A Country Christmas

by Debbie Macomber

  “Okay...but when was I supposed to do that? You were in California, remember?”

  “We talked on the phone nearly every night,” Jane said, crossing her arms. “Now that I think about it, you kept the conversations short and sweet, didn’t you? Was there a reason for that?”

  Again, Cal resented the implication, but again he swallowed his annoyance and said, “You know I’m not much of a conversationalist.” Chatting on the phone had always felt awkward to him. That certainly wasn’t news to Jane.

  “What else haven’t you told me about Nicole Nelson? How many other times have you two met without my knowing? When she brought you dinner, did she make a point of joining you? Did you accidentally bump into each other in town?”

  “No,” he answered from between gritted teeth.

  “You’re sure?”

  “You make it sound like I’m having an affair with her! I’ve done nothing wrong, not a damn thing!”

  “Tell me why I should believe you, seeing how you habitually conceal things from me.”

  “You think I purposely hid the truth?” Their marriage was in sad shape if she made such assumptions. Jane was his partner in life; he’d shared every aspect of his business, his home and his ranch with her, fathered two children with her. It came as a shock that she didn’t trust him.

  “What about the rodeo?” she asked. “You signed up for the bull-riding competition and you deliberately didn’t tell me.”

  “I knew you didn’t want me participating in the rodeo and—”

  “What I don’t know won’t hurt me, right?”

  She had a way of twisting his words into knots no cowhand could untangle, himself included. “Okay, fine, you win. I’m a rotten husband. That’s what you want to hear, isn’t it?”

  Her eyes flared and she shook her head. “What I want to hear is the truth.”

  “I tell you the truth!” he shouted, losing his temper.

  “But not until you’re backed into a corner.”

  “I’ve been as honest with you as I know how.” Cal tried again, but he’d reached his limit. Glen had advised him to say what he had to say, do what he had to do—whatever it took to make up with Jane. He’d attempted that once already, but it hadn’t been enough. Not only wasn’t she satisfied, now she was looking to collect a piece of his soul along with that pound of flesh.

  “Why didn’t you attend the church party with me and the kids?” she asked.

  He frowned. Jane knew the answer to that as well as he did. “I told you. I had paperwork to do.”

  “How long did it take you?”

  Cal ran a hand down his face. “Is there a reason you’re asking?”

  “A very good one,” she informed him coolly. “I’m trying to find out if you slipped away to be with Nicole.”

  Cal couldn’t have been more staggered if his wife had pulled out a gun and shot him. He jumped off the bed and stood there staring, dumbstruck that Jane would actually suggest such a thing.

  “I noticed you had the television on,” she continued. “So you finished with all that paperwork earlier than you expected. Did you stop to think about me coping with the children alone? Or did you just want an evening to yourself—while I managed the children, the party and everything else on my own.”

  “Would you listen to yourself?” he muttered.

  “I am listening,” she shouted. “You sent me off to California with the kids, then you’re seen around town with another woman. If that isn’t enough, you lie and mislead me into thinking I’m overreacting. All at once everything’s beginning to add up, and frankly I don’t like the total. You’re interested in having an affair with her, aren’t you, Cal? That’s what I see.”

  Cal had no intention of commenting on anything so ludicrous.

  “What’s the matter? Am I too close to the truth?”

  Shaking his head, Cal looked down at her, unable to hide his disgust. “Until this moment I’ve never regretted marrying you.” He headed out the door, letting it slam behind him.

  Almost immediately the bedroom door flew open again. “You think I don’t have regrets about marrying you?” Jane railed. “You’re not alone in that department, Cal Patterson.” Once again the door slammed with such force that he was sure he’d have to nail the molding back in place.

  Not knowing where to go or what else to say, Cal stood in the middle of the darkened living room. In five years of marriage he and Jane had disagreed before, but never like this. He glanced toward their bedroom and knew there’d be hell to pay if he tried to sleep there.

  Cal sat in his recliner, raised the footrest and covered himself with the afghan he’d grabbed from the back of the sofa.

