One Hundred Secrets

by Collins, Kelly

  She’d gotten real all right. She’d spilled her heart out to a small audience. She’d confessed everything from her age to her weight.

  The tears streamed down her face as she told them how growing up in Hollywood wasn’t as glamorous as they would believe. Confessed to lying about the marriage to save her career. Her words replayed in his head. “Who’s Tilden? I don't know who he is, but I know he’s a good guy. He took me in when I had nowhere to go. He’s not my husband, but he’s become my friend, and I’m grateful to have one in this world.”

  “Fine friend I turned out to be.” He took the dirt road faster than he should have. Each dip and bump seemed twice as deep or twice as high. Every one of them wracked his body.

  All he could think about was how hard he’d been on her. He’d basically taken a kitten and thrown her into a den of wolves.

  When he pulled in front of the house, relief washed over him because her SUV was there. Half running, he burst through the door to find her making the bed. Her small suitcase and handbag sat on the floor next to the door. Everything he saw told him what Cannon had said was true. She was leaving him. Although they weren’t a couple, it felt like this was a breakup.

  “It’s true? You’re leaving me for Baxter?” He would have loved to have spewed a list of flaws about the man, but he couldn’t come up with one. He was sure there were many but because he didn’t socialize, he hadn’t talked to Baxter much.

  “Leaving you?” She turned around and went back to making the bed. “I thought you’d be relieved.”

  He stepped forward. Everything inside of him shook. “Why would I feel relieved?” He moved one slow step at a time toward her. There wasn't a plan for when he got there, but he was certain it would include his lips against hers.

  “Now you can come home. No more staying away to avoid me.” She fluffed the pillows and placed them at the head of the bed. “I’ve washed the linens and the towels.” She looked over her shoulder to where a stack of clothes sat folded on the coffee table. “I didn’t think you’d mind if I washed your dirty laundry. It’s the least I could do for your hospitality.”

  “Stop. You don’t have to leave.”

  She spun around to face him. Red rimmed her eyes. It reminded him of the day she’d shown up at the diner hungry and in need of a place to stay.

  “I do, Tilden. I really do.”

  “No, you don’t.” He reached for her, but she evaded his touch.

  She moved to the kitchen area, where the dishes sat drying on a towel. “I was hoping to get this all done before you got back. I guess I misjudged the timing.”

  “Why are you doing this? I told you to stay.”

  She placed her favorite tea cup on the shelf and folded the towel and set it on the counter. “That should do it.” She looked around and when she glanced back there were tears jeweling in her eyes. “Thank you. You’ll never know what your kindness meant to me.”

  He stood there and stared at her for a moment. “Why are you leaving me?” His voice was raw.

  She swallowed hard like a lump was caught in her throat. “Because …” She swiped at the tears that rolled down her cheek.

  He moved toward her, setting his hands on her shoulders. There was a moment when he thought she’d fall into his chest. He imagined his arms wrapping around her before he covered her mouth in a kiss.

  “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  She shook her head. “You and me. It’s all wrong. My self-esteem is at an all-time low. My self-worth is bankrupt. I can’t have you making me feel like something when you kiss me and then you pretend it didn’t happen. Each time you walk away from me I become less. When you destroy what little bit I have, I’m left with nothing. Less than nothing.” She shrugged him off and walked toward the back door. “I need a minute and then we can say goodbye.”

  He followed her to the door, but she turned around and pleaded, “Give me a minute, please.” He closed the door and walked to his favorite chair and sank into the tattered upholstery. His eyes watched the clock on his phone. He’d given her five minutes and she still wasn’t back.

  If her belongings weren’t still at the door, he would have thought she’d left already. How long could she spend in the outhouse sulking?

  When another five minutes passed, he went outside to knock on the door and coax her out, but the door was open, and she was nowhere in sight.

