Switch (Black Ties Book 2)

by Brynn Ford

  “You are my everything, Holly Blue. I want you to be happy. I want you to laugh and smile. I want you to feel everything you need to feel without worry or regret.”

  I couldn’t do that to him.

  I knew I couldn’t.

  I wanted to, because Law meant so much to me and I had so many dangerous curiosities about what it would be like to come undone by his hands. I felt things for him, too, things a married woman shouldn’t feel, but Vaughn wanted me to feel them. He loved me so much that he would sacrifice his sanity to give me that while he was trapped in this living nightmare.

  Vaughn went on, “You were reckless before, Desi. I don’t want you running off and doing something stupid when you’re hurting. I trust Law to keep you safe. I know he can give you what you need and respect your boundaries while doing it. He’ll keep you safe from your self-destructive streak. This will give me peace of mind. I’ll know you aren’t running around doing stupid shit like sneaking off with a stranger to an underground sex club,” he grinned.

  I chuckled as that was precisely how I had met Law.

  “Right,” I said, “Instead, you just want me to sneak off to an underground sex club with him.”

  They were both quiet at the way I’d rephrased Vaughn’s demand.

  “If that’s what you need to stay whole for me, Blue,” Vaughn finally said.

  “You’re insane,” I smiled, “But I love you forever.”

  “I love you, too, baby,” he let out a breath and it seemed clear he wanted to end this conversation, “Tell me about Ris. How’s she doing?”

  Law sighed, “She’s not exactly in the best shape of her life. She’s gonna be okay, though. It’ll take some time.”

  “I still can’t believe that piece of shit did that to her. I mean, I can believe it. I just wish it hadn’t happened.”

  “You and me both,” Law ran his hand through his hair, “It’s pretty scary to see her this way, battered and broken.”

  “I bet it is, man,” Vaughn said, “It’s hard to see someone you love that way.”

  “I don’t,” Law stuttered, “Yeah, I really care about her. It’s painful to see her hurting. Especially to know the man she loved did this to her.”

  “Piece of shit.”

  “Fucking piece of shit,” Law echoed, “I should have taken over for you that night and ended him myself.”

  I gaped at him, surprised by his thought and that he had said it out loud. Vaughn’s eyebrows slanted inward in consideration before a crooked smile spread across his lips and he spoke.

  “I think you and I are gonna get along just fine.”

  Chapter 6

  Ris

  “You wanna hear something awful?” I said, grinning at Desi over the back of the sofa in her living room.

  I sat facing sideways with my feet up and crossed at the ankles, leaning my good elbow against the back cushions to watch Desi as she packed all her belongings.

  She laughed, “God, no. Why?” she paused, then smiled, “Okay, tell me.”

  “Asher’s trying to enter an insanity plea.”

  “Shut the front door,” Desi gaped at me, “You’re kidding?”

  I shook my head, “Not kidding.”

  “That shouldn’t even be an option for him. A psychiatrist pleading insanity as a defense?” she tilted her head, “Huh, that right there is the very definition of insanity. Maybe he’s not so far off base.”

  We both chuckled as my twin brother Callen came out of the only bathroom through Vaughn and Desi’s bedroom.

  “Oh, that man is a psychopath, all right,” Callen added his two cents, “Cut his own damn hair instead of going to a stylist. That right there should have been your warning flag, honey.”

  I laughed, “Trust me, Cal, there were plenty of warning signs much bigger and bolder than that. I just thought I looked so damn good in those rose-colored glasses he gave me that I refused to take them off.”

  “Honey,” Callen said, “You look damn good in everything you wear, but that doesn’t mean you should wear it to bed.”

  “Fair point,” Desi agreed.

  “Oh, but let’s talk about you, honey,” I said.

  She finished pulling tape across a box and stood abruptly, putting her hands on her hips, “What?”

  “You know what. You’re moving into Law’s guest bedroom. You know that’s where he lets his subs stay when he wants to keep them around for extended play time,” I smiled.