  Everything would be better in the morning, he told himself.

  * * *

  Cal had left the house by the time Jane got up. It was what she’d expected. What she wanted, she told herself. Luckily the children had been asleep and hadn’t heard them fighting. She removed her robe from the back of the door and slipped it on. Sick at heart, she felt as though she hadn’t slept all night.

  The coffee was already made when she wandered into the kitchen. She was just pouring herself a cup when Paul appeared, dragging his favorite blanket.

  “Where’s Daddy?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

  “He’s with Uncle Glen.” Jane crouched down to give her son a hug.

  Paul pulled away and met her look, his dark eyes sad. “Is Daddy mad at you?”

  “No, darling, Daddy and Mommy love each other very much.” She was certain Cal felt as sorry about the argument as she did. She reached for her son and hugged him again.

  Their fight had solved nothing. They’d both said things that should never have been said. The sudden tears that rushed into Jane’s eyes were unexpected, and she didn’t immediately realize she was crying. The children had heard their argument. At least Paul must have, otherwise he wouldn’t be asking these questions.

  “Mommy?” Paul touched his fingers to her face, noticed her tears, then broke away and raced into the other room. He returned a moment later with a box of tissues, which made Jane weep all the more. How could her beautiful son be so thoughtful and sweet, and his father so insensitive, so unreasonable?

  After making breakfast for Paul and Mary Ann and getting them dressed, Jane loaded the stroller and diaper bag into the car and prepared to drive her son to preschool. The truck was parked where she’d left it the night before. Apparently Cal had gone out on Fury, his favorite gelding. He often rode when he needed time to think.

  Peering into the truck, Jane saw that the casserole dish was still there. She looked at it for a moment, then took it out and placed it in the car. While Paul was in his preschool class, she’d personally return it to Nicole Nelson. And when she did, Jane planned to let her know how happily married Cal Patterson was.

  After dropping Paul off, Jane drove to Tumbleweed Books. Cal had indeed replaced her headlight, just as he’d promised, and for some reason that almost made her cry again.

  “Hello,” Nicole Nelson called out when Jane walked into the bookstore. Jane recognized her right away. The previous time she’d seen the other woman had been at the rodeo, and that was from a distance. On closer inspection, she had to admit that Nicole was beautiful. Jane, by contrast, felt dowdy and unkempt. She wished she’d made more of an effort with her hair and makeup, especially since she’d decided to meet Nicole face-to-face.

  “Is there anything I can help you find?” Nicole asked, glancing at Mary Ann in her stroller.

  “Is Annie available?” Jane asked, making a sudden decision that when she did confront Nicole, she’d do it looking her best.

  “I’m sorry, Annie had a doctor’s appointment this morning. I’d be delighted to assist you if I can.”

  So polite and helpful. So insincere. Jane didn’t even know Nicole Nelson, and already she disli
ked her.

  “That’s all right. I’ll come back another time.” Feeling foolish, Jane was eager to leave.

  “I don’t think we’ve met,” Nicole said. “I’m Annie’s new sales assistant, Nicole Nelson.”

  Jane had no option but to introduce herself. She straightened and looked directly at Nicole. “I’m Jane Patterson.”

  “Cal’s wife,” Nicole said, not missing a beat. A knowing smile appeared on her face as she boldly met Jane’s eye.

  Standing no more than two feet apart, Jane and Nicole stared hard at each other. In that moment Jane knew the awful truth. Nicole Nelson wanted her husband. Wanted him enough to destroy Jane and ruin her marriage. Wanted him enough to deny his children their father. Cal was a challenge to her, a prize to be won, no matter what the cost.

  “I believe I have something of yours,” Jane said.

  Nicole’s smile became a bit cocky. “I believe you do.”

  “Luckily I brought the casserole dish with me,” Jane returned just as pointedly. She bent down, retrieved it from the stroller and handed it to Nicole.

  “Did Cal happen to mention if he liked my taco casserole?” Nicole asked, following Jane to the front of the bookstore.