  His heart dropped like a falling star. How many times had he told her not to go far after dark because it was dangerous? There were a dozen things that could be out there waiting for her and none of them good. Uneven ground that could send her falling. Low branches that could mar her pretty face. Cold temperatures that would soak into her bones. Those were the best of the worst. It might be winter but there were animals that didn’t sleep through the frosty months.

  “Goldie!” he called. He listened as silence answered him. “Damn woman!”

  He jogged inside and grabbed the handgun Ray had left him and his coat and set out to find her. Ten minutes later he broke through the edge of the brush and his heart halted.

  She was there sitting on a boulder. “Stop trying to scare me, Tilden. I know it’s you.” She brushed her hand at the space on her neck where the heat of the animal’s breath caressed her. “You’re not even good at growling.”

  He tiptoed forward, hoping he didn’t startle the wolf. All it would take was one bite and she’d be down.

  “Goldie,” he said as calmly as he could. “I’m right here. Don’t panic.”

  Behind her, the wolf growled as if protecting a bone. Tilden’s bone and he wasn’t of a mind to share.

  “Tilden?” She stared at him with eyes as round as the moon. “Oh, God.”

  With his heart in his throat, he raised the gun and moved forward. It took every bit of effort he had to keep his voice steady and calm.

  “Don’t make any sudden movements.”

  She froze and became as still as the stone she sat on.

  He wasn’t sure if he should raise the weapon and fire or lunge for Goldie hoping to frighten the animal away. More often than not, they traveled in packs and yet this one seemed to be alone, at least for now. No doubt the wolf would have howled once dinner was served, but there was no way Goldie would be its next meal.

  “When I count to three, you will fall to your right. Got it?”

  He didn’t wait for her to acknowledge.

  “One. Two. Three.” When she rolled to her right, he lunged forward and shot into the air the first time and pointed the handgun toward the wolf the second, but pulling the trigger was unnecessary. In a split second, the beast had disappeared into the woods.

  He raced to where she lay curled into a ball. After tucking the weapon into the back of his belt, he scooped her up and carried her back to the cabin. She didn’t cry. Didn’t move at all except the unintentional shudders that ran through her body.

  That scared him more than anything else because Goldie was never silent. In the weeks since she’d been there, quiet had been a luxury he wasn’t afforded. She prattled on about everything from the traffic in Denver to the way the air outside smelled of pine needles and hope. He didn’t know what hope smelled like. With her in his arms, he would have argued it smelled like spun sugar and cinnamon, which was how she always smelled to him.

  “You’re okay,” he whispered against the top of her head. “I’ve got you.”

  She gripped the fabric of his shirt and the silent shudders found their voice with a whimper. He pushed through the back door of the cabin and took her straight to the bed, where he laid her down on the quilt. He pulled it over her shaking body and sat on the edge. Her hands reached for him and once again she held on to the fabric of his shirt as if it were a lifeline.

  “He was g-g-oing to eat me.” She rolled into him and buried her face into his lap.

  With gentle strokes, he rubbed her back. “I’ve got you.”

  She sucked in uneven breaths. “You saved me again.”

  “There
was no way I would let him get a bite.” It was good she was talking. This situation could have turned out so differently. Worst case scenario, she could have been attacked, or she could be in shock, which was still a real possibility if he couldn’t get her calmed down and warm. “Let me get you some tea.”

  “No,” she cried. “Don’t leave me.”

  He looked down at her and all his resolve to stay away was gone. How could a person avoid the light for the rest of his life? Goldie was like the sun in his otherwise gloomy existence.

  He shifted her body and lay down beside her, pulling her into his arms. She fit perfectly. He held her close, hoping the heat of his body would warm the chill in hers.

  It took her about fifteen minutes to stop shaking. Another five to fall asleep.

  He slowly moved himself away and pulled every pot he could find from the shelves and fired up the stove. He snuck outside and lit the still. Tonight, Goldie would need a hot bath and a glass of wine.

