After the Fire

by Felice Stevens

  His orgasm barreled down on him, splintering him, and he came apart, jetting streams of creamy ribbons overflowing onto their stomachs. Unable to stand, he sagged into Jordan’s arms. To his shock, tears rolled down his face. He found himself gasping for breath.

  “I’ve got you, Lucas. Let go of everything and hold on to me. I won’t let you fall.” Jordan held him, slipping his arms around his waist, heedless of the sticky mess that lay between them.

  “I’m okay. I didn’t know. I didn’t…” Embarrassed at his outburst of emotion, he tried to pull away, but Jordan refused to let him go.

  “What didn’t you know?”

  How could he put it into words? All the sex forced on him at such a young age had crushed his dreams. The nights spent with those anonymous truckers had shattered his illusions even further about sex and love. Sex for him revolved around the moment, the hard flash and burn, the want and need that came and went with the wind, leaving no mark of remembrance. And love? There was never any thought or mention of the word. Love wasn’t present in the dirty back roads and dimly lit truck stops where Luke had been shaped into the man he’d been for the last ten years.

  “I’ve never been with someone I’ve wanted as much as you. And even now, now that we’ve had sex, it’s not enough. I…I want more. I want to be with you again and again, and it fucking scares me to death because I don’t know what to do.” He sank into a chair, his legs still wobbly.

  “What we do is take it as it comes, one day at a time. I want to be with you too, and believe me, that scares me almost as much.”

  “Are you sorry for what’s happened between us?” Although it hurt his heart, Lucas needed to know. “Because of Keith and it being too soon?”

  To his relief, Jordan smiled and bent over to kiss him on his mouth. “No, I’m not. It’s more than two bodies having sex for me, and I think for you as well. But we don’t have to go there yet.”

  Once again Jordan kissed him, a sweet brushing together of their lips. He smoothed back the curls that Luke could never keep out of his eyes. “I count myself lucky beyond words to have found you, but no one knows where time will take us. For all those months after Keith died, I lived in a black void, unable to move forward. And while I’d never give up what I had with him, I think it’s time for me to live again.”

  Jordan played with his hair, winding the curls around his fingers. Luke never would’ve suspected the man could be as gentle and loving as he was right now. The facade of pride and arrogance had to be strictly for show, for work purposes.

  “I don’t think anyone should ever make you try and forget him; yet, selfishly, I’m glad you want to move ahead.” Luke gulped. “With me.”

  This baring of souls was hard. It was easier to stay home every night in his apartment and watch television, pretending his loneliness didn’t exist, venturing out only for occasional, hurried sex to satisfy a physical need, nothing more. But now he’d had a taste of what he’d missed all these years. Companionship, family, friends.

  Love.

  Luke’s thoughts came up short. It was way too soon for that emotion to rear its ugly head. He went searching for his pants and pulled them on. Jordan handed him a warm, damp dishtowel to wipe himself up with. “Thanks. How about we have that late dinner now? We’ll have to reheat the food, but it’ll still be good.”

  Jordan nodded, and side by side they puttered about in the kitchen, Luke learning where everything was kept, taking orders from Jordan about what to do. He was surprised at Jordan’s adeptness as he watched him chop greens and prepare a salad, complete with homemade dressing. “Hey, Prep School, I thought you’d only know how to make a reservation. When did you learn to cook?”

  “I always enjoyed it. Frees my mind after a stressful day.” Jordan swept the vegetables from the cutting board into the large bowl and mixed them with the salad greens.

  There was something sensual about the way he handled the knives, a strength and sureness that Luke understood came from Jordan’s surgical abilities. It mesmerized him, and he didn’t even realize it until Jordan snapped his fingers in front of his face.

  “Lucas, Lucas, what’s going on? I’ve been speaking to you, and you’re in a daze.”

  “Hmm, what? Oh, sorry.” Not really. He’d been thinking how quickly they could eat and then maybe go upstairs. To bed. “What is it?”

  Jordan had already put away the knives and set the salad on the table. All that was needed was for the food to get hot enough. After wiping his hands on a dish towel, Jordan sat next to him and took his hands. “Tell me what happened between you and Ash. Talk to me. Let me in already. Doesn’t it get lonely living in the dark? Are you going to spend the rest of your life in the shadows?”

