Sin City Baby: A Reverse Harem Accidental Marriage Romance

by Rye Hart

  I wasn't sure I could ever be that woman, especially now. But, I did know one thing – Evan, Jared and Gabe deserved better than me.

  What I'd done the night before was selfish, and I knew it. I'd used them to get what I wanted. I loved them, and I knew they loved me too, all in their own way. I slept with them, in turn, and enjoyed every second of it. They seemed to enjoy it too. It hadn't seemed like a bad or dirty thing at the time. Nothing I needed to feel ashamed of. Yet, I did.

  I knew, in that moment, what I had to do.

  ***

  I stepped out of the shuttle van and turned around to help Grayson down. Setting him on his feet on the sidewalk, I took my bags from the driver. I set them down and fished around in my purse, pulling out a ten-dollar bill and handing it over as a tip.

  “Thank you, ma'am,” he said. “Have a nice day.”

  “Yeah, you too.”

  It was going to take several trips to get all of our luggage inside.

  “Mama, I gotta pee,” he said, dancing around to emphasize his point.

  “Okay, baby,” I said.

  I picked up a bag in one hand, and took hold of Grayson's hand in the other, quickly marching him up the walkway, and up the steps that led to the front door. I dropped the bag on the porch and slid the key into the lock, quickly turning it, and pushed the door inward.

  “Go ahead and go potty, sweetheart,” I say. “I just have to go get our bags. Don't leave the house.”

  “Okay, mama.”

  Grayson raced off toward the bathroom as I went back out to get our stuff. Two trips later, I had all of our bags sitting in the foyer, and closed the door, making sure to lock it behind me. Back in a big city like San Diego, I didn't have the luxury of not having to worry about whether or not my doors were locked, like I could in a place like Castle Creek.

  I leaned against the door and sighed, running my hands over my face, trying to banish all of the thought and emotion thinking about home – and the Walker boys in particular – brought to mind.

  “Mama, I'm hungry.”

  I pulled my hands away and give Grayson as big of a smile as I could muster. I led him into the kitchen and dug some peanut butter crackers out of the pantry. He smiled as I lifted him up and onto one of the stools that sat at the center island in our large kitchen. Opening the box, Grayson grinned as he dug in, happily munching away on his crackers.

  “We'll order a pizza for dinner tonight, okay?” I asked.

  “Hooray!” he cheered.

  I sat down on a stool next to him and popped a couple of crackers into my mouth.

  “Mama sad?”

  Grayson's big brown eyes looked back at me, filled with concern. His eyes – so reminiscent of Chris – broke my heart. I tried to reassure him with a smile and hoped it looked way more authentic than it felt. Leaning forward, I kissed him on the top of his head and pinched his cheeks, drawing a giggle out of him.

  “Mama's fine, sweetheart,” I said. “Just a little tired. Why don't you go play in your room for a while until the pizza gets here?”

  “Okay,” he said, grabbing the box of crackers and taking them with him.

  Ordinarily, I didn't let him eat in his room, but given the upheaval in his life recently, I figured it would be okay. With a sigh, I got up from the stool and wandered around the house. I walked into the living room and looked out the tall floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the pool and the backyard. We didn't have nearly as much green as I would have liked – the pool took up most of our backyard. It was a tradeoff, because I had to admit, having the pool in the summertime was nice.

  Still though, I missed the wide open spaces and sheer greenery of a place like Castle Creek. Okay, truth be told, I missed my hometown, period.

  Of course, thinking about Castle Creek made me think of what I'd left behind. More specifically, who I'd left behind. My heart hurt over the fact that I'd up and run from Gabe, Jared, and Evan. I hadn't left them a note, a voicemail, nothing. I hadn't even shot them a text message telling them I was leaving. I'd just vanished. Gone, like a puff of smoke on a breeze.