  “Oh,” Jane murmured, ever so sweetly, “he said it was much too spicy for him.”

  “I don’t think so,” Nicole said, opening one of the doors. “I think Cal might just find he prefers a bit of spice compared to the bland taste he’s used to.”

  Fuming, Jane pushed Mary Ann’s stroller out the door and discovered, when she reached the car, that her hands were trembling. This was even worse than she’d thought it would be. Because now she had reason to wonder if her husband had fallen willingly into the other woman’s schemes.

  Jane had a knot in her stomach for the rest of the day. She was sliding a roast into the oven as Cal walked into the house at four-thirty—early for him. He paused when he saw her, then lowered his head and walked past, ignoring her.

  “I...think we should talk,” she said, closing the oven, then leaning weakly against it. She set the pot holders aside and forced herself to straighten.

  “Now?” Cal asked, as though any discussion with her was an unpleasant prospect.

  “Paul...heard us last night,” she said. She glanced into the other room, where their son was watching a children’s nature program. Mary Ann sat next to him, tugging at her shoes and socks.

  “It’s not surprising he heard us,” Cal said evenly. “You nearly tore the door off the hinges when you slammed it.”

  Cal had slammed the door first, but now didn’t seem to be the time to point that out. “He had his blankey this morning.”

  “I thought you threw that thing away,” Cal said, making it sound like an accusation.

  “He...found it. Obviously he felt he needed it.”

  Cal’s eyes narrowed, and she knew he’d seen through her explanation.

  “That isn’t important. What is important, at least to me,” she said, pressing her hand to her heart, “is that we not argue in front of the children.”

  “So you’re saying we can go into the barn and shout at each other all we want? Should we arrange for a baby-sitter first?”

  Jane reached behind her to grab hold of the oven door. The day had been bad enough, and she wanted only to repair the damage that had been done to their relationship. This ongoing dissatisfaction with each other seemed to be getting worse; Jane knew it had to stop.

  “I don’t think I slept five minutes last night,” she whispered.

  Cal said nothing.

  “I...I don’t know what’s going on between you and Nicole Nelson, but—”

  Cal started to walk away from her.

  “Cal!” she cried, stopping him.

  “Nothing, Jane. There’s nothing going on between me and Nicole Nelson. I don’t know how many times I have to say it, and frankly, I’m getting tired of it.”

  Jane swallowed hard but tried to remain outwardly calm. “She wants you.”

  Cal’s response was a short disbelieving laugh. “That’s crazy.”

  Jane shook her head. There’d been no mistaking what she’d read in the other woman’s expression. Nicole had decided to pursue Cal and was determined to do whatever she could to get him. Jane had to give her credit. Nicole wasn’t overtly trying to seduce him. That would have gotten her nowhere with Cal, and somehow she knew it. Instead, Nicole had attacked the foundation of their marriage. She must be pleased with her victory. At this point Jane and Cal were barely talking.

  “Just a minute,” Cal said, frowning darkly. “Did you purposely seek out Nicole?”

  Jane’s shoulders heaved as she expelled a deep sigh. “This is the first time I’ve met her.”

  “Where?”

  “I went by the bookstore after I dropped Paul off at preschool.”

  “To see Annie?”

  “No,” she admitted reluctantly. “I thought since I was in town, I’d return the casserole dish.”

  Jane watched as Cal’s gaze widened and his jaw went white with the effort to restrain his anger.

  “That was wrong?” she blurted.

  “Yes, dammit!”

  “You wanted to bring it back yourself, is that it?”

  He slapped the table so hard that the saltshaker toppled onto its side. “You went in search of Nicole Nelson. Did you ever stop to think that might embarrass me?”

  Stunned, she felt her mouth open. “You’re afraid I might have embarrassed you? That’s rich.” Despite herself, Jane’s control began to slip. “How dare you say such a thing?” she cried. “What about everything you’ve done to embarrass me? I’m the one who’s been humiliated here. While I’m away dealing with a family crisis, my husband’s seen with another woman. And everyone’s talking about it.”

