by Rachel Lee
“I wish. That was pretty much one in a million.” He had read about the case, where they’d finally found a serial rapist because he was wearing a rare athletic shoe, one that had been sold to only a handful of people in the area. The cops looked at the handful and found a shoe with a distinctive cut mark across the sole. Nailed him.
“Yeah, too much to hope for. Still, it was a great find. So much of what we find is only useful later, but I wouldn’t want to question a witness or go to trial without it.”
Maude brought their coffee, two lattes not just one, eyeing Stu and saying, “You okay with that?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m famished. The milk will be good.”
“I thought so. Decided yet? I’m assuming the hound wants another burger, but what about you two?”
After dinner, Stu drove her back to her apartment, then asked before they went inside, “Game for a walk? I need to stretch.”
She hesitated, then said, “Yeah, that would be nice for both Snowy and me. I’m not getting nearly enough activity these days.”
“Because of the new job?”
“It’s not just that. I seem to be suffering from reluctance.”
Reluctance about a lot of things, Stu thought as they climbed out of his vehicle. If he wanted anything more with this lady, he had his work cut out for him. She’d made her reasons clear, but he needed to convince her they didn’t matter to him, not if they involved her physical problems. If she didn’t like him in any way except as a friend...well, that was her right.
But he felt an increasing need to know for sure. Her protest about not wanting a relationship didn’t quite ring true. And maybe he was just being a pigheaded fool.
Damn, he hadn’t felt this way in a long time. He had his own problems that had made him reluctant to get involved. Sandra Carney had ditched him when she couldn’t handle his PTSD. If anyone should understand Kerri’s position, it should be him.
But the attraction he had begun to feel for her was overriding logic. If she could stand his problems, he could definitely stand hers, which actually seemed minor to him.
She had plenty of reason not to see them that way. They’d changed her entire life. But maybe he could encourage her to see herself differently. After all, everyone had some problems. Nobody was perfect.
All that mattered was that you meshed, and he liked the way they were beginning to mesh.
They’d only gone halfway around the block when she unzipped her jacket. “Stu?”
“Yo?”
“Is it getting warmer or am I adapting?”
He nearly laughed. “I wish I could tell you you’re already getting used to the cold, but at this time of year we often get a few warm spells. Enjoy them to the fullest because once winter really sets in, it might be after New Year’s before we get what we call a January thaw. How much of a thaw depends on the temp and duration. Makes nice icicles, though.”
* * *
Ivan noticed the warming weather, too. It was midnight again, as he made his rounds seeking his next victim, and he felt the air changing. The chill became less biting, and the air seemed a little softer. Better for his purposes, especially if it lasted for a few days.
He knew from experience that these bursts of warmer weather caused many locals to open their windows, even at night. Everyone was braced for the months ahead when opening one of those windows could invite frost in the bedroom.
But for now a respite, one that many would be eager to take advantage of. What harm could come from cracking a window an inch or two, and it would freshen the indoor air.
The streets were even quieter than usual tonight, and he took full credit for that. He enjoyed knowing he’d frightened most of the town. More power.
He loosened his coat a bit and considered taking off his watch cap, then decided against it. He didn’t want to be too identifiable if someone remembered seeing him out here at this late hour. His ski mask would have been too much, though. It would definitely have made him stand out as the air warmed.
He’d been listening closely to casual conversations at the grocery, and at Freitag’s where he pretended to be hunting up a new sweater. While the town had quieted during the daylight hours, it was still clear that people felt safe enough in retail stores. They seemed to him to be staying longer and talking more, as if they didn’t want to go home.
It pleased him that while nearly everyone mentioned the rapes, they apparently hadn’t realized his method, except that he found women alone late at night. The opportunity in the park had given him an additional level of cover. No reason for most people to suspect that he was seeking women in their own beds.
But that’s where he really wanted them. In their safe space. It made the violation so much stronger. He liked to think about his first target here in town. The second one might not ever feel safe about jogging in the middle of the night but the first one... The first one would never feel safe in her own bed again.
Sometimes he liked to sit back and envision his deeds like ripples spreading forward in time, making his mark on those women permanent. He was permanently stamping his mark on the future.
Too bad he couldn’t sign his work, but not even his compulsion would drive him that far.
Because of snatches he’d overheard today, he had four addresses to check. Women who lived alone or would be alone for a few days while a roommate or husband was traveling.
One of the four. He needed to check the environs around the addresses so he could plan his escape and see if entry was feasible from any angle. If he found a good one or two, he’d start watching.
Because as sure as the weather was warming a bit, one of them might dare to crack a window.
Not that he was limited to that. He could pick a lock. But the more he had to do to gain entry, the longer it took and the greater the possibility he might leave evidence behind. Simple was best and safest.
And so many people preferred to sleep with a little fresh air. All he needed was one.
In the meantime, he’d continue to spend a little time listening and waiting during the day.