  It had been an asshole thing for me to do, but I'd thought it was necessary. I thought it was in all of our best interest if I get out of there and just come back to San Diego to sort through everything in my head – and there was some serious baggage up there for me to unpack.

  Being with all of them was something I'd wanted. It was amazing, in its own way. Belonging to all three of them, and yet none of them, was an idea that wasn't without its meritsThere were so many things about it that appealed to me.

  However, after sleeping with all three of them, something inside of me shifted. I thought I'd be able to handle that sort of a situation. However, in the aftermath of it all, I was left feeling wrong. Dirty. Somehow used. Even though I hadn't been. After sleeping with all of them, more than anything, I felt ashamed of myself.

  No, I was a more than willing participant, but being with all three of them on the same night left me feeling a little disgusted with myself. Which was why I had to leave. I saw all of the judgment I needed to see whenever I looked into a mirror. The last thing I wanted or needed was to see it in the eyes of the three men I loved.

  As much of an asshole move as it was – and it really was – I thought it was in the best interest of us all. The Walker boys wouldn't have to fight. Petty jealousies wouldn't surface and drive wedges between them. Nor, would they nurse resentment toward me for not choosing between them. For, instead, choosing to please myself.

  I wanted to tell them what I was feeling. What I was going through, but, I knew that if I talked to them, they'd only try to talk me out of leaving. Knowing myself like I did, I knew I'd probably weaken and give in. My attraction to all three of them was still there and it was still powerful. I just couldn't be with all three of them like I thought I could.

  But, it was over. Done. I thought I could handle it, but I couldn't. So, I'd made my decision and had come back to San Diego. I'd run home like a puppy dog, tail tucked between my legs, guilt-ridden and ashamed. Back to the house I'd shared with Chris. A house full of fond, loving memories. A house full of old ghosts.

  I just couldn't face the brothers. Not after what I'd done.

  I wandered from the living room into my office. The air was heavy and saturated with the must of disuse. Dropping down into the chair behind my desk – the desk from which I'd launched and controlled my little business empire – the first thing my eyes were drawn to was the wedding photo of Chris and I. He’d been so beautiful. If I'd been building the perfect man for me, he would have turned out exactly like Chris.

  Reaching out, I picked up the photo and let my fingertips trace the lines of his face, his smile frozen in time, his eyes staring out at eternity.

  “I miss you, babe,” I said. “I miss you so much. I miss you every goddamn day.”

  I thought back to the last time I spoke to him and my heart was immediately filled with regret. My eyes stung with tears and they began to roll down my cheeks. The last words I'd spoken to Chris were not kind. They weren't loving. It wasn't me telling him to be safe. Or that I loved him more than life itself.

  No, the last words I'd spoken to the man I loved were in anger. Annoyance. The thing that killed me the most about it, was that my annoyance and anger were over something petty. Something stupid. I leaned back in the seat, clutching the picture frame close to my chest, and closed my eyes, feeling the tears racing down my cheeks.

  I let my mind drift back to that day, letting the guilt and shame rise up and consume me once more...

  “Good morning,” Chris said.

  A loud clang echoed around the kitchen as I slammed the frying pan down on the stove. I said nothing as Chris, dressed in his uniform, took a seat in a stool at the island, across from the stove, where I was cooking. I'd promised Grayson some blueberry pancakes for breakfast, so I was making good on that promise. Somebody had to keep their word around the damn house.

  “Everything oka
y?” Chris asked.

  I looked at him, but remained silent, letting the anger in my eyes speak for itself. Chris didn't rise to the bait though, instead, looking down at the newspaper on the counter. He was reading the sports page, as usual. If there was one constant about Chris, it was his love of sports. Not being a sports fan myself, I never saw the appeal. My irritation that morning though, was that his “things,” his hobbies, were getting in the way of him doing the things he was supposed to do. The things he'd promised me he'd do. I swear to God, sometimes it felt like I was the only one in that house who could do something to help keep it up and running. Some days, I felt like little more than the house maid.