  “Stop,” she blushed a little, “It’s only because I can’t afford this place on my own. It’s only temporary. Until Vaughn comes home.”

  Desi looked away, off toward the wall. She inhaled a sharp but shaky breath and held it for a beat, as though she were trying to hold back emotions that were welling beneath the surface. After a moment, Desi breathed out slowly. Callen turned his back to us to make coffee in the kitchen and she let her words spill freely from her mouth in true gossip girl fashion.

  Thank God.

  “There’s more,” she said, lowering her voice, “You know we went to see Vaughn the other day. Did you know he made Law promise to take care of me? He basically told me that Law is my stand-in husband until he gets out. Like, I’m supposed to ask Law to take care of my needs. All of my needs. No boundaries. Seriously, Ris, what the fuck is life right now?”

  She stopped to take a breath and my smile was filled with amusement. We looked at each other and laughed and God, was I grateful to feel the ache of humor in my broken ribcage.

  “Oh, sweetie, I think you’re in for a shit storm of confused feelings and mixed messages. But also, I’m pretty excited about this because I think the two of you definitely need to get sex with each other out of your system.”

  Desi shook her head, deer-in-headlights look all over her face “No. I’m not going to have sex with him. I can’t. I just can’t do that to Vaughn.”

  “But isn’t that what Vaughn told you he wants for you?”

  “Not in so many words. I mean,” her brow furrowed, “Okay, it was definitely implied. But Vaughn doesn’t really want that. He’s just scared. He’s afraid of what our time apart will do to me.”

  “You wanna know what I think?” I said.

  “Yes.”

  “I think you should just go with the flow.”

  She deadpanned, “Wow. Really helpful advice.”

  I laughed, “Sweetie, it’s all just so much for you to try and process from a rational perspective given how intense the emotions are right now. You should try to find comfort knowing that Vaughn wants you to have your needs taken care of and that Law will be more than willing to step up and be the man you need while he’s away. Law’s good for that. He’s good for a lot of things.”

  “I’ll bet he is,” Callen added, coming out of the kitchen just then.

  “Easier said than done,” Desi replied.

  “If you let your emotions get the best of you, sure.”

  Desi grinned, “Ris, you know me. I’m not a person, I’m just a giant walking, talking body of tangled emotions. And I don’t want things to get weird, you know?”

  “Weird how?”

  “I don’t know. Like, haven’t things been weird with Law taking care of you?” she asked me, “You know, since you two had sex that night you broke up with Asher?”

  I shook my head, “No, it was just comfort sex. I told you that. No strings attached. Why would things be weird?”

  I was mostly lying.

  Things hadn’t been weird per se, but they had been different.

  Interesting.

  Confusing.

  Law had been there for me first, fastest, most ferociously. He had taken care of me through this incident in the way I would’ve taken care of anyone else I loved. It was nearly a mimicry of my own demeanor in urgent and stressful situations such as this had been.

  When times called for leadership, I was usually the person who had to step up and take control. I liked doing that in my work and I liked it sometimes in the bedroom. But when I w
as the person who needed help for the first time in my life, Law naturally jumped in to take on that burden for me, and it was glorious.

  I hadn’t realized how much I needed a real dominant I could trust in my life until it hit me.

  Literally, it hit me.

  I had to get hit by a fucking car to realize it.

  Asher had never truly been a trusted dominant. I had fallen in love with him, thinking that’s what he could give me, but he never did step up to the challenge.

  I had left Law those years ago after only eight months together, eight months of perfectly peaceful and mutually beneficially play, all because I thought Asher could give me the balance I craved. I thought he was perfect for me because he offered me the opportunity to switch, to let me be the dominant from time-to-time in our kinky play.

  But I had been short-sighted. In my love drunk goggles, I wasn't able to see that my submission was the only part of our play that Asher understood. It was the only part he cared about.