For right now he was glad to see the streets so quiet. Easier for him. Powerful for him. Damn, he’d found a new rush.
Chapter 10
Eventually, May’s family had to return home. Kerri assured them the sheriff and police intended to keep an eye on the house, but that it was rare for a rapist to return.
The family left because they had jobs to return to. May sent them on their way as if she were fine and said she would keep in touch so they didn’t have to worry.
Kerri went to the hospital to check on Sandra, but when she spoke to her it was inescapable. The woman had been so severely injured by blows to her head, and perhaps loss of blood, that she wasn’t even coherent. She not only acted dazed, but she couldn’t even manage the words to ask for water. Would she recover? No one knew yet.
Then back to May’s house. Her mother had refreshed the place and done the laundry, trying to be useful. But May looked at Kerri and said honestly, “I can’t sleep in my bedroom anymore. I’m afraid of looking out at the backyard. It’s so dark. There are so many shadows...”
Kerri nodded. “Do you have another room? I can make it up for you and move anything you want.”
May managed a wan smile. “Thank you. I didn’t tell my family I was afraid. They’re worried enough. But you understand, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do.” Carefully, Kerri reached out to touch her hand. “I’m here for you.”
“I know. Thank you.”
They were sitting at May’s kitchen table, and Kerri asked if she wanted coffee or tea.
“Coffee, please. If you don’t mind.”
It was while Kerri was putting the grounds in the filter that May gave her a slight jolt.
“I like your service dog.”
“He’s great, isn’t he?”
> “You know what the trauma feels like. You were shot.”
Kerri closed her eyes momentarily, then resumed making coffee. A carafe of water went into the drip machine. “Yes, I was,” she said, hoping she wouldn’t need to say any more. “But it was different. It felt less personal.”
“Were you afraid, too?”
Kerri knew that only a truthful answer would suffice, so she crawled back into that dark den of her memory. “It’s hard to recall now. I was severely concussed. Confused for a while. But since I’d been shot on the job, I wasn’t worried about myself when I was home. Especially since the guy was already in jail.”
“That would help,” May admitted, then burst into tears. “Oh, God, I couldn’t even cry when my family was here. I didn’t want to upset them more. Do you know what it’s like to keep holding back tears? If they lived next door it would be different, but both of them have to work, and they had to get home.”
Kerri came to the table and sat while the coffee brewed. “So that’s why you told them you’d be fine and to just go?”
May nodded. “Why should that monster ruin their lives, too?”
Good question. Unfortunately, crimes had a way of rippling out, affecting friends, family and even entire communities. This one and Sandra’s seemed to have the whole community on edge. How many friends and colleagues did she have who were shaken to their cores by this? All of them, whoever they were.
“It’s rare when a crime only affects the victim.”
“I suppose.” May reached for a tissue from the box at one end of the table, wiping her eyes with no thought of how sore that was going to make her skin. As if she didn’t care.
Kerri rose and poured May some coffee. “How do you like it?”
“There’s some cream in the fridge. Just a little. No more than a teaspoon or so.”
Kerri brought it back to the table and resumed her seat.
May spoke as she stared into her cup. “You’re hoping I’ll remember something.”
“I think we all do, but that’s not the only reason I’m here.”
May raised her eyes. “No?”
“I’m here to support you in whatever way you need. Friends care, of course, but some of this may be awfully hard for them.”
“And you’re used to it?” May’s tone sharpened a bit.
“I’ll never get used to it. I just have more experience. Trust me, that’s a very different thing.”
“Maybe. But if you’ve never been assaulted like I was, you can’t possibly know.”
“In that sense,” Kerri said quietly, “no one will ever know. Your experience is unique to you. Even if you shouted every detail from the rooftops, nobody would fully understand where you’ve been and what you’re dealing with now. All I can say is that I’ve sat with an awful lot of rape victims. I try to understand. I certainly care. But I’m here for you.”
“I don’t want to remember,” May burst out, then began to cry again.
“Then don’t.” As if May would ever be able to forget it. Memory might ease its stranglehold with time, but it would never go away.
May fell silent for a long time. She was drinking her second cup of coffee before she said, “I couldn’t sleep. It happens sometimes. So I went out for a jog. It’s usually safe out there. Usually. I wasn’t even paying attention.”
Kerri leaned across the table, feeling everything inside her tense. She knew where this would lead. “May, listen to me.”
Those sad eyes rose and met hers.
“This was not your fault. Not even in the smallest way. You should have been able to jog anywhere in this town, including the park pathway, without having to be afraid or concerned. You are not responsible for what happened. Don’t even let that seed take root.”
“But I should have been more alert!”
“No. Alert for what? A random madman bursting out of the trees to assault you? That was all on him. Every bit of it. People sometimes don’t get it, but you are entitled to be safe. Entitled. We can’t all go creeping around in fear. We can’t. You didn’t do a damn thing wrong.”
“But what about you?”