  Luke tensed, but Jordan held tight, forcing him to stay, not run and hide from the past like he normally did. If anyone could understand, maybe it was Jordan. The honesty and tenderness in those blue eyes were for him. It hit him then that maybe he didn’t need to face life alone anymore.

  Did it make him weak that he’d do anything for Jordan, to see him happy?

  Chapter Fourteen

  Lucas pushed away from him to stand by the large back windows and stare into the black of the night. “He left us. He left us alone with a monster, and he knew it. I can’t ever forgive him for that. It doesn’t matter that I almost died, abandoned in a hospital. Left to live on my own, not even eighteen years old. That wasn’t the worst part even, if that makes any sense to you. What hurts the most is that after he left, Ash never tried to find out what happened to us. And when I lost Brandon, I had no one. I didn’t care anymore. I still don’t.” Lucas stood shaking, his hand trembling on the window.

  “Did your foster father ever touch you, force himself on you? Talk to me. You know I’ll never judge you.” The pain in Lucas’s face shredded Jordan’s heart.

  “There were some strange looks he’d give me every once in a while, lingering glances that creeped me out. But nothing physical from him; he saved that for our foster mother, beating her whenever he felt like it. I’d heard talk that Munson liked young boys, and that the police even talked to him about it. But you know small towns. Nothing ever came of it, but I knew after that to watch out for Brandon since he was so young.”

  “Lucas.” Jordan touched his shoulder, but Lucas flinched, his handsome face dark and grim with anger.

  “You asked, remember?” Lucas spat out. “Well, there it is. I’m positive Ash knew what that man was capable of. I’d bet my life it’s why he left in the first place. How do you leave and turn your back on people you swore to love and protect?”

  Jordan’s heart shattered as Lucas wrenched away from him and stalked to the opposite side of the room. Despite numerous protests to the contrary, Lucas did still care. After almost a year without his friends, Jordan knew the opposite of love wasn’t hate. The two emotions were too entwined to be separated. No, the opposite of love was indifference. Nothing was worse than a person who simply didn’t care enough to have any feelings at all.

  Lucas rounded on him, anger dripping from his words. “And who are you to talk? You cut your friends out of your life.”

  Jordan smiled. “Not anymore. We made up while you were gone. They were here earlier, and we had a long talk.” It felt so good to say it, and earlier this evening, when Drew and Mike were over, it was like old times. They’d caught up on each other’s lives, and Mike told them he planned to ask Rachel to marry him. He was so obviously in love with her, and Jordan couldn’t have been happier. His friend deserved every bit of happiness life had to offer after almost dying in Iraq. And Rachel was perfect for him. Sometimes you didn’t see what was best for you, even when it had been with you all the time.

  However, the reason why he’d asked them to come over, the help he’d wanted from them to kick the pills, that topic he’d never found time to bring up. Truthfully, he was ashamed and embarrassed. He’d always been the strongest, the one they turned to for help. Plus, it wasn’t the right time, with
Mike talking about marrying Rachel.

  You’re such a chickenshit. You know if Lucas finds out you’re still taking the pills, he’ll never forgive you for lying.

  It wasn’t as though he’d lied outright. He was trying to quit and had cut down, although taking five pills a day instead of eight wasn’t exactly telling the truth. And the fact that he was drinking more to compensate for the loss of those three pills—well, he didn’t need to go into it. Life seemed back on track now. He and his best friends were cool, and now he had a relationship to build.

  Surely he could cut down on the pills. He had no reason to be anxious anymore.

  Lucas brushed his knuckles across Jordan’s jaw. “So you and Drew are back to being best friends. I admire your friendship. I hope he knows how lucky he is to have someone like you care about him.”

  “We’re lucky to have each other. He thought I hated him. I never could. I mean, it’s Drew. Who could hate him?” His gaze held Lucas’s. “But that’s what happens when you let things fester and don’t talk it out.”

