by Brynn Ford
“I can do a lot of things with one arm, Sir.”
Everyone’s eyes were on me all at once. Normally, it wouldn’t have bothered me, but I was in the midst of a personal crisis that made everything happening all around me feel that much more intense.
“I would prefer that you do nothing with both arms so you can rest and heal. I rather look forward to having you in tip top shape again, sweetheart. Now I know you’re all girl power feminist, and I love that about you, but tomorrow I think it will be best to give you the simple task of sitting still and being pretty. Do you think you can do that for me?”
Every word that dripped from his lips sounded like flirting. Any normal girl might make the mistake of thinking he was doing that just for her, but I knew better. It was just how he spoke to women. Regardless of that fact, it still made my heart thump and my pulse race. It made it so easy for the submissive words to slip from my tongue.
“Yes, Sir,” I replied, then sighed, “Well, fuck, Jasper, who told you that you could come in here and sweep us both off our submissive feet?” I grinned and my cheeks felt flushed.
“No one tells me what to do, Ris. Not even you. Just give it up for me, girl,” he smirked and I swooned.
Damn.
Maybe one of these days, I will.
Chapter 7
Law
Desi had only been living with me for the better part of a week and she had already become a torturous mind fuck.
It wasn't new for me to have a woman living in my home for an undefined period of time, but the circumstances of those stays with me were decidedly different. I had four significant power exchange relationships in the time since Ris and I had ended our relationship two years prior. Each of them had stayed in my home for around three to four months before moving on at my insistence. I trained them as my submissives, hoping one of them would ignite a spark that I hadn't felt since Audrey Adams.
It was a useless adventure because I never felt a damn thing for any of my subs, not until Ris, and then not again until Desi.
Ris was the only one who chose to leave me and there was nothing I could have done to stop her. In hindsight, I should have barricaded her in her room when she told me she wanted to be with Asher, but even I didn't know things would turn out the way they had with him. At the time, I just put the effort into writing off her romantic affiliation status. I filed her away under "Friend Zone" in the back of my mind and left her there.
That's where she'd stay.
Four subs later and along came Desi, literally running into me on the sidewalk as I texted the last one a heartfelt, albeit disengaged, goodbye. The moment I met Desi, I knew I couldn't let her go. She reminded me too much of Audrey.
Same expressive, brown eyes.
Same chestnut colored hair.
Same fiery personality.
Same lost soul.
The similarities hooked me on Desi instantly, but the differences were what kept me wanting more from her. Desi had a willingness, an innate determination, to find a way through her pain that even Audrey had lacked.
I had no clue how tangled up in Desi's life I would become. I had no clue how messy her life would turn out after she met me. I didn't have a single regret for it. But Desi had turned my well-ordered life into a cluster fuck of chaos. Rules were my bricks and order was my house and Desi brought down a heavy sledgehammer to smash it all to pieces.
I was at a complete loss for how to talk to her, how to handle her since Vaughn had explained to her what his expectations were while he was away. In a very short time, I had developed a great deal of respect for the man. He stepped up and willingly become what Desi needed him to be. I honored the dynamics of their newly forming dominant-submissive relationship and so did Desi. That's why we were both having such a damn difficult time navigating our relationship with one another, particularly now that we were living together.
Vaughn had all but given us free reign. He wanted me to share his responsibility for Desi and give her everything she needed from him during his incarceration.
Security. Guidance. Protection. Support.
Pain.
Love.
Sex.
In her naivety, Desi couldn’t see that Vaughn knew she would lose herself again if she didn't have all those things. I had no problem with any of it, but insecurity and indecision were written all over Desi's face since that day we visited Vaughn in jail. She didn't want to disrespect him again like she had with me before. She didn’t want to dishonor him again. She wanted to remain loyal to him. I had to find a way to give her those things without pushing her hard limits and within the bounds of trust Vaughn had given me.
Thus, I was losing my mind trying to navigate this mess of a situation.
It was after midnight when I left my bedroom and I wasn't surprised to find the guest room door left open. The light crept out of Desi’s room, splashing across the dark, wood floor in the hallway. I was used to late nights working my clubs, but Desi's late nights were due to insomnia, which I understood to be a recent development since Vaughn's arrest.
I stepped into the doorway, tapping the back of my knuckles lightly against the wood. I smiled when I saw her lying on her stomach on the bed, her feet floating in the air, drumming an unheard beat to whatever music was streaming through the earbuds she wore. She was using the laptop I had given her when she moved in, though I couldn't see the screen with the way her long, thick hair cascaded all around her head.
I hesitated in the doorway, unwilling to cross the boundary into her one sacred space in my home without her knowledge or permission. She couldn't hear my knock through the sound of her music that had to be blasting her eardrums because I could hear it clear across the room. The hesitation in watching her was enough for the long buried deep memory to appear from nowhere and grip me tight around the throat, squeezing and dragging me into it without my approval.