  When he let me switch and be the dominant in our relationship, he played the submissive part to an extreme. He emulated the behaviors that he wanted me to mirror in our daily life, thinking somehow that would train me to be what he wanted me to be.

  He wanted me to be weak, not submissive.

  Asher’s dominance was equally off-putting. Not at the time I was too in love to see it, but in hindsight, I could see how stupid I’d been to think he had my best interests at heart. His dominance was loud, rough, oftentimes demeaning. I justified it to myself as being exactly what I wanted. I slowly grew to resent him for the way he behaved, though we continued to act our parts in the public eye. We both had an image to uphold for our careers, after all.

  Over time, the aggressive dominance blossomed into flagrant disrespect. I brushed it off the first time he ignored a safeword, but it started happening more and more. Things happened to me that I had no interest in sharing with anyone, things I shoved to the back of my mind and ignored to protect myself. But with the additional charges I intended to press against Asher to ensure him a long prison stay, I was going to have to relive all the details in court documents, deposition, and in trial.

  The truth about my relationship with Asher and why things were just a little weird with Law taking care of me now was that I never really stopped missing Law’s quiet command. I never stopped missing the way Law could bring me to my knees with a flick of his eyes, the way he could make my legs tremble with a simple soft whisper.

  Over the years I had stayed with Asher, I learned that was what lifestyle dominance was supposed to be, the way Law had shown me. It wasn’t meant to be yelled and brutally forced demands of tasks to be completed, it was meant to be gentle coaxing and encouragement to submit to another’s will through guidance and discipline, submission that is freely given, not coerced.

  Law was damn good at that, but he could never give me the long-term partnership and stability that I needed in my life. I could never give him the full-time submissive he needed in his.

  I was a switch and he was a dominant.

  I needed a long-term partnership and he needed a revolving door of submissives under short contract.

  I preferred fluidity in my playtime and he preferred rules and rigidity.

  “Ris,” Desi called my attention back to her.

  “What?"

  "I said Law's on his way up. He just texted."

  "Oh."

  Desi grinned, "So things are definitely weird with him then?"

  "Okay, I'll admit, it does feel a little strange. But nowhere near as strange as you're going to feel living with him," I chuckled, "He's gonna have such a hard time keeping his dominant in check. That’s why you should just give in and let him have your submission."

  Desi's eyes turned away and she bit her lip.

  I know what that look means.

  "Honey, it's okay that you want him, you know."

  Her eyebrows slanted inward as she looked at me, her sadness and despair returning lightning fast.

  Poor thing.

  "None of it's okay, Ris. It all feels like battle after battle I’m forced into fighting but can never win."

  I started to respond, but we were interrupted as Law knocked on the door. Callen answered it, opening the door to welcome Law to our collective pity party of despair. I didn't get a word out edgewise before Desi said hello.

  "Hey," she said to him with a sweet, soft smile.

  "Hey, sweetheart. Angel, how are you feeling?"

  "Like I recently got hit by a car," I joked, though for obvious reasons, that's truly how I felt most of the time.

  "Good thing you're taking it easy then," he beamed, "Do you need me to bring you anything?"

  The fact that he asked warmed my cheeks.

  "No, I’m fine. I have two working feet and, well, one functional arm. I can get things for myself.”

  He started to reply with a crinkled brow and a curl of his lips, but Desi interrupted.

  "You're wearing jeans," she interjected, her forehead wrinkled in adorable confusion.

  Law looked down at his jeans, then back to Desi, "Well, look at that."

  "I've never seen you in jeans,” she said.

  "I'm on vacation the next two weeks. Thought I'd loosen my tie a little, so to speak."

  "Dammit, Law, do not tell me you took two weeks of vacation to look after me because my mom and Callen are leaving. I told you, that's not necessary," my tone was agitated.

  "Okay, I won’t tell you I took two weeks of vacation because of you. But it would be a partial lie. Some of it's for her," he nodded his head toward Desi.