  I dropped a plate with three pancakes down onto the counter in front of him a little harder than was probably necessary. Chris let out a breath, folded up the newspaper, and dropped it onto the counter beside him.

  “Okay,” he said. “What is it? What did I do?”

  I rounded on him. “Oh, it's not what you did,” I snapped. “It's what you didn't do.”

  “And – what didn't I do?” he asked, as if he didn't already know the answer.

  “You promised me you were going to clean up the garage this weekend, Chris,” I said. “But, you decided it was a better idea to go fishing with your boys than do what you promised your wife you would do. Something your wife has been asking you to do for the last six months.”

  A small smile played upon his lips and I had to fight the urge to not smack him upside the head with the griddle on the stove.

  “I really don't know what you think is so funny,” I growled.

  “You are,” he said. “I mean, I understand you're pissed. But, is the garage really worth being this upset about? Seriously, Hadley?”

  “Chris, the garage is a mess and you've been swearing to me, up and down – ”

  “I work on the cars and shit out there, Hadley,” he snapped back. “It's a garage. It's not like you bring your fuckin' book club in there or anything.”

  I took a long breath and let it out slowly. He was not getting it. He was just not getting it. It was about the garage, yes, but it was about more than that. It was about never getting any help.

  “You know I work, right?” I asked. “You know I don't just sit around the house all day watching soap operas?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “So, why is it that I'm the only one who can seem to manage to lift a finger around here?” I asked. “Why is it that I end up doing everything around here?”

  “That's not – ”

  My eyes grew wide and the anger surged within me. “Oh? When was the last time you did the dishes, Chris?” I snarled. “When was the last time you dusted? Or vacuumed? Or did – any of the housework around the house?”

  Chris' face darkened, and I saw the heat creeping into his cheeks. He was getting angrier, but I didn't care. I had a valid point and I was going to make it. I needed help around the house and I was going to have it.

  Chris stood up suddenly. “I have to go,” he said. “I need to get to work.”

  “Oh, that's right, run off,” I said. “We can't have actual adult conversations around here, can we?”

  “Oh, is that what this is? I was unaware,” he said. “Stupid me, I just thought you were screaming at me. Again. I have to go.”

  “This isn't over,” I said as he walked out of the kitchen. “This is far from over, Chris.”

  The front door slammed behind him and I was left standing in the kitchen, my body shaking with frustration and an impotent rage.

  As I thought back about that day, I was consumed by guilt and regret. I wished that I hadn't been so mean. The issue really wasn't that big of a deal. It was something that probably could have been hashed out over a glass of wine and a quiet talk. Chris was a lot of things, but he had never unreasonable.

  It broke my heart into a thousand little pieces to know those were my last words to the man I loved. In my righteous anger, I never once thought that when he walked out the door that day, that would be the last time I ever saw him. I guess I'd expected that he'd come home later that night, we'd talk it out, and end up laughing about what was a massive overreaction to a simple problem.

  Some cracked out asshole had kept that from happening though. What should have been a routine thing turned into a death sentence for my husband.

  Couples fight. Oftentimes, about stupid, silly things. Not everybody though, is left with the regret that comes with one of those stupid, silly arguments being the last interaction they have with their loved one.

  Unfortunately, I was one of those horrible people who was left with that kind of emotional baggage. Baggage I knew, would haunt me for the rest of my life. It had already been two years and I still felt as raw as the day it had happened.

  As I sat there, thinking about Chris, my mind drifted to thoughts of Gabe, Evan, and Jared again, and a new thread of guilt wound its way around my heart, squeezed it tight. By sleeping with them, in a way, I'd been simply trying to stay connected to Chris. To be closer to him. I loved all three of the brothers, that was never a question or doubt in my mind.

  What was suddenly a question though, was whether or not I'd betrayed Chris' memory by sleeping with his best friends. Had I, in my grief, used his friends as a way of somehow trying to make myself feel better about the fact that we had a fight the last time I saw him? Was I trying to use his brothers to assuage my guilt?