  Lucas bent over the island, bracing his hands on the granite. “I’m happy you’re friends again and you have your support system back. But where does that leave me with Ash? I don’t want to see him or talk to him.”

  “Shh.” Jordan took Lucas’s stiff, unyielding body into his arms and hugged him until he felt the tightness relax and the muscles under the thin T-shirt soften. The touch and feel of Lucas, where before it was only an impossible dream, now breathed life back into the frozen part of Jordan’s heart. Warmth and desire seeped through him as he pressed his cheek to Lucas’s, enjoying the scratch of his late-evening stubble. Feeling more alive than he had in what seemed like forever, he slipped his hands into the thick silk of Lucas’s hair, massaged his scalp in an attempt to soothe him. “We’ll work it out; I promise. Right now I don’t want to think of anyone else but you and me.”

  Like a big cat stretching in the sun, Lucas rubbed his head against Jordan’s palms. “I think I like the sound of that. You and me. I’ve never had to think of anyone else before, so you’ll have to teach me.” He wrapped his arms around Jordan.

  A promise of a lifetime. An emotion he didn’t dare dwell on yet took root within Jordan, planting seeds of hope and courage. Keeping Lucas’s trust was of the utmost importance in their relationship. Even Keith had never needed him like this. Jordan had always been the dependent one in their relationship, the one who required “fixing,” but with Lucas, both of them were damaged to some extent. “We’ll teach each other.” He kissed Lucas and closed his eyes for a moment.

  Please give me strength to kick this thing. Don’t let me screw this up.

  With reluctance, he pulled out of Lucas’s embrace. “How about we eat now? Then we can have our coffee and dessert upstairs.” Instant desire sparked in Lucas’s eyes, kindling an answering fire within him.

  “How about we go upstairs and leave everything?” Lucas advanced, caging him between his arms against the large granite island. At the first touch of Lucas’s lips on his neck, Jordan moaned, the licks of Lucas’s tongue creating a delicious friction. At a sharp nip from his teeth, Jordan hissed and dropped the cutlery he held in his hand. His cock stiffened, and all reason fled his mind.

  “What? Yeah, let’s go.”

  Lucas roughly yanked him against his hard, broad chest. “I like it when you’re agreeable, Prep School. Come on, then.” Lucas led him out of the kitchen after turning off the oven. They walked up the stairs, but with Lucas massaging his shoulders and kissing the back of his neck, Jordan’s legs felt anything but steady. The heat from Lucas flowed off him like waves.

  Jordan halted at the doorway to his bedroom.

  Lucas sighed and placed a restraining hand on Jordan’s shoulder. “If you don’t want—”

  Exasperated, Jordan snapped. “Okay, look, you need to stop thinking that every time I hesitate a moment, I don’t want you or I’m changing my mind.” He saw a hint of a smile on Lucas’s lips but continued. “I want you, goddamn it. And when we’re together in this bed, there won’t be anyone else with us. Not Keith, not Ash. No one. Understand?”

  Lucas nodded and smiled, curling his hand around Jordan’s bicep. “I never doubted that. I’m smiling because you’re a totally different person when you let yourself go.”

  “Is that good or bad?” Jordan held his gaze.

  Lucas’s mouth covered his in a soft, sweet kiss. “It’s good. So very, very good. It makes me wonder what else you’ve got hidden inside you.”

  That slow, sexy murmur in his ear nearly undid Jordan. How long had it been since he was held? They stood, two seemingly lost souls who’d been bent by the storms in their lives, yet both found the resiliency and strength to survive and not become broken beyond repair.

  Jordan tugged him into the bedroom. “If you’d come in I’ll show you.”

  “You’re also hot when you’re annoyed.” Lucas’s lips skimmed Jordan’s cheek, stopping at the shell of Jordan’s ear. “Makes me hard.”

  Suddenly the room pulsed heavy with sex. The air steamed thick with promise, and everything they did, removing clothes, kissing with increasing hunger and passion, and running their hands overheated skin, moved in slow motion, ending with the inevitability of their naked bodies entwined together on the bed. By the time Jordan lay beneath Lucas’s hard, muscled body, his thick, straining cock brushing against Jordan’s belly, he physically ached with the need to feel Lucas deep inside him.