I had come by to find Audrey Adams sitting there alone, earbuds in, and looking down at her hands in her lap as she sat cross-legged on the floor of her college dorm room. She was picking at the sides of her fingernails. She looked distant, like she was farther away than just the three steps it took me to move from the door to her side.
I sat beside her, leaning against the wall for support with my legs stretched out in front of me. We were behind the bunk beds which blocked our view out into the hallway from the open door. Audrey preferred to leave the door open when I was around. Something about wanting to avoid the temptation. I wasn't a virgin anymore, but she was. We were just friends then, so I thought. I was too naïve to understand why she needed to avoid temptation with me but not with her guy hallmates who she hung out with from time to time.
Audrey smiled at me. She was so incredibly beautiful when she smiled like that. It was like turning on a light switch. One moment, my lonely world was dull and dark and the next it was bright and hopeful, all because Audrey smiled. My heart always beat a little faster when I saw her, and my jeans strained from just how happy I was to be able to look at her.
She had the personality to match her beauty, too. Not only was Audrey smart, she was insightful and caring. She understood people in a unique way. Her views on the world and how things worked were enlightening, sometimes bizarre, often haunting, but always extraordinarily beautiful.
She'd been texting me quotes that week with ideas on humanity and its darkness. I found them bleak yet inspiring. They never gave me pause or concern because I knew Audrey. She was just a soul too remarkable for this world trapped inside a drop-dead gorgeous body that lately, I couldn't stop thinking about.
I smiled back at her bright face, but then something strange happened. It dimmed. It morphed into a look of despair and I felt my heart tear, just a little, just enough to know it could rip apart fully if I couldn't make this girl bright again.
I hadn’t seen any indication or warning of her sadness until the moment she burst into tears. I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her against my side as she started to cry. I
t wasn't just tears trickling down her cheeks, it was gut-wrenching sobs that threatened to pull her down to the ground. I wouldn't let them, though. I held her up, pulled her onto my lap, cradled her, kept her safe while she purged an emotion I didn't understand.
When she finally stopped, minutes or maybe hours later, all I wanted was to make it better. She never told me why she was crying.
I hadn't asked.
Maybe I should have.
I just knew I needed to be there for her. I just knew I needed to help bring her smile back.
I wiped the tears from her cheeks with my thumbs. I held her face in my hands and looked deep into her coffee colored eyes, searching for answers or reasons that I'd never find.
"Why are you so patient, so kind to me, Jasper?" her voice was a whisper.
The moment she asked the question, I knew the answer. More than that, I knew I couldn't hide it any longer. I told her something that scared me, but it was the truest thing I’d ever known.
"Because I'm in love with you, Audrey."
The corners of her lips crept upward, hinting at happiness hiding somewhere behind her tear-stained cheeks.
"Can I kiss you?" I asked.
She sighed heavily and pressed her forehead to mine, closing her eyes.
"If you…" she hesitated, "If you promise not to get too attached to me, then you have my permission to kiss me."
There was a reason that I had chosen a lifestyle as a dominant, a reason I had chosen to become someone who didn't ask for permission. I became the person who gave permission and, in that way, I had complete control.
I had lost control with Audrey.
I wouldn't lose it with Desi.
Especially not now that Vaughn had given me the responsibility of keeping her strong. I wouldn't fail Desi like I had failed Audrey.
I noticed then that Desi's earbuds were attached by a white cord to her phone. I pulled my cell from my pocket and typed out a quick text, knowing she’d hear the alert through her earbuds.
LAW: You up?
I watched as the screen on her phone lit up. She picked it up and read my text before typing out a reply.
DESI: Are you really texting me the universal booty call line from down the hall?
I smiled as I read her reply. She had no clue I was standing in the doorway behind her, watching her as we texted.
LAW: Booty calls are your call, sweetheart.
I pressed send and waited. She hesitated on her reply to me.
DESI: Vaughn's call, actually.
LAW: Vaughn already made the call, Blue.
I saw her back rise and fall with the swell of air as she took a deep breath. I couldn't see what she was doing, but she lifted her hand to her face, and I guessed she was biting the side of her thumb.
DESI: So…
LAW: So. I think we should talk.
She stared at her phone for moments.
DESI: Okay.
LAW: Behind you.
She read the text, then abruptly snapped her head around to find me grinning at her from the doorway. She ripped her earbuds out of her ears.
"Shit, how long have you been standing there?"
"A while. What are you working on?"
Desi sat up, moving to perch on the edge of the bed, "Nothing, just messing around with some stuff."
"What stuff? Can I come in? I've spent enough time watching you from the doorway for tonight."
She hesitated, "Yeah, sure."
Immediately, I crossed the threshold. I wouldn't give her the opportunity to revoke her invitation. I always felt like a fucking vampire when it came to this room. It was the one and only place I needed an invite to enter when it was occupied by submissives who trusted me to respect their boundaries.
"What are you up to on that thing?" I asked as I sat beside her on the bed, purposely settling my hip against hers just so I could feel her.