  "For me?" she looked surprised.

  “How the hell do you just up and take two weeks of vacation time, anyway?” I added in my frustration.

  “When you own your own business and hire only exceptional managers, you can pretty much take off whenever the fuck you want,” he beamed, pleased by my aggravation, “You could just thank me, you know. My two favorite women need me. What better reason is there for me to take time off work to be there for them?"

  I rolled my eyes, but my pulse sped up at his allusion to the fact that I was one of his favorite women.

  Desi went to him, silently wrapping her arms around his waist and holding him close. Law looked at the top of her head for a beat before embracing her.

  I felt so much for both of them. I felt Desi's gratitude for his care of her through Vaughn's incarceration. I felt Law's affection and infatuation and longing for Desi as I watched him inhale her scent from the top of her head. I felt Desi's confusion as her natural submissiveness came out and she melted into his strong embrace.

  Then I felt for me and I really didn't like that. I felt a twinge of jealousy at the way he craved her.

  What an awful, useless feeling.

  "Hey, don't I get some love?"

  The words popped out of me before I could hold them back. I felt terrible for interrupting their moment to demand attention for myself, even if my tone had been in joking. The truth was that I wanted something to happen with them. They were both desperate for each other and wouldn't stop until they got the taste they craved.

  I knew that some physical loving with Law would give young Desi a sexual awakening she didn’t know she needed, an awakening that would allow her to give more of herself to Vaughn in the lifestyle they were choosing to live. In that sense, I was happy Vaughn was demanding Desi get her needs met by Law.

  I’m sure to most normal people that was strange, maybe even a little fucked up. But we weren’t normal people in this room and I, for one, was perfectly proud of that fact.

  Screw normal relationships.

  When did normal ever work for anyone, anyway?

  I thought for certain the boys had planned to tag team Desi the night everything changed, the night Asher attacked me at Black Ties, the night Vaughn beat Asher and got arrested. But my situation had halted the potential for that beautiful happy ending to take place. Though it was unreasonable, I felt some sense
of responsibility for that missed opportunity.

  Law smiled at me and slowly peeled himself away from Desi, coming over to me on the couch. He bent down and kissed my cheek. It surprised me the way he let his lips linger, warm against my skin.

  It felt good.

  Really good.

  He pulled back to smile at me before kissing the same spot again and that second kiss tingled.

  Law came around to sit on the nearby armchair after greeting Callen. He patted his knee, nodding for Desi to sit on his lap and I watched her, curious what she would do.

  Desi was so lost now with Vaughn away and it was clear how much she wanted guidance. That one motion from Law snapped her to submissive attention and she moved without hesitation to perch on his lap. Though her expression was conflicted, it was clear she felt safer with a strong man like Law guiding and protecting her. I internally cheered, hopeful she could let go now and let him do just that in Vaughn’s absence.

  God, I miss Law’s peaceful dominance.

  "Looks like things are coming along here,” Law said, “What else needs to be done?”

  “I’ve got everything from the bedroom packed up, but I still need to do the kitchen. Are you sure you don’t mind storing all this stuff at your place? It feels like a lot,” Desi told him.

  “It’s fine, there’s plenty of space. The movers are coming at nine tomorrow morning.”

  Desi nodded slowly.

  “I know it’s a lot, sweetheart,” he stroked her hair and damnit, there was that twinge of jealousy again.

  “I can come over tomorrow to help Desi get her room settled. I can’t do much in the way of moving things, but I’m great at directing from afar,” I said and felt so awkward about it.

  Why did I just invite myself over?

  Why did I say anything at all?

  I should’ve just let them have their moment.

  Law smiled at me, “I was hoping you’d come by.”

  That was it.

  That was all he said.

  I have no idea how to interpret that.

  “Should I bring anything?” I asked.

  “How would you bring anything, Angel?” he grinned, “You have one functional arm.”