  “Lucas.” He found it hard to breathe and could only whisper. “Please.”

  Lucas’s eyes glinted bright with desire, the green-gold sparking in the glow of the dim lamp left burning. “Don’t deny me the right to touch and taste you. I feel like I’ve waited all my life for this. I’ll be damned if I’ll be rushed.” Holding onto Jordan, he rolled onto his side, flinging his leg over Jordan’s hip. With a slight move, Lucas flexed and brushed their cocks together, and they kissed. The passion simmering between them burst over Jordan, clean and bright as the wet warmth of Lucas’s mouth possessed him. As their tongues tangled and slid, their eager hands rediscovered the dips and curves of each other’s bodies, caressing hard bone and soft skin.

  Jordan moaned into Lucas’s mouth and rocked his hips forward, greedy to keep that friction going. He sucked on Lucas’s tongue while Lucas’s hand insinuated itself between their bodies, his thumb swirling over the heads of their cocks, picking up the precome leaking from them both. Well lubricated, Lucas slicked his hand up and down their shafts, the softness of their skin hiding the hardness within.

  Jordan bucked against that teasing, rubbing hand, which continued to torture him. The longing and need to feel Lucas inside his body engulfed him, and he wrenched his mouth off Lucas’s. “Damn it, fuck me already.” Pride flew out the window, and he no longer cared how desperate he might sound. Every sensation, every breath he took centered around getting Lucas’s cock inside him. He wanted the sting and burn of the initial invasion and craved the ultimate pleasure of having Lucas sink into him. Desire throbbed hot and liquid within his blood, warming him, wrapping itself around his body.

  A violent tremor ripped through him, and he twisted under the movement of Lucas’s fingers. “Get a condom and lube from the drawer. Now.” His voice rasped, harsh and choking.

  Lucas chuckled, but it sounded thin and strained. “Always demanding, aren’t we?”

  Jordan heard the scrape of the drawer and the crinkle of foil as a condom package was ripped open. After their last night together, Jordan had bought a box of condoms, anticipating their use. His body clenched at the thought of Lucas inside him. Please, please let it be good for him. He needs to know it’s him I want.

  “Lucas, look at me.”

  He immediately fell into that hot, fierce gaze. But he saw a flash, only for a second, of the uncertainty and apprehension he feared would still be there. “You have to know. It’s you I’ve been thinking of. It’s you I want. Only you. I wouldn’t trade this moment to be
with anyone else.” He spread his legs wide, offering himself up to the man who had somehow broken into his heart like a thief in the night, stealing it as easily as if he’d been given it willingly. “Now get inside me.”

  “Who would’ve ever thought the ice king, Dr. Peterson, was such a talkative and bossy lover?”

  Jordan decided if he survived the sex, he might kill the man. “If you don’t shut up and fuck me now, you’ll never find out.” He didn’t get a chance to argue further as Lucas once again took possession of his mouth, plunging his tongue inside and stealing his breath away. Lucas’s mouth seemed to be everywhere; nipping at his jaw, kissing down his neck, and finally coming to rest at the base of his throat. Jordan felt Lucas’s lips curve in a smile against his skin.

  “Here I thought you were the quiet type. And I like you all bossy and authoritative. Your eyes get dark, and your whole body gets aggressive.” Lucas’s lips continued their assault, sucking at Jordan’s nipples, pressing more kisses to his neck, and finally returning to his mouth, where he took hold of his bottom lip and tugged. “I wanted to bite and lick you from the first time you walked into my office. Skinny and sad as you were, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind from the beginning.”

  A thrill shot through Jordan’s body, and he nipped Lucas’s earlobe, then sucked it into his mouth as their cocks rubbed together. A ripple of lust coursed through him, but it went deeper than that. He’d been fascinated with Lucas since they’d met. Something about his darkness and vulnerability struck a chord within Jordan and his breath caught watching those hazel eyes ignite. Lucas reached between them and used his hand, slick with lube, to wet his sheathed cock. He trailed a slippery finger from Jordan’s balls down to his opening, teasing the outside rim.