“This isn’t about me,” Kerri argued. But from May’s pinched eyes, she realized she wasn’t going to get off that easily. “What about me? I’ll tell you. First of all, I was a police officer and I knew every time I put on a uniform I was taking a risk. Usually a small risk, but still a risk. You never know. So in my case, I had to be cautious. That’s different. You weren’t on a job, you were taking a run in your own town, which, from what I can tell, is usually a pretty peaceful place.”
May nodded slowly. “Yeah.”
“So it’s different. But here’s the thing. I was trained in victim support, and I was also trained to handle DDs. That’s domestic disturbances. Funny how people live together when they can’t get along. Do you think that’s because they like the adrenaline high? Or are they just too afraid to leave? I’ll never know in every case, and it doesn’t matter. My job was to cool off the situation, trying to keep anyone from getting hurt.”
May was focused on her, temporarily forgetting at least some of her trauma. “Must have been scary.”
“A bit. But in all the disturbances I went to, I was eventually able to cajole some sense into the situation. The few times I couldn’t, SWAT moved in. I hated when that happened, because sometimes the wrong people got hurt. So I worked very hard at trying to calm the problem.”
May nodded again, listening intently.
“Anyway, what had never happened before was a guy shooting at me the instant he opened the door. No way to be ready for that. Usually I got inside, started talking and listening, and at the very least the people who were being threatened got away. One way or another. That last time, I wasn’t expecting that guy to pull the trigger before the door opened all the way. In fact, I wasn’t ready for him to shoot that soon. Couldn’t be ready for that. No way. And the idiot didn’t shoot for center mass, where my vest would have protected me. Maybe he was too stoned to aim. I don’t know. Grazed my head good.”
May looked over at Snowy. “And now you need him.”
“Yes, I do. If there’s one thing I can identify with for sure, it’s having my life permanently changed in a single second.”
“Oh, God. Now I know, too.”
“Unfortunately.”
But May wasn’t done with her yet. “You weren’t wearing a helmet?”
Kerri shook her head. “Too intimidating. I never wore a helmet to those things. Usually went bareheaded, trying to look as unthreatening as possible. It’s so important not to make people feel more threatened than they already do when we arrive.”
“I can see that,” May said. Then she burst into fresh tears. “How long does it take?”
“For what?”
“For me to feel safe again.”
There was no answer to that. None at all. “With time it’ll get easier.” As if. “You need to consider therapy as soon as possible. Yes, I’m here to support you, but I’m not a therapist. They can help you a lot more than I can.”
“But you need me to remember!”
“Don’t force it. Please.”
“I want him caught.”
“We all do.”
May’s sobs eased a bit. “What does the dog do for you?”
Here we go, thought Kerri. “He lets me know when I’m about to have a seizure.”
May wanted to know something about that, too. Anything to distract her. Once again, Kerri told her all about the seizures.
“Maybe in some way I was lucky,” May said, her voice shaky.
Kerri didn’t think so, but she also didn’t want to say that to May. She’d watched how the woman winced every time she moved. Those pains would eventually heal, but the scars were permanent, the ones on her body and in her mind.
Then May su
rprised her. “Can I get a dog like yours?”
“A service dog?”
“A police dog. To protect me.”
Well, that wasn’t such a bad idea if it would make this woman feel safe in her own home, or even on the streets of this town. “I got a buddy I’ll ask. He knows the man who trains the K9s for the department.”
“Thank you.” Then May dissolved again.
Kerri reached out and squeezed her hand. May clung so tightly it hurt. It was so little to offer.
* * *
After Kerri helped May move into a much smaller room closer to the front of the house, Connie Parish arrived. A great-looking woman just reaching middle age, Kerri had heard that her husband, Ethan, had been a deputy for a while before resigning to help his father at his ranch. Micah Parish, Ethan’s father, still worked part-time for the department, but he was getting up in years and was probably grateful for his son’s help. Connie, on the other hand, had replaced Ethan in the department.
Seemed like an odd exchange, Kerri thought. Nice but unusual. And that was one of the things she was coming to very much like about this town. Nearly every time someone’s name came up, if she expressed interest she got a whole lot of background. It was also nothing that was either too personal or potentially embarrassing.
Connie and Kerri cleared the exchange with May. May already knew Connie pretty well, so she didn’t have an apparent problem with it. “You need to sleep sometime,” she told Kerri.
For the first time it occurred to Kerri that her presence might be problematic. She was the stranger around here. May might find it much easier to talk to Connie, someone she had known for years.
On the other hand, the sheriff had wanted her because of her training. All she could do was hope it helped.
* * *
The day had grown perceptibly warmer, the afternoon breeze welcome for the first time in days. A great break from the chillier temperatures that had made her wonder how long it would take for her to adapt.
She found Stu without any trouble at the office. He sat at a computer, filling out reports. The other deputies greeted her pleasantly. Unfortunately, she thought she caught a couple of smirks as she walked over to Stu’s desk. Oh, well, that would go away eventually.