  My mind was a mess and I had no idea what I was thinking. Everything was such an absolute clusterfuck and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and go to sleep for the next thirty years.

  “Mama?”

  I looked up at the sound of Grayson's voice. He was standing just inside the doorway to my office, half-hidden behind the door.

  “What is it, baby?”

  “I miss your friends,” he said, his voice so small and fragile. “We see them again soon?”

  I sucked in a breath and held it for a moment, eventually, letting it out slowly as I tried to get my heart under control. Tears welled in my eyes, but I bit my tongue hard, willing them not to fall.

  “I'm not sure right now, baby,” I said.

  I nodded. “I miss them too.”

  Maybe, my penance in life for what I did to Chris was to spend it miserable and lonely. Maybe, for my sins, I was condemned to a life spent alone, but that shouldn't be my little boy's fate. My precious little boy. He should be surrounded by people who love him. Adore him. Fawn all over him. He should be made to feel as special and amazing as he is.

  I just didn't know whether the right place for that is here or in Colorado. Honestly, I didn't even know where the right place for me was. I pretty much felt like I didn't belong anyplace, to be perfectly honest.

  “Go play in your room, honey,” I said. “I just need to call for the pizza. It should be here soon.”

  Grayson looked at me with those wide, brown eyes for a long moment, before he nodded and shuffled away. He looked sad and it broke my heart. He shouldn't ever be made to feel sad. What in the hell was I doing?

  As the tears rolled down my cheeks, I struggled to find an answer to that question – and kept coming up empty.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  GABE

  My driver dropped me off outside Hadley's home in San Diego. I hadn't bothered to tell anybody back home that I was leaving – and hadn't told Hadley I was coming. The idea literally came about on the spur of the moment, as soon as I'd heard she left Castle Creek. I'd tried to give her some space after what had happened. I figured she needed to cool off after what I assumed was a drunken mistake. It was only after the fact that I found out from her mother that she'd packed her bags and left. On a whim, she was gone. Just like that.

  I knew that I'd fucked up pretty badly. Again. This time, though, I wasn't about to let her run away from me Not without me putting up a fight. I walked up the short staircase that led to the porch, walked to the front door of her house, and rang the doorbell. My heart ra
ced, and my palms grew sweaty as I stood there, trying to come up with the words I wanted to say to her.

  I wanted Hadley back in my life. I wanted her to be mine. More than that, though, I wanted Grayson to know me – and everybody else I considered family. I knew he would benefit from having some strong male role models in his life. I just needed to convince Hadley.

  My heart swelled with I saw Hadley peek out the window beside the door. I gave her a small wave when I caught sight of her, but she looked almost panic-stricken. I was half-afraid she wasn't going to open the door. After a few long seconds though, she did.

  My pulse rose as I stared at her. She was in a pink and white floral sundress with a halter-style top. A pink bow cinched her waist, giving her the perfect hourglass figure. Her blue eyes reminded me of the ocean, deep and swirling with so much emotion. Her lips were painted pink but were pulled down at the corners as she frowned at me.

  “Gabe? What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “I'm here to see you,” I said. “And Grayson.”

  She looked over her shoulder, and I caught a glimpse of the little guy in the living room. He was playing with some Hot Wheels, like usual. Seeing how much he loved his cars made me smile because it reminded me that his daddy loved his toy cars too, all those years ago. I smiled wider when he looked up and saw me, waving at him from the entrance way.

  “Gabe!” Grayson shouted, hurrying down to the doorway.

  “Hey, little man,” I said.

  I knelt down to his level and hugged the boy tightly. When he was in my arms, I had to admit, it just felt right. Though maybe not by blood, he was still family, and I loved him more than words could possibly describe.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked.

  “I came to see you,” I said, tapping him on the nose as I stood up. “And your mom, of course.”