She glanced over at me but didn't meet my eyes. She reached for her laptop and pulled it onto her lap where I could see it.
"I was snooping in your office the other day and saw your paperwork on purchasing Club O."
My hand twitched against my knee. If any other sub had been snooping in my office, she'd be over my lap right now getting the spanking of her life. I took a deep breath and tried to find some goddamn patience for this one.
"I'd appreciate it if you stayed out of my home office, Blue."
Her eyes shifted to look at me from her peripheral, though her head remained straight forward, tilted down toward her laptop. I saw her catch her bottom lip with her teeth.
Fuck, sweetheart.
"I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
She opened her mouth as if she were going to say something else, but then snapped it shut.
What the fuck do I do here?
I felt like I was always already half-hard whenever I so much as glanced at Desi. Sitting this close to her, with so much agitation and desire to punish rising to a quick boil in my blood, my cock swelled uncomfortably in my jeans. I was seriously about to lose it. I was ready to make up her mind for her about how our dynamic would ultimately play out. Then her laptop screen caught my eye and distracted my mind just long enough from its sadistic need to give her pain.
"Are you rebranding my club?"
Club O wasn't mine yet. It was a failing gentleman's club that boasted a reputation for hosting low quality strippers for sleazebag customers. The current owner had run it into the ground, but it was a great space in a fantastic location. By all accounts, if the owner had known anything about running a professional business, it should have been a huge success. My plan was to buy off the current owner, rebrand, and get it running the right way. There was money to be made there.
Desi tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "I was just playing around with a few things. I saw marketing ideas that were in your folder and I had some ideas of my own. It's not good."
"No, actually, it's really good. Did you just do this?"
The logo she was working on was high quality stuff, creative and professional. I'd seen a lot of work from a lot of graphic designers and marketing professionals over the years and this ranked up there with the top of them.
"I've only been working on it a couple of hours. Not my best work. Like I said, just thought I'd play around with it. Something to do."
I had completely forgotten that Desi had graduated college and gotten her degree in graphic design less than a year ago. I'd forgotten because her entire life had been in slow motion lately. She was still teaching yoga classes part-time and I felt a little shell shocked that I had to be reminded in this way that she might have other hopes and dreams for her future.
"I'm actually looking to hire some people to help with rebranding,” I told her, “Marketing, PR, graphic design. Would you have any interest in that?"
Her eyes met mine, "What?"
"Why don't you take the next two or three days and put together a design plan for me. I'll take a look and if it's competitive with the other plans I receive, I might just have a job for you."
"Are you fucking serious?"
I grinned, "Yes."
"Um. Yeah," she smiled, "I can do that."
"Good. I look forward to seeing what you come up with."
She set the laptop beside her on the bed and turned to hug me, wrapping her arms tightly around my waist, "Thank you, Law."
Her shampoo always smelled so delectable and sweet. The scent of it triggered my desire for her. I held her close and didn't let go, hoping she wouldn't pull back this time. She took in a shaky breath and melted in my arms.
I wanted to curl my fist around her hair, pull her head back, and bruise her lips with my kiss. But I couldn't do that unless I was certain she wanted me to. She had been so guarded and awkward as of late, that I didn't trust my instincts. I didn't trust the way I normally read her. Still, I just couldn't keep my hands to myself when she was this close.
I stroked her hair, gently and slowly the first time. With the second stroke
, I curled my fingers, allowing them to catch on the tangles at the ends, hoping they would pull at her scalp and trigger her masochistic need for pain.
She stilled in my arms and tried very hard to mask her unsteady breaths, but I could feel every wobbly inhale against my chest. On the third stroke, I wrapped my hand around a thicker lock of mahogany hair and yanked sharply with intent.
She quickly pulled back and I let go of her. She watched me with darkness behind her eyes. She wanted more of that and I wanted to give it to her.
Tread carefully.
These waters are choppy.
I stood and stepped back, making a show of adjusting my erection in the process.
"If you want pain, Blue, you know I'll give it to you. But you need to get on your knees for me and show me you want it."
I expected to see the conflict and confusion behind her eyes. I did not expect her to fall so easily from the bed to the floor, submitting to me undoubtedly on her knees.
"Yes, Sir," she said.
Fuck, those words are so beautiful coming from her mouth.
She snapped so easily into submission after all the heartache and pain she'd experienced.
I should be cautious.
I should move slowly.
I should handle her with care.
I should, but I don't know if I can.
She bowed to me in confidence and I wavered in confusion. It was an unnatural shift and I didn't know what to do with it, so I did the only thing I knew better than anything else. I took control and commanded the situation and I wouldn't stop until I heard a safeword.
"Get on all fours, Blue."
"Yes, Sir," she did as told.
"Crawl to my bedroom."
There was the first hint of hesitation.
"Your bedroom, Sir?"
"Are you questioning me? If you don't want to play this game right now, you know your safewords. But you'd better use one quick because I'm about to beat your ass raw."