on this planet."

  "He confirmed that everyone here was killed off?" Gunnar's voice was thick with suppressed emotion.

  "Yup."

  "You're sure?"

  "He said they expected some tiny percent to survive. I think he said point zero something or other percent."

  Gunnar leaned toward Gary, his fingers caressing his rifle as if he longed to bring it into play against the former football star. Diana noted the dismayed expressions making the rounds of her team. Could there possibly be a worse ambassador of the human race? Probably, but she was coming up short thinking of someone. Confirmation of the near-total annihilation was no surprise. She would've been surprised if that wasn't true.

  "I take it you know this alien, Myth?" Dan asked.

  "Yes." Myth continued to appear stunned. "We were friends. How did you get to talk to him, Gary?"

  "This ship showed up in the prehistoric place – where the cave-dudes go when they step through their door – and the next thing I knew, I was lying on a table in this, like, hospital room or lab..."

  Gary recalled their conversation. After much prodding and probing, the important details were revealed: the Keeper's interest in Gary's unique physiology as it related to his survival and use of Adderall, the apparent long-term nature of the alien's task, his tepid profession of regret over the massacre of human civilization, and that the decision to end the human race and adopt Earth as home to an alien zoo was made by an artificial intelligence.

  A prolonged silence followed after the questions petered out, which Gunnar was the first to break:

  "AI, huh? It's good to know I was right about computers. In the end, they destroy a people's humanity."

  "Any people that let a computer sentence someone to death is insane," said Dan. "Their sense of morality would need to be badly broken to allow that."

  "I won't argue that point."

  "If we could get inside there," said Diana, nodding to the Hub, "maybe we could break them."

  "No, Diana," said Myth. "They would not let us use our weapons against them."

  "When this Keeper scientist spoke to you," Diana addressed Gary, "were you restrained?"

  "No. But it was weird." Gary frowned. "I couldn't see anything holding me on this bed, but I could barely move my body."

  "They immobilize you," said Myth. "I've seen it done hundreds of times. You would never be given the chance to use your weapons."

  "Maybe we could just speak to him or them," said Sonja.

  Dan faced his wife. "What would we say? Demand an apology?"


  "I don't know. Maybe we could learn something? The alien scientist didn't sound completely unsympathetic – and he didn't harm Gary."

  "Maybe they could, you know, cut us a break?" Gary suggested. "Give us something for our trouble. I never thought to ask for that."

  "Compensation?" Gunnar's smile held a sharp edge of contempt. "Maybe they could set up a reservation for us or something?"

  "Yeah!" said Gary with oblivious enthusiasm. "Give us our own land, free food and housing and welfare money, just like the Indians! Sweet!"

  "Right," said Gunnar sourly. "Those lucky Native Americans."

  Diana turned to Myth. "What are the odds they'd hurt us if we did try talking to them?"

  "If they wanted to hurt us, they already would've," Myth answered with a shrug. "They know we're here and who we are."

  "Because of Gary?"

  "Not just him. We encountered one of their ships a few days ago."

  "That's right," said Dan. "It just hovered there for a few minutes, obviously checking us out, and then left."

  "But there is food and water where you went, Gary?" Sonja asked. "It's some kind of prehistoric world, isn't it?"

  "Yep. There's food and water there. There's also things there that think you're food. Had a run-in with a saber tooth or some kind of big lion when I was in there."

  "You met a saber tooth tiger?" Penny was wide-eyed.

  "Met? Heck, the dang thing face-planted me! You see this?" He held up his left arm, showing off a row of fading puncture wounds on his forearm. "That's all that stood between me and the great beyond, little girl."

  "Yet somehow, as usual, you survived," Diana observed drolly.

  "So how did you?" Penny asked. "Survive, I mean."

  "Oh, he just ran away." Gary decided the whole truth was somewhat less heroic. "The big pussy."

  "So it could be a bit dangerous," said Gunnar, patting his rifle. "Lucky we got guns. If the boy can get us in there, I say we go. We should be able to get some food and water, whether or not we can get an audience with the high-muck-a-muck. Beats sitting on our asses out here."

  "Maybe if we're gone long enough they'll pull the guard." Dan nodded to the Azrene still posted just outside the zone, glaring at Molly.