  She wouldn’t sleep for long. He knew the fitful slumber she was in now was because her body had given up for a few minutes.

  He hoped she would stay asleep long enough for him to prepare what he knew she needed. He hadn’t given it much thought, but she was out of her element living in the woods. She wasn’t made of the tough stuff it took to live off the grid.

  Hell, it took him six months before he got used to his life here in Aspen Cove. Back in Sacramento, his evenings were filled with a stop at Rendezvous, his favorite bar, before heading home to grade papers. While he didn’t have a regular girlfriend, he had a few hookups—women who weren’t looking for anything but a good time. He was all about having a good time.

  Sadly, he hadn’t had that kind of fun since he moved here. Partly, it was because of his focus on his family legacy, but the other reason was the lack of single women in Aspen Cove. Add to that his quiet demeanor and it was a perfect recipe for lonesomeness. He hadn’t realized how isolated he’d become.

  He should have recognized how dire the situation was when he was willing to sit in the diner for hours on end just to be part of something.

  Bucket after bucket of boiling water made it to the tub. He hoped it wouldn’t cool too fast. When she woke up, she’d be sore from all the shaking and stiffened muscles. He wanted to give her a little bit of her former life. A life that no doubt included spa days and wine.

  He dug through the closet in search of the beeswax candle Abby had given him. He lit it and set it on the ledge of the tub next to a glass of chardonnay.

  He looked around the bathroom and smiled. This was how his life should be. Running water. Inside showers. A bath filled with steaming water and scented oils. Soft towels. Wine. Candles. A beautiful woman to share it with.

  He walked to the edge of the bed and sat.

  “Goldie, sweetheart.” He rubbed his palm over her hair and brushed it from her face.

  She woke with a start. “Don’t leave me.” She moved as close to him as she could without crawling into his body.

  Something fierce and protective had taken over when he saw she was in danger. Something feral and possessive crept inside him.

  “I’m not leaving you.”

  “But you did.”

  Had she noticed he was gone? “I was running you a bath.”

  “No, you left me all week. You avoided me.”

  He couldn’t deny it. He’d done everything he could to stay away from her because everything in him wanted to be so close and he didn’t understand it at all. They had nothing in common. Absolutely nothing.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just that …”

  “You don’t like me. I get it. I’m hard to love.”

  “No, that’s not it at all.” He rubbed his face with his free hand. “I like you, Goldie, and that …” He let out a long sigh. “That might not be good for either of us.”

  She nodded. “I understand.”

  He shook his head. “You couldn’t possibly understand.” How could he tell her he wouldn’t offer a tarnished reputation to anyone? Especially her. Her life was built on a house of cards that was already tumbling. He wouldn’t be the reason the whole thing crumbled.

  “Did you say bath?”

  “Ah, there’s my girl.” He stood and took her hand to pull her to her feet. When she stood, her knees buckled. “Steady.” He scooped her up and walked her to the bathroom.

  “You said there was no running water.” She squirmed in his arms. “Tilden Cool, if you lied to teach me a lesson, I'll feed you to the wolves.” At the mention of wolves, her body shuddered again.

  “No lies, there isn’t any running water. While you rested, I boiled water so you could have a bath.”

  She looked around. “Candles and wine too. Is this a seduction?”

  He chuckled. “I hadn’t thought of it like that but seeing it through your eyes, I get why you’d ask.” He set her on her feet. Since she was still unsteady, he leaned her against the wall and started to remove her clothes. “This isn’t sexual but medicinal.” He pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it to the floor.

  He took in her milky white skin and her pink lace bra.

  “Why is that? You kiss me like you like me, but you keep your distance.” Her palms rested flat against his chest. Her chin lifted so she could look up to his face. “Did you like kissing me?”

  He nuzzled his beard into the crook of her neck while he reached around to unfasten her bra.

  “Very much. Your mouth was made for kissing.”

  She let her hands skate down his cotton T-shirt until her fingers rested on the waistband of his jeans.