  “I’d hoped you’d be above listening to malicious gossip.”

  “Oh, Cal, how can you say that? I was thrust right into the middle of it, and you know what? I didn’t enjoy the experience.”

  He shook his head, still frowning. “You had no business confronting Nicole.”

  “No business?” she echoed, outraged. “How can you be so callous about my feelings? Don’t you see what she’s doing? Don’t you understand? She wants you, Cal, and she didn’t hide the fact, either. Are you going to let her destroy us? Are you?”

  “This isn’t about Nicole!” he shouted. “It’s about trust and commitment.”

  “Are you committed to me?” she asked.

  The look on his face was cold, uncompromising. “If you have to ask, that says everything.”

  “It does, doesn’t it?” Jane felt shaky, almost light-headed. “I never thought it would come to this,” she said, swallowing the pain. “Not with us...” She felt disillusioned and broken. Sinking into a chair, she buried her face in her hands.

  “Jane.” Cal stood on the other side of the table.

  She glanced up.

  “Neither of us got much sleep last night.”

  “I don’t think—”

  The phone rang, and Cal sighed irritably as he walked over and snatched up the receiver. His voice sharp, he said, “Hello,” then he went still and his face instantly sobered. His gaze shot to her.

  “She’s here,” he said. “Yes, yes, I understand.”

  Jane didn’t know what to make of this. “Cal?” she said getting to her feet. The call seemed to be for her. As she approached, she heard her husband say he’d tell her. Tell her what?

  Slowly Cal replaced the receiver. He put his hands on her shoulders and his eyes searched hers. “That was your uncle Ken,” he said quietly.

  “Uncle Ken? Why didn’t he talk to me?” Jane demanded, and then intuition took over and she knew without asking. “What’s wrong with my dad?”

  Cal looked away for a moment. “Your father suffe
red a massive heart attack this afternoon.”

  A chill raced through her, a chill of foreboding and fear. The numbness she felt was replaced by a sense of purpose. She thought of the cardiac specialists she knew in Southern California, doctors her family should contact. Surely her uncle Ken had already reached someone. He was an experienced physician; he’d know what to do, who to call.

  “What did he say?”

  “Jane—”

  “You should’ve let me talk to him.”

  “Jane.” His hands gripped her shoulders as he tried to get her attention. “It’s too late. Your father’s gone.”

  She froze. Gone? Her father was dead? No! It couldn’t be true. Not her father, not her daddy. Her knees buckled and she was immediately overwhelmed by deep heart-wrenching sobs.

  “Honey, I’m so sorry.” Cal pulled her into his arms and held her as she sobbed.

  Jane had never experienced pain at this level. She could barely think, barely function. Cal helped her make the necessary arrangements. First they planned to leave the children with Glen and Ellie; later Jane decided she wanted them with her. While Cal booked the flights, she packed suitcases for him and the kids. Only when he started to carry the luggage out to the car did she realize she hadn’t included anything for herself. The thought of having to choose a dress to wear at her own father’s funeral nearly undid her. Unable to make a decision, she ended up stuffing every decent thing she owned into a suitcase.

  “We can leave as soon as Glen and Ellie get here,” Cal said, coming into the house for her bag.

  “The roast,” she said, remembering it was still in the oven.

  “Don’t worry about it. Glen and Ellie are on their way. They’ll take care of everything—they’ll look after the place until we’re back.”

  “Paul and Mary Ann?” The deep pain refused to go away, and she was incapable of thinking or acting without being directed by someone else.

  “They’re fine, honey. I’ll get them dressed and ready to go.”

  She looked at her husband, and to her surprise felt nothing. Only a few minutes earlier she’d been convinced she was about to lose him to another woman. Right now, it didn’t matter. Right now, she couldn’t dredge up a single shred of feeling for Cal. Everything, even the love she felt for her husband, had been overshadowed by the grief she felt at her father’s death.