  “I think you kissed me to shut me up.”

  “You’re right. Do I have to do it again?”

  She dropped her head and leaned it against his chest. “Maybe.”

  He stepped back and her lacy bra fell forward to reveal small but perfect breasts with pebbled rose-colored pearls begging for attention.

  “This was a bad idea.” He shifted his weight to ease the tightness in his pants. “Are you steady enough to finish undressing yourself?” Whatever made him think undressing her was a wise move was, in fact, stupid. Not a day went by that he didn’t wonder what was under those clothes. He’d caught glimpses of her from time to time. Moments when the bedding slipped off her shoulder and he caught the curve of her breast, or on the nights she slept with a bare thigh out of the blankets.

  “I don’t think so.” Her voice was soft but playful.

  “I think you’re recovered.” He broke away from her and stepped back.

  Her eyes shifted around the room. “Please don’t leave me.” She stared into the dark corners. “I’m afraid.”

  He breathed through his nose and out his mouth, hoping to gain some strength. All he wanted to do was push her against the wall and kiss her. That was only the start. He could almost feel that rose-colored bud between his lips. The feel of her naked breasts filling his palms. He was falling into the abyss already and her jeans were still on.

  “Water is cooling down so let’s get you in the tub.” He lowered his hands to the button of her pants and unfastened and unzipped them. He looked the other way when he pulled them down her legs but realized he’d forgotten to remove her boots. On his knees with his eyes at the perfect height to take in her matching lace underwear, he sent a silent prayer to the gods to give him strength.

  When she was standing in nothing but a swatch of cloth, he put his lips right next to hers. “Please don’t make me take them off. I’m just a man. A weak man.”

  She giggled and wiggled out of the lace panties, letting them drop to the floor.

  As much as he told himself not to look, he couldn’t help it. His eyes went straight to her rounded hips, the curve of her thighs and the trimmed blonde thatch of curls between her legs.

  “Get in the tub now.” He was out of willpower. He had nothing left in his reserves. If she made one move toward him, she wouldn’t be spending the next hour soaking in the tub. He’d have her pressed to the m
attress with him buried inside her.

  Against his better judgment, he watched her climb over the edge. A turn of her body gave him a glimpse at her backside. All he wanted to do was drop to his knees and bite the perfect globes of her ass. Instead, he turned and walked to the door.

  “You relax. I’ll boil more water.”

  He rounded the corner before he heard her.

  “Tilden? You can join me if you want.”

  On the other side of the wall, he leaned face-first into the wooden logs and pounded his head against the wood.

  “Goldie, you have no idea what you’re asking for.” The water sloshed and her giggle echoed through the cabin.

  “No, but after my near-death experience, I know what I want.”

  He filled a pot with water and let her stew on her statement. Did she know what she wanted? Was it him?

  “Be careful what you ask for. You might get more than you were betting on.”

  She laughed. “God, if a girl could get so lucky.”

  When the water started to bubble, he lifted a pot from the stove and entered the bathroom. She was like a goddess by candlelight. The light of the flames danced off the white wall. The blondest parts of her hair appeared to sparkle and her once pale skin was flush with color.

  The water skimmed the tops of her breasts. She was beyond beautiful and he knew right then if he didn’t turn and leave, he wouldn’t be able to.

  “Pull your legs back so you don’t get burned.”

  When she did, he dumped the hot water into the bathtub. “Feel good?”

  “You’d know if you joined me.”

  He shook his head and backed his way toward the door. “It’s starting to snow. I’m going to gather firewood so you stay warm tonight.” He dashed from the bathroom.

  His hand was on the backdoor handle when he heard her ask, “What’s wrong with me that makes you run?”

  Not a damn thing and that’s the problem. He gathered wood and started the fire. His body was screaming for relief, but his head was telling him to tread carefully. Goldie was at a vulnerable time in her life, and he didn’t want to be another bad decision